Hi there~
These are a series of situational one-shots. I find myself really adoring Baird as a character. I realize in a real-life situation he'd probably be a bunch less fun. Regardless, I'm enamored by the idea of a character who also adores his ridiculousness. (Don't get me wrong, I like Sam, but I feel like she's just a bit too much like him to be compatible.) Probably right sue-ish. But I hope you enjoy nonetheless!
. . .
"WHO LOVES YA, BABY?" Rang a vibrant, joyful voice. Augustus Cole raised his arms, Lancer in hand, mocking the unamused blond before him. They stopped just short of each other, a frown of discontent across Baird's face. "Yeah, yeah, yeah," Came his rapid fire response, "Group hug...where's Rojas?" Cole dropped his arms then, shaking his head slightly.
The loss of Private Rojas meant very little to Baird. Shutting out minor acquaintances like him was like tearing paper to the Corporal. In fact, Baird seemed almost relieved to have one less pain in the ass to worry about.
As they awaited the arrival of the King Raven that would fly them from the site, Baird took a moment to observe the group of COG soldiers idling behind his once-famous friend. He had recognized Lieutenant Minh Young Kim as he spoke some feet away into his tac/com. A bearded Hispanic man stood almost perfectly still, watching the skies, focusing on the entrance of their ride. Another, whom he could only guess was the acclaimed Marcus Fenix, seemed lost to the world, probably caught up in some trivial, sentimental nonsense. The last stood possibly the closest and, to Baird's surprise, she was studying him back.
The bulky-framed woman, who Baird figured must be the only woman worth taking anywhere, Private Loneychen Fellwind, stood just above five feet from the ground. She appeared fairly young, with no noticeable scars or marks, aside from slightly visible laugh lines around her mouth. Her hair was shaved down the sides, leaving a strip of long, brunette mohawk hair tied back into a small pump with a tail that feathered in various lengths down the back and sides of her neck. But what really caught his attention was her eyes. The bright blue shone even from feet away. She wasn't strikingly beautiful aside from that, and Baird quickly gave up trying to guess the figure under the armor blocking his view.
He had only heard brief stories of the young 20-something. She was, to his recollection, a sharp shot, preferring a Sniper rifle to a Lancer, and known for her slightly Anvil accent, which stuck out among the Jacinto slang and jargon she'd use. Not that any of that truly mattered to Baird. She was just another of Hoffman's prized cronies.
It didn't take long for a chopper to appear on the scene...followed heavily by locust.
Baird glanced back at the rest of the squad, preparing for battle as the KR hit the ground, wondering when that chick would stop staring at him.
. . .
"Weeeell we sure as shit can't stay here!" Baird waved his arms at Marcus, enunciating the last few words of his statement with poison. "You're Baird..." All the annoyance in the world seemed to crawl from between the private's gritted teeth. "That's right, asshole! Question is, 'who are you?'". The two were uncomfortably close now, staring each other down, attempting to assert their dominance over the other man. Lo rolled her eyes slightly, hanging back with Cole and Dom, making extra sure the door they just barricaded was indeed secure. A sharp call cut through the tension in the group like a knife. The shrill voice of a Berserker shattering all immediate tenseness and replacing it with panic and fear.
"Oh shit, a Berserker!" Lo stepped forward towards the group, making a push-down motion with her hands, indicating it was best to remain quiet. "She can hear us..." Baird began what was to become the first of his constant unabashed release of useless or common knowledge. "She can smell us...". Lo turned a contorted face to her new team mates. "S'last time I wear male cologne, then!". Baird punched her shoulder lightly, and she took a step back from the immediate vicinity, displaying her arms out in a rolling gesture, indicating she leave the situation all up to him, then.
A berserker was not on anyone's Bucket List.
. . .
The newly formed Delta Squad scurried about the charred remains of what was once a Berserker. "Yum..." Baird muttered under his breath, sarcastically to himself, but the silent little sharp-shot stood just close enough to hear. "Betcha anything it tastes just like chicken." Loney responded, a wide smile on her face.
Baird didn't seem to take Lo's keen ears too positively, annoyed she was paying such close attention to him. He quickly stood from his kneeling place on the ground and swiveled around, parting Marcus and Dom with his strong gait. "We gotta get outta here. It's going to be dark soon."
