Lorcan swallowed hard, dropping his gaze from Lysander. His twin was sitting at the furthest desk away from him in Charms class, flirting with a blonde Hufflepuff girl in the seat next to him. Lorcan couldn't remember her name. Lexie? Lucy? It didn't matter. He knew his brother wasn't even interested in her—he wasn't interested in females at all, in fact—but that it was a front Ly put up in order to sever the tie with Lorcan further.

It was painful. The twins hadn't spoken in weeks, and more than enough people had noticed and wondered what had caused the falling out. The two blonds had been inseparable since they were born and if one was to see one half of the Scamander twins, one could be sure the other was not far behind. Yet it was opposite now. Lorcan and Lysander were never seen together anymore. They sat at opposite ends of the table, spoke to different people, they didn't even attend the same parties. The closest they'd come to each other was in their dormitory, but even that was spoiled by the fact that their beds were on opposite sides of the room, instead of right next to each other like usual.

Lorcan had spent every night this year alone in his bed, tears in his eyes as he blamed himself brutally for the loss of his brother. As many times as he tried to talk to Lysander (which were few), he only ever got one word answers and shrugs. His twin wouldn't even look at him anymore. He knew Ly was right, however, though that didn't make it hurt any less. He'd fucked up, he knew, and as he ran his hands through his hair, eyes fixated on the desk before him, he repeated his mantra over and over in his mind.

Being in love with your twin is not okay. Being in love with your twin is not okay. Being in love with your twin is not okay.

He didn't know when, exactly, he'd fallen in love with Lysander. There was no moment he could pin point exactly. Ly had just always been there. They'd taken their first steps together, spoken their first words together, and when the time came, attended school together. Every laugh and smile Lorcan had ever experienced had been caused by the boy who was exactly the same as he was, save for the first name.

They'd gone through everything together and had supported each other every step of the way. Even when Lorcan had figured out he was gay and had tried to avoid Lysander for a week afterward, Ly had gone after him, sat him down, and asked what was wrong. It seemed silly, after the fact, that Lorcan was so scared. Ly didn't care, of course. In fact, that was when he'd come out to his brother as well. This similarity they shared only deepened their connection and strengthened their bond. A bond which was completely shattered now.

The professor had gotten back up in front of the class now, but Lorcan was far from paying attention. He tried to pull his thoughts from his twin, but it was no use. He was in too deep now, and the memories came back, overriding his desperate internal screams of, Being in love with your twin is not okay! Being in love with your twin is not okay! Being in love with your TWIN. IS. NOT. OKAY!

The Scamander boys were fourteen when they shared their first kiss. It was a quick one the night of their birthday. It was sweet and innocent, but held an extra little something in it that caused another, longer one to be explored the next night. They'd unlocked something deep and powerful to share between them and, as time went on, the kisses got hotter and dirtier. They snuck around for three years like that; throwing secret glances at each other, brushing each other's hands when they walked in public. And then at night, they'd tangle together in the sheets, moaning and biting and feeling each other; whispers of "I love you" followed by tight, sweaty embraces in the darkness. It had been a dream come true for Lorcan, and for Lysander as well. Everything was perfect. They didn't need anyone else, because they had each other.

It was all but ruined the summer before their seventh year of Hogwarts. Their parents had gone away on a trip for their anniversary and the boys would have the house to themselves for two weeks—two full weeks where they didn't have to pretend and they could kiss and play around in places other than the bedroom.

One particular afternoon, they'd spent hours just lying in their mother's garden between the exotic flowers that grew all over the place. One thing led to the next and it ended with a pair of satisfied twins and a completely ruined garden. Lorcan had promised to fix it, but procrastination had gotten the better of him. His parents weren't due back until the end of the week anyway.

"I love you, Lorcan." Ly whispered, leaning down to kiss his cheek and mouth. Lorcan wrapped his arms around his brother, his body warm. His heart was still pounding in his chest and his response turned into a moan against his brother's lips. His hands travelled down to Lysander's bare arse, pulling him closer. He was so distracted he hadn't even heard the angry footsteps in the hall. In fact, nothing happened until he heard the horrified gasp from his parents—home exactly three days early. It was late at night and Lorcan had convinced himself that had he fixed the garden right away like he was supposed to, their parents would have left them alone, instead of charging upstairs in their fury and catching their sons in their secret act.

It was the look of disappointment and shame in his parents' eyes, above all else, that caused Lysander to rethink the past three years and feel ashamed. It wasn't their yelling or the sit down talk they made them have, it was the look in their eyes. One would think he and his brother had committed murder from that look. He hated it. It made him feel dirty.

And so it began, Lysander couldn't love his brother. It was wrong. The only way he knew how to make this successful was to completely shut himself down. He stopped talking to Lorcan, stopped looking at him, and did everything he could to stop thinking about him. It hurt like hell, but it had to be done. Twins weren't allowed to be together, even if they were soul mates.

