( magnass on tumblr made a post about trans!Berena and it has slowly been consuming my mind. I shouldn't write another longass slowburn fic given I have multichaps for other fandoms which aren't yet done. But Berena has ruined my life. This will twist canon to suit the plot, and then divert away from it completely. I hope you don't mind it isn't 100% your prompt. Furthermore, I don't claim to be a trans individual, and if any part of this is incorrect, or offends, I apologise. Please let me know.)
Behind Every Man
Chapter One: Blue
From the moment she laid eyes on Bernie Wolfe, Serena knew she had met a very special person indeed. And she wasn't the only one to notice. Bernie was what the younger nurses would (and did) call smoking hot. Toned didn't even cover the army medic's appearance. Not buff, like a body builder. Quite slim really, considering all of the combat which Bernie must have seen. But as soon as the army medic was in a scrub top, Serena soon found that she had pectoralis major (Wolfe) muscles on the brain all evening (and well into the night).
As the friendship progressed, Serena found that Bernie was also the sweetest and kindest person she had perhaps ever met. Caring and considerate but with an underlying confidence which Serena knew was the main reason as to why Bernie had the ranking of Major. She also had no doubts that had circumstances been different, Bernie would have risen further and been given a higher ranking. Bernie Wolfe was a person who Serena Campbell had many thoughts about (and most of them were workplace appropriate. Maybe.)
Serena knew that her friendship with Bernie was progressing differently to those with her other consultants. It had never been like this with Ric, or Guy (certainly not Guy Serena told herself) or even Jac Naylor. No, Serena found that Bernie just had a personality which she was drawn to, time and time again. It didn't hurt that the Major was incredibly attractive, either. She knew people would talk. She knew they did talk. But she didn't care. During her life, Serena had found that everybody talks too much about other people to bother checking the facts, and tended to ignore and shut down the rumour mill. It was only after she had offered Bernie a position as co-lead on AAU and they were leaving Albie's after their celebratory drinks that Serena realised that they were very much the centre of the rumour mill, and that there was even more depth to Bernie's character than she first realised.
"Look at them. Leaving. I hear Ms Campbell gave the Major a job alongside her." The junior doctors speaking were from some other ward Serena didn't much care for (the elderly care unit, Serena thought, or maybe paediatrics). They clearly thought they were being discreet, but the levels of alcohol in their systems had clouded their abilities to judge just how quiet they were being. Rather, their whispers were more theatrical than the production of Sleeping Beauty Serena had been to see with Fletch and his kids. And that had been a pantomime.
"Figures, doesn't it?" Another replied. "She'll go for anything in trousers. And Major Wolfe is one sexy man. I imagine once they leave she'll be getting a good few rounds of his gun, if you catch my drift." As the juniors all roared with laughter, Serena found she didn't hear the rest of their completely inappropriate conversation, because her attention was snapped back to Bernie, who had tensed beside her. As soon as they were outside, the army medic smiled awkwardly and quickly headed home without another word.
Once at home and in bed that night, Serena spent a long time trying to decipher just which part of the conversation they had overheard had triggered Bernie to react in such a way. While she tried to think of reasonable suggestions, a small part of her mind told her she knew exactly which part of the conversation it was. Because it was the part which was far too similar to conversations which had (and still did, if she was being honest with herself) triggered Serena. As she fell asleep, Serena tried to push the thought from her mind, in order to get a long night of deep slumber.
Serena had absolutely no idea that across town, in a tiny flat which had only very recently been moved into, Bernie Wolfe lay ramrod straight on a cheap mattress, staring up at the ceiling as tears slid down weathered skin. Sleep never visited that particular household that night.
They never spoke of it. By some sort of silently agreed mutual pact, they threw themselves into their work on the ward. Serena was grateful for the shared workload. Bernie was grateful that the incident was never mentioned. It wasn't until Fletch's old acquaintance Tom arrived and presented Bernie with a large brown envelope that Serena's impression of Bernie Wolfe began to play out at the forefront of her mind once again.
