A/N: So, this is my first Iron Man fic. It is set after the Avengers. And sadly, you'll find that an important character will not be present in this story. I have no problem with the character, but this is just how I wanted my story to go. I am following the movies, not the comics. This story will generally follow Tony's personal life and not necessarily as Iron Man. Not too much action. Rated M, because I'll see where I take it. Thank you for reading and please review, but try to make it constructive criticism and not insulting? Danke Shane. :)

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but the words I write and my original characters.

Three years had gone by. Time had passed slower than drying concrete. The emptiness inside the mansion was palpable. Tony sat on his bed, the ocean barely visible at such a late hour. The bags under his eyes kept him looking aged, his mind matching his outward appearance. Tony's body was bare; his only clothing being his cotton boxers. His feet rested on the cool wood of the floor and his arms draped down his sides with his hands meeting at his lap. His hair was disheveled and greasy. Tony felt the need for a shower but couldn't find the motivation to move from his current spot. The glowing light from the billionaire's chest irritated his eyes while the rest of the room stood dark and silent. He glanced down for only a moment to look at his palms and notice the sweat that now moistened his skin. He breathed deeply and ran his hands through his hair. He needed a drink, a strong one. Tony would not allow himself to drink his mind into another stupor, not after the nightmares that started nearly a week ago. He sighed. One drink couldn't hurt. He knew he needed a shower first.

"Jarvis, run the water. Cold." Tony's voice was barely audible but the artificial intelligence picked it up easily.

"Yes sir." He heard the liquid pour from the shower head. The thought of the ice cold droplets made his skin crawl but he preferred it that way anymore. The cold water kept him up longer. Tony avoided sleep at all costs. Sleep meant dreams, and dreams meant her face. He couldn't see it anymore. He just couldn't look at her eyes. When he did see them in his dreams, or in the pictures he used to keep around the house, he saw such life. He saw happiness, light, and most unfortunately, an undeserving fate. Now if he saw her eyes, all he saw was the matching emptiness he breathed every day. Tony forced himself to stand. His muscles were becoming weak. Tony Stark had lost his will to fight; to live on. Since the day of that crash, the day his life traumatically flipped, he felt the light drain from his eyes that same way they did hers. When he held her in his arms, completely helpless, he regretted not telling her how much she meant to him. He regretted not doing everything he could to breathe his life into her and fix her the way he fixed himself all those years ago. She had stood by him each day until he thought he might not need her anymore. It wasn't until that last breath escaped her body that he realized he would always need her. He swore that some days, he could still hear her voice lecture him about his reckless behavior or indecent exposure. At those times, he knew he was hallucinating but he let himself smile about it. If hearing her voice meant losing his mind, he would purposely leave his brain somewhere he would never think to look. Tony walked into the bathroom, disregarding the mirror. He grew used to ignoring the reflection that stared back at him every day. He didn't know the person in that mirror. The Tony Stark he knew had a second half. The Tony he saw now was a torn version of the old one. He gently slipped his boxers off and stepped into the frigid water. His skin tensed and his heart raced. The shower alerted his mind and jolted his nervous system enough to get him through another night.

"Jarvis, cut it off." The water shut off, letting the feeling of space surround him. Wrapping a towel around his lower half, he stepped out and reached for the bathroom door.

"Sir, I feel I should warn you that Colonel James Rhodes is waiting for you in the bedroom." Tony shrugged and tilted his head back, hand lingering on the doorknob. He took a long, deep breath and turned the knob. Rhodey sat with his hands folded in his lap and his head hanging low. Tony walked over to the bed and sat next to his friend.

"Hey Tony." Rhodey looked up at Tony, who was beginning to let his eyes distance away from reality. Tony responded automatically.

"Hi." He let his eyes shift over to Rhodes. "What are you doing out so late?" Tony held his gaze on Rhodey's face.

"I needed to check on you. Happy said he came by earlier and you were just held up in your room. You don't answer your phone anymore." Tony sighed audibly.

"I never hear it." He looked down at the floor. "I should pay better attention." In reality, Tony tried to feel something, anything. He was numb. His body wouldn't let him be who he used to be. He wanted to feel hurt, sad, broken, something. Happiness would be too much to ask for, but anything would do.