Lorcan's stomach churned as he watched Lysander kiss the girl's cheek. He wanted to throw up. He couldn't stand this. Those lips should be on his cheek. Not hers. Lysander didn't even like girls!

The bell rang and the girl blushed and scurried away, chatting excitedly with her girl friends as they exited the room. Lysander smiled, though it didn't reach his eyes. Lorcan would have noticed, except for the fact he was too busy packing his bag and didn't want his brother to know he'd been staring at him for the better part of an hour.

An unusual thing happened after class. Lorcan had made his way to his dorm and was about to lay down on his bed when the door opened and Lysander walked in. They weren't usually ever alone in this room together. In fact, they weren't usually ever alone anywhere anymore. Lorcan's heart thudded loudly as he stared at his twin's form moving to the bed and unpacking his bag. He wasn't sure Ly knew he was there, and he didn't dare move for fear of the blond noticing and leaving. Even now, his twin was still so beautiful and perfect to him. People might think him vain if they knew how he saw his brother, but Lorcan couldn't bring himself to care. Lysander was his soul mate. He always would be and his perfection caused Lorcan's heart to ache. He watched as Lysander methodically took his books out and sorted them by size and subject before flicking his wand and letting them settle on the shelf beside his bed. Lorcan knew his time was running out. He wanted to lock the door and run to his brother, pinning him against the bed and kiss him for the rest of forever until they died in each other's arms. He wanted to scream at Lysander that he needed him and was breaking without him. But he wouldn't. Lysander didn't care anymore.

So when he finally did find his voice, all he said was, "You shouldn't tease her like that." His voice was small and nervous and it shook slightly. He visibly saw Lysander stiffen. So he had thought he was alone after all. Lysander turned to look at Lorcan.

"Who?"

"That girl,"

"Lexie? Why does it matter to you?" He turned away with a roll of his eyes.

"I know you don't like her."

A humorless chuckle escaped from the second Scamander twin. "Of course you'd be jealous."

Lorcan bit his lip, "You just shouldn't do it."

"I can do what I'd like. I live my own life now." His emphasis on "my own" making it very clear he no longer shared anything with Lorcan. They used to be one mind connected in two bodies, now they barely ever read each other.

Lorcan stood, "I understand, but you don't have to be a dick and lead someone on who you're clearly not attracted to!"

Ly whirled around. "You are jealous!" His eyes were bright blue, anger flashing, trying to cover up the pain and confusion inside. He closed the space and grabbed a handful of Lorcan's hair, pulling so his face was tilted up. He glared at his twin, spitting out words he didn't mean. "You're sick and disgusting. Stop ruining my life, Lorcan!" His eyes flickered with tears as he spoke. He desperately needed to get out of there, but he couldn't. This was the first physical contact he'd had with his brother in months.

Lorcan winced, but he was angry now, too. "Ruining your life?! I haven't spoken to you in weeks! I've stayed away from you! I've let you have your space!"

"That's not good enough! You're still there! You're always there!" He was yelling now. "It doesn't matter how far away you are from me. I see you every god damn time I look in the mirror!"

"Well so sorry I look like you because I'm your twin!" Lorcan responded with annoyance.

"I wish you weren't." Lysander stated, his eyes locked on his brother. "I wish you weren't my brother."

A shock wave blasted through Lorcan, his eyes wide, his lips trembling. Words so heartless had never been spoken to him. He felt like he was going to fall apart, pieces of him scattered about—impossible to put back together.

"You don't mean that," He pleaded.

"I do." Ly responded seriously.

"But…Ly…" His mind was spinning out of control. He couldn't believe this. Lysander not wanting to be his lover, at least he could understand on some level, but not wanting to be his brother? Not wanting to share the same blood? It killed Lorcan from the inside out, a poison spreading through his veins, turning them to ice.

Lysander threw his brother from him, ignoring the sound of his head colliding with one of the wooden bed posts. "No! I wish I wasn't your brother! I mean it! If I wasn't, then we…" He trailed off, his back facing Lorcan again. He needed to stop talking. He was ruining everything he'd worked so hard at since the summer. The wall he'd built up against Lorcan was crumbling with each second; the long-numbed pain coming back with a vengeance.

Lorcan watched his brother closely, straightening himself out. Something was wrong. He walked forward and touched his brother's shoulder gently. "L-Lysander? Then we what?"

Lysander had broken down completely, and he closed his eyes to block the tears. "Then we could be together." He murmured, his voice barely audible. Lorcan's jaw dropped. He didn't know what he expected Lysander to say, but it wasn't that. Did Ly still love him?

"Ly…I thought you hated me."