"I've been instructed by your wife's lawyer to serve you with this divorce petition." Bernie's face had frozen. So Serena did what she imagined any good middle aged British woman would do to help a friend in a crisis. Put the kettle on and offered liquid comfort in the form of tea.
As Bernie quietly filed through the legal documents and papers, Serena tried to comfort her friend.
"If it helps, divorcing Edward ended up being the best thing I ever did. Even if it did hurt a lot at first." She smiled, and the army medic returned it, though didn't manage to make eye contact with the vascular surgeon. Irreconcilable differences, Bernie said. Mentioned that his soon to be ex-wife Martha was keeping the house. Bernie had already moved out some weeks ago and into a small flat nearby. Martha could have what she wanted, Bernie said, since it was the army medic that had ended the relationship, not Martha.
The worst part, Bernie told Serena, was the children. Cameron and Charlotte, both grown up now, had sided with their mother. Didn't blame them, Bernie said, considering it had been Martha who had brought them up. Serena thought of Elinor, and how she had been, especially after the split from Edward. Serena found herself getting lost in her thoughts regarding her ex-husband, Edward.
Edward, who had been the first person Serena thought truly liked her because of her personality and skills. Edward, who told her that her inability to have children didn't bother him after Serena had come out to him when he had proposed. Edward, who went along with Serena's suggestion of adopting a child together. Edward, who left the young Elinor alone when eventually, he decided that Serena wasn't enough of a woman for him. Edward, who having discovered the details of her past had used them against her in the worst possible ways during the divorce proceedings.
Serena could feel herself getting teary as her thoughts, alongside her lifelong, take it to the grave grudge against the man, overcame her. She tried to control herself so that Bernie, sat opposite her, wouldn't notice her pain. But still, she had opened the box and it refused to be closed. Her brain brought forward scenes of the struggles she had when bringing up her daughter as a result of Edward's abandonment of her.
She thought of hiding her anguish when the divorce got messy and her gender was dragged through the courts as a worse trait than the revelation of Edward's infidelity with 'real women'. She thought of having 'the talk' with her daughter, and hurting at the fact that she couldn't answer simple questions about periods with any personal experience, just biological fact. She thought of trying to hold onto her career when her daughter stumbled onto the ward, drunk and high with a friend who was quite happy to abort her child because she didn't want it, and Serena's heart tugged because the wayward teen clearly didn't know just how lucky she was to be able to get pregnant.
The pain was too much, and Serena snapped herself back to the present, and looked at sweet, caring Bernie finishing the dregs of tea left in the mug. She breathed out slowly.
"If you ever need someone to talk about it with, I'm here." As Bernie nodded, Serena left and made her way to the ladies toilets, where she let the tears she rarely shed silently fall, before touching up her eyeliner and heading back to the ward, as fierce and as competent as ever.
Serena's perceptions of Bernie changed again, when a couple of weeks later, Martha Dunne arrived on Keller as a locum. Serena didn't realise at first, until Ric informed her that Major Wolfe's soon to be ex-wife had gone back to her maiden name rather quickly following the split, it seemed. As she watched Matha Dunne work, Serena wondered why the pair had split, when they seemed to both be competent surgeons. Bernie (who had firmly remained on AAU all day and refused to go to Keller, even for a consult) had said things had just run their course, but to Serena, Bernie didn't seem the type to give up when the going got tough. It wasn't until later that day when she discovered the real reason behind the split.
Hayley was a girl with ambition. A girl who would stop at nothing to get what she wanted. Bernie had been treating her on AAU, having switched patients with Serena, who had gone to Keller to do the consult with Martha Dunne. Serena, back on AAU, went to check on Hayley and Bernie, just as the young woman began to clamber out of bed in her cast.
"Hayley, Hayley, you need to get back into bed!" Bernie's tone was commanding but calm, and Serena expected the patient to quietly clamber into bed and follow orders. She didn't expect the mouthy girl to turn on the army medic, nearly slapping Bernie across the face.