"So?" Came Marcus' response. Lo was now just between him and Dom, her hands near her face as she made slight flapping motions with them. A "ke ke ke" sound escaped her mouth. Dom nodded to her, but how could Marcus, who had previously been imprisoned, know about Kryll?
. . .
Baird was visibly, and audiably, disapproving of Marcus' promotion. "Oh, no, don't give the smart guy a promotion. Give it to the jackass instead!" He ranted as he paced back and forth the courtyard. Cole, obviously used to his friend's attitude, ignored his perturbed fit. "So, we gotta hump dis to the factory, or what?" he asked, shrugging his shoulders, gearing up to go. "Thaaat is the longest Sunday stroll ever, brohan." Lo remarked, frowning. "Nah, screw that, I gotta better idea." Dom folded out a map, splaying it between his two very different squad mates. "Oh yeah, what is it, smart guy?" Baird sneered as he lashed out his attitude like a novice with a whip. "Enough." Demanded Marcus and he began to pull away from the group, "Let's move out.". Loney scuttled up beside Cole, opposite Baird. "S'he always like that?" she gestured her thumb in the mechanic's direction. "You have no idea." came Cole's laughing response.
. . .
"A plan? What plan! We don't have a plan!" Baird continued to bitch under his breath as they walked down an alleyway, making less and less of an effort to conceal his distrust and dissatisfaction with the group. "I don't see you commin' up with anythin' tangible, Mr. Genius!" Lo laughed up at the disgruntled blond. He didn't turn to look at her, instead he waved his Lancer begrudgingly and shifted his gaze in Cole's direction, looking for some kind of camaraderie. None came to him though, as the large hand of Cole passed in front of him to hi-five the tiny, gloved one of Loneychen's.
. . .
"Shit, shit, shit!" Loney ducked behind cover, pulling Baird and Dom down with her. "We got Boomers!" Baird picked himself up off the ground and shoved the smaller girl off him with more than necessary force. "Where there are Boomers, there'll be a shit ton of grubs!" He yelled in her direction, but the remark was meant for all. Loney plucked her Longshot from it's honored place on her back with all the style of someone who had done so many times before. "What the hell are you going to do with that?" Baird demanded. "Takin' care'a'ya Boomer problem, mate."
The sound of Lo's Longshot rang out as the first of the Boomers made his way into view. Blood popped and spewed from a vein in his neck, and yet he trudged along, firing his heavy rocket launcher in her - and Baird's - direction. The blast landed just before them, sending the two and Dom rushing to hide behind their cover. "You're just pissing it off!" Baird criticized, joining Dom in firing their Lancers at the beast's arms. "Just one more..." Loney trailed off as she pulled the trigger again, sending a bullet screaming into the skull of the locust.
"Okay, maybe you're not totally useless..." Baird admitted, bemused at the awkward compliment leaving his mouth, a little involuntarily, immediately followed up with "...but warn someone next time! I like my ass where it is!"
. . .
"THROWIN' FRAG!" Lo tossed her grenade as far into the distance as she could. It exploded, but the shrapnel only hit the surrounding cover. "You missed." Baird hissed at her from behind a scorched out car. "Piss off, like you could have made that any easier." Baird whirled around in protest, lobbing his own grenade forward and sending a few locust from their hiding spot. "Tad~a."
Loney scowled. "You're ten feet closer!." she said as she peered down her sniper scope. "Aren't you supposed to be some sort of long-range specialist? Where the hell'd that go?". Loney moved her scope so that it was facing the snarky man. "You wanna find out...?". She caught a glimpse of Baird flipping her off, just before blasting the head from a drone a few feet behind him.
. . .
Loneychen's attention focused on the lights hanging above the Stranded camp streets as the rest of Delta began conversing with Franklin according to Dom's plan. She hadn't seen decorations like those since before she joined the Gears. It was a distant memory she was now experiencing, an older brother holding her hand as they chased down the eldest brother under brightly colored paper lamps. He scooped her up in his strong arms, spinning her around, having just come home from a long mission abroad.
Loney was thrown from her reverie as the voices around her elevated in argument. She turned her head over her shoulder to see Baird watching her, his attention also unfocused on the heat of the moment.
Baird had not intended to stare at the short girl for long, just a passing glance to make sure he hadn't accidentally mistaken her for one of the unwashed stranded creeping around them. But something unexpected engaged their gazes to meet. Her eyes were glossy and shone dimmer than he was now becoming slowly used to.
