DISCLAIMER: I don't own nuthin but whatever's I my head, and I'm sure that that's bing transmitted by the government. j/k :p

Chapter #1: Damnit to the Bloody Bowels of …Something Non-Cliché that I Can't Think Of.

Word of my talents spread on the Endar Spire like a forest fire during a drought on Kashyyk. Within a period of five hours, rumors about me were flying rampant. Some I liked, and some I didn't; like the one about me being an ex-cantina dancer. That wasn't true! I sang at a cantina for a short period, but I was soon bored and restless again…I guess that comes with being a scout. Something was always urging me onwards, like I was running from something, but I didn't know what. All I knew was that it was bad to stay in one place for too long, so I spent most of my time exploring uncharted space. Dangerous, I know; but that's part of what makes it so fun. And, as one would expect, I picked up quite a few skills on the way. Well, you sort of have to learn some things, like how to improvise with what you have to fix a damaged hyperspace engine, or how to slice into a system to get to places where you really…shouldn't….be…

Well, this isn't really making me look too good. Let's just say that I was good with electronics, and word got around that I could fix anything. I had half the crew lined up outside my dorm door with broken down datapads and the likes. I even had one of the maintenance men bring me one of the droids to fix! How sad is that? So I did the only thing I could think of; I fixed everything I could. I couldn't get everything done that one day, of course. I had duty. Which brought about an important question:

Why the hell was I on that stupid ship to begin with?

I had been forcibly recruited to the Republic when they magically heard of my skills as a scout and my handiness with electronics. I wasn't the best at fighting, but I could defend myself. I proved that the second day at the training academy they sent me to when I beat the shit out of this group of preppy girls who thought they were better than me. Long story short: I got into deep shit, then was transferred over to the Endar Spire before I got a chance to beat the shit out of the girls again for ratting me out.

That was another rumor I was more than happy to prove true.

Anyways, I was called down to the bridge to check out something with the main navigational computer. I was hoping it was something very minor, seeing as how we were currently 'navigating' our way to Taris for some reason not told to me. So, I packed my bag of instruments, which included my neat little switchblade ('cause you never know when you'll have to 'protect' yourself, koff koff), and traipsed off to the bridge, listening to my Nar Shadaa rave music mix ( I had picked it up on my last visit from the concert I was in). It wasn't that far away, it just took me a while to get there because I kind of wandered off course a bit. I tended to do that quite often- I would see a small corridor or empty hallway, and I couldn't resist taking a little stroll down to the end, just to see what was going on. I really didn't think it took me that long, but…

" WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, SOLDIER?"

I flinched instinctively as the angry male voice lashed out at me. I was frozen in place, and I wouldn't doubt that on my face was the classic 'deer in headlights' look: my eyes were as open as they would go, my eyebrows must have been up to my hairline, and a silent scream plastered itself upon my face as I flung my arms up to protect my precious head. The man, seeming oblivious to my reaction, continued to scream at me.

" We called for you to be down here a standard HOUR ago! I know your background, and I know that you're not used to taking orders, but WHAT THE HELL COULD YOU HAVE BEEN DOING FOR AN HOUR!"

My initial shock wearing off, I summoned the best scowl I could and ignored the feeling of multiple stares directed at me. All the action in the bridge had ground to a screeching halt, and everyone was staring at the spectacle of this man screaming at me, blank, zombie-like looks on their faces.

" Look, asshole…" I poked the man in the chest, and he looked at me incredulously. " You better shut your face and get outta mine, or I'm not fixing a thing. Ever. You can just drop me off at the next planet, and I'll get along fine on my own! I didn't ask for this! So you better give me the respect I deserve, or you can just ROT in HELL!" The man was obviously taken aback at my blatant rudeness to him, and stood there for a couple of seconds blinking dumbly before standing up as straight as he could. He looked down his nose at me (he couldn't help it; his nose was huge!), and huffed like an old, rich granny.

" Don't you know who I am?"

" I. Don't. Care." I pushed him out of my way and walked up to the front of the bridge. " Would someone mind telling me what the problem up here is?"

