"I give," Santana sighed and sat back.
"Oh come on Santana, we've barley even gotten halfway through," Rachel chastised spinning the spinner.
"What kind of new Life game is this? First my wife dies and I can't have children? That's fucked up that's what that is," Santana muttered.
"Well if you land on another get married space then you'll have another wife," Kurt replied and spun the spinner, "ooh lottery win, Rachel 100,000 please," Kurt smiled holding out his hand.
"I wish there wasn't a blizzard outside..." Santana mumbled, "you know what here take my money I'm done with this game. I suck at life anyway, both fake and real," Santana said getting up and walked away to the kitchen. Rachel watched after and sighed while Santana pulled out a bottle of water and took deep gulps out of it. Rachel and Kurt continued their game.
Rachel came out of her room around 1:00 A.M and saw a person sitting on the fire escape. At first she froze in fear of it being a burglar, but then she noticed the familiar brunette hair and looked to the couch to see that Santana wasn't there sleeping. Rachel walked over to the door and grabbed her coat before walking to the window and opening it. She felt the brisk cold bite her warm skin and noticed that Santana jumped at the sudden noise. Santana turned to see Rachel and then turned back to look out at the lights of New York City… the city that never sleeps. Rachel stood near Santana and notice the blizzard had calmed down to a soft fall of snowflakes.
"Santana, what are you doing out here it's freezing," Rachel asked finally.
"Looking out at the city and thinking," Santana replied. Rachel sighed and waited for the girl to continue, but she didn't; Rachel rolled her eyes and sat down nest to the girl.
At lease she was smart enough to lay a sleeping bag down before sitting out here. Rachel thought
"Okay I'll bite, what are you thinking about?" Rachel asked and looked to Santana. Rachel noticed how soft the lights of New York shined on Santana's face and the solemn look on her face. She saw lights sparkle in Santana's dark brown eyes, but noticed that Santana's eyes themselves didn't shine.
"You know… every day I see people who I can love… who would love me back. There are hundreds maybe thousands out there to love. Yet I can't get over Brittany. She, however, can move on in a few weeks with no regrets. I used to be top player of all people in high school and now here I am stuck on one girl. How is this in anyway fair? Why am I here wishing to be with her while she is at MIT probably with someone new?" Santana questioned. Rachel felt stmpathy for Santana. She also was stuck on Finn as much as she wanted to move on and explore her options, she couldn't get him out of her mind.
"You will find that someone Santana, you just have to give it some time," Rachel told her. Santana's brow furrowed.
"But then again who could love me?" Santana said harshly and looked at Rachel, "I'm nothing but a girl who slept with dozens of guys to make herself straight then promptly fell in love with her best friend only to dump her over distance. I highly doubt anyone would want to take a chance on… Damaged goods," Santana muttered. Rachel grabbed her hands.
"You are none of that Santana… you are a caring person that many never took the time to see. I have to admit I didn't care to know you either in high school and even for a few months after you showed up. But ever since you helped me with Brody I've seen sides of you that anyone would love dearly to be put in that affection," Rachel said sternly. "You went through a rough time… a time that I'm sure no one would understand. How you felt every time you were with a guy. How hard you tried to cover up who you are and how long you did… I can't even imagine what you went through. But anyone would be grateful to be with you Santana," Rachel ended softly. Santana's face softened at Rachel's words and smiled slightly. For a moment Rachel saw a sparkle in Santana's eyes. Rachel admired it and felt a stutter in her heart. Rachel blushed slightly at the feeling and averted her eyes from the deep brown ones. Rachel cleared her throat and stood.
"Now that we're done with the heavy we should go in, it's freezing out here," Rachel said and held her hand out for Santana. Santana grabbed it with no hesitation and let herself be pulled up by Rachel.
"Damn Berry I didn't know you were that strong and deep," Santana chuckled in a teasing way. Rachel rolled her eyes and smiled at Santana. Santana felt her heart leap slightly and she widened her eyes at the feeling. Rachel noticed the reaction and furrowed her brow.
"You alright?" Rachel asked.
"Y-yeah just… I'm a lot colder than I thought I was," Santana faked a shiver.
"Then come," Rachel said and went in through the window. She was closely followed by Santana. Santana went to the couch and laid down, snuggling under the covers. She did feel a lot colder now that she pointed it out to herself. She shivered for real and nuzzled into the comforter. Rachel watched and let out a nervous breath before walking over to the couch.
"Y-you can join me if you want… it'll probably be warmer for the both of us," Rachel mumbled to Santana. Santana looked at her in shock.
"I figured you wouldn't want that since ya know… I'm gay," Santana whispered to her.
"Oh please Santana if I was worried about you doing anything to me while sleeping I wouldn't let you live here, now come on," Rachel said, but inside she felt another stutter in her heart and her body get warm at what Santana was referring to.
"Kay," Santana let out in a breath and tried to calm her leaping heart. Santana rose and grabbed her pillow and followed and equally nervous Rachel through to curtain to her bed. Rachel lay on her side and Santana in turn took her side, which strangely was always her side when she did sleep in a bed. They laid in silence for a while before Santana spoke up.
"Thank you by the way… not just for this, but for allowing me to stay even when I didn't give you warning and letting me stay permanently… and your words," Santana whispered out.
"You're welcome… but I should apologize for kicking you out when all you were trying to do was keep me safe, it wasn't fair to you," Rachel whispered back, feeling a painful pull at her heart remembering Santana's hurt face when Kurt gave her the news.
"You're forgiven, I've done worse," Santana muttered.
"That's isn't an excuse for me being cruel, Kurt and I both knew you had nowhere else," Rachel whispered angrily. Santana reached under the covers and grabbed Rachel's hand. Rachel turned to look at the girl and saw a slight smile playing on her lips and her eyes sparkling slightly.
"I said it's fine," Santana whispered. Rachel relaxed and squeezed Santana's hand.
"Thanks," Rachel breathed out. She felt sharp tingles running through her hand towards her heart. Santana nodded, she also felt them and she felt her heart swell. Santana pulled her hand away and closed her eyes. Rachel smiled to herself and turned away, biting her lip. Maybe she could get over Finn and… explore her options.
