Edward Goes to Home Depot
One magical spring day in the little town of Forks, WA, Bella was walking into the local Home Depot. All of a sudden, Edward appeared in front of her.
Oh, God. Please, make him leave me alone! I just want some peace and-"Bella! Hi Bella! Hi my wub!" screamed Edward, waving his hand frantically in front of Bella's face.
"Edward," sighed Bella.
"Yep! That's me! I am your protector! Because I wubs you sooooo much!" Edward squeezed Bella tight.
"More like my Stalker," she said under her breath. "Please, let-my-pelvis-go"
"Okay, Bella-boo! I would never do anything to hurt you, 'cause I wubs you!" Edward said. *Twitch Twitch*
"Where you goin' Bella?" Edward questioned.
Bella looked around, at the scene Edward had already made around them. "To the Home Depot. Hence the fact that we are standing right in front of a large and orange neon sign that says Home Depot."
"Bella, you are so silly!" laughed Edward like a maniac.
Jeez, go away, you friggin' annoying stalker! Yelled Bella.
……….
Inside the Home Depot, Edward demanded to sit in the cart. He inspected each and every item Bella placed in the orange cart.
"Ooh! This looks fun!" Edward remarked at a large and heavy hammer. "What does it do?"
"It nails-" Bella began.
"OOOH! I KNOW!" yelled Edward, as he repeatedly hit Bella over the head with it.
"Ow-Edward-stop…STOP!" Bella yelped, in between hits.
"Sowwy, Bella! I just wubs you!" apologized Edward.
And what exactly does breaking by skull with a hammer have to do with him "wubbing me"? Said Bella.
But Edward had already pranced over to the paint cans. "Ooh! It's some bracelets! Like my pretty bracelet, Bella?" said Edward, holding of a cerulean can of paint from his pale wrist.
"Edward put that down…." warned Bella.
But it was too late. Edward dropped the can of paint, spilling a sky shade of blue all over the floor.
"OMG! PRETTY COLORS!!!!!!!" screamed Edward.
"STOP EDWARD!" screeched Bella.
Edward, however, had already begun to knock paint cans of different colors on the floor. Lavenders, maroons, sunshine yellows, forest greens, and shades of cherry red spilled across various isles in the paint section.
Why, oh why, out of the billions of girls on this planet does he stalk me, Isabella Swan? Thought Bella.
As if things hadn't already gone wrong, Edward then began to strip off his clothing and roll in the now mud color of the paint.
"Bella! Come play with me!!!" said Edward, motioning over to Bella with paint drenched hand. "Bella? Bella, where are you? Bella!!!!! BELLA!"
But Bella had already run out of Home Depot.
She never returned.
