Edward the Sparkly Vampire

Edward the sparkly vampire
Had a very angsty face
And when Volturi saw it
They thought he was a big disgrace

All of the nasty werewolves
Used to laugh and call him names ('specially Jacob)
They never let poor Edward
Join in any werewolf games

Then one foggy day in Forks
Bella came to say
'Edward with your skin so bright
Will you fuck me up tonight?'

That's why they all hate Edward
And Jacob'll rip him up with glee
As Edward the sparkly vampire
Got Bella – and that's fine by me!

Mainly 'cos I hate him *backs away slowly from Team Edward people*...