"Get off me you hypocrite! You act so innocent, but I heard them talking about how you cheated on your wife with a soldier!" Bernie froze, and the ward seemed to go silent. Serena found that she couldn't speak. Bernie. Good-hearted, gentle Bernie. Had cheated on his wife of twenty five years with another solider? As Bernie walked away, body curling in on itself, Serena vowed that she wouldn't let Bernie closer than she had. She didn't need another disrespectful, cheating man in her life.
"Serena I don't suppose you fancy a drink?" The question was uttered as Serena walked into the office at the end of the day. Her eyes snapped upwards. She muttered excuses about Jason (how dare Bernie act all understanding, the kind-hearted sod) and then launched into a tirade regarding the NHS rumour mill and how used she felt by the man. As she spoke, he seemed to curl back into himself further. Serena, as she left, found that she didn't feel all that much better despite her outburst. The pain in Bernie's eyes seemed to suggest that there was more to the story than Martha Dunne-sided rumours were telling.
A couple of weeks later, and Serena found that her friendship with Bernie was back on track. Drawing a line over the rumour mill revelations, together they worked solidly to establish AAU as the best ward in Holby City. Alex Dawson arrived onto the ward as a breath of fresh air, ready to take the world by storm in her short stint as a locum. Upon seeing her, Bernie had frozen ever so slightly, but had gone into theatre and worked alongside the woman brilliantly. Serena therefore thought nothing was amiss, until she was entering the locker room to change out of her scrubs after being called into a surgery on Keller. Approaching the door, she noticed that Bernie was sat on the bench, looking tearful and tired. She also noticed that Alex was sat with her co-lead, appearing to offer comfort. Serena found that her legs no longer worked and all she could do was stand in the doorway and stare, a one-person audience, as Bernie Wolfe kissed Alex Dawson. As she decided to walk away and return later, Bernie looked up, and for the smallest moment, their eyes met. Serena's legs found their ability to work again, and she turned on her heel, seeking the sanctuary of the office.
What Serena didn't see was Bernie Wolfe stood helplessly in the locker room, blinking back tears as Alex said words which shot straight to the army medic's heart. What Serena also didn't see was when Bernie Wolfe stood by the lift, watching Alex Dawson walk away from Holby, and the Major, indefinitely.
When Serena returned to the locker room a while later, both Bernie and Alex had gone. Serena changed, and returned to the office, ready to go home. She wasn't expected to be confronted by a broken Bernie sat in their office, head in his arms. Serena, for some reason, was unable to turn away from the clearly upset man. She sat and waited until their eyes met, and Bernie broke the silence.
"Alex and I were lovers." The confirmation of what she had suspected pierced Serena's heart. She couldn't deal with the fact that the man she had been drawn to was as bad as her ex-husband. She stood up and walked away from the office, choosing to go home and ignore the pain in her heart.
What she didn't know, was that as she drove home, Bernie Wolfe sat on a bench outside Holby City Hospital, fiddling with a cigarette and pondering the future. What she didn't know, was that Dom Copeland had decided to become acquainted with the army medic. Bernie turned to the younger man, and smiled wistfully into the night.
"Denial is a dangerous thing."
"Comes with the territory."
"The rumours. About my wife. I don't want you to think I don't take my family seriously. But Alex and I were lovers. Very much not allowed. But we lived in a blissfully happy bubble…" Bernie trailed off, realising that Serena had left, and that's the only person who Bernie actually wanted to confide in. Dom smiled comfortingly.
"Hey, you love who you love and I'm not here to judge you. If you and a fellow soldier found comfort out there, then good for you." Dom felt it was his duty to offer solace to the man beside him, who was still clearly struggling with his feelings.
"I'm just imagining how wonderful life could be if only I was brave enough." Bernie was deep in thought. Dom placed a hand on the man's arm.
"Well, Major Wolfe, when you feel brave enough, I'm right here." Dom winked and got up off the bench, heading over to his taxi which had just pulled up. He smiled. How knew that Major Wolfe was sensitive and attractive? Goals.
