This was inspired directly by the super-short "Exploit" by the general girl, the last in her drabble series, "The Only Exception."
Please be advised: This story contains mature and controversial subject matter.
- 因縁 -
She didn't love him. Sometimes she wondered if she ever really did. Her childish infatuation was long gone, replaced with missions and medicine and the mundane worries of adulthood. And sex with him. Violent, passionate, all-consuming lovemaking that had nothing to do with love and everything to do with lust and wild carnality.
That night it had been like any other time they had gotten together, all physical desire and need. She knew that. She didn't want anything else from him. He scratched an itch, and boy, did he scratch it well.
When he finished Sasuke had done something he'd begun to do more in the last couple months. He hovered over her, waiting for her to stop shaking, and then lowered a soft peck on the lips. It was too gentle and too considerate to be lustful. Sakura hadn't moved right then. She even had her eyes open, though she couldn't see anything in the dark room.
Then as always, he let himself fall to one side, removed the condom while still lying on his back, tossed it in the trash, and wiped himself off with tissues he left on his nightstand. He silently passed the box of tissues to Sakura and then rested an arm over his face. Within five minutes he was passed out, long deep breaths the only thing she could hear from him. Sakura mechanically cleaned herself off.
She wasn't exactly cold. He could still make her very angry and remind her of the deep, deep hurts he'd inflicted. When that happened she took it out on him, leaving deep scratches on his back and vivid bite marks on his neck. He responded with growls and a grip that left bruises on her hips.
Once he had been a second away from killing her. Not an accident, not a misunderstanding, his murderous intent was real. All because what, she annoyed him? And now... Now it was safest to say simply that she scratched an itch for him too. It was a mutual exchange that went no further than the bed.
- 因縁 -
She made up her mind. She had to do something, and it had to be today. He didn't have to really know or understand anything. But she had searched her feelings repeatedly and decided that the way her life was going she needed to make up her mind and act without further delay.
He was like a habit for her and the casual sex was the high that she wasn't eager to end. Which, her coldly rational mind reiterated, was exactly what made it so necessary. Her id pouted and stomped its metaphorical feet, but she held fast.
Sasuke was due back from his mission today and Naruto was bound to come pounding on her door any minute now for the traditional post-mission ramen trip to Ichiraku. Depending on his mood Sasuke would either ignore her once dinner was over or subtly get Naruto to leave them alone and then drag her to his place, fully intending to fuck her brains out.
Right now neither option sounded good to Sakura. But if she was being honest, climbing back into bed and ignoring the world was the only option with any appeal.
She was almost done dressing when Naruto pounded on her door and shouted her name. He never knocked; he never started small. He announced his presence from the beginning like he had already been waiting at her door for 20 minutes.
Sakura called back to him to wait and tidied up her apartment, combed her hair. In the mirror she looked normal. Maybe her skin was paler than usual. Nerves, she told herself, it's only nerves. Once this was all over with she would put herself on a strict training regimen for a month. That should help her vent the inevitable frustration.
Naruto pounded on her door once again. She rolled her eyes and ran out to meet him, tugging on her shoes along the way.
- 因縁 -
Sakura's plan was not going very well. Sasuke had her pressed against a wall in his apartment and was sucking on her neck with a hand creeping up under her blouse.
She had meant to start the ball rolling while they were making their way to his home. She had meant to get the bulk of what she had to say all done before he'd opened the door. She knew if she let him get her inside it would be a hundred times more difficult to say it.
The problem was they didn't really talk. Out in public, that is out with Naruto, they didn't talk to each other very much. She would chat about a few things Sasuke might find interesting but he rarely answered with more than a grunt. His idea of contributing to a conversation was throwing out a sarcastic comment once every half hour.
And when they were alone, forget it, there was hardly any talking at all, unless you counted hissing each others names and crying out things like "God!" and "yes! yes!"
So, she had made a few attempts at talking with him but they had gone no where. She had obliquely tried to bring up seeing each other by referring back to the dinner conversation. Sasuke had gone on a mission with Rock Lee and Tenten. The mission was, of course, violent and Sasuke had his hands full with enemy ninja trying every method under the sun to kill them. He'd grudgingly admitted that they were very tough and capable in a fight. But he was mightily peeved that they decided this was the mission during which they would finally profess their growing attraction for each other.
At first Sakura thought her jaw would hit the floor with Sasuke suddenly gossiping about friends. But then she realized he was just grossed out and annoyed by normal human feelings.
She tried to invoke that again in his apartment as a way to slow him down.
It didn't really work.