"Tony, you need to face this. You can't hide away forever." Rhodes looked to his long-known friend with grief lacing his words.

"I'm trying Rhodey." It was then that Jim lost his temper. He stood from the bed and faced Tony. His eyes stared directly at his friend as his fists clenched. Tony looked up to the man who stood in front of him. He felt the emptiness taking over. He could feel nothing, and a lot of it.

"Damn it Tony! You need to stop this! You've been held up in this big house all alone for three damn years now! You need to begin to move on!" Usually, Tony would be in Rhodey's face quicker than he could blink. This was different. Tony had no energy to argue.

"I don't know how. I can't." Tony closed his eyes and felt a tear threaten to escape. He hung his head low and strained to hide the weakness he felt. "I'm having a harder time every day." He had no reason in his mind to justice lying to Rhodey. He was his oldest friend.

"Tony, you're not the only one grieving. We all lost Pepper too." Rhodey almost choked when he said her name. He remembered the accident so vividly. He remembered the sight of the crash like a photograph. It made him cringe and his skin crawled. What stuck in his mind most was the sight of Tony holding Pepper's lifeless body. Him clutching her tightly; begging, pleading to whatever God existed to bring her back, to not take her. The scream that escaped Tony did not come from his vocal chords, his throat, his mouth, not even his diaphragm. That sound came from nowhere but Tony's heart. That sound will forever remain in Rhodey's mind and provide him with the most incredibly shrill nightmares he ever had the misfortune to experience.

"Please don't say her name." It was at that very moment that Tony felt something he hadn't felt in a long time. The unusual sting in his eyes and thickness in his throat greeted him so suddenly. His heart felt heavy, so heavy he almost fell forward. His head ran images of her through his mind quicker than the speed of light. He hadn't heard her name in so long. He hadn't had such a hard time breathing in just as long. Tony lifted his head to look at Rhodey when the tears began to fall and streak his face. Jim felt an immediate amount of guilt for scolding his friend.

"Tony…I'm—" His friend held up his hand in defeat. Rhodes walked over to Tony and sat back down in his previous place. Tony dropped his head in his hands and let himself sob for a few moments; this is more than he allowed on a daily basis. His body convulsed; his throat tightened and made him choke.

"Rhodey, why did this happen?" Tony's friend shrugged and looked in his direction.

"I don't know Tony. I can't tell you that." He put a comforting hand on his friend's shoulder. Tony nearly flinched at the touch but soon relaxed enough to remove his hands from his face. He tried to breathe deeply and slowly enough to let his lungs obtain the appropriate amount of oxygen. He looked to Jim with red, sunken eyed. Rhodey stood up and walked over to Tony's closet. Disappearing inside for only a moment, he returned with a plain white shirt and a clean pair of boxers. Tossing them at Tony, Rhodes headed for the bedroom door.

"Thanks." Tony choked his words out and followed Rhodey with his eyes.

"Fury is expecting you tomorrow at the tower in Manhattan. He needs to speak with you." Stark nodded and looked up to Jim.

"When do we leave?" Rhodes turned his head away from his friend.

"Fifteen minutes. I'll meet you in the car." Tony clenched the shirt in his left hand and the towel in his right and stood up. Rhodey almost left the room. "And Tony—" He looked back at his friend who was now headed for the closet himself. "I really think we need to start interviewing for an assistant. It's necessary." Tony just walked into the closet and shut the door.

The jet soared through the night sky with ease. Rhodes sat across from Tony, only a small table separating them. They both peered into the dark and watched as the sky sat uneventful and silent.

"Is Banner enjoying his stay at the tower?" Tony never removed his eyes from the window as he spoke. Rhodes sighed.

"Yes, he's just finishing the new reactor for the tower actually. He'll be installing it next month." Tony nodded.

"No incidents, huh?" Jim chuckled. He now peered over to his friend.

