It's nighttime in the town of South Park. Inside Kyle's house, Kyle just came out of the bathroom, still in his green hat. He is in his Terrance and Phillip pajamas, and carrying a book and a cup of cocoa.

"Ah, finally, the weekend is here." Kyle said, putting down his cup on a nearby nightstand in his room. He goes over to his calendar, and pointed to a date in the month of May. "And this isn't just any old ordinary weekend. This is the weekend that fat-ass, Cartman, and Butters go camping. Wouldn't it be great if they got lost in the woods and never came back?"

Kyle imagined Eric Cartman and Butters Stotch, who are wearing backpacks, walking through the woods of Colorado. They both look afraid by the owls hooting and other scary stuff lurking upon them. Butters studies a map while Cartman whimpered, "Butters, I'm scared."

The thought bubble disappeared, and Kyle is overjoyed to be free from the antics of Cartman. "Oh-ho, that would be great!" Kyle wiped a tear of joy. Kyle got into his bed, and went to relaxation. "You've waited a long time for this: a soft bed, warm cocoa, a good book, and two whole days with no…"-he does his best impersonation of Cartman—"Myaaaah, myaaaah, myaaaah!"

Kyle goes to read his novelization, until he hears sniggers outside. "What the hell?"

Cartman and Butters were inside a tent, with a lantern hanging above. They're in their sleeping bags, reading comics and shining a flashlight on it. Kyle interrupted the playful moment by sticking his head in the tent.

"Cartman, aren't you two supposed to be camping?" Kyle asked, still in his pajamas.

Cartman and Butters go over to Kyle, with Cartman saying, "We are camping."

"Fat-ass, it's not camping if you're ten feet from your house." Kyle said in annoyance. It turns out that they were in Kyle's front yard, and the tent is between Cartman's house, along with a campfire.

"Oh, it doesn't matter where you are, as long as you're outdoors. While all those soft city folk are safe in their beds reading books…"—Upon hearing the statement, Kyle looks shocked-"…we're out here pitting ourselves against the formidable forces of nature. You wanna join us?"

"No." Kyle said bluntly.

"OK, have fun inside." Kyle left the tent to come back inside his home, and the two boys went back to reading comics with a flashlight. Kyle stuck his head in the tent again.

"What do you mean 'have fun inside'?" Kyle asked suspiciously.

"Just…have fun inside; see you tomorrow."

"Oh. Bye."

Kyle leaves the tent again, and the two boys resume their reading, until Kyle went back in the tent again. "You little sneak! I see what you're doing!"

"What?" Cartman asked, confused.

"Don't think I can't see what you're doing!"

"What?"

"You're saying I can't take it!" Kyle said, jabbing Cartman's chest with his finger.

"But all I-"

Kyle lifted up a quieting hand to stop Cartman from going any further. "Ah! You're saying I'm freaking soft! You think your little.."-he makes air quotations—"...'have fun inside' challenge is gonna make me come camping with you! But that is NEVER gonna happen! There's no way I'm going to stay out here all night with you two losers! So get used to it!"

Kyle leaves the tent to return to his bedroom to read his book.

"OK. Have fun inside!"

Kyle returned to the tent and yelled, "THAT'S IT! I'M IN!" Kyle ran inside his house, and said, "I'll show you camping!"

"That Jew's gonna come camping with us!" Cartman said excitedly. He and Butters stand up from the tent, laughing gleefully. Kyle returned, wearing his orange jacket with a green collar, midnight green trousers, and black loafers. He carries a giant backpack.

"Now you'll see how a real"-The backpack's weight makes Kyle fall facefirst into the grass. He crawls out from underneath it-"outdoorsman does it!" He rummages through the backpack, and pulls out a zipped-up pouch. "Here we are; the Broflovski remote-controlled self-assembling tent. Watch and learn."

Cartman gets out a set of binoculars and Butters puts on glasses and takes out a notepad with a pencil. Kyle tosses the pouch in the air, presses a button on a remote control, only to cause a small explosion to pour the contents onto the ground.

"That was great, Kyle. But how do you get inside?" Cartman asked.

"Yeah, it's all crushy-looking." Butters said.

"It isn't put up yet, you idiots." Kyle said in annoyance. He fiddles with the tents lining, but accidentally makes a rip in the fabric.

"Customization!"

"Genius!"

Kyle then pounds on the contents with a tent pole.

'He's tenderizing the ground!" Cartman said.