"I'm not going to talk about them again," Sasuke growled. And then he grabbed her hips to grind against the growing bulge in his crotch.
Against the wall in his living room, next to a giant painting of the Uchiha fan, Sakura tried to push against his shoulders. She wanted to protest. Sort of. But the only thing that came out of her mouth was a gasp and a soft moan.
He gave her a look and for a moment it seemed he might kiss her, but instead the arm around her waist grew insistent, pulling her toward his room.
Sakura yielded, like she always did, swept along in Sasuke's wake, down the hall and past photos of his extinct family and artistic sketches of the buildings that used to be landmarks in the Uchiha district.
In his room she demanded a little of her own, whirling into him and pressing her mouth to his. For the barest split second he recoiled, but then he recovered with a grin. His tongue swirled in her mouth and she could feel her willpower flowing away rapidly.
Trying for a last ditch effort, Sakura pulled away. Heart slamming in her chest, her voice was soft and trembled awfully. "Sasuke..."
He grunted in reply, and he pulled his shirt off in one smooth motion. The look one his face made her think of a wolf that had cornered a particularly fat rabbit.
He tossed his shirt onto a shelf and stepped toward her. She kept looking at the shelf trying to decide what was off about it while Sasuke turned out all the lights except one little lamp by the bed.
Sasuke pulled her close and with a growl began to work on the zipper on her shirt. It was then that Sakura recalled that shelf used to have a picture of Sasuke's family, a stern father, beautiful mother, an adolescent Itachi and Sasuke looking painfully tiny. Sakura had guessed he was probably 5 years old. He had answered her questions about it with single words and grunts, not against discussing the subject, but not eager to do it either.
As Sasuke peeled her shirt off she wondered where the photo had gone.
Sasuke pushed her back onto the bed and it brought her back to the present, and to Sasuke removing her bra.
Then she knew that she had lost her chance. She knew in her rational mind that she could tell him to stop and he would; but the problem was that her body would no longer listen to reason.
For a moment she felt a slight flush of aggravation with herself. She would be stuck here forever if she...
Sasuke felt her stop responding to him and lifted his head from her clavicle. His hand was between her legs but it stopped moving.
It was the perfect moment. She could pull away, catch her breath, organize her thoughts and say something.She lifted a hand and placed it on his bare chest, meaning to push him back. But instead, her treacherous limb traced his pecs and let fingertips glide over a nipple.
He smirked and let his eyes drift closed as she caressed him. He leaned down and kissed her soundly, teeth grazing her lower lip. When she grunted and swept her tongue over his lips, his hand resumed its journey up her skirt until it could go no further.
Sasuke assumed she still adored him. It would never cross his mind that sometimes Sakura hated his guts. And again the thought made her jaw set, and again Sasuke noticed.
"What is it?" he asked.
"Nothing," she lied. He was staring at her. She sighed and said the first thing that came to mind that wasn't what she was really thinking about. "Do you remember the first time? That first time we came here?" The first time we fucked, she thought.
Sasuke was silent for a full minute. "Yeah. Is this an anniversary?"
"No, nothing like that. I was just thinking about it. Shikamaru's birthday last year - everyone got completely trashed, even you. I couldn't take the stuffy bar anymore and stepped out for some fresh air. I don't know, I can't remember exactly when you walked up. I think you said it was too loud?"
"Hn. You said no one would notice if I left." Sasuke adjusted himself over her so he was balanced on both arms. "I said what about you. You shrugged."
Sakura let herself relax by a hair. Both arms softly moved over Sasuke's back. "You said come on. And started to walk away. I had no idea what you meant so you came back and grabbed my hand. I practically had to run after you."
"Hn." Sasuke drew in a long breath so deep Sakura could feel his chest press against hers. "I was drunk."
Only one block away from Sasuke's apartment, almost on the other side of the village from where Sakura lived, he had finally stopped. He had turned around so sharply that Sakura had bowled right into him. Both of them were drunk enough that they stumbled together a few feet and Sakura couldn't help giggling.
Her memory was hazy and she hated that. But it was probably for the best. It wasn't like her relationship with Sasuke was the sort where she wanted to treasure every moment.
She just knew that at some point in giggling and finding their feet Sasuke had kissed her.
Sakura didn't realize she had stayed quiet for a while until Sasuke prompted her. "And?"
"Oh, uh. Nothing, it was just on my mind."
"Hn." Sasuke moved over to rest on his side, one hand cupping one of her breasts. "You don't want to tonight?"