"Not since the last time you saw." Tony tried to let himself chuckle, or even smile. It was a battle often lost with him. His mouth was molded into a look of grief and sorrow. It could have been chiseled from stone. Tony could feel his eyes begin to slip and weigh more with every passing second. He did not want to sleep. He didn't want to relive it but after not long, he couldn't fight it. He was back in his lab, the scattered scraps of the Mark VII in front of him. He tried to pull himself out of the nightmare, he tried to control his actions but he failed. He was trapped in his own body, along for the ride of the dream he knew too well. His hands worked idly at the metal in front of him while the blaring sounds of Black Sabbath pulsed though his body. His focus never broke until his music abruptly stopped. Jarvis' familiar voice came over the intercom but there was something different about the voice. It nearly sounded panicked. Jarvis was not programmed to feel emotion. This startled Tony.

"Sir, Ms. Potts and Mr. Hogan have been involved in an automobile accident." Tony felt his heart nearly stop. He dropped what he held in his hands and made his way over to the launching pad. He stood in the middle while the mechanical arms began assembling the Mark VIII to his body.

"Where?" Tony gripped the metal around his fingers. "Open the garage." Once his helmet was in place, he took off with force out of his driveway.

"The car is located off of the 101 freeway just before the exit for Lost Hills Road." Tony began to fly in the direction of the destination.

"Take me there Jarvis."

"Yes sir." Tony's suit began to guide itself to the location while Tony's mind raced inside his skull. How did this happen? He couldn't fathom the thought. He tried to stay optimistic. Maybe it was a fender bender. Maybe the worst was that the other driver was yelling and screaming. Maybe no one was hurt. Maybe just wasn't good enough. Tony's eyes caught sight of the wreckage. He saw smoke and soot in the air. The suit began to slow and face upright for landing.

"Sir, Colonel James Rhodes is on the ground calling for an ambulance." The second the suit landed, Tony had full control of it.

"When did Rhodey get here?" Tony looked around.

"Five minutes ago." Jarvis' words set in to Tony's mind. The Audi in front of him looked like a crumpled piece of aluminum foil. The smoke was coming from what Tony assumed used to be the engine. With further observation, Tony saw Jim's black Denali parked on the side of the freeway and a large Ram parked behind it with the front grill hanging off. The car had flipped. How many times was unclear. Rhodey was sitting in his SUV on the phone, panic-stricken. He noticed the top of Happy's head on the other side of the car moving. Tony jogged over to him. He saw Happy trying to pry open the passenger door.

"Microphone on." Tony grabbed Happy's arm. "Where is Pepper?" Happy's eyes were wide and he just pointed to the door. Tony noticed Happy had a gash above his left eyebrow and his right leg was visibly broken. Stark looked to the door and saw the small bit of reddish-blonde hair hanging out of where the window had shattered. He felt his breath catch and with no time at all, he gripped the metal on the door and ripped it off. Pepper's limp body slid out of the seat and Tony caught her quickly.

"Lift the mask!" Tony shouted his command to his artificial intelligence and his face was soon exposed to the cool, crisp California air. The small chill nipped at the skin on his face. Burnt rubber and smoke smell filled his sinuses instantly. Pepper's body was a macabre sight. Her hair was staining a crimson hue with each moment. Her head was bleeding profusely. Among more serious injuries, her lip was busted and her nose bled. The fatal injury lied in her abdomen. A dark, large, sharp piece of rubber-like plastic stuck in her abdomen. It was clearly a piece of leftover scrap from the dash that exploded when the airbag deployed. The irony of the situation sickened Tony to his very core. His eyes widened when she turned her head and looked up at him. Her voice was only a small whisper.

"Tony." Her eyes were softened with no trouble darkening them.

"Hey Pep." Tony tried to restrain the tremors shaking his form. He looked into her eyes and tried to smile. "How ya feeling?" Pepper smiled a small, sad smile.

"I've been better." Tony gave her body another once over. He then looked up to search for Rhodey, for assurance on the arriving ambulance. He saw Jim standing next to Happy, eyes locked on him. He heard Pepper cough quietly and her hand rose to his cheek. "Tony, baby, I need to tell you something." Tony's eyes began to swell as incoming tears overflowed.

"Anything Pepper." Her eyes never left his face.

"You're a good person. You always will be." Tony ripped his metal glove off and took her hand in his while he held it against his cheek. "I've enjoyed being your assistant. I'm sorry I couldn't have been better." Tony attempted to control his breathing while the sobs shook him harder with every wave.

