I should have listened to Goosefeather all those seasons ago. He knew what that kit would become. A traitor. A murderer. Goosefeather's warning came true. Tigerclaw was dangerous. He had murdered Redtail, Brindleface, and countless others.
Why had I trusted him?
Was it because I did not believe Goosefeather? Most of his "omens" were wrong; one of them had resulted in the slaughter of my mother. He had given the prophecy that made me give up my kits, yet it made me leader.
But was that all?
Thistleclaw had mentored him; could it be that I wanted to believe that despite this, Tigerclaw would still be a good cat?
Or was it something else?
Was it that Tigerclaw looked like Oakheart, my RiverClan lover? Not by the color of their pelts, but in the strength of the muscles? The sheen of the fur? The gleam in the eyes? Was it that once I became deputy than leader, the forbidden love would remind me of Oakheart again?
I fear I will never know. But no matter what it was, I shall never know. He betrayed me, plotted with Brokentail, and tried to kill me. My mind is going; his betrayal has shocked not only me, but the whole Clan.
Fireheart tried to warn me, why hadn't I listened? I had refused to believe him. And Ravenpaw too, he knew. Why hadn't I?
Why didn't I know?
It wasn't as if no one had told me. Even StarClan expressed their doubts to me. I never listened.
Why didn't I listen?
Was it because I remembered Tigerclaw as a kit, playing with Whitestorm? That he had never lost that kit-like innocence? That joy in life? Even when the signs pointed to evil?
What even where the signs? Why could I not have seen them?
Could they have been invisible? But there was that one time…right after that rat attack. He had simply asked me how many lives I had left. I had lied…but had he believed me? Or could it have been when he nearly killed that kit?
Could this have been Pinestar's fault?
Was it Tigerclaw wanted to live up to his father? Or was he simply trying to prove, that even fatherless he could still be strong? Or maybe he wanted to block out his now kittypet-tainted blood?
I hope the Clan recovers. I don't really care. StarClan have turned their backs. They never gave me a true sign this would happen. They don't care about ThunderClan. So I turn my back on them. For as long as I live, I will never look to the stars, or my Clan of traitors, again.