"Of course!" Butters said while taking notes.

Kyle still struggles with the tent as his body becomes tangled up in the contents.

"Write that down, write that down!"

It turns out Butters was playing Tic-tac-toe to himself. Frustrated, Kyle kicks the tent into the air. The assembly of the tent went perfect from the force of the kick. "Huh?" he asked, confused. The tent landed softly on the ground. "Voila!" he presented.

The tent collapses instantly. Kyle rolls the pieces away in embarrassment. Kyle returned and laid out a single sheet. "But what could compare to just lying out under the stars?"

Cartman and Butters applauded for Kyle, feeling impressed for Kyle's progress.

'Well, I've worked up an appetite as big as all outdoors. Time for a little grub." Kyle replied. "I suppose you two are going to stew up some twigs and rocks, right?"

Cartman chuckled, and said, "Nope, we've got something even better: marshmallows." Cartman got out a bag of marshmallows and popped one in his mouth, chewing it with gusto. "Mmm-mmm, just like the astronauts eat.' Cartman said, strands of chewed marshmallow sticking the inside of his mouth.

Butters has a glass fishbowl over his head, pretending that he was an astronaut. He cupped his hand around his mouth and made a static noise, imitating a microphone.

"Kcch. Butters to Cartman. Butters to Cartman. Do you read me? Over."

Cartman, still holding the marshmallows, has a fishbowl helmet over his head to do the exact same thing.

"Kcch. Cartman to Butters. I read you. Over." Cartman said.

"Kcch. Butters to Cartman. I like going kcch. Over."

"Kcch. Cartman to Butters. Kcch. Me too."

The two boys imitate static back and forth for a bit while Kyle stares vacantly at them.

"Cartman to Butters. Help yourself. Over." Cartman held out the marshmallow bag to his friend.

Butters took a marshmallow and said, "Yummy!" Butters crams the marshmallow in his mouth, his hand smashing through the helmet. The white residue of marshmallow stuck to his lips and cheeks, and the strands of the chewed marshmallow also stick to his mouth. "Butters to Cartman. The deliciousness has landed!"

"Well, you two astronauts can have marshmallows." Kyle said. He took out a tin can from his pocket. "I'm going to have a can of Italian meatballs, just as soon I can get a can opener." Kyle proceeds to his house, until Cartman called him, causing Kyle to stop in his tracks.

"But Kyle, didn't you take a can opener when you hiked out here?" Cartman asked.

"Why would I bother? We're ten from my house." Kyle said, gesturing to his home behind him.

"But this is the wilderness. It just doesn't seem to fit the camping spirit." Cartman added.

"Pretty weenie." Butters added.

"All right, all right. Give me a marshmallow." Kyle took the bag and placed a marshmallow on a stick to roast it. He and Cartman were doing it correctly. Butters sets his marshmallow directly into the flame. Butters panicked and blew the flame out, sending marshmallow splattering all over Kyle's face. Kyle wipes it off, then resumes his roasting. Butters skewers another marshmallow on his stick, and tries again, but sets the marshmallow on fire again. He blows the flame away, sending another splatter of marshmallow on Kyle's face. Growing frustrated, Kyle wipes off the residue. Butters has another marshmallow ignite on fire, and blew it away, but Kyle ducked his head. Kyle laughed triumphantly, but the marshmallow splatters the back of his head.

"OK, besides spitting molten foodstuffs at me, what else do you do for fun?" Kyle asked suspiciously.

"Well, Kyle, after a long day of camping, it's nice to unwind with a nice relaxing campfire song." Cartman said, pulling out an acoustic guitar. He begins to strum an opening tune. "I call this one The Campfire Song Song."

Cartman began to sing his song.

Cartman: Let's gather around the campfire and sing our campfire song
Our C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G Song

Butters begins to rock to the tune, and he makes Kyle join in by tilting his head, much to Kyle's annoyance.

Cartman: And if you don't think that you can sing it faster than you're wrong
But it'll help if you just sing along

Butters comes up behind Kyle to make him join the tune.

Butters: Bum-bum-bum.

The song begins to go faster, but Butters, the Southern-accent boy, is behind Cartman in the lyrics.

Cartman: C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G Song!
C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G Song!
And if you don't think we can sing it faster than you're wrong
But it'll help if you just sing along!

Cartman has on an academic cap on his head, and instructed the lyrics.

Cartman: C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G Song!

"Butters!"

Butters: SONG! C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E….

