Disclaimer, I don't own Harry Potter, and JKR is glad she doesn't own this.

"No, I refuse to allow you to go to the bathroom, detention for breathing!" Umbridge shouted at the owl. Hedwig simply hooted at her curiously, so Umbridge decided a more direct approach was needed.

"Imperio!" Umbridge said. Hedwig took of in a cloud of feather and began to repeatedly fly into the wall.

For some reason, Umbridge found this amusing.

She began laughing manically. Umbridge teetered towards the edge of the building still laughing. She finally released her clutch on Hedwig and sat down wheezing.

Then, for no apparent reason, she turned into a frog.

This was quite understandably disconcerting for the fat ugly hag that called herself a teacher. So she did the only thing she thought to do.

She jumped.

Most fortunately for the students at Hogwarts, she ended up going right over the wall and began to plummet.

Then, for no apparent reason, she turned back into a toad like woman.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH FOR THE LOVE OF CORNELIUS FUDGE! SAVE MEEEEEE!" Umbridge screamed. She never noticed Colin Creevey taking pictures.

"HEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPP MEEEEEEEEEEE!" Umbridge shouted.

'stupid woman won't shut the hell up,' Hedwig thought. 'I suppose that the air resistance will make it take forever for her to reach the ground and finally die, might as well help,' and with that, Hedwig dove over the wall after Umbridge.

"HELP ME TO STUPID OWL!" Umbridge screamed as she looked up to see Hedwig. Hedwig chose to ignore this and grabbed the fat teacher by one of her rings. Then, while in the process breaking several aerodynamics laws, Hedwig brought her to safety in a clearing in the forbidden fortress.

"You, you saved me!." Umbridge said breathily. Hedwig blinked.

"I was so wrong about you. You are so kind, and smart, and beautiful," Umbridge said, scooting closer. "I want to thank you properly.." Hegwig fluttered closer; apparently the pheromones being given of by the fat women were more animal like than human like.

"Hoot, hoot hoot," Hedwig cooed. Umbridge nodded.

"Yes that's exactly how I feel. I'm so sick of doing anything, and I mean anything, for Fudge… I want to be free…" Umbridge said and began to disrobe. Hedwig flutter up and began to peck at the toad's hair affectionately.

Then, they spent the rest of the day exploring there emotions and did things involving Grawp, diet cokes, mentos, and ten copies over the widescreen edition of Rocky II.

Three days later, Hedwig dove directly onto a Hogwarts spire. Apparently she was suffering from Post-traumatic Stress Disorder.

A/N this is not meant to be serious. If you want to read something serious, I'm currently writing a chaptered story. Have at.