Not sure how long this whole thing will be, it all just depends on how people like it and how many weird moods I find myself in late at night. So, review if you want it to keep going, don't if you don't. It's a very simple process.

Happy reading, doll face!


Teapots, a book about teapots. Honestly. Ginny Weasley mentally grumbled as she walked through Flourish & Blott's, her face in the book she had just picked up for her mother's birthday. She was almost convinced that her mother had picked this strange topic just to frustrate her daughter.

"Excuse me, Miss Weasley, nearly stepped on your foot . All apologies." a kindly looking old man with moon spectacles, whole, not half, and a very pointy chin raised his pointed hat to Ginny, who just stared for a moment as the rest of the world kept moving.

"I'm sorry, do I know you? Your voice is very familiar…" Ginny finally said, pretty much positive the book she had picked up was cursed and she was delusional.

"Again, apologies! I forgot how difficult it has been to recognize me since I got my new glasses and shaved."

"See, that's not funny, because you probably know that your voice sounds quite a bit like Dumbledore's, and this is a really mean trick, and also very rude. Now I need a nap because you have made my head hurt."

"I don't see why my voice should not sound like Dumbledore's, that is my surname."

"What, are you the cousin of Albus Dumbledore?"

"No."

"Another brother?"

"Not that I know of."

"Then do explain."

"Well, I'm Albus Dumbledore, former headmaster of Hogwarts."

"That's impossible, Dumbledore's dead."

"Whatever makes you say that?'

"…I attended his funeral. I got dumped at his funeral! Snape got in quite a bit of trouble for the whole 'murdering Dumbledore' thing! And Dumbledore has a beard! It's pretty much his trademark, and half moon spectacles. And did I mention he's dead?"

"Yes, you did mention that a few times." the supposed Dumbledore answered, a distinct twinkle in his eyes. "But I'm afraid you are incorrect, I'm not dead."

"If you're not dead, then what happened?!"

"I shaved my beard and got new glasses. Apparently those two little things are what made me recognizable to the general public, aside from you, of course, Miss Weasley."

"Then where have you been? You missed the whole bloody war!"

"Yes, unfortunate timing on my part, although it seems Harry did a splendid job without me, with plenty of help, of course. I took a rather long vacation on a cruise of Alaska, in the United States."

"Where'd you go in Alaska?"

"Oh, Juneau."

"No, I don't know."

"Juneau, Alaska."

"Professor, I don't know anything about Alaska. Where did you go?"

"Juneau!"

"No, I don't know! Please tell me!"

"Juneau! I went to Juneau!"

"You're not making any sense! Just tell me where you went!"

"Miss Weasley! Juneau!"

"NO I don't! So stop trying to teach me and just tell me where you went in Alaska!!!"

"JUNEAU!"

"FINE! I don't care anymore! Stop trying to tell me I know something I clearly do not know!"

"Since we have exhausted this topic, Miss Weasley, is there anything else you would like to know besides polite conversation?"

"Uh, actually…Yes…Before the war, there was a bit of speculation about your past…and I was wondering…"

"Is this about my intense mother? Domineering father? Loose canon brother? Damaged sister? Dog that ran away when I was seven?"

"Actually…Headmaster, are you attracted to girls?"

"Not even a little."

"Really? I always heard you were into McGonagall."

"Oh, goodness no! Not Minerva! Not even a little, blech!" Dumbledore had a look on his face that seemed to imply that he had just eaten a very old piece of broccoli.

"I always thought she looked pretty decent for her age, Professor." Ginny mumbled, growing even more uncomfortable.

"It's not that, Miss Weasley. It's, well, girls have cooties. No offense to yourself, my dear, but all of you do."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Cooties. You know, what we're warned about as kids, about girls having them so we had better leave them alone. It's all true. Now if you will forgive me, I really must be going. I'll see you soon, hopefully, Miss Weasley."

"Uh, alright, g'bye, then Professor."

Watching her former headmaster leave the book store, she came to the conclusion that she would not be telling this story to Harry, or anyone for that matter.