A/N: S. E. Hinton owns all rights to the characters in The Outsiders and her other stories, I only own my imagination. This is my attempt at a proper Steve fic, and I hope you enjoy it. I also don't own the rights to Comfortably Numb, Pink Floyd does. Sorry I haven't updated in forever, writer's block is a terrible fiend and I've been crazy busy. I know nothing about heroin addiction or being a war veteran, except what little I gleaned from researching on forums and the like, so feel free to call me to the carpet if I got something stupidly wrong.

'There is no pain, you are receding. A distant smoke ship on the horizon. You are only coming through in waves. Your lips move, but I can't hear what you're saying…I have become comfortably numb…' Snippets of Pink Floyd tunes leaked through my dazed brain as I tried to pick myself up off the couch. There must've been bowling balls in my shoes as I stumbled over to the coffee pot. It was cold now, but that didn't matter- I needed an intense high, and at this point, I could've drank lighter fluid and not felt a difference. Besides, cold coffee always tastes better.

Eventually, the pot was drained of its contents, and I lost all interest in anything but sleeping. I drifted off with the smell of napalm in my nostrils and the sounds of screaming in my head. Blood and steel gleamed beneath the hot, humid glow of the operating lamps, filling the area surrounding the surgery table with a metallic scent. My hands were paralyzed- I couldn't save the patient, and the wild fear of death in his eyes told me he knew it. And he blamed me. You shoulda blamed that tunnel you crawled in, Private. Ain't nothin' I can do to save you from bleeding out. There's fuck all I can do, I'm sorry. You signed up for this; we all did. I wish I knew what I'd got myself into beforehand. Mighta saved me years of grief. That botched operation still haunted me- he'd been blown to near bits in that tunnel, and he was on the fast track to death even before we'd got there with the medevac. All we could do was make him comfortable. 'I have become comfortably numb.'

Waking in a cold sweat, it was all I could do to not kill Evie, who was vigorously shaking my shoulder. "You're supposed to squeeze my left foot, remember?" I snapped.

"I just forgot, I'm sorry." She backed up, flustered by the glare I'd given her, probably.

"That ain't the only thing you 'forgot' lately. I dunno if you noticed, but we're out of coffee."

"I can't keep spending at least half my check on coffee, Steve. We have bills to pay and food to eat, y'know. If you want it so bad, why don't you go out for it yourself once in a while?"

"You know damn well why I can't do that, Evie! Those people out there'll kill me! They spit on me just last week, and if I don't get to 'em first, I'll wind up dead in a ditch somewhere."

"That was five years ago, hon. Nobody spits on veterans anymore, I told you just last week how I saw that Korean War vet, and-"

"But that was Korea! 'Nam was different. We were killed over there, and don't you dare say we were killed in Korea too! You and I both know that wasn't the same- fuckin' apples and oranges."

"Dinner's ready." Evie turned on her heel, scuffing the linoleum as she trekked back to the kitchen stiff-shouldered and silent.

I wasn't hungry, and she knew that as she poured on the hamburger gravy and mashed potatoes. "There's peas, if you want 'em, Steve."

"No, thanks. I think that's more than enough; you're drowning my plate!"

"I just hate it when you don't eat. You're gettin' so thin; maybe the VA can help-"

"The VA can't do shit!"

"Would you quit cuttin' me off, Steve?! Every damn time I open my mouth, you've done nothin' but interrupt me, and I'm sick of it!"

"Well, then cut the passive-aggressive bullshit and grow a pair, Evie! I'm a man, I can take whatever you throw at me." I didn't expect her to actually throw the bowl of peas at me. "Y'know what? Fuck it, I'm done!" I grabbed my jacket from the hall closet and headed out the door.

"Where're you goin'?"

"Why the fuck d'you care?" Slamming the door never felt so amazing as it did that night.

I loved Evie despite our constant fighting, and really, I think she still loved me too. She just couldn't deal with me being 'like this', as she put it; whatever that means. I kept expecting her to come home with some legal papers for me to sign, but no matter how bad it got, she never did. She's the only thing that's stuck around through everything- the nightmares, flashbacks, couple of drug-related incidents, and all that other shit. She's been through the wringer with me, and yet I still couldn't tell her how proud I was of her. She did irritate me sometimes, especially when the drugs were wearing off. It was my lucky day, though, because I knew where I could get more. Fuck Evie and the VA! I know how to deal with my fuckin' problems better than they did, and I swore I'd do it right.