AN: This one is written by my friend Katie, who'd like it up. Kudos to Katie :) I have no idea how she got the idea though, do you?
Once upon a time, there was a cute little town named Happyville in a dreamy little kingdom. In that lovely town lived the Muffin Man. The Muffin Man ran a bakery which was located right on the corner of Drury Lane. He was known for baking the best muffins in the land. People would come from far and wide just to taste the delicacy that his muffins were. And so, people began to wonder, What is it that makes the Muffin Man's muffins the best in the land? What could possibly make them so delectable in comparison to other people's muffins? And in answer to this question, the Muffin Man would reply, "Why it's my secret ingredient!" Everyone wondered what the secret ingredient could possibly be. Many people tried to steal the Muffin Man's secret recipe but none prevailed. In fact, everyone that went into his house in the dark of night never returned.
Only one person came to know the Muffin Man's dark secret: John Lennon. It happened on a day when the Muffin Man was in a dark alley having a grand old time. He was laughing maniacally while holding a machete and swinging it around wildly over a small child's figure on the ground. It was a horrible sight, and that's when the the hippie on drugs popped out from the corner. "Don't ya know that violence isn't the answer?" shouted the famed British rock star,"It's peace and love, ya know! If you carry on doing horrific things like this to create your delectable muffins, the guilt will cause you to have a nervous breakdown! YA KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU HAVE A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN?" John bellowed, panting heavily,"You start taking all these psychedelic drugs, and you think they're the answer. (Only later do you realize that peace and love, in fact are the solutions.) And then, following your addiction to hallucinatory drugs, you meet some crazed Japanese artist with horrible split ends! And then, Mr. Muffin Man, then you fall madly in love with her! Then, you marry her! And your intense romantic interest in this loopy Japanese woman never dies!- Even after your nervous breakdown is through! And because of your insane love for her, you see no blemishes in her whatsoever. You sincerely believe that she can sing, and only later do you realize that she can't hit a single pitch! Then, your fellow Beatles seem to utterly despise her, and everyone blames you for breaking up the band! That, Muffin Man, that's what happens when you have a nervous breakdown!" the former Beetle screeched, practically foaming at the mouth. So, the truth had been unraveled to the Muffin Man's horror. John Lennon managed to escape the machete swinging lunatic with extreme dance moves. But unfortunately, John Lennon never had a chance to disclose his secret to anyone except for his loony wife (who doesn't really count). Sadly, John was shot to death coming out of a recording studio by Mark David Chapman when he was on his way to the press conference that would send the Muffin Man to jail. "Oh... that's too bad," the Muffin Man sighed, "He would've made such nice Lennon-lime muffins."And so Mark David Chapman, John's deranged killer who shouldn't have been freed from the insane asylum and given a gun, unintentionally saved the Muffin Man's life.
Meanwhile, in Happyville, strange things have been happening. Children all seemed to go missing... The townsfolk didn't mind much at first. They figured, "Well, we have absolutely delectable muffins; who cares if children mysteriously disappear and never come back?"
There isn't anything to worry about. I mean, the disappearances have to stop somewhere...right?