That night, Serena Campbell lay in her bed, having consumed almost a whole bottle of red wine (it would have been the whole bottle, if I hadn't knocked it over by the sink she thought bitterly) and seethed. She was meant to have learned from the mistakes she had made with Edward. And she found herself in a situation where she had offered nothing but kindness to a man, to have it thrown back in her face. Serena was not a happy woman.
What she didn't know, was that across the town, Bernie Wolfe was sat up in bed, having consumed nearly half a bottle of whisky. You've changed your hair, Alex had said. Bernie fiddled with the longer strands, always scraped back into a messy knot at work, but allowed to hang freely at home. I love you Bernie, Alex had said. Bernie traced where she had kissed. Come and find me when you're ready, when you've changed, then I can show you how much I love you properly, Alex had said. Bernie looked down at a body covered in scars, hiding so many secrets. Another whisky was poured, maybe this would be the one which knocked the soldier into a deep and dreamless sleep.
Serena could feel a grudge forming. Not quite a lifelong, take it to the grave grudge just yet, given the fact that Major Bernie Wolfe had a talent for making her feel good about herself. The data leak suspension: Bernie had welcomed her return with a thoughtful gift. Arthur's decline and death: Bernie had held Serena as she cried ugly tears. The train derailment hullaballoo: Bernie had organised things efficiently and made things run smoothly. And so Serena Campbell found herself once again letting go of all issues she had surrounding the army medic, and instead offering a trauma unit to run, courtesy of some sweet-talking with Hanssen. Damn Bernie Wolfe.
She couldn't help but feel happy. Bernie Wolfe was at ease with the world, running the trauma unit with a commanding presence which Serena knew had been used out in Afghanistan. Serena had never again brought up what she had seen in the locker room, and Alex Dawson had never been seen or heard of again at Holby City.
After a surgery which had finished early, Serena headed back towards the office, ready to spend a quiet few moments regathering herself. Walking along the corridor, she noticed through the office windows that Bernie Wolfe was rummaging on the coat stand. How odd. She stayed silently by the window, carefully watching through the gaps in the blinds, while to the outside world giving off the pretence of studying a file she picked up off a trolley. Her breath hitched as she saw the army medic pick up Serena's handbag. Her heart rate quickened. A petty thief. I'll show him. Serena was very much ready to stomp into the office and give the Major a piece of her mind until she saw the two items Bernie pulled out of her handbag. She watched, frozen in place, as Bernie Wolfe opened the compact mirror, pulled the hair tie from the small bun, and smoothed some of Serena's lipstick on. Putting her hand to her mouth to stop herself from crying, Serena turned away from the very private scene in the office, and instead went to do the ward rounds. By the time she entered the office some minutes later, her handbag was back in place, and Bernie Wolfe was every inch the professional army medic. The only tell-tell sign was a pink-stained tissue in the waste paper basket.
Serena never mentioned what she had seen. But she definitely thought about it.
The two co-leads of AAU struck up a working dynamic which both were pleased with. Jason was okay, Elinor was healthy, Bernie was happy. The office-handbag incident still played across her mind from time to time, but Serena knew better than to pry, especially while Bernie seemed so comfortable with their delicate friendship. Serena felt at ease. Everything seemed to be going right in her life for a change. That is, until AAU got an unwanted visitor on a cold rainy day a month or so after the trauma unit was opened.
Serena knew something was wrong as soon as she heard giggling outside her office. She was sat in there, going over a review for Hanssen, whilst Bernie caught up on paperwork opposite. The afternoon had been relatively quiet, with no trauma calls and just one patient transfer from the ED. All in all, they had been provided with a perfect afternoon for catching up on the many administrative duties which piled up. Serena glanced up to the door, which was flung wide open by a young blonde woman, who Serena was sure she recognised from somewhere, though she couldn't place it. Until she was followed through the door by a man who Serena had no intention of being polite with ever again. Edward. Ah yes, and his embryo.
