Arthur might be the worst liar in the world, but he still had a secret he'd never let anybody in on.

He hadn't told his dad, because he was – well, he was Dad, and that was all there was to say about it. He hadn't told Mum, because she already worried too much; he hadn't told Douglas or Martin, because he didn't want them to think he was even more of an idiot than he actually was.

(Perhaps he could tell Herc someday, ask for his advice. Herc wouldn't laugh at him, he was fairly sure of that.)

He had never told anybody, but that didn't mean all of his girlfriends hadn't picked up on it sooner or later – and inevitably walked away on him as a consequence. Which wasn't fair, because Arthur always tried so hard, and it wasn't his fault if he failed each and every time.

Take Mandy, for instance. She was brilliant, and funny, and sweet; other people might think she was a bit clumsy, but Arthur knew better than that. They'd been having a great time together, but now she'd invited him to spend the night at her place, and he knew what that meant – and it was really a pity, because he liked her so very much.

They were halfway through watching The Love Bug when she snuggled closer and kissed him; which was fine – Arthur loved kissing – except that he usually got it all wrong, because girls expected him to do other things too. He desperately tried to remember how it was supposed to be done, ran a nervous hand up her arm and brushed his fingers lightly on her chest.

Mandy nearly jumped and pulled away, and he hastened to apologize. "Sorry. Sorry. I can do better, I promise."

She shook her head, didn't dare to meet his eyes. "It's not about you, it's me."

Arthur tried very hard not to make a face, even if he knew well enough what was coming next. Mandy, however, didn't look like any of his previous girlfriends had when they were breaking up with him; if anything, she looked like she was going to break down and cry, and he didn't want her to cry.

"I know it's weird," she said in a small voice. "But I, hum, don't like to be touched. Or, you know, other – stuff."

"Oh," Arthur exhaled out of sheer relief. "That's brilliant, actually, because I don't like it either. Only, I thought there was something wrong with me."

Mandy didn't look like she was crying anymore; she was smiling happily, as if Arthur was the most brilliant thing in the whole wide world.

And even if he wasn't, he decided that he definitely didn't mind.