Was she going to cry? Baird quickly averted his sight to Franklin as he came up beside him. "They stay here, yo. As collateral." Baird was pushed aside as Dom and Marcus began their trek outside the Stranded stronghold. "This is bullshit." Baird called over Tac/Com.
A stranded woman appeared behind Baird and began rubbing her hands on his armor. He flipped his hands in front of her, keeping her at arms distance "'EY 'EY, HANDS OFF THE MERCHANDISE." A slight smile came over Loney's face as she pressed in her earpiece.
"Be careful, you two." Cole and Baird exchanged glances and shrugs as to why Lo felt the need to remind a Gear to be safe, but thought not to press it.
. . .
"We are so going to get dysentery from this shit." Baird frowned at the mediocre display in front of them. A 'feast' by stranded standards, but Baird was obviously less than impressed. Lo turned from him to smile politely at Franklin. "Don't mind him, he's a spoiled brat."
"And fucking proud." Baird muttered to himself. Lo turned her head over her shoulder, still smiling, indicating to him that she had heard. He was slowly coming to terms with his team mate's keen senses. "Thank you for feedin' us, brohan. You certainly aren't obligated to." An ankle shot back to jab at Baird's, who straightened himself behind her. "My pleasure, sweet lady." said Franklin.
Cole had already begun packing in the food before Baird and Lo sat all the way down.
. . .
"Baird, we have the Junker, you there...?" Lo could hear Marcus call for them on her Tac/Com as she looked down her sights at the locus breaking through the stranded camp like a waterfall. "Yeah, you on your way, or what? We're getting screwed to the wall over here!" Baird threw down his lancer in anger as it clicked unrelentingly, out of ammunition. "We're almost there...".
A small clip slid across Baird's line of vision. He looked over to see Loney had removed it from her side pack and tossed it to him. "I don't use my Lancer often enough, take my spare ammo.". The blond gear paused a moment. Her spare? Was it emergencey ammo for when she couldn't use her rifle? "The bloody hell you lookin' at? We got shit to shoot, here! We ain't got time to shoot the shit!" and she half-smiled at him. "...Thanks." Was all he could muster in response as he jammed the clip into his weapon.
Baird hadn't noticed untill the fight was over that he'd been smiling, very slightly, to himself. When the idea occured to him he quickly made every attempt to frown as deeply as he could to compensate. Lo closed her eyes and shook her head, both amused and exhausted.
. . .
"Baird, turn that shit off." Marcus had just about lost it. Lo figured it was likely a good thing he sat so far away from Baird, who took shotgun in their vehicle, messing with the radio. It was her first chance to sit down and relax since the firefight and she was almost a little glad to have some music to listen to. It wasn't something she got to do often, especially in the company of others, and on mission, no less. "I doubt kryll can hear..." Loney sleepily spoke to Marcus as she laid her body against the back of Baird's seat. "Yeah, but I can." Dom half-smiled over his shoulder, only briefly, at her.
. . .
"I don't think that's such a good idea..." Cole shifted his weight in the rain, uneasy about splitting up the group in such poor conditions. "I'll take that under advisement, Gus, now move." Marcus gave him a stern scowl. Lo knew it would be much faster if they each took separate routes and could understand Marcus' decision, yet she still couldn't help but feel slightly worried as Baird and Cole turned and wandered out into the open sky. The mechanic turned a sideways glace over his shoulder to see Loney's uneasy expression. He and Cole both shrugged their shoulders in unison.
. . .
"Hey I think I got it!" Baird flipped a large switch, which clanked and sparked against the force. The lights in the facility flickered and buzzed, sending the compound back into life. He proudly stood up straight as he could, smiling smugly at Cole, who shook his head at him. "Yeah, now turn 'em off wouldja?" the comment came from an exasperated Dom. Baird's shoulders lowered as he spun around, confused, "Huh?". Loney pressed her earpeice in reluctantly "Don't worry about it, just find a way to the cart room...".
