This is done from both Ste and Brendan's POV
Made for him :)
The minute I'm back I'm reminded of him, how am I supposed to move on when there are so many memories here. I'm never gonna forget him am I?
Things should be getting easier for him now; at least I hope they are. He will soon forget all about me and everything I put him through.
I enter Chez Chez and see a thousand memories flash before my eyes. I walk into the office only to see his empty chair.
Soon he will move on from me and he will realize that this was the best thing for him. I would only ever bring him down.
Someone's here, I pray it's him and that all this is just a bad dream. But it's not him and Kevin is stood here, stood here in his club.
He will make a new future and he will forgive in time. He has a big heart and a good soul, that's where we are different. It'll all come good.
I hit him hard, harder than I've ever hit anyone and I want to hurt him just like he's hurt Brendan, just like he's hurt me.
Steven is a good man; he doesn't use his fists or violence to get through life, unlike me. I mean let's face it; this was always going to be my fate.
I can see the blood on my hands and Kevin is on the floor, I feel my tears fall as I look at the man that stole my future…my happy ending.
I know he was heartbroken when it all went wrong for us, but I hope he understands now that he has had time to think about it all.
I am so angry, why did Brendan let everyone do this to us? I will never forgive him for leaving me. I will never understand why he didn't fight.
He has the deli, he has good friends and I know they will help him. None of them wanted us to be together anyway.
I can't let anyone else have his club; I will sell the deli if I have to. I will sell everything I own, I will do whatever it takes.
There's not a day that goes by when I don't think of him and part of me wants to know what he's up to, maybe I could ask Chez.
Nothing matters to me anymore and staring at my blood stained hand, embracing this powerful feeling I feel, I know the old Ste is back.
I could write to Chez, ask her to keep me informed on what he's up to. I thought I could just cut all ties, but I'm struggling.
I won't rest until I have his club and as for Kevin, he will pay, I will make sure of it. Seeing him again has brought everything back home.
I thought I could forget him and let him go, but I can't. I've never been able to have I? I have to know if he's okay, because I'm not.
Everywhere I turn and everywhere I look, there is something that reminds me of us. I really thought we were forever this time.
I can't give him anything though, my life is in here now and there is nothing I can do about it. I just don't know what to do for the best anymore.
After scaring Kevin away I leave the club and head home, back to my empty flat. I clean up my hand and try my hardest to calm down.
I thought removing myself from his life would be the best thing for both of us, but I was wrong because it's definitely not right for me.
I enter my bedroom…our bedroom and I notice his jacket lying on the floor, I pick it up and smell it. Inhaling his scent I fall onto the bed.
I thought that being here, inside, locked away would stop the nightmares, but I've soon realised that they've only just begun.
I hold onto his jacket as if I was holding onto him and I cry myself to sleep, allowing myself to dream of him…of us together.
The nightmares are different now though, there not of Seamus anymore, there of Steven loving someone else and it's driving me insane.
I wake and my bad mood hasn't lifted, I've never been one for revenge, but I won't rest until I've got it on everyone that hurt us.
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to have him in my life still. I need him now, more than ever. I feel like I'm going mad without him.
I have nothing left to fight for now, Brendan won't see me, maybe I could do something real bad, get arrested and be with him inside.
I miss him so much, although it's like he's here with me anyway as he is all I see. His face haunts me just like I knew it would.
That's it; I could turn to a life of crime, then we could be together again. I don't know why I hadn't thought of it sooner.
I don't want to never see him again; I thought I could handle it, but I can't. I'm a fool to think that I could just throw it all away.
So it wouldn't be ideal, two criminals inside tying to love each other, but anything's gotta be better than being without him every day.
So tomorrow I will write to him and send him a visiting order. Maybe we can make something out of all this, maybe there's a chance for us.
So tomorrow I will start my new life, I will find a way to be with him again and nothing is going to stop me, not this time.
He might not come, he might ignore me, just like I have ignored him, but I have to try. He deserves the option; I shouldn't have denied him that.
Nothing can separate us and no amount of time can change the way I feel about him. When I said forever I meant it.
I thought that time would heal, but I feel worse than before. He changed everything for me and I know now more than ever that he was made for me.
I will see him again, I will be with him again, it's the one thing I'm certain of and I know now more than ever that I was made for him.
Please review xx xx xx
