Nothing
Nothing…..that's all there was at the moment, nothing.
Valjean hadn't known what to expect when it came to his newfound fatherhood, but this nothing was agony. It wasn't that he felt nothing for Cosette, quite the opposite in fact, he could feel himself falling more in love with the little girl every day, but Cosette had been damaged from years of abuse and after the initial glee that had come from being rescued she was left with nothing but bad memories.
Cosette was obviously still scared; Valjean could see it in her eyes. She had blue eyes like her mother, they could be very beautiful eyes someday Valjean thought but right now there was nothing in them. Just nothing.
Those first few days they spent together were grim; Cosette barely spoke at all during that time, Valjean tried his best to make her happy, he was kind to her, he smiled at her, gave her food, put her doll into her arms but nothing seemed to reach her. If she had even cried it would have been something, but she hadn't even done that yet, Valjean could tell that tears would come eventually but right now all she did was stare blankly into nothing.
He knew that look, that blank look. Valjean had been subjected to many horrible things when he was in prison, he had stared blankly at many things during the long nights, but he was a grown man during those years, Cosette was a child. Not just a child either, she was a little girl! A little girl who should have been playing and been happy but instead had been betrayed by the people who should have been caring for her. It made him feel terrible but Valjean couldn't do very much for her at the moment, there was nothing else he could think of to do except just be there for her, she just had to find her own way of coping with what happened to her and if the silence and the nothingness was it then he was willing to wait it out.
Valjean had seen the terrible bruises all over her, some were faded, some were still fresh like the black eye on her face but the worst scars were on her back where she had obviously been whipped with a belt. Valjean remembered how he had stopped Cosette getting whipped the first night he met her, it was terrible for him to think about the poor little girl going through something as horrible as that.
Those wounds would heal in time though, but how long would it be until the memories healed?
The nightmares were the worst part, Cosette would wake up many times during the nights from them, eventually Valjean placed a candle and a chair by her bedside and sat with her while she slept. He would hold one of her little hands in his and run his fingers through her hair to help soothe her. Sometimes Cosette would tremble while she slept too, at first Valjean thought she was just cold so he placed another blanket over her but he soon realised that she was still scared even when she was sleeping.
While he watched her sleep Valjean wondered if anyone had ever shown her kindness during those terrible years. Had anyone ever smiled at her? Played games with her? Treated her like a little girl and not a slave?
It was a terrible time for both of them, but Valjean didn't blame the child; none of this was her fault after all. He just wished he could do more for her instead of just holding her hand.
And then finally after God knows how long, it happened. There was nothing special about the day it happened, it was a normal winter's eve that's all. Cosette was sitting in a chair whilst Valjean lit the fire, he sat there watching Cosette and she sat watching the fire, but that's when it happened.
Valjean saw it coming of course, Cosette's eyes started glistening in the firelight and then the tears came, softly at first but then faster until she was full on sobbing, whatever she had been holding onto inside was suddenly pouring out of her like a tidal wave.
Valjean went over and knelt down in front of her, he said nothing, she said nothing, but they both knew what to do. Valjean put his arms around her and she buried her head into his shoulder and cried, she cried terrible loud cries, the ones that seem to come from the very depths of your soul.
It was awful, it was terrible, it was heart-breaking, but as she cried Valjean finally felt that things might be better from now on. It wouldn't be easy but Cosette was dealing with the pain now and Valjean was able to help her through it, and he thought that as long as he was there for her then perhaps the nothing that had been there before might finally turn into something good.
The End