Cartman goes over to Kyle, and awaited, 'Kyle!" Kyle just sat there in silence. 'Good!"

The scene is now like a rock concert as the song reached its conclusion, with Cartman standing on giant platforms. As for Butters, he plays a drum set

Cartman: It'll help
It'll help
If you just sing aloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong

Cartman jumped off his plaform, and slid his knees across the ground, where he smashed his guitar. Butters did the same ting, by smashing the drums over Cartman

Cartman: OH YEAH!

As soon as the song is done, Cartman and Kyle went back to sitting with Kyle. "Ahh, now wasn't that relaxing?"

"No!" Kyle interjected. Pulling out a trumpet, he said, "This is relaxing." Kyle begins to play Michael, Row Your Boat Ashore.

"Oh, no!" Cartman cried. He quickly took a marshmallow from the bag, and pulled it back on a slingshot. "I'll save you Kyle!"

Cartman released the marshmallow, causing it to fly through the trumpet, and into Kyle's throat, thus cutting off the music. Kyle fell back, and Cartman rushed over to him, tossing the trumpet away. "Kyle, are you all right? That's it, chew, chew. Then swallow." Kyle swallowed his marshmallow, with Cartman saying, "There, better?"

"BETTER?!" Kyle yelled in Cartman's face. "I WAS JUST FINE UNTIL YOU LAUNCHED THAT FLIPPING BALLISTIC JUNK FOOD INTO MY WINDPIPE!"

"But I had to! It's too dangerous to play the trumpet badly out here in the wilderness. It might attract…." Cartman whispered into Kyle's ear, '….a manbearpig."

"A manbearpig?" Kyle asked. "You mean the ones that DON'T EXIST?!"

"What are you saying?"

Kyle stood up from the ground, and interjected, 'There's no such thing. They're just a myth!"

"Oh, no, Kyle, manbearpigs are all too real. It says so in the South Park Inguirer!" Cartman held up a tabaloid newspaper, with the headline depicting a hybrid animal and a woman in a white wedding gown.

Kyle studies the headline and asked, confused, "'I Married a Manbearpig'?"

"Yeah, and Fake Science Monthly!" Butters held up a different newspaper, depicting the same chimera along with a scintillating unicorn. Kyle studies the headline, "'Manbearpigs and Fairy Tales are Real'? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard of!"

"Well maybe it is stupid, but it's also dumb!" Butters insisted.

"Butters is right, Kyle." Cartman said. "Manbearpigs are no laughing matter. Why, once I knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy's cousin…"

Kyle knew that he has to take the warning seriously. "You're right! I should be more careful. In fact, why don't you tell me all of the things I shouldn't do if I want to keep the manbearpigs away?"

"Ok, that's easy. First off, don't play the clarinet."

"Okay. Then what?"

"Never wave your flashlight back and forth really fast." said Cartman

"Flashlights are their natural prey." said Butters.

"You're kidding."

"Don't stomp around. They take that as a challenge."

"Yeah."

"Go on." Kyle said, taking notes on a notebook with a pencil.

"Don't ever eat cheese."

"Sliced or cubed?"

Cartman and Butters converse quietly to each other.

"Cubed; sliced is fine."

"Yeah, yeah, and…?"

"Never wear a sombrero-"

"-in a goofy fashion!"

"Or clown shoes." said Cartman.

"Or a hoop skirt."

"And never…"

"Ever…"

"Ever…"

"Duh!"

"SCREECH LIKE A CHIMPANZEE!"

Wow! That's amazing how many things can set a manbearpig off."

Cartman and Butters hold each other in terror.

"They're horrible!"

"And… and suddenly I have the sense we're all in danger!"

"Why?"

"I don't know.." Kyle ran off and returns with a flashlight, clown shoes, hoop skirt, sombrero, and tray full of cubed cheese. He has diabolical look is on his face. "Just a feeling!"

No."

"Yes."

"No!"

Kyle begins making monkey & chimp noises. "U!UHUHU!"

"KYLE, PLEASE DON'T!" begged Cartman and Butters

Kyle continues to do whatever it takes to get a manbearpig's attention. "Uh! Uh! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Ah! Ah! Ah!"

"SpongeBob, what are we gonna do? A sea bear's sure to come and eat us!"

"Don't worry, Butters. I'll draw us an anti-sea-bear circle in the dirt." Cartman took a stick and drew a circle surrounding himself and Butters.