"Edward. To what do I owe the pleasure?" Serena clenched her jaw, hoping that the meeting would be over quickly. He wrapped a meaty arm around the blonde child-bride by his side.
"Well, we have some news! Me and Liberty, that is. Tell her, Libs!" Serena furrowed her brow. Dear goodness, don't tell me they've come to say they're getting divorced, Serena rolled her eyes.
"I'm pregnant!" Liberty squealed, and Serena felt the two words hit her like a freight train. The calculating man. Coming into her place of work to once again rub in her face how she was never and could never be woman enough for him… She glared at them, and smiled falsely.
"Well, congratulations. Now, off you pop. Have a drink to celebrate. If you haven't already started." She couldn't help but add the insult to Edward. She was on edge, and did not want to have another breakdown because of him. One bout of Depression linked to gender dysphoria thanks to this man was enough, thank you very much. Serena narrowed her eyes further when the couple didn't move.
"Well, you see, we were thinking that because the little one might like to get to know Ellie-" Serena raised a hand.
"Your child and my daughter will rarely be meeting, if at all, given how little you thought of her growing up."
"We thought, anyway, that it might be nice to have you as a godparent." Liberty interjected, and Serena looked between the two of them.
"Why should I?" Serena hissed, her mind screaming. She was not going to be a godmother to the child of the man she wanted to condemn to Hell. Edward smiled at her, and she recognised that smile. She knew a nasty blow was approaching. She wasn't expecting just how vile the blow would be, however.
"It balances," his eyes sparkled with mirth, "we have to godmothers, and one godfather so far. So, what do you think, Stephen, will you be a godfather to our little one?"
Serena snapped. That name was the name she discarded decades ago. One she had never felt comfortable with. One which she heard far too much of during the divorce proceedings, where Edward had ensured that every minute detail of her transition was mentioned. Every last fish finger in the freezer indeed. Serena felt her blood boil, as she stalked towards Edward and his dolly-bird. She wondered just how many evenings they had spent laughing at Serena's expense, wondered how often Edward had whispered how much he enjoyed the feel of a real woman, maybe even as the child Liberty was carrying was conceived… Serena shut down such thoughts. She didn't need Edward. She had never needed Edward. Serena was a competent, capable woman, whose abilities far outshone his. Serena stared levelly at the couple before her. She held out her hand.
"The name's Serena, lovely to meet you. Unfortunately I'm a busy mother, auntie and deputy CEO of a hospital, so no, I will not be gracing your event with my presence. However, because I am a lady who believes in kindness and tolerance, should your child ever wish to escape the discriminatory cloak you will undoubtedly swaddle it in, I am happy to assist in educating your offspring in all manners of the world. Anything from biology to identity. Until then, you are dismissed." She opened the door, pleased when Edward and Liberty exited silently, looking a lot worse for wear than they had upon entry. Turning back around, her eyes snapped to the source of a stifled sniffle. She inhaled sharply. Serena had forgotten Bernie was in the office, and had therefore witnessed the entire scene.
A glance at the clock told Serena that they would be uninterrupted for the remainder of the evening, especially since they were due to clock off in ten minutes anyway. She reached into her desk, pulled out a bottle of red wine (strictly for emergencies – very much including the arrival of the ex-husband) and two glasses. Slid one across the table to Bernie, whose eyes were filled with unshed tears.
"Drinking in the hospital? You are a rebel."
"Takes one to know one."
"My kinda gal." The words were out before Bernie could stop them, and the air seemed to stand still, as the pair drank their wine. Serena's mind was too focused upon Edward's crass behaviour to think too much about the trauma surgeon's comments. What she didn't know, was that Bernie Wolfe was currently panicking, mind going a mile a minute. I've said too much. She knows that I want to be with her. Or be her. I don't know. She's beautiful. After finishing her glass, Serena poured another, and, noticing Bernie's glass had been drained, refilled that too. The silence continued to envelope them like packs in a wound. Keeping things safe, stopping unnecessary spillage and further damage. Two glasses down, and well into the third, the silence was broken by Bernie, who whispered into the darkness.
