Just something vaguely silly. I don't know why the yamis are all separate people in this one, they just are. But it's funny, I swear. ... ish?

Anyway, I don't own any of the characters in this story. If I did, I would probably be rich, and I'm obviously not.


"That's my milk, Malik! Put it back right this instant!"

Malik ignored the commands of Pharaoh Atem and stuck the straw in his mouth, drinking away and casting a smirk at his fellow yami.

Atem stuck his tongue out disgustedly. "Eeeew..."

"Don't chew with your mouth open, yami," Ryou chided, glaring at his dark side. This opened into an argument between the two of them, including small pieces of steak flying out of Bakura's mouth and flecking Ryou's clean face... which led to even more arguing.

Yugi beamed at his other half as he passed a carton over. "Here, have some more milk, mou hitori no boku!"

"Hey, uh..."

All six yamis and hikaris turned at the sound of a new voice, seeing Tristan Taylor standing there awkwardly, holding his lunch tray.

Yugi smiled brightly at his friend. "What's up, Tristan?"

The boy with the unicorn hair shuffled his feet nervously. "Well, I was wondering if I could sit with you guys -"

"NO!" Malik and Bakura answered at the same time, earning angry glares from Marik and Ryou.

"- and if I could ask you some questions? A-about being yamis and hikaris?"

Atem thought for a moment, immediately taking control of the situation. "Well, so long as none of your questions involve references to a dead body, Penalty Games, turning people into dolls or trading cards, or anything else dangerous like that... I suppose it's alright."

"Oh, sure," Bakura grumbled, ignoring the glare that he was receiving from his light side. "Take out all the good parts of being a yami!"

"Let's not talk about anything that's actually interesting here!" Malik complained.

Atem ignored them and made vague gestures for Tristan to be seated, followed up by Yugi jumping up and down in his own seat and pointing at the empty spot next to him. Following their instructions, Tristan sat down between Yugi and open space, which was probably the safest place for him at that particular table.

"What sort of questions did you have in mind, Tristan?" Ryou asked helpfully, trying to lessen his friend's tension. His attempt was undermined by Bakura snitching a gingerbread man cookie off his plate and, glaring pointedly at Tristan, proceeding to tear the head off with his fangs.

Tristan paled, but somehow managed to not run away right then. Instead, he bent his head down over a tattered notebook, focusing on a specific page and reading from it. "Well... I was just wondering how well you guys behave yourselves when you're not in school. I mean, like, how do you each interact with your 'other half' when you're not dueling or anything?"

"The Pharaoh and I always spend time together, don't we, mou hitori no boku?" Yugi turned his chibi eyes on his doppelganger, who smiled gently and nodded. "We talk and we play and we watch movies together and we read books and-"

"Oh, la de da!" Bakura growled. "Aren't you just special!"

"Well, what do you and Ryou do, thief?"

Ryou rolled his eyes. "He's been trying to teach me how to steal, escape the police, pick locks, and all those other wonderful habits of his."

"And you make a lousy student, host."

"Oh, shut up!" Ryou's frown turned into a smile after a minute though. "But, sometimes he'll watch horror movies with me, and we both enjoy playing Monster World together."

Bakura smirked. "I do like a good horror movie on occasion. Especially the bloody ones that my landlord favors!"

Marik decided to interrupt just then. "Yami and I enjoy some of the finer things in life..."

"You know," Malik cut in, ticking items off on his fingers. "Killing, maiming, dismembering, kidnapping, stalking, manipulating people's minds, controlling slaves, stealing magical items and trading cards, stabbing people... the usual thing."

Tristan was no longer looking at his notebook and was instead gazing at Malik with a vaguely horrified look on his face, his eyes blinking rapidly.

Marik sighed and cast a look at his dark side. "Actually, since we don't do those things anymore-"

"Much."

"Shut up! But anyway, we usually spend our time these days working part time at the Ancient Egyptian Museum, since we know so much about that topic. We've also taken up yoga and gardening."

At this new piece of information, the rest of the people sitting at the table all turned to stare at the two Egyptians. Marik had already turned back to his salad, but Malik met their stares evenly.

"For your information," the yami snarled. "Yoga keeps your body healthy and in perfect shape, and it helps keep you limber as well as improving your reflexes." He gestured his thumb towards his hikari. "The gardening, on the other hand, is entirely his own idea and mostly provides for his vegan lifestyle."

"Vegetables are better for you than pounds and pounds of meat, you vampire!" Marik protested hotly. "Admit it, you're nothing but a carnivorous glutton!"

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"Oh, yeah?"

"Ye-!"

Atem glared at them, putting a stop to their otherwise endless bickering. "Shut up! Both of you!"

Marik and Malik each glared at one another before they both pointed to the other one childishly. "He started it!"

Ryou sighed and Bakura rolled his eyes, the light turning and speaking to their friend with the notebook. "What else did you want to know, Tristan?"

The other boy stared at Ryou and Bakura for a moment before becoming mildly serious and just a bit defensive. "Does he ever hurt you, Ryou? Y'know, like, hit you and stuff?"