The Private took a moment to glance around the room. Blood stained the walls and bodies littered to floor. A massacre took place here, and not long ago by the looks of it. "We need a security code." Marcus and Dom had moved on ahead, taking no time to view the spectacle around them, likely having seen it several times before. "Hunh, Got one?" It was difficult to tell if Marcus was annoyed or amused. "Yeah, in my other pants..." Lo smiled as the two exchanged their back-and-forth. She figured that wherever her other comrades were at the time, that Baird and Cole were doing something similar.
. . .
"Sucks to be you guys." Loney peered down at her squad mates through the floor grating, easily picking out the blue glow from Baird's goggles atop his head. "Hey, you come down here and we'll discuss some sucking, girl." Came the blond's response as he sneered up at her. "Your inner bitch is showing.". Loney turned to the company on her level and could just make out the whiteness of Dom's teeth as he smiled at Baird's sexual comment. She elbowed him hard in the ribs as she passed him, taking his place beside Marcus.
"Hey there's room for one more, it's a fuckin' party down here."
. . .
"You shitheads need to get your own cart, no way am I standing next to you.". Loney laughed out loud at Dom's remark nodding vigorously in Baird and Cole's direction. "What?". Cole was making his way to their location, but Baird cut him off, "Let's just get this thing over with."
The carts each squealed and screamed against the rust-laden rails and Lo was forced to equipt her Lancer. A Longshot wouldn't mean anything here. She could hear the bustling noise of Marcus' Shotgun and almost wished she knew her way around short-ranged weapons a bit more.
A loud, raspy call was heard just above and Loney was instantly aware of the lambent Wretch crawling after her on the pipes attached to the ceiling. She revved her Lancer, attempting an intimidation tactic, but the animal just kept coming. She took aim and - click.
Out of Ammo. It wasn't until now that Lo remembered she had given the last of her Lancer rounds away to Baird back at the Outpost. There was no time to change to her longshot, not that it would do her any good, and she didn't carry a pistol. her only option was to wait for the creature to jump down and fight with it. As she readied herself for a possible explosion three shots rang out and a bewildered wretch fell to the ground. Lo turned to the side to see Baird had taken the Wretch out for her.
"...Thanks." Was all she could muster, but she doubted Baird had heard her.
. . .
"Oh, Christ, there are stalactites everywhere.". Baird turned from his spot on the descending platform to face the rapidly uneasing Private. "You're kidding. We just took down a couple of Boomers, there'll be a shit ton of Kryll here in a couple of hours, and you're worried about rock formations?". Loney scowled up at him, "You ever seen one of them things fall on someone? Cuz I have, and it ain't pretty! Stalactites, icicles, if it can impale you, it probably will someday iff'n you're not careful. Don't even act like you're happy to be down here.".
"Well, at least I'm not pissin' my pants like a little girl!" and with that Baird went laughing off to join Dom and Marcus as they scouted ahead.
. . .
Baird propelled his body behind cover just before a strange object fired into him. His stunt nearly landed him straight ontop of Lo, who pulled him in closer regardless. "The hell was that?" Cole wondered out loud just before the thing exploded. "Incendiary ammunition?" Lo turned to the now upright Corporal. "Nah, somethin different, goddamn Locust must coat their weapons in immulsion!"
It didn't take much time to bring down the Therons who guarded the path. A few Longhsot rounds here, some Lancer rounds there. Marcu's voice called over the Tac/Com as Loney searched the bodies for the weapon that nearly ended them. "Baird, what's your status?"
"Still en route. Who knows where the hell we are.". Loney tinkered with the strange bow she had found near a Theron's corpse. It had sharp blades at each end, and the arrows seemed to glow when strung, suggesting Baird was right about coating them in immulsion. She let the arrow fly, sending it to a far away wall at the other side of the cavern, it hit the rock and exploded upon impact.
Loney turned around slowly facing the others. "Oooooooohoohoo~"
. . .
Lo spent the next battle testing out her new toy. "If you explode me, I swear i'll haunt you." Baird sneered as he watched her fire an arrow just passed Cole, who was several feet ahead. "Oh, I'll be sure to be careful, the last thing I need is you hangin' 'round the rest of my life." she mocked. Baird raised an eyebrow, but continued to fire his lancer at the impeding Theron. He finnaly took one down, all by himself, and with a flashy grin he turned to boast, "Haha! You see that? And with out all that fancy-schmancy-" Loney was gone. She had left her spot beside him in favor of better cover. Momentarily distracted, a second Theron made his way up behind the Corporal, close enough to loom over him. He spun around, unable to get his lancer up fast enough to block the threat.