"Alex is a lesbian." Bernie only got that far, before the tears did then fall. Serena looked up, pulled the guest chair towards her desk and patted it in what she hoped was a welcoming manner. She understood what Bernie was trying to say, and had suspected as much since the lipstick moment, but Serena knew just how important it was for Bernie to say it out loud. Time seemed to stand still as the army medic shakily crossed the room and sat next to Serena, wine forgotten as their eyes met. Serena could see the war going on in Bernie's mind from the way a thousand emotions were displayed in those deep brown eyes. Bernie took a deep breath, and looked away slightly.
"She let me wear her beret." More sniffles. Serena reached out her hand, offered the palm upwards in a gesture of solidarity. Bernie gripped it tight. "I think, Serena, I think I may be… Like you. A bit. Maybe."
Serena rubbed circles onto the back of Bernie's palm, waiting for the next part of what she knew would be a long and emotional confession.
"I love my family, my kids. But I don't love the fact I'm their father. I… I want to be their mother. Alex saw something in me, and I know it was wrong. That's why I told Martha I wanted a divorce as soon as I was well again. But she was so kind to me. She called me her beautiful girl." Bernie's voice quietened, and Serena smiled, squeezing Bernie's hand.
"She wasn't wrong." Her smile was what Bernie needed to continue.
"Obviously the army wouldn't have liked it. Hence the secrecy. And I could never be with her properly. Not… Not like I know she wanted. She said… When she returned the other month… That I could find her again when I'd made my mind up. Then she could, we could, well, you know." Bernie's shoulders slumped. "But I don't know if I can. If I want… I don't think I am. Properly. She wants a proper woman." Serena reached out at those words to turn Bernie's face towards her.
"Listen here, Bernie. You are a proper woman. Never let anyone tell you that you're not, least of all yourself. That man who was in here earlier is testament to that. That man, upon divorcing me because I wasn't a proper woman in his eyes, led me to contemplate suicide. I would have left my daughter without a mother. Because I am a mother. I am a woman. I am enough. And so are you. Do you hear me, Bernie? You. Are. A. Proper. Woman." Her voice was hard and passionate and Serena could see how much Bernie valued her words. But there was still some uncertainty in her eyes. Serena took hold of the army medic's hand again, and smiled gently.
"Why don't you think you're a proper woman, Bernie? What makes you think you're only maybe like me in that sense?" Her voice was gentle, and Bernie sighed, and looked away, then back again.
"I like women." The statement was made with a resounding sigh, and Serena raised an eyebrow.
"Is that it? You don't think you're a woman because you're attracted to them? Alex is a woman who loves women, Bernie."
"But she is a woman. Not… Not like me." Bernie's head was clearly all over the place, and Serena stroked her arm gently. She knew all too well how confusing it was to begin to bare your true self to the world.
"Bernie, you do realise that transgender women can also love women, don't you?" Bernie looked unconvinced, and Serena took another large sip of her wine for courage. She thought her options through, and knew that what she was about to say next would be crucial in demonstrating to Bernie just how much she was willing to support her. It also involved her revealing something about herself which she told people even less than she told people about her gender. Causes more problems than it repairs, she told herself. But Bernie, sweet, innocent, beautiful Bernie was sat before her, being so brave, and Serena knew that she would do everything she could to help the army medic's transition be a smooth one. And if that meant bringing her own story to attention, then so be. Putting down her glass, she edged her chair closer to Bernie's.
"I think I should probably tell you about Michaela." She said. Bernie said nothing, so she continued.
