Why had she agreed to do this? Baby sit Steven whilst Greg went to a job interview. He wasn't going to get it so what was the point in him going?
Pearl looked around Vidalia's front room, eyes glancing over the sleeping infant in a travel cot set up in the corner. He was flat on his back – Greg had instructed her to wake Steven and settle him back down only if he rolled to his front, which he seemed to be doing a lot.
She wondered what Garnet and Amethyst were up to back at the temple, and why she hadn't let either of them take on this duty.
She frowned as Steven stretched a leg out. He was completely exhausted from a morning at – what had Greg called it? – baby group. He was crawling and mumbling a few words by now, repeating a lot of things he heard from people. "Porchop" was a favourite, followed by "hadog". Steven knew "dada" effortlessly, and "Net" for Garnet. "Am" with a raspberry at the end for Amethyst. But he didn't attempt to say Pearl. He just blinked at her, ceasing the suckling of his pacifier, dropping it from his mouth as he smiled a two teeth smile at her before making a grab for her nose or hair. She'd almost dropped him the first time he'd slapped a chubby hand at her gem.
Steven rolled onto his side and Pearl wondered if that was enough to warrant waking him? No, he still had his soother in his mouth, his nose was free, his blanket tucked to his waist. He was safe.
She wouldn't admit it, but she had stashed some baby books in her room in the temple, and read them often. She didn't want Greg correcting her, that would have been embarrassing. And she didn't want to be left feeling helpless if Steven started doing something she'd never experienced him doing before whilst she baby sat. This wasn't natural for her, not for any of the Crystal Gems. Would it have been for Rose? Or would she have felt the same panic Pearl felt every time Steven stopped breathing for more than half a second, or threw up his milk, or lost his favourite pacifier?
Steven rolled back to his back, fists curled over his chest, relaxing and squeezing back tightly every few seconds. A few moments later, there was a smell coming from the cot, and Pearl grimaced. She hated that bit.
A few moments later, Steven's face began to screw up and his knees tucked to his chest. His mouth opened, soother falling to the side as he began to cry, alerting Pearl of his need to be changed.
With something of a sigh, she got to her feet, picking Steven up from his cot and popping his soother back in his mouth. He quieted straight away as she held him to her. He was almost as wide as her chest, his black bouncy curls tickled her chin as she held him in one arm, no longer needing to support his head all the time. With the other hand, she pulled a packet of wipes and a clean cloth diaper from the changing bag on the couch.
Steven was silent as she went to the changing mat on the floor across the room, setting herself down in one fluid motion. Steven stared at her, pacifier bobbing in his mouth as he stressed on it as she lay him down on the plastic mat.
'Come on then you unsanitary thing,' she half mumbled, remembering partially why she didn't like to eat.
The process of changing him didn't phase her and she undid his sleep suit, pink gem glistening in the sunlight coming through the windows. That was what annoyed Pearl about it most, seeing that stuck in him, and no longer in Rose.
She quickly changed him and wrapped him up in a new cloth, throwing the old one into the washing machine to pre rinse straight away as she sat Steven on a skinny hip and walked around the house with him.
'I suppose you want feeding now?' she asked him as they went to the kitchen.
'Mil,' Steven agreed.
Pearl nodded, setting him in the high chair away from the hob as she prepped his bottle. She recalled once in the first few weeks of his existence, Steven had assaulted Garnet searching for milk, under the natural instinct one of her books later described as a rooting reflex. Amethyst had laughed and Pearl had been horrified until Greg had explained why – then she had been hesitant to hold Steven after that in case he did it to her.
The bottle had heated to the right temperature and Pearl put the lid on, giving it a little shake, taking a moment to feel and double check before handing it to Steven. He could feed himself by now thankfully. He was getting too heavy to sit with and hold a bottle for half an hour now and Pearl had done with being thrown up on.
She waited across the kitchen as Steven drank his milk and he signalled his finish by throwing the bottle on the floor.
'Was that necessary?' Pearl asked as she picked it up, taking it to the sink and washing out the remains of the milk.
Steven raised his hands, curling his fingers at Pearl, signalling his want to get out of the high chair. She obeyed his demand and lifted him out, taking him back through to the lounge and sitting him amongst his toys. She stayed close on the sofa, watching as he played, sitting strongly now as he had done for the past two months.
Steven picked one toy up, a plastic unicorn with pink curly hair and a white body, a golden horn, and feathery wings at her sides. He began to crawl to Pearl, slowly, taking a few strides and then stopping to push the unicorn along in front of him. He sat in front of Pearl's feet and pushed himself back to sitting before holding the unicorn up to her.
'Mum,' he said, the word enunciated clearer than any in his vocabulary.
'No Steven, that's a horse,' she told him.
'Mum,' he said again, drawing the word out a little this time.
'Horse,' Pearl said, frowning as he dropped the toy in his lap and reached up to her.
It was his sign for wanting to play, usually accompanied by "dada", but never mum. Where had he learnt that from? Why was he calling her it? He was too small to comprehend what had happened to his mother, so Pearl restrained from telling him, but it didn't stop a prickling heat coming to the backs of her eyes as he said it again.
'I'm not your mum!' she told him, harsher than she meant to.
Steven picked up on her tone, startled. His bottom lip quivered and tears began to roll down his cheeks as he let out a wail.
Guilt ran through her as she picked him up, falling back into the sofa and cuddling him against her shoulder, rubbing his back as she soothed him.
'I'm sorry,' she whispered. 'None of this is your fault. What would Rose think of me if she could see me now? Taking my frustrations out on a baby?'
Steven settled quickly and sat on Pearl's lap, resting his head on her stomach and pawing at the tulle of her shirt.
Pearl kept an arm around him, holding him close as he settled himself back down, head dropping and eyes closing after a few minutes.
They sat like that for an hour, Pearl not daring to breathe – not that she needed to – for fear of disturbing him. That was until Greg came through the door.
'Oh man, he never falls asleep like that on me! He has to have his soother or a bottle of milk in his mouth,' Greg chuckled upon entering the lounge and seeing the scene.
He kept his voice at a whisper as not to disturb the baby.
Pearl gave a small smile.
'Where did he learn "mum" from?' she asked, unable to keep her curiosity to herself.
'Oh, jeeze,' Greg stuttered. 'I think one of the kids at baby group. She's always shouting for her mum.'
That made sense. It was how humans learnt words. It didn't make Pearl feel any better though.
'He had a bottle about an hour ago. I have to go,' Pearl said, slowly and carefully getting to her feet and handing Steven to Greg.
He didn't stir but Greg looked flustered.
'Uh thanks for looking after him. I'll ask Vidalia if she can have him for my first shift shall I?'
'You actually got the job?' Pearl asked, stopping in her tracks.
'Yeh, no need to sound so surprised.'
'No! It's just...' she trailed off. 'Amethyst and Garnet probably need me back. I don't mind having him again if you need me to. He's no trouble.'
'Thanks,' Greg said, holding Steven closer to him.
Pearl nodded her head, glancing down at Steven before leaving, pausing outside the front door and composing herself before she headed back to the temple.