"I do. Kinda." He turned to face Lorcan, "I love you, Lorcan. That never changed, but we can't. It's wrong. It's so wrong. Our parents were so disappointed in us. Yet, no matter how hard I try, I can't get over you. I don't want anybody else, but I can't have who I do want. I hate that you've completely consumed me, but I love you. You're my other half." He'd moved closer to his twin now, tears running down his face. He cupped Lorcan's face with his hands, "I shut you off because I was trying to change and you were too tempting. But avoiding you was so painful, I was barely surviving."

Tears were quietly rolling down his cheeks as he never broke eye contact with his brother, who was also crying now, too. Lorcan didn't have words, so he did what he'd been dying to do for weeks now. He leaned up and kissed Lysander. His twin whimpered and kissed him back, but tried to pull away after a few moments. "No, Lorc, stop. We can't."

"Shut up, Ly. Stop worrying about what everyone else thinks." He said, capturing his lips again. He couldn't think, he could only feel and he pulled Ly closer. They shuffled to the bed, Ly giving in, and shut the curtains around them, casting a quick silencing charm.

Lorcan was dying for Lysander, but he took his time, not sure what would happen between them tomorrow. He bit at Lysander's bottom lip before trailing burning kisses and sharp bites down his jaw and neck. In moments, the tie was gone and the buttons on his brother's shirt were coming undone. He kissed over each inch of skin that became exposed.

"Lorcan…" Lysander moaned breathlessly and Lorcan felt his pants tighten even more.

"Mm?" He asked, pulling Ly up to get the shirt off, before working quickly at the button on his pants.

"I love you." He said, and Lorcan stopped to look down at his brother.

"I love you, too." He assured him, "Always will." They shared a deep kiss, all the events of the past weeks forgotten. He felt Ly's warm hands explore his newly exposed torso once his shirt joined his twin's on the floor. Ly fell back against the pillows as Lorcan pushed him, a smirk playing on his lips. The pants were gone and he rubbed his hand against his brother's length, still covered by his boxers. "You missed me," He smiled, "I still turn you on." Ly's impatient groan in response made him chuckle. He hooked his fingers into the boxers and slid them off, exposing his erection. Ly's breath caught at Lorcan's white hot touch as he stroked his length a few times before kissing the tip gently. His hips thrust upward, craving more and moments later, he was pressing up against air, Lorcan having pulled way to rid himself of the remainder of his clothing.

His fingertips ran like water down the length of Lysander's torso. His eyes followed the movements as though trying to memorize every bump of his ribs and every dip of his hips that his smooth, pale skin covered. Though of course there was no need to memorize, he already knew. He lived in the same body.

"Beautiful," He whispered as he leaned down for a kiss, pressing himself down into his brother.

Ly was completely intoxicated. No one but Lorcan could make him feel this way. Make him feel so complete and like he was floating away on a cloud. That pull in his stomach like when one looks down from a very high place.

"Lorcan…please…I need you." He begged desperately and Lorcan almost came right then and there. He trailed his way back down his brother's body before murmuring a spell and coating his fingers, pressing one against Ly's entrance. He slid it in slowly, moaning in time with his twin as he did so. It wasn't long before Lysander was begging for more and he added another.

All of their senses were heightened and they felt connected again—everything that was broken between them was now fixing itself with every whisper and kiss and each passing moment. Ly's legs found their way around Lorc's waist as he positioned himself at his entrance.

"You want me?" He asked, looking down at the squirming Lysander under him. "You want to be sick and disgusting because you're begging for your brother's cock?" He asked, repeating Ly's words from earlier back to him.

"Yes! Lorcan, please!" He begged desperately to him and Lorcan obliged, sliding into him. He bit down hard on his lip, breathless. Ly felt so good, better than he'd remembered. He pulled back out before slamming into him roughly, not able to help himself. Lysander's cry rang in his ears, his blood pumping fast. It only encouraged him to grip his twin's hips harder and keep up the brutal pace, making Ly scream his name.

As they shared another kiss, his hand traveled down to grasp Lysander's length, stroking it quickly in time with his thrusts. "Ly…I'm not going to last." He panted through gritted teeth. Lorcan was so close, he couldn't think. He knew nothing else but the edge he was about to fall over. Ly reached his end first, spilling over Lorcan's hand and his stomach, and Lorcan followed right after with a loud cry of his brother's name. He didn't stop moving until he was utterly spent, collapsing atop of his brother. Neither moved, their hearts pounding together as they caught their breath.

"Lorcan," His brother said, biting down on his lip, worry in his eyes.

"Shh," He said, turning his head to look at him, "Stop." He silenced him with a kiss. "I love you." He reminded him simply. He wanted today to stay simple.

Lysander looked like he was going to say something, but decided against it and said, "I love you, too".

"Never leave me again."

"Of course not." Lysander said with a deep breath as he accepted his reality. He couldn't live without his brother and he couldn't love anyone else.

They wrapped their arms around each other like they had since they were fourteen and fell asleep, completely unaware and unworried about what tomorrow would hold.