"I realised who I was very early on. I knew I loved patterned fabrics and chiffon blouses and pale lipsticks. Unfortunately, the era was even less tolerant than it is now. As I'm sure you're aware. So, anyway, when I got into university I decided I would present as Serena. Told all my lecturers and housemates and everyone else who asked that the documentation was wrong. I rose through the ranks, happier than I had felt in so, so long. Then I qualified, and my family weren't best pleased. I'd been going back to Stephen" her mouth struggled to form the name "on my holidays, you see, or taking on so many work experience placements I didn't have time to go home. But after I qualified, I told them. I thought they'd be accepting enough, see that I was intelligent and capable and also a daughter, not a son. Mother didn't take it well at all. So I moved out, with barely any money and no roof, I was never going to get a stable medical job. If you look on my CV, this is where there's a gap, and in an interview I would tell you that it was where I took time out after medical school to find myself and make new discoveries. In actual fact, I was going through conversion therapy. Alone. I wouldn't wish that on anyone, Bernie. Especially back in those times." Serena took another gulp of wine and glanced at Bernie, who looked completely enraptured by her tale.
"Once I felt comfortable enough in my skin, and had changed to Serena legally, I went to Harvard and got my MBA. I had always loved studying, and knew that it would get me onto the professional ladder. But, I digress. I was telling you about Michaela." Serena sighed slightly, and Bernie squeezed her hand, making Serena smile.
"During my transition period in the early nineties, I found a small community of similar people. All of us alone due to lack of acceptance. Gay people, transgender people, and allsorts in between. We were a support group, almost. It was late June, I think, in Stepney. A house party. Michaela and I got chatting in the kitchen, and I was sore and still recovering from surgery, but still feeling much better about myself. She told me about her surgery in the eighties, and was genuinely so sweet to me. And, well, she was gay. Told me about her latest breakup with another woman, because her family had offered to add her back into their will if she broke up with her girlfriend and married a man. So many people did that, during those days. It was a dangerous time. Anyway, I was being comforting, and, well, at some point, both under the influence of alcohol, and her on something else as well, we started kissing. I never saw her again after that party, but I have a lot to thank her for. She made me learn a few things, did Michaela."
"Really?" Bernie breathed, and Serena took a deep breath, preparing herself for what she was about to say.
"Oh yes. She taught me to always be proud of my gender. And she also made me realise that I am most definitely bisexual. I know a lot of people said they experimented in bisexuality in those days, but believe me, even now I know a pretty woman when I see one." Serena smiled at Bernie, who seemed to be holding her breath. Serena decided to diffuse some of the tension.
"And most importantly, dearest Michaela from Stepney taught me that I never again want to kiss someone who smoked cannabis, no matter what I've been drinking!" She shuddered at the memory, and Bernie laughed.
"So," Serena rubbed Bernie's arm. "After all that, I like to think Princess Serena got something of a happy ending, even if there were no knights in shining armour. What about you, are you going to get your happy ending, fair maiden?"
Bernie's small smile disappeared slightly.
"I don't know how." She waved her hand around slightly. "Where to begin, what to do. Any of it."
"Do you want to do it?" Serena countered, "do you feel like you want people to see that you're the most fantastic, fearless, female doctor in this entire hospital?" She smirked, "aside from my good self, of course."
"Of course." Bernie looked at her solidly. "And I think I do. Will you help me?"
"Absolutely. Like I said, nobody should have to walk that path alone."
"Serena?"
"Yes, Bernie?"
"Can we take things slowly though? I… I want to find out about myself a bit more, first. Before I go telling others."
"Absolutely. In your own time, Bernie."
A trolley rattled outside, and looking at the clock, Serena realised that they'd been sat in the office drinking and confiding for over two hours. She stood up, steadying herself on the desk, before grabbing her coat and Bernie's.
"Come on then, Ms Wolfe, let's leave this place. We both need our beauty sleep." Bernie's smile at Serena's use of the formal title Ms Wolfe could have lit up the entirety of Holby City.
Later that night, Serena found herself replaying that smile over and over again. She knew she would do whatever it took to make Bernie happy and comfortable in her transition.
She had no idea that in a small flat on the other side of town, Bernie Wolfe lay in bed, smiling at the ceiling for the first time since the flat had been moved into. Sleep came easily to that particular household that night, and it was filled with dreams of a feminine vascular surgeon with a heart of gold.
To Be Continued
