Okay my writting has improved a LOT since I published last. I even, not to boast, won a few hundred dollars on a young adult fiction contest that I entered for school...I bought myself a puppy haha my muggle parents suprisingly allowed it...well I dont own HP or Lavender so...yea...this was re-written a few times. XP

~s13foreverfan101~


Lavender Brown stood in front of the sink of the girls lavatory. This was the perfect place to be during Christmas; no one ever came in. She let tears fall down her cheeks, mingling with the blood on the palm she brought up to her pale face. She flashed a brief, fake smile before letting her mind wander. She knew Ron didn't love her; she was smart enough to know that, no matter how many lies he fed her. She knew he loved Hermione. Beautiful, smart, friendly little Hermione. There were so many differences between them. Hermione controlled her temper well, Lavender never had. Hermione never gave up even when she couldn't bare the pain, Lavender would leave everything she worked for, rather than suffer. Anyone could see why Ron chose her. Why couldn't Lavender be more like that?
Hermione was becoming weaker each time she saw Ron and Lavender together; her heart was about to shatter, and everyone, even Lavender, could see that. But no matter how much she was hurting Hermione, she wanted Ron completely to herself. But she couldn't have him. And everyone made that clear for her.
Lavender sank to her knees, gripping the blade in her hand tighter. All she ever wanted was for Ron to hold her tight, and to love her. And now thanks to Hermione Granger, she would never have that. But why should she?
No matter how much she wanted to, Lavender could never forgive him . . . ever. She didn't even forgive herself for not living up to what he needed. Ron deserved better and he knew it. He needed everything Lavender wasn't.
Lavender pushed her brown curls out of her face and exhaled deeply.
"This," she began, stabbing the sharp blade of her dagger into her soft skin. "Is for Ron."
She shuddered as she pulled out the blade and began again. "This. Is an apology to Hermione." This time, she clawed at the tiled floor as she pulled it out. "This is for-" she choked on a sob and run the blade up her arm. "Is for being so bloody ugly. I'm not good enough. I've never been good enough," she stammered, putting her head in her hands to scream in rage. Lavender brought her knees up to muffle her sobs against the soft fabric of her plaid skirt. She yanked out a lock of her brown hair and raised her burning gaze to the wall before her. All she could hear was Ron's voice echoing Hermione's name. Over and over and over again.
Moaning Myrtle laughed loudly from her stall as Lavender threw her dagger across the room with a clatter, picking herself up off the dirty and scuffed floor. She regained her steady breathing and had almost decided she didn't deserve any more self-inflicted pain before Myrtle floated across the room annoyingly. "Remember how he picked her," the mocking expression on the ghost's face seemed to say.
Lavender bounded over to the other side of the room and took up her dagger once more. "And this," she began, holding the knife a foot away from her chest. "Is for-" She gasped. As soon as she pushed the dagger into her chest with all her force, her eyes flicked up to the dilapidated mirror ahead of her. She stared at her reflection briefly before falling to her knees and croaking the words, "My ignorance."
Could it be true that all these years she had looked at her reflection without really seeing it, because Lavender did not recognize the girl who stood before her in the mirror.
As Lavender lay, watching her life bleed out of her, all she could think of was how beautiful she was. In her own simple little way.