"No Pep, you're the best." Tony tried his hardest to smile. "You complete me, remember?" He saw Pepper give a wider smile as her eyelids began to sink.

"I love you Tony Stark." He held her hand tightly.

"I love you too Pepper." Tony held Pepper and felt her chest rise and fall one last time. Her arm went completely limp and he felt the sudden weight in his hand. He pulled her hand to his chest while his other hand held her lifeless body tighter. Her eyes were only barely open but they were empty. Her face was pale and drained. Tony felt his body begin to go into shock.

"Pepper? Pepper? No! No! NO!" His arm shook her in a feeble attempt to get a response. When he received no sign of life, he ran his hand down her face, dropping her hand in the process. "Oh God, no! Please, no! Don't do this!" Tony tilted his head back to the sky. "Don't take her from me!" His voice cracked and his eyes poured tears. He looked back down to his spent damsel and held her close to him. He audibly sobbed and continued to plead. "Bring her back! Please bring her back!" He closed his eyes and rocked Pepper back and forth. Both of his hands held her face when his head was thrown back and the most pain-filled, angry sound escaped his body. Tony's body shook in anger and his eyes burned as the cool breeze slid across his face.

"Tony! Tony, wake up!" Tony jumped in his seat to look back at Rhodey sitting across from him. He was back in the jet. He was flying through the air and his dream was over. Jim looked at Tony with concern.

"Bad dream." Tony tried to defend himself. Rhodes just nodded and sat back in his chair.

"Do you maybe want some coffee?" Jim stared at Tony until he nodded. Rhodey stood up and walked into the small kitchen aboard the aircraft. Tony shook his head and tried to clear the fog sitting behind his eyes. He attempted to let his mind relax but it was near impossible after the nightmare he had experienced for the fifth time in a row. Rhodey quickly returned with two mugs filled with black coffee. Tony gratefully accepted the one handed to him and sat back in his chair. He prayed the caffeine was enough to pull him from exhaustion and into a simple state of consciousness. Rhodey kept his eyes on Tony who took a long drink of the hot coffee.

"Was I loud that time?" Jim shrugged.

"Only toward the end." Rhodes then took a sip of his coffee and looked back to Stark. "When was the last time you saw Dr. Simmons?" Tony tried to recall his last session with the older gentleman who claimed he had a Ph.D. in Psychology but he didn't fool Tony for a second. He was never fond of Earl Simmons; therefore, he never told him anything he asked to hear about.

"Probably over a year ago. " Tony looked at Rhodes who only shrugged his shoulders.

"You need to start trying to let this release its grip on you. You need an outlet." Tony only nodded.

"I agree. I just haven't found it yet." Rhodey looked out the window and dreaded what he had to say next.

"I've set up some appointments for tomorrow." Tony looked over to Rhodey.

"Appointments for what?" Rhodes tried not to look directly at his friend.

"Look Tony, you don't have an appointment with Fury tomorrow, but Bruce, Steve, and Natasha will be there. I needed to get you out of that house." Tony could feel his patience wither. His jaw tightened.

"Appointments for what, James?" Rhodey knew his next words would upset Tony.

"Interviews." Tony slammed his coffee down.

"Damn it Rhodey!" Tony's faced turned a dark shade of red and his eyes narrowed at Jim.

"Tony, I'm doing this for you. You need your life back." Rhodes tried to soften his words but it was to no avail.

"No, Jim. What I need is for you to not lie to me and make my decisions!" Rhodey sat on the edge of his chair and his eyes bore into Tony's like they had so many times before.

"You need to begin moving on. Now look," Rhodey attempted at reasoning with his friend. "Bruce, Natasha, Steve, and I are going to be there for moral support. Tony, you don't have to do this alone, by no stretch of the imagination." Tony shook his head while he looked out the window. His hand reached up and stroked his poorly groomed goatee.

"I don't think I can Rhodey. I'm just not ready." Jim looked to Tony's fidgeting hand.

"You'll never know that for sure until you try."