This caused everyone at the table to stare at him with wide, horrified eyes. The very thought of a yami harming his hikari was simply unthinkable and it would never happen!

"Whatever gave you a stupid idea like that, pencil head?" Bakura growled, clutching at Ryou protectively, as if to keep the light as far away from the crazy man as possible.

"Well, I know you've stabbed him in the chest with the Ring – "

"To claim him as my own! How else was I supposed to make it clear that he belonged to me?!"

" – and in the hand during that Monster World game – "

"Look, I have a terrible temper and he wasn't listening to me! I wasn't thinking and I just vented at him. If you remember right, I also tried to kill him during that game several times for the same reason."

" – and didn't you stab him through the arm during Battle City?"

Bakura snarled and snapped his fangs at Tristan like a mad dog. "I did what I had to do, and what I do with my hikari is not of your concern!"

"And besides," Ryou cut in, struggling in his yami's possessive grip. "I told him that he could stab me in the arm, and he was getting medical help for me afterwards, and he got Marik to use his Millennium Rod to take the pain away!"

Marik and Malik held the Rod up over their heads triumphantly. "Better than Advil!"

Ryou smiled at the Egyptians' antics. "Also, my yami had every right to punish me during that Monster World game... I'm only a hikari, after all, and I ought to be obeying my yami and working with him, not working against him."

"No, you were doing what you thought was right," Bakura whispered, petting Ryou's hair. "I shouldn't have been involving your friends in my fight with the Pharaoh..."

"And the Ring in your chest?" Tristan cut in awkwardly.

Ryou tilted his head back, giving Bakura an upside-down smile. "I didn't mind that at all, actually. I was scared at first, because I didn't understand, but then... it just sort of... it felt good. I like being with my yami, so why shouldn't I be comfortable with it?"

Tristan blinked at him in confusion. "... You're serious?"

"Yes."

"And why would you accuse Tomb Robber of abusing his light, anyway?" Atem asked, glaring over Yugi's head at their friend. "We're yamis, not monsters. We do not hurt our other halves in such a brutish way."

"Even I do not inflict that sort of pain on my weak side," Malik put in, also glaring at Tristan.

Marik snorted. "Oh, admit it! You'd hit me and beat me black and blue if I would let you!"

He snickered for a moment when his yami turned and glared at him.

Tristan swallowed nervously. By this point, the poor boy was receiving glares from everyone at the table and it was clearly making him uncomfortable.

Yugi sighed and took pity on their friend. "Why don't you just move on to the next question, Tristan?"

"Yeah, I guess I'd better. Um... I've noticed that at your house, Yugi, you and Atem share a room, but there's only one bed in it. So, do yamis just not sleep then, or do they sleep on the floor or the couch, or maybe in the Millennium Items, or...?" He trailed off when he saw the confused looks on everyone's faces.

"Of course we sleep, you idiot!" Malik yelled at him. "And, if you must know, we sleep in bed with our lights!"

Tristan paled a bit. "You... you sleep... with...?"

"Not like that!" Yugi squealed, understanding what his friend was thinking. "Bad! Bad Tristan!"

Atem glanced at his light. "What is he talking about, aibou?"

"Uh... Nothing that we need to discuss, yami!"

Looking more and more uncomfortable by the second, Tristan shook his head and moved to stand up from the table. "Um, maybe that should be it. I, uh... I think I'm gonna go back to just sitting with Joey, Tea, and Duke, now."

"Maybe you should," Bakura muttered, flashing a glare over at the boy. He then turned back to his light, busying his hands by using his fingers to comb out the tangles in Ryou's long hair.

Marik and Malik both hissed at Tristan, further encouraging him to leave, and clearly scaring the poor boy half to death. Fearfully, Tristan jumped to his feet and fled, not even wanting to pause long enough to get his food. This caused Yugi to gaze after his fleeing friend, feeling sorry for him, but making no move to go console the frightened boy.

Yugi turned back to the table, seeing that Atem, Malik, Marik, Bakura, and Ryou were all eying the abandoned food tray in a hungry fashion.

"You don't think he'll be coming back to finish that, do you, Yugi?" Ryou asked, looking as if he hadn't just eaten four plates of food.

"Knock yourselves out, guys. I don't think Tristan will be sitting with us ever again, questions or not."

Marik sighed, picking up Tristan's abandoned notebook and idly flipping through it. "It's hard to explain what it means to be a light and a dark to someone who isn't either one. How do you explain what it's like to live as two separate people with different personalities to someone whose only ever lived as one person?"

"He shouldn't have even come over here, the fool," Bakura muttered. Smirking, he reached out and snatched a hamburger from Malik's hands, shoving the entire thing into his mouth at once.

Malik glared at him, snarling and cursing at him in Egyptian, while Ryou turned to his yami and began to, once again, lecture him about how he should close his mouth while chewing.

And so, things went back to normal at the yami and hikaris' table, and no other normal human dared sit with them for lunch again.

The End.