-Blam-
The Theron's head was suddenly gone, it's body falling limp onto the ground. "What was that about fancy weaponry? About how it's such a life-saver? Last time I leave you alone, can't even handle a wee guard.". Smiling, Lo reached a hand out to help Baird up. He hesitated a moment, but got up himself. "Hey, you'd be in the shit too if a Theron Guard had you pinned."
"Yeah, but at least i'm not pissin'' my pants like a little girl!" Loney spun around and left Baird in his spot. He only watched her dance a bit as she rejoined the group in the center of the factory.
. . .
"You're still using that thing!" Baird scowled as Lo drew back and arrow for her Torque Bow. "Hell yeah, brohan!" she smiled as the arrow kareened into a locust's neck halfway across the courtyard. "You don't feel weird using Locust weapons? Inhuman even?". Loney pulled behind cover next to him to reload. "'Course not. Why waste my Longshot rounds? I don't have an unlimited amount, you know. Gotta keep you safe from the nasty Therons somehow."
"Hey lovebirds. Less talking, more shooting?" Marcus was growing increasingly more irritated with the dawdling soldiers. "You guys are gunna make me puke."
. . .
-Hammer of Dawn is Online-
"That sounds like fun!" Lo had seen various soldiers use the Hammer on Brumak, Corpser, and Berserker. Today there was a Seeder blocking their path. Marcus handed the gun to Loney. "You ever fire one of these before?". She shook her head. "Nah, but how hard can it be?". Baird stepped into the window where the two were conversing. "Just make sure you don't hit Cole, he's way up front...there." he said, pointing.
"Just be glad it's not you down there, brohan." she said, smiling.
. . .
"TROIKA" Dom called, ducking behind cover. "Not for long..." With a single shot Lo took down the locust manning the turret. "I think you're gettin' better, baby!" Cole crashed one of his large thrashball hands down upon her shoulder. Loney grinned over to Baird, "What would you do without me?" She asked rhetorically. She got an answer anyways.
"Throw frags."
. . .
"They're not going anywhere just yet." Baird knelt beside a wounded Private vomiting blood. Loneychen sat down next to him, removing her side pack from it's place on her belt. She uncovered a small medical kit. "I can stop the bleeding, but only temporarily. these guys need to get out of here fast.".
Baird watched closely, almost interested, as Loney medicated and stitched the wounds she could manage. "So, what, you're a doctor now?". Lo shook her head, "My brother is. I grew up watching him do these things. I can't take the place of a real doctor though."
"Regardless, it makes me feel just a little better to have a medic on-site." Cole said as he lit a green distress beacon to harold a King Raven to the crash site.
. . .
"Okay, lay down some cover fire while I get this APC working.". Loney and Cole took cover behind a wall, a momentary reprieve, as the locust were not yet aware they were in the vicinity. The female private layed her longshot down beside her. "He really can fix anythin', can't he?". "Yeah gurl, that Baird has some serious skill! Not so much in personality, but you get used to him, he's pulled our asses out of the fire so much already, ya know?". Loney nodded, grinning at him as she looked behind her to see Baird unscrew a bolt from the APC. It fell from his hands and rolled away from him as he desperately tried to catch it. "Wonder where he gets it?". Cole stretched out his legs, relaxing, despite the near-warzone. "Folks say he's a genius. A child prodigey from the get-go. He would be a higher rank, but..."
"The bitchin'..."
. . .
"Snipers!" Dom called. "Oh we'll just see about that!" Loney took her sweet time aiming her Longshot at the bridge above them, making extra sure she got a headshot on every one of them. "One thing I hate more'n stalagtites. Drones thinkin' they can get me at m' own game!" Baird laughed beside her. "Tell me if you see any mechanic Drones, i'll take my wrenches to them!"
. . .
Loney shone a spotlight on RAAM, dispersing the Kryll that swarmed about him. This made him vulnerable - and killable. She could see Dom and Marcus below, scrambling to disperse the Locust leader and detonate the lightmass bomb. To her left Baird and Cole manned the King Raven's Troika turrets, firing on the Reavers and helping Lo with the Kryll. RAAM was tough, but he eventually went down, face first in a pool of his own blood.
"Take that, you ugly motherfucker."