The room was quiet. Tony sat at the long table alone while he waited for his friends to join him. Natasha was first to enter. Tony stood and gave something related to a smile. She gave a sympathetic grin and wrapped her arms around his neck. Tony lightly hugged her back.

"How you doing?" Tony sighed and let the feigned smile fade.

"I'm fine." Natasha nodded, fully aware of the lie. Her hair was long again and pulled back into a tight ponytail. Her defined hips held up a pair of plain black slacks and a red blouse covered her from the hem of her pants to just below her neckline. Class was her style. It was then that Bruce and Steve entered the room. Bruce took off his glasses and reached to grab Tony's hand. He shook Banner's hand tightly. Steve approached Stark and slapped him lightly behind the shoulder. Tony just nodded in his direction.

"We should get started." Tony dreaded the oncoming train that he was running straight toward but knew that he could only get hit so many times before it didn't hurt anymore. He sat at the end of the table as everyone else took their seats. Tony was informed that Jim would not be joining them for the interviews, as he had military business to take care of. Tony had to understand sometimes. Tony let his eyes wander around the room until he gave his instructions.

"Jarvis, please send the first one in." A few seconds later, the door opened and a stunning blonde entered the room. Natasha stood and smiled at her.

"Hello. Resume please?" She held her hand out and the unnamed woman handed her a paper. Natasha gestured to the end of the table. "Please, have a seat." With a sweet smile she sat back down while the blonde found her seat closest to Steve. Natasha looked up to her and passed her resume to Tony. "Well, please tell us a bit about yourself." Tony barely glanced at the lengthy resume before handing it to Bruce. He adjusted his glasses and began studying the list of experience.

"Well, my name is Audrey Stevens. I'm a graduate of Harvard University. I have several different backgrounds in fields pertaining to law. I am passionate. I love to work." Bruce looked up to the girl.

"It says here that you have a Master's in civil law?" The girl smiled and looked to Dr. Banner.

"Yes, I graduated six months ago. I know this is a new field but I'm trying to expand my experience diversity. I mean, I may be no Pepper Potts," Tony's eyes shot to the girl with anger. "but I feel that in time—"

"Get out." Tony's voice was demanding. Natasha closed her eyes in defeat. The girl slowly rose from her seat. Natasha stood up as well and held her hand out for the woman to shake.

"We have your number. We'll be in touch." Natasha gave a reassuring smile before ushering out the young woman. She sighed and let her eyes roll a bit. "Jarvis, the next one, if you would." Natasha remained standing as a brunette walked in the door. She was shorter, thicker, and in adroit physical shape. Her long hair hung straight and it was visibly thick. Her clothing choice caught Tony's eye. She wore a long pair of light gray slacks and a navy shirt that covered her bust line and the sleeves covered her arms up to her elbows. Natasha shook her hand and handed over her resume. She had a small smile and dark brown eyes. She took the same place at the end of the table next to Steve.

"So, could you tell us about yourself?" Natasha handed Tony the resume and he paid it more attention than the last. He noticed her multiple degrees in various areas of science.

"My name is Cassandra Aaron. I am a science major; recently achieved my Doctorate in physics. I feel I am quite qualified for this position because I am literate in the language of science and I am a very calm, organized person."

"I don't see on here what it is you do for fun." Tony caught everyone's eye while his were planted on Cassandra. She felt as if she was being challenged while his eyes pried at hers. She didn't back down. She decided to answer honestly.

"I am a mixed martial arts fighter. I have obtained my brown belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu but I am currently ranking a black belt in Judo." Natasha let her lips pull up in a smile. Tony lifted an eyebrow and felt himself make a decision. He dropped the resume on the table.

"You're hired." Everyone quickly shot a stare at Tony.

"Tony, are you sure about this?" Steve smiled at Cassandra. "So quick?" Cassandra had an astonished look painted on her face. Tony disregarded Rogers' question.

"You have an apartment here in Manhattan?" Tony stood while he questioned her. He looked at her and she nodded. "Well go pack, you live in Malibu now. Jet leaves at six p.m., and it will leave without you." Cassandra stood up and smiled.

"O-Okay. Thank you Mr. Stark." Tony made his way to the door.

"You'll be taking that back by tomorrow." With one quick motion, he exited the door and it closed loudly.