Ritsuka erased his smile completely. Nowadays, it was hard getting by without the attitude he had always liked to see from his fighter, and even though he spent most of the time with Soubi, he still felt as far away from him as ever.
Soubi had stopped being so close to him. He never told Ritsuka any secrets or problems, and all of their talk never touched on anything personal anymore. He remained his fighter, but he had declared he had his own love recently, Seimei. Ritsuka trembled, paralysed, when he was the first person Soubi had shared the news to. He had said at that time that it was secret, but to Ritsuka, it was a sword slash through his body, slicing his heart in half. Ritsuka knew he did not do it to make him feel bad, he had simply taken Ritsuka so-called "feelings" for him lightly, and since it was months past, he had probably thought it was his hormones talking.
But Soubi was all too wrong. Ritsuka had tried to forget him, avoided him, and did not even think of him. But all his efforts failed. Whenever Ritsuka tried to tell himself that everything was over, he just lost focus on whatever he was doing, and once nearly burned his house down forgetting to turn off the heater, upon not hearing his mother say it. And everytime he asked himself, "Who do you love?" he found himself saying nothing but, "Soubi.". Ritsuka concluded he could not stop the strong feeling he couldn't help but feel.
Instead, he had decided to label his love as unrequited and one-sided, nothing more, nothing less. It had always hurt, whenever Soubi spoke of Seimei so lovingly, or when he speaks highly of him as a friend. Ritsuka's heart was not satisfied with that, and its pain manifested into tears everyday. "If you're feelings are so strong then you could take this..." was all Ritsuka told himself each time his heart was stung.
Ritsuka knew he deserved all this pain. He had broken other hearts along the way in attempts from before trying to deny his love for Soubi and after, trying to forget him. And worst of all he had broken Soubi's heart months ago. He was nothing but cruel and selfish. He had used and taken advantage of people and broke the heart of the person he loved, he was human scum. He hated himself so much. Everything was his fault, there is no other person to point the finger at, and for that, fate punished him.
Despite all such things, Ritsuka knew he harboured another sin. He missed his fighter, the Soubi who had cared and loved so much. He yearned for him everyday, and it took a lot of effort to stop himself from calling Soubi several times a day. He knew the fighter did not appreciate his calls like he used to. Problems always came to Ritsuka's life and he had wanted to just cry on his shoulder when they came, but from that time on, he had always cried alone. He knew his sin was simple: he still loved Soubi and all he could do was long for Soubi nearly every minute of the day.
Yet again, he deserved all this. And no sin avoids punishment. He had committed many sins, and he had been handed his punishment. But after everything, he could not stop the hopes in his heart.
Whenever they pass each other, Ritsuka knows that the Soubi who loved him was gone, and the Soubi he had shared his soul with had disappeared and his love will forever be unrequited. His hopes were like a small candle fire in a winter mist.