"Good thinking! All the experts say it's the only defense against a manbearpig attack." To prove his point, he took out a newspaper depicting a human in a circle, with the manbearpig being held off by it. Its headline said, 'How To Stop a Manbearpig!'

Kyle stops screeching and laughs. "You guys are so gullible! See? I did everything that attracts an manbearpig and nothing happened! If manbearpigs really exist, why didn't one show up?"

"Maybe it's because you're not wearing your sombrero in a goofy fashion." suggested Rainbow Dash.

"Oh, pfft, sorry! How silly of me! You mean like this?" Kyle tilts his sombrero to the right of his head, then laughs. As he is laughing, a mysterious hand turns the sombrero upside-down. Kyle was too busy laughing that he didn't notice the beast Cartman and Butters were talking about-a hulking chimera who's face is that of a pig on one side and that of a bear on the other. His body is partly covered in hair and has some human features on his torso. He has human-like legs and pig-like feet. It's the manbearpig that Kyle attracted.

"No, like that." Cartman whimpered.

The manbearpig growled, making Kyle stop laughing. Kyle screams in fright, and the manbearpig roars angrily. Kyle ran off, but the manbearpig pursued him. Cartman and Butters stay in the circle while the manbearpig beat up Kyle, with Kyle shouting in agony. After he was done, the manticore left the camp.

"Kyle, are you OK?" Cartman asked.

Kyle is left lying on the ground, with bruises covering his body, his clothes torn, a black eye, and his legs wrapped up in bandages. "No."

Trying to keep their battered friend safe, Cartman and Butters carry the circle, and drop it next to Kyle. "Quick! Jump inside our anti-manbearpig circle before he comes back!"

"Yeah, manbearpigs often attack more than once." Butters said.

Kyle got up from the ground, and looked at them like they've gone mad. "Are you crazy? A dirt circle won't stop that monster! I'm running for my life!" Kyle ran off.

"No!"

The manbearpig returned and went back to beating up Kyle, who yelled in agony. Cartman and Butters stayed in their circle as the manbearpig left the boys.

'Don't run! Manbearpigs hate that!"

Kyle is left in even more gruesome pain. His right arm is completely wrapped in bandages, his green ushanka is mangled, another black eye has formed, his left leg is crippled, her stomach in knots, more bruises and a lump on his head.

"Thanks for the tip." Kyle groaned. He feebly stood up and said, "I guess I'll just limp home, then."

"Noooooooo!" Cartman and Butters yelled. The manbearpig returned and mauled Kyle, with Kyle screaming in agony. The manbearpig left the scene after he finished.

"They hate limping more than running!" Cartman called after Kyle.

"Well, I guess I'll just have…." Kyle groaned, before the manbearpig went back to mauling Kyle, with him shouting in agony. The manbearpig left the camp.

"I should've warned you about crawling!"

Without any warning, the manbearpig went back to mauling Kyle.

"What'd I do that time?" Kyle complained

"I don't know! I guess he just doesn't like you." Cartman said

"Pretend to be somebody else!" Butters said.

"Here, draw a circle." Cartman said, tossing a stick to Kyle

"OK."

The manbearpig went back to mauling Kyle one last time, with the poor boy shrieking in pain. The manbearpig left the scene yet again.

"That was an oval! It has to be a circle!" Cartman said.

Having enough pain and mauling, Kyle went over to the anti-manbearpig circle. "MOVE OVER!" Kyle yelled.

The manbearpig loomed over Kyle, who quivered with fear. The beast looked surprised to see that the boy who angered it was inside a dirt circle. The manbearpig knew that the circle is holding it off. It growled in anger, and he pointed a menacing claw in Kyle's face, as it were saying that he got lucky. With nothing more to do, he stalked away into the wilderness.

The terrorization has finally ended, and Kyle smiled with gratefulness. "Hey, it worked! You guys saved my life!"

All three boys cheered, "Hooray!" for their defense, and they can go back to camping.

"Yeah, I'm glad it was just a manbearpig. This circle would never hold back a Scuzzle-butt."

"What attracts them?" Kyle asked.

"The sound of a manbearpig attack." Butters added.

Standing before them is a large brown creature with Patrick Duffy as a leg and a celery stick for an arm. He has dark brown hair and a dark brown beard.

"Heh, good thing were all wearing our anti-Skuzzlebutt undergarments, right Kyle?"

"Huh?" Kyle asked nervously. He had been in for a long night.