Sakura closed her eyes softly, taking in the warmth from his hand. "I'm kinda tired," she admitted. "I shouldn't stay long."
"You never do."
Sakura's eyes fluttered open. Sasuke never commented on his observations. His eyes were trained on her face. He knew something was up.
Suddenly she wanted to push him through it, one last time. She wanted to make him lose control, to hear him grunt and groan under her ministrations, to feel him strain against her. Her stomach twisted and she decided it was for the best that she didn't let him penetrate her tonight.
She moved to sit up against him and she felt a pleasant tingling as his hand slipped over her breast.
They were both topless but he still wore his pants and she her skirt. She bent over him to give him a kiss while one hand undid his zipper.
His grunt when she reached inside his shorts was delicious. His hand swept up her back and she could feel goosebumps trail up after it. Yes, he was a habit she was going to miss.
Sakura relocated herself at his waist. She pulled down his pants and shorts enough to give herself as much access as she needed and she proceeded to pump his length.
They had given each other head only a few times, preferring minimal foreplay and then two or three rounds of aggressive sex.
When she put him in her mouth, Sasuke groaned out her name. She worked him hard, clutching his balls in one hand, the way he liked.
"Fuck, Sakura," he hissed.
She wanted to smile. She could hear his hands scrabbling over the bedsheets, seeking something to hold onto. The only thing she truly loved about this affair was making the mighty Sasuke Uchiha lose his mind.
She sucked him in and let him out rapidly. She let her teeth lightly scrape against the head, enjoying Sasuke's every sharp hiss.
Her back was cramping slightly and her stomach was still twisted so she moved around to drape herself over him. She hummed as she worked and switched between that and lashing the head with her tongue. She kissed and sucked the sides of his length, and ran her teeth ever so lightly over the skin. The member twitched and jumped against her.
Sasuke was having a hard time holding still. He muttered a string of obscenities, the sort he almost never used outside the bedroom.
Sakura continued to work his length in and out of her mouth, with a hand adding friction and grip.
Sasuke let out a long, deep groan. One hand found the back of her head and fingers tangled in her hair. He neither pushed nor pulled.
"God, fuck yes. Fuck... uhhhhh." Sasuke convulsed under her and his manhood twitched as he came into her mouth.
Sakura held her breath and didn't move until Sasuke was done. For a second nausea swept over her, but she fought any expression of it. The sensation withdrew and she was able to release Sasuke without making a mess.
While he still shuddered slightly, she turned to the tissues beside the bed to wipe her mouth. With her back turned she surreptitiously dabbed her eyes.
Sasuke's breath was slowly coming back to normal. He looked up at her for a moment and then sat up to press his now-usual end-of-sex kiss on her mouth. Then he scooted out of his pants and shorts. He reached out and hooked a finger into her skirt.
Sakura hitched. "I don't want to do it."
"Mh, it's so you can lie down. You said you're tired."
Well, that was true. "But I also said I shouldn't stay long."
Sasuke looked at her and then released her skirt. "Rest."
Sakura pressed her lips together. Where normal people casually gave advice and friends invited or cajoled, Sasuke ordered without a second thought. With a sigh she slipped off the edge of the bed and pulled off her skirt. She kept her panties on, however. When she turned back to the bed Sasuke was watching her with a ghost of a smile on his face. Sakura couldn't bring herself to smile.
They crawled under the covers and Sasuke turned off the little lamp. Sakura ordered herself to nap for just an hour. A little digital clock on a far shelf read a just after midnight. She sighed and tried to cover it with a yawn. Her stomach was not happy and her eyes felt like they were wells of jelly. Hopefully a little nap would be enough to set everything back to normal.
Sasuke was already breathing long and deep before she started to feel loose enough to sleep. They still needed to have a conversation.
- 因縁 -
The little digital clock read nearly six thirty. Dammit, thought Sakura. She really needed to get home. Immediately.
Very weak light filtered in between the window blinds on the side wall. It was more light than she usually had.
She slipped off the bed and put a hand to the floor to feel around. She found her bra first.
A groggy voice muttered in the dark. "Do you need light?" The tiny lamp turned on. Sasuke had squeezed his eyes shut against the light and blinked them open. He sat up under the sheet and wiped his face with his hand.
Sakura tugged on her bra mechanically. "I didn't mean to stay so long."
Sasuke gave a bare nod.
She turned around to find the rest of her clothes. It was strange that he woke up before she left. But then she didn't usually stay until sunrise. It didn't matter, she had to be going.
But then she saw him. It was a mistake. She shouldn't have looked at him. The look on his face was... She felt a cold wave wash over her and sweat break out over her back. With a force of effort she turned and picked up her skirt.
