BELLA POV

Prologue

The pain, the sorrow, all the sadness. Fake a smile and sadly they can't see pass it. I pretend to be happy, even though I'm not and they can't tell the difference. I have been sad for such a long time that I forgot how it feels to be genuinely happy for a whole day. There were thoughts of dying and killing and me dying and I wished upon it but it hasn't happened yet. I want to die, not for them but for me, so I don't need to face this hate, this dislike towards me. They point out the flaws always. Anything I do is never good for them. It's always wrong. Why didn't I get a 90? Why am I getting a 70? I try, I try so hard but I can't live to their expectations. I can't live and be what they want me to be.. The expectations are too high and it is weighing me down, like I'm drowning in my own feelings. It hurts. I try to avoid it, to push down these feelings but I have no more motivation. I don't want to do anything. Anything I do becomes a failure. I can't trust them either, for if I do, they might tell. I can't trust anyone. I lie to the people I love that I'm okay even though in the inside, my body id being ripped apart. Even though I feel like I want to die, I can't tell them that because it would make them feel sad. I won't allow that to happen. I do not want them to feel the pain and sorrow I am feeling. I want them to live for a long time, I want them to laugh for a long time. I refuse to allow my feeling to stop them from doing that. However, it is getting so much harder to control. I spend most of my days in my room now; I am scared to tell them anything, if I'm hurt,

if I'm sick. I'll tell them the stupid things that don't actually matter, like a headache but they don't believe. I tell them I am sick and they brush it off and take care of her. I love her too, I would die for her, but sometime…well most times no one understands. She doesn't he doesn't, no one does. I understand the pain my other family went through. Why she became sick, because I started having thoughts of me doing it as well. But I can't hurt my family like that. They would be disappointed. They would tell. I know they would. They don't keep secrets. I can tell some little things but not everything.. I CANT. It's too risky, so for now I will wallow in my own tears, cry myself to bed and hope the next day things would change even if it rarely does.

I know I haven't been updating on my stories lately and I am so sorry for that. I don't have the motivation in me to do so anymore, well at least for a while. I decided to put this up, it was something I wrote a while back when I was doing Forever Young I think, but I never posted it. If I even update again, I'll see you then but for now, bye 3

Belward Lover