Sorry for any inconsistencies, I don't have my copy of the book with me and it's been a while since I reread it. This was just one of those times where you need to write.
She never had a hard time getting away from the Amas or her own Nanny. No one really expected her to get into much trouble. Boys weren't interested in having their way with her, anyway, which was the minders' primary concern. So they let her go, like her parents had let her go as a child, letting her drift where she pleased.
Water burned her like fire, one of the many odd, freaky, wrong things about her. As an infant she had made a horrible fuss when her mother had attempted to bathe her. She wouldn't play near water, and when she'd get hit by the stray rain drop, it would leave strange welts. She'd never encountered much water, but she supposed if there were enough of it, it would kill her. Eat her flesh away like acid, down to the bone. Perhaps through the bone. Maybe she'd melt away like a cube of sugar, to nothingness.
Many had killed themselves via the Suicide Canal- it had earned it's name. She could be a cliché, just another depressed soul to end their sorry existence with a dip in the river. She wouldn't have to wait until she drowned, she'd be eaten away. The water was more deadly to her than anyone else. It would be so easy to just jump in. It would surely hurt, but would be over quickly.
Besides, everything in life hurt, didn't it? Everything in her life, anyway. She was the baby who's mother couldn't stand to hold her, the child who's parents couldn't bring themselves to love. The girl that no one had any interest in. It's not like anyone would miss her. Most would barely notice. Some would surely be glad. And she could fade away, to nothingness.
She'd never been innocent. Her first word had been horrors. She'd witnessed racism, hate, propaganda. Forced religion, adultery, intoxication. Sacrifice, genocide. The world was not a beautiful place, not a safe place, not a loving place. The only ones who succeeded, finding some level of happiness were those who stepped all over everyone else to get what they wanted. Or were too dumb to see the everyday atrocities, never realizing that people had so much more potential that they never lived up to.
And what did she want? Acceptance? Something she would never get. She knew she was too green, too cold, too wrong for that. To make the world a better place? It sounded lovely, but how to save a world already so corrupted? And she'd probably still wind up like Doctor Dillamond, dead with very little done. So what was the point in wasting painful years to die when she could end it all so quickly?
Yes, she would do it. A few steps closer to the water's edge. Sliding the toe of her boot down. Would it be best to jump or slowly slide in?
Before she could decide, she heard a voice, shrill out of exasperation. 'Elphie! Elphaba, what are you doing, down there? It's cold, you'll catch your death near the canal! All alone? Are you trying to cause a scandal?"
She jumped back, startled. Glinda, of course. She smiled despite herself, Glinda, more concerned about Elphaba causing some sort of incident than anything else. With a glance back toward the water, she ran off to meet her friend- her friend- so they could walk back to Crage Hall. Together.
