Well, here's my first shot at a story on FF. Hope you like it :)
(All these incredible characters are Stephanie Meyer's doing. I'm just tweekin' up the story a bit. Or a lot.)
Chapter 1: Retreat
Tanya,
I love you. I miss you. Sometimes the weight of you being gone is just too much to bear. Sometimes I just want to curl up and die. Sometimes I want to give up and join you once again. But I can't do that. I can't disappoint you like that. As you would say, I have too much to live for.
I don't think I ever told you this but you saved me, Tanya. I'm sure you knew but I never said the words aloud. I was lost and broken when I met you. I was terrified of just about everything. I was standoffish and it took me forever to open up to you. I think what forced me to lower my guard was your smile. I know, I know, it sounds cliché but it's so damn true. The way you smiled just melted me.
You made me the person I always wanted to be. You made me smile, you made me laugh, you made me happy, you made me angry, you made me scream, you made me cry, you made me want to bash my head against the fucking wall and once in a while, you even made me drink. Tanya, baby, you were perfect. You were mine.
I didn't know what I'd ever do without you. I thought I'd die.
And then it happened. Just, out of the blue, you were… gone. No longer could I hold you in my arms as we fell asleep, no longer could I laugh with you, no longer could I make love to you, no longer could I watch our daughter grow up with you. Everything we shared was over.
Tanya, you being gone killed me inside. I could no longer smile. I was just going through the motions–taking care of Carlie, visiting my family. I did all that but none of it held any meaning anymore.
When you left, so did I. Edward wasn't there anymore–just a skeleton. You took my reason for everything with you; my reason for breathing, for smiling, for laughing, for fucking living. Everything was over for me. You can never understand how much pain I went through.
I drank, I smoked, I even cut myself. I honestly didn't care whether I lived or died. All I wanted was for you to come back home, to be back in my arms, to know just what Carlie needs when she cries.
I want to give Carlie everything she needs but what she really needs is a mom. And that's the one thing I cannot give her. God damn it, I can't even give her a father anymore! I'm no longer a good father–if I ever was. I can't tell her it's going to be okay without you here, because how the hell can I make her believe that when I myself can't?
I just wish that none of this ever happened. I wish that this was a horrible nightmare and that I'll wake up any minute with you tucked safely beside me.
But I know that won't ever happen because this isn't some frightening dream–it's now my reality. My horrible, painful reality.
~()~
Edward's POV
"Carlie! Hurry your ass up or you're going to be late for school," I yell up the stairs at my daughter.
"I'm coming, Dad," she retaliates. "Chill."
I sigh, shaking my head. Preteens. If she has this much attitude now at twelve, I can only imagine how bad she'll be when she's sixteen. Tanya would know just how to deal with this. Again, I shake my head at myself. I will not think about her. Not today.
"Quit the bitch-act and get in the car. I can't be late for this interview, Carlie."
She visibly rolls her eyes but does as she's told. I grab my briefcase (it has nothing in it, it's just better to look professional) and glance at my reflection in the hall mirror, quickly straightening my tie.
I leave the house, locking the door behind me and then dart to my car, trying to avoid getting too wet because of the rain. Muttering curse words, I try to open the damn car door that always seems to get stuck during the most inconvenient situations.
Carlie reaches over the console and pushes the door open. I throw myself into my seat and toss my briefcase into the back of the silver 2001 Toyota Avalon.
"Now, Carlie," I say as I back out of our gravel driveway, "I don't want to get another call from your principal–today of all days. You're going to listen to your teacher and you're going to get along with your classmates. Am I clear?"
She grunts her approval. "It's not my fault my teachers are such douche bags."
"Hey, watch your mouth. Your teachers–and me–only want what's best for you and we want to help you but we can't do that unless you cooperate. I know how hard it was losing your mom, Carlie, but–"
We arrive at the school and Carlie throws her door open. "Don't, Dad. Don't bring up Mom, okay? Have you ever thought that maybe I don't need your help? Maybe I just want to do this on my own." She gets out and slams the door shut behind her.