It was another shock when he spoke again. "I have something to tell you."
Sakura's urge to flee doubled. Tripled, maybe. She just knew whatever it was, she didn't want to hear it. Her mouth moved on its own. "You're talking a lot lately."
She closed her mouth with a click. She didn't mean to snap at him; she was the one who screwed up.
"Hn. I've been hiding it from you. I think you see that now. But, -"
"Sasuke, I really have to go. Let's talk about it later." Just don't turn and look at him again, she told herself. Forget that look in his eyes, it's just part of his trap. She pulled on her skirt and did up the buttons.
She expected him to recoil. To shut down and be quiet. Sasuke Uchiha was born to brood. For as long as she had known him, his cool temperament had been his calling card. Only Naruto could ever prompt him to speaking, even shouting. She fully expected Sasuke to withdraw to his usual indifference.
She gave a start and gasped when his hand lightly descended on her shoulder. She looked at it in horror. She could feel him behind her and her stomach twisted violently. She shook off his hand.
"Sakura, you're not leaving, you're running away."
A whisper was all she could manage. "I have to -"
He moved behind her and Sakura ruthlessly fought off the desire to turn to him. "You don't trust me. You never did. I wanted to convince you."
Sakura squeezed her eyes shut. She didn't expect that. She didn't expect any of it. He always slept through her exits. Why did he need to talk now?
She wanted to be safe back in her own little apartment that Sasuke disliked. He never said one way or the other, but his disgust was obvious. Her bed was smaller and lumpier than his, the carpet was thinner and rather ugly. The paint was coming down in her bathroom, her kitchen had stains that were there before she moved in, but it was hers. And hewouldn't be there.
"Sakura..."
Her eyes popped open and her mouth started going before her brain realized it. "There's nothing to convince, Sasuke. I don't know why we keep doing this, other than because it's fun." She shut her mouth. She was on the very edge of telling him what was going on. But still she couldn't do it. Her thoughts were in complete disarray.
"Why..." He echoed. Finally he was silent.
Sakura's stomach lurched. She had to go. She spied her blouse and moved to pick it up. Her hands were shaking.
"I love you."
Everything stopped.
Sakura stopped moving, stopped breathing. The room was completely silent and still.
And then Sakura knew it was far too late to try to get home. She dashed from the room without her blouse.
She sped down the hallway to the bathroom and barely managed to lift the lid of the toilet and stick her head in before her stomach began to purge all its contents.
It was violent and painful. The cramps were merciless and she could barely take in a breath before she heaved again. She hacked and coughed and heaved even more. It felt like all of her guts were rising up against her, all at once. Her nose burned and tears flowed freely down her face.
Finally the heaving slowed down. Only saliva and stomach acid would come out now. Sakura couldn't move yet. She spat to try to clear out her mouth and brought a shaky hand to her face to wipe her nose and eyes.
Her whole body shook and her muscles felt too weak to move away from the toilet. She lifted a trembling arm and sent it to fumble around for the toilet handle. A cool hand covered hers and gently set it on the lever.
Sakura pulled back from the toilet bowl a little bit as it flushed. She still felt feeble and unsteady. She knew Sasuke knelt less than a foot away but she didn't turn to him.
He held a glass of water to her and she took it. She took a tiny sip and gargled. Her body ached and her sinuses burned. She did what she could to rinse out her mouth and nose.
Sakura leaned over slightly, putting her weight on a hip and rested her face on the cool porcelain of the tank. She closed her eyes.
Whispering movement came from Sasuke as he adjusted his position. "It's tempting to think you're disgusted by what I said."
Dammit. She really didn't want to talk now. Sakura opened her eyes. Sasuke was sitting cross-legged with hands on his knees. He was wearing shorts now. His gaze never wavered from her face.
Sasuke continued quietly, "We ate the same thing last night so I don't think it's food poisoning. You don't have a fever. It could be some other illness." He paused and then continued, "Before he went to get you, Naruto said you might be sick. Three days ago he went to your apartment in the morning before his training and it took you a while to answer the door. He said you looked like you were ill."
He watched her calmly. Sakura realized he was waiting for her to say it. To come clean. She knew this was the time, but she didn't have to like it. "You really are talking a lot today."
Sasuke didn't move, he didn't even flinch at Sakura's sharp tone. But his face changed to a look she knew from the battlefield. It was a carefully cultivated blankness that gave away nothing, while his eyes burned, although with excitement or fury, she couldn't say.
