The first time Peeta saw Katniss he didn't know what to do.
He was in his kitchen by a small table frosting his newly made batch of cookies. He didn't even know why he was frosting them to be honest. He knew he wouldn't eat the cookies and the bakery didn't exist in District 12 anymore he couldn't sell them either. He considered giving them to the people who had lost someone during the quarter quell but he knew that would only make him more depressed than he actually was.
As he was putting the finishing touches on his daisy sugar cookie, he heard something he hadn't heard in a long time outside his window. The yellow frosting tube fell out his hands because his hands started shaking violently. As much as he wanted to avoid it he knew that she was there in the victor's village.
As the voice came closer, his palms started sweating and he gave a shaky glance to the telephone hanging on the wall. Maybe I should call Dr. Aurelius, he thought but he pushed it away. He knew Dr. Aurelius wouldn't understand why he was so nervous. Or maybe he would since he seemed to know everything else about what was wrong with him. He couldn't think straight. All he knew was that Katniss was back and she was going to go past his house whether he liked it or not.
Her muted voice floated through the walls and it was all he heard inside his vast house. It brought back memories that he didn't want to have. He gripped the chair with all he had and tried to block all of the false memories of Katniss trying to poison him and killing his family out of his head like Dr. Aurelius taught him. If Katniss had decided to come in to his house he didn't want to be in that state. He wanted to look like he was okay. Like he had it all together which obviously was not the case.
The memories soon dissipated and he found it easier to breathe again. Her voice was coming closer and he heard Haymitch who tried to tell her that he bought some geese because they'd be better company than she could ever be. Peeta's mind raced when Haymitch rambled to Katniss. The sound of her voice came from the left side of the house which meant she would pass by his kitchen window on the way to her own house. He started to panic again but that time it wasn't because of the flashbacks. Seeing Katniss always made him a little jittery. He never knew what to do. All he wanted to do was love her but at the same time he didn't want to get too close to her in case she pushed him away. He knew that if she did he would be so broken not even Dr. Aurelius could help him.
When the voices of the two victors came closer, he came to a decision. He would smile and maybe wave casually at her if she looked into his window as if he just happened to look outside at just the right time. That somehow eased a bit of the nerves but his heart still pounded in his chest. He was sure Katniss heard it through the walls.
When Katniss and Haymitch were along the side of Peeta's house, Peeta picked up the frosting tube again and pretended to be frosting the daisy cookie. He was right under the window so that all he had to do was look up and he'd see her. He'd see Katniss for the first time since she was put on trial for Coin's death. Something like fear and curiosity filled every inch of him. Would she look different? Was her hair still in her braid? Would her smoky grey eyes still have bags underneath them like she hadn't slept in days? If Peeta met those same eyes in the window, would he see hatred in them or would they be filled with something that was somewhere in between love and friendship? The only way for him to know was to look through the window and he was sure something so simple was probably the hardest thing he's ever had to do.
When he saw a flick of her black hair in the window, he looked up. Katniss Everdeen, his ally, friend, and neighbor was walking past his window. For some reason, the very thought of it seemed almost ridiculous. Katniss should've been doing something more important like trying to fix the country or meeting with the new leader of Panem but instead she came back to the eye-sore of District 12. Maybe she was tired of making all the decisions and having the weight of the world on her shoulders. He could see how that could happen.
When she walked past the window, he was shocked to see how much she had stayed the same. Her hair was still in her signature braid, the bags under her eyes was still evident, and the scar under her chin from the quarter quell was still there. The only thing that was different was how dull her eyes seemed. She seemed to be plagued with sadness. Peeta thought about Prim and sadness filled his heart. He remembered how she would stare at the cakes he'd frost every morning when she and Katniss would pass the bakery. Prim was so young and so very sweet. Peeta's heart ached for Katniss as she walked by as if she was trying to make herself invisible.
Right as Peeta was about to turn away, Katniss looked up into the window and met Peeta's blue eyes. Peeta's heart stopped. Katniss even seemed a little shocked that he was there. Only a few seconds had passed but to the two victors it felt like eternity. Peeta brought his hand up in a half wave, not exactly sure what to do. Katniss just ducked her head, hid what Peeta thought was a blush, and stared at the gravel beneath her as she walked to her house.
When she walked beside Haymitch to her house, he thought about the whirlwind of feelings he felt and let himself take a breath before he tried to figure out what all of it meant.
It was like having a flashback except she didn't have the shiny quality that most of his flashbacks had. And it wasn't terrifying like most flashbacks. It was pleasant and the sight of her blossomed in his chest. He was still in love with her. He always knew that, no matter how bad things got. Even with what the Capitol did to him and his fear of Katniss leaving him, he knew that he would always love her. 'So what do you do to make someone love you back?' He wondered and as he watched Katniss sit on her front swing, broken and so utterly sad, he knew. You wait.
