Sirius Black pulls back the curtains over his window and sits on the desk chair he had pulled up. He crosses his arms on the windowsill and rests his chin on them, looking down at the street below. The little park across the street from Grimmuald Place is full of parents walking with their children and dogs. They all look so peaceful in the sun filtering through the trees in the park.
Sirius' chest clenches, wishing he could be out there, not in here hiding from his family. He only ever gets to go outside with his family on strolls sometimes, or when they floo to Nocturn Alley. Sirius had tried to sneak out when he was younger, but Sirius wasn't surprised to find that all the windows and doors were alarmed, and his parents caught him instantly. They had punished him and he had never tried again.
Sirius watches a muggle man walk by on the sidewalk below without looking up once at Grimmauld Place, though Sirius doesn't expect him to. I don't know which is worse; being invisible to everyone or being far to visible to my parents. Sirius shakes his head as he lifts it from his arms. Definitely the latter.
Sirius had began drifting away from his parents Orion and Wulburga Black from a very young age, if only because they weren't too kind on him having a bit of fun. He'd never really been the rebel type until he reached the age to realize that his parents were a lot stricter on him than other parents appeared to be on their children. There were too many rules, too many appearances to keep up, when all Sirius had cared about when he was younger was having fun. He used to play with Regulus, his brother younger than him by one year, but his parents decided once Sirius reached the age of eight that it was inappropriate for the heir to the Black family to play games.
Sirius had always known his entire family were purebloods and that they were against muggles and half-bloods. He had accepted that fact years ago because he had just assumed that muggles had done something to personally harm or upset his family and it was a family grudge. But around the age of eight or nine Sirius truly began to realize that the Blacks had no reason to hate 'tainted' blood other than that they felt themselves more important than them, that they considered it an abomination for such people existed. That was not a good enough reason for Sirius and he began to question his family's morals.
Sirius had started testing his parents then, seeing how far their hate for half-bloods and muggles reached. It soon became obvious to Sirius that they truly believed that purebloods were better, even though they had just the same amount of magic in them that muggle-borns did. Sirius had asked his parents this once, why they thought they were better and his mother had out right screamed at him, completely exploding with the effort to comprehend why Sirius couldn't understand. Sirius could understand perfectly well what they meant, but that didn't mean he understand why.
Sirius had started to slip away from his parents, hating himself for not seeing the darkness in his family sooner. He had been blind all his life and then a layer had been stripped away, allowing him to finally see the ugly souls hiding beneath his family's skin.
Sirius had never considered himself a rebel, he had just thought it was some phase every Black went through before they embraced their dark sides, but Sirius soon began to realize he was just too different from his family. A few times he wondered if he was adopted, compared to his brother Regulus, who never questioned their parents. Maybe something was wrong with him, why couldn't he be like them so he could be accepted at the very least. But that wasn't an option, Sirius came back that every time; he didn't want to hate muggles and half-bloods if it meant being cruel like his family. Other times he wished he could have been born into a muggle family, that way he wouldn't have to deal with the cruelty he saw here, but he knew muggles had their own problems too.
Everything had changed for Sirius last year.
Sirius looks at the tapestry of the Black family tree in the drawing room, marveling at just how many Blacks there are, how many people that are so different from him. Sirius looks through them for a name, just one name, of a Black that hadn't been in any newspaper articles about murders or hadn't been apart of rallies against muggle-borns allowed wands. Sirius wants to know that there is just one person in the family that is like him, that wasn't evil, that wouldn't kill a muggle without blinking an eye.
Siriu's eyes stop at the small image of his cousin Andromeda Black, who was in Slytherin at Hogwarts when Sirius was too young to remember. She had always been kind to him, always laughed at his jokes and always had a look of sympathy on her face when she looked at him every time she visited Grimmuald Place. She never stood up to the other Blacks, just kept her head down and her mouth shut, but Sirius could always see a fire in her eyes, a suppressed look that told Sirius she couldn't wait to leave all of them, even if it meant leaving Sirius.
Sirius fingers the little picture of her, which has a snobbish expression that doesn't suit her at all. At least she's like me and her life hasn't turned out so bad.
But just then the drawing room door crashes open, his mother Walburga storming across the room, black robes billowing behind her. For a horrible second Sirius worries she is headed towards him from the murderous look on her face, but instead she heads to the tapestry behind him. Sirius leaps back in horror when she pulls out her wand furiously and brandishes it at Andromeda's spot on the hanging. Walburga's wand tip flares and Sirius watches as Andromeda's face is scorched in a matter of seconds. It happens so fast Sirius doesn't have time to stop his mother.
"What did you do that for?" Sirius demands angrily before he can stop himself. He instantly regrets it from the look on his mother's face.
"You are not to contact Andromeda anymore, Sirius," Walburga orders through teeth clenched in rage. "She has run away and married a mudblood. She is disowned and you are not to mention her name again in this house, you hear me boy?" Her voice rises into a shriek threateningly, but Sirius just drops his mouth open and frowns. Why would she leave?
"And don't you dare question me!" Walburga screams, causing Sirius to take a step back, but she grabs his shirt and holds him in place with her fist, pointing her wand threateningly in his face. "No one questions me, especially a lowly nine year-old! You're so proud you're a rebel too, just like you're cousin here?" She shoves his face up to the tapestry, the smoke rising from the scorched area making him want to choke.
"This is what you'll get if you disobey me, boy," his mother hisses in his ear, which is somehow scarier than her screaming. "If you ever cross me, you will regret it."
After that Sirius stopped rebelling in the little ways had over the past year or so, hiding his real thoughts just like Andromeda had before she ran away. He was scared of what his parents would do and he was back to square one. He didn't talk back to his parents as much anymore, hid the muggle money he managed to get his hands on sometimes and never questioned his mother again.
But his fear didn't stop him from hating his family even more after Andromeda was blasted off the tapestry, after seeing what they did to people that weren't exactly like them. That the Blacks would never, ever accept him and his own face would be blasted off the family tree in the end, turned black just like he should be. But maybe that wouldn't be so bad if that meant he wasn't like them.
Sirius realizes that he is clenching his windowsill tightly from the memory, though he doesn't know whether from anger or sadness. Both. He shakes his head again and stands up from his spot at the window. But just as he turns his back on the window, he hears a tapping on the glass behind him.
Sirius spins around to see a barred owl tapping on the window, a piece of parchment clasped in its left foot. Sirius frowns. Why would anyone be contacting me? But then he realizes in a shock like a slap to his face that it is July first. His heart leaps into a faster beat and he grins, racing to the window and opening it to let the owl hop in, its wide eyes looking up at him as it sticks its leg out pointedly. Sirius reaches for the letter with shaking fingers as he see the Hogwarts crest pressed into glossy red wax on the back of the envelope. As soon as he takes the letter the owl turns around, brushing his arm with its wing as it takes off, sending a gust of warm air into Sirius' face.
Sirius closes the window and stares down at the letter in his hands, but not opening it. This will change everything. I won't have to see my family and I could have a life outside of their watch. Maybe I could actually…be who I want. This thought makes his stomach flip with nerves and excitement.
Sirius looks at the address on the front:
Sirius Black
The second room on the fourth floor
12 Grimmauld Place
Borough of Islington,
London
Sirius takes a quivering breath of excitement as he turns the envelope over and breaks the wax seal. He pulls the letter out and even though he knows what it is going to say, his heart leaps when he reads it, telling him he is accepted to Hogwarts.
I don't even care if I'm going to be sorted into Slytherin. For the first time in my life, I'm leaving home. I'm going to Hogwarts!