Holding still he waited patiently for her to speak.
Damn his exceptional intelligence. Sakura sighed and pulled herself off the toilet. She sat against the wall and hugged her knees to her chest. "It's not an illness." Her tone was sour. Her throat was raw and acidic. She frowned and took a drink of water. She was relieved when her stomach made no objection.
"I felt off a few days after the last time..." Sakura gestured at the apartment in general. "At first I thought there was no way, we always use protection. But I kept feeling weird, food smelled disgusting and my mood was off. The test came up positive and the very next day I woke up puking. That was five days ago."
"The day I went on the mission."
"Yeah."
She wondered if he would say more. Perhaps he was processing their exchange that day. She had gone to see him before he left, but he was already halfway to the gates of the village. She tried to pull him aside to speak but he brushed her off, using the single phrase, "I have a mission" to let her know that she was no one to slow him down.
"Hn."
Or perhaps he was preparing some declaration about his child. But he was silent. She looked down at her knees. Why was he always so quiet when she desperately needed him to say something?
She muttered to herself primarily to break the silence. "I thought we should stop all this." She nodded toward the bedroom. "It didn't have to be your problem." Sakura pressed her face into her legs.
"Are you keeping it?"
She peeked up at him. He really was just too intelligent. His look of blankness slipped away, leaving only unhappiness. Even though her mind was made up she couldn't look him in the eye. "No."
This time Sasuke flinched. It was barely perceptible, but it was there.
Sakura was tempted to give her reasoning. But she knew he wouldn't want to hear it. At least he wasn't lecturing her. She lifted the glass to her mouth and drank the rest of the water.
At long last Sasuke stood up and held a hand out to her. She pushed out a breath and inhaled slowly and when she got up it was without his help.
She held out the empty glass to him. He stared at it for a moment like he wasn't sure what to do with it before finally taking it.
Sasuke spoke softly. "I meant what I said."
Sakura stiffened, the urge to leave coming back alongside the strength to move.
In an instant Sasuke read her intentions and caught her hand with his. "I know what I want, Sakura, but I know it's not up to me."
It had been a very long time since she had heard his voice reach such intensity. But Sakura felt confused. She could read no anger in him.
He continued, "It's up to you. Choose to end it or not; if you choose to be with me or not. I won't force-"
"You really need to shut up, Sasuke! Just stop talking!" It was making her crazy. He was quiet when she wanted him to speak, he talked too much when she needed silence... Everything was upside down and inside out.
She pushed past him and headed back to the bedroom. She looked around hastily for her blouse and found it on top of a dresser. It lay next to a framed picture of Team Seven in their genin days and a small potted plant. In short order, she plucked up her blouse and pulled it on and then marched to the front door. She put on her shoes and reached for the door.
Sasuke stood to the side, watching her. "Sakura..."
She snapped around to see Sasuke holding out a hand to her. Sakura's emotions boiled over and words she had been putting off finally spilled forth.
"Please, I'm sorry I don't make much sense now, but I know what I want too, Sasuke. And I..." She stared right back at his face. "I don't love you. I don't trust you. And right now, I resent you." She ground her teeth. "Sometimes I think I hate you."
She turned away before the relentless anger churning in her guts really got her mouth going. The look on his face at her rejection was too much. She needed to keep her head clear and right now his proximity was making her choke on her anger. He had no right to look at her like that.
"I'm not trying to punish you, Sasuke, but you wanted to know what was on my mind." She put her hand on the doorknob. "This is my problem, and my problem alone. And I don't want to see you for a while."
She set her jaw and opened the door. Every step was a universe by itself. She crossed the threshold and tugged the door closed behind her. A wave of ice water broke over her skin when she heard the door click. She could hear Sasuke move against the door, but it remained shut.
She couldn't help that he was sad. But she could empathize. He had made her very sad for a very long time.
Sakura wondered if she should cry. It seemed like the time for it. But her eyes were completely dry.
Okay, as noted above this was inspired by one chapter in a series. The series, by the general girl, is really pretty lovely and light, but the chapter "Exploit" is dark and kind of sad and I kept thinking about it for a long time. This story came out of those thoughts.
If this story is not to your taste, offends you or whatever, I humbly recommend my story "WIN-WIN" which is all pleasant and sweetness and harmless. No controversy there.
Finally, I'm still way behind everyone else with NARUTO. The anime is dragging its feet, so I fill my time writing non-canonical fiction. Please don't write to me about what really happened... that's a spoiler and it's annoying.
If you still want to read more WHEN WE FAILED, cool! There will be two more chapters.