"Carlie–" My voice cracks as I watch my daughter march towards the school, a wave of black surrounded by a sea of color.
Oh, Tanya, how I need you.
~()~
"Mr. Cullen, Ms. Swan will see you now."
I clear my throat and stand up, smiling hesitantly at the secretary. "Thank you, uh…" I squint at her name-tag. "Carmen."
She tucks her long black behind her ear and smiles. "No problem. Right this way, Mr. Cullen."
She motions with her hand to a hallway next to her desk and I follow her down it, to the third door on the left. She knocks and I hear a voice murmur the words, "Come in." Carmen opens the door and I step inside.
The first thing I am hit with is the scent which is French Vanilla with a little coconut mixed in–the exact smell of Tanya's old perfume. I still have a half-empty bottle of it tucked away in the bottom drawer of my dresser.
The office is a simple one–there is a couch beneath a large window adjacent to the door, the walls are painted a pale tan with a white trim. The carpet matches the walls. At the far end of the room, in the corner, are two chairs facing a long, wooden desk. Behind said wooden desk is a goddess.
Okay, she's not a goddess, per se. But damn, she is gorgeous and sexy as hell.
What are you thinking, dick? You're married, the angel on my shoulder says.
No, you're not, the devil snaps back. She's dead.
For the third time today, I shake my head as if to clear all of my jumbled thoughts and focus on the beautiful woman in front of me.
"Are you all right, Mr. Cullen? Would you like something to drink? Have a seat." Her wavy chocolate brown hair frames her porcelain, heart-shaped face perfectly. Her deep brown eyes seem to hold some hidden mystery, a mystery that I suddenly find myself wanting to know the answer to.
Ms. Swan gazes at me expectantly and I realize she's waiting for me to answer her.
"Yes, I'm fine. No, thank you. Thank you," I reply. God, I sound like an idiot. I mentally kick myself as I sit down in front of her. Great start to a vital interview, Cullen.
"Judging from your application, you fit the expectations at our law firm exactly. You're experienced, focused, a hard worker and have great recommendation from your previous employer. What I'm wondering is, after working at your last job for a decade, why did you leave?" She glances up at me from under her lashes then leans back in her chair, crossing her right leg over the other.
"Well, I like to think I'm all of those things." I clear my throat. "The only reason I resigned from my last place of work was because I couldn't focus much on anything after my wife died and I had to be there for my daughter. But that was nearly two years ago and I believe I'm ready to return to work."
Ms. Swan nods in understanding, but doesn't have the same look of sympathy as everyone else. I'm incredibly grateful for that.
She deeply inhales then sits forward again, folding her hands on the desk in front of her. "Well, then, that's all I needed to know. I have no other questions, since your résumé is very informative. Welcome to the team, Mr. Cullen."
"Wow, are you serious? That's… that's great. Amazing. Thank you so much."
The goddess smiles and extends her hand. I take it, shaking it gently. I can't seem to pull away though and hang on a few beats longer than necessary. She's the one who has to awkwardly release her hand from my grip.
I let out a little cough in embarrassment. Realizing it's time I leave, I stand up, utter another 'thank you' then make my way towards the office door.
"Mr. Cullen? One more thing."
I turn around to face her and wait for her to continue.
"I am truly sorry about Tanya."
"How did you…" I don't recall mentioning my wife's name to this woman.
"Tanya was my best friend in high school, Mr. Cullen. We were very close." She smiles, a faraway look in her eye, most likely reminiscing about her high school days with my wife.
I nod, shocked and a little confused. "Thank you," I whisper.
Then, I hastily make my retreat.
Meh. This may be a little boring and possible a little short but, hey! Aren't most first chapters? Anyway, if you're interested in this, review and let me know if I should continue. :)