The man couldn't take a hint and continued on. " The Captain's going to here about this! And when he does-"

I spun around and looked at him dryly. " What's he going to do, court marshal me for defending myself against a pompous asshole? Uh," I pointed to myself. " Don't care." I sat down in a rather comfy chair and checked the readings on the panels.

" You HAVE to care! Don't you know who I am?"

Rolling my eyes, I turned my music up to drown out the hurt protests of the annoying pompous man. I looked around to see the people surrounding me bobbing their heads to my music. I smiled to myself and continued to tinker around with the computer. A couple minutes later, I was surprised to feel a tap on my shoulder. I jumped about ten feet out of the chair (that was a hyperbole right there…just thought I'd incorporate a little english lesson there for those who care…I won't do it again. Sorry.) and landed rather ungracefully on my ass, on the floor. I groaned and pulled the headphones out of my ears, then looked up to see a man dressed in a high-level Republic uniform staring down at me. I tensed up, waiting for him to yell at me too, like the big-shnozed man. He didn't yell, but extended a hand, then gave me a strange glance, which may have been caused by my flinching away. I uncovered my eyes again to see him rather confused, his hand still extended. Not wanting to seem rude, I took his hand and allowed him to help me up. I pouted and rubbed my now sore ass. " Oww…floor's hard…"

" Are you okay, miss? That was-"

" Yeah, I'm fine. Dandy. High-strung. Paranoid. Etcetera." I quickly thought of something else to say, but only drew a blank. I resorted to rubbing my ass again, and let out a pitiful moan. " That'll bruise…damnit."

The man chuckled. " By the way, I'm Carth Onasi." He held his hand out.

" Oh, I'm Selora. Forgot my last name a long time ago." I shook his hand, a grin spreading across my face to match his. Then I gasped. " Carth Onasi! Hero of the Mandelorian Wars! I've heard of you!"

He smiled bashfully and ran a hand through his hair. " Yeah, well…what can I say?"

" How about you tell me what's going on up here?" I smiled and grabbed my bag of magic tricks and other assorted tools. " I was called up here to fix something. I checked this console, but nothing seems to be wrong…"

" She was an HOUR late!"

That was it. " Oh my God would you GET OFF OF IT AND PISS OFF? I'm about ready to KILL you, man!" All action on the bridge once again ground to a screeching halt. Carth and Mr. Shnoz both stared at me, eyes wide.

" I'M the co-pilot of this SHIP!"

" I. DON'T. CARE! I DON'T CARE! I do NOT give a SHIT! Shut UP! Just SHUT UP and DIE!" I fought hard to regain control of my breathing, and glared as evilly as I could at the stupid man. Taking a deep breath, I suddenly smiled and turned to Carth. " Mind showing me where the problem is? It'll probably only take me a few seconds to correct. It's always finding it that takes up the most time."

Clearing his throat and putting on a pleasant look, Carth nodded. " Yes. We got reports that there was a problem with a security matrix in the navigation console. This way." He led me over to the console and pressed some buttons. " See, every time you try to correct the course, it asks for the security passcode."

" As it should…"

Carth frowned. " True. But every time someone puts in the correct code, it rejects it and…see?" After typing in a couple digits, three high-pitched beeps rang from the console, and a warning message came onto screen.

WARNING: HEADING CANNOT BE CHANGED

PASSCODE REQUIRED

I let out a relieved sigh. " Ah. It's just this."

" Just 'this'? Just what?"

I looked at Carth. " Well, sometimes when you download star maps and charts, there are incompatible matrixes that can cause a bit of a bug. It's not that your passcode is incorrect, the computer is just missing the codes needed to change to that particular heading. Now all I need to do is find the matrix and change it to a compatible one. Easy as pie." I paused for a second. " Pie actually isn't all that easy, when you think about it."

Carth was silent for a moment. "…so you can fix it?"

I had already found the matrix. "Uhhhhhhhhh………………done."

" What? You've fixed it already?"

I dusted my hands off. " They don't call me the best for nothing." I motioned to the console. " Go ahead. Try it out."

An unbelieving look on his face, he punched in a few commands and stared at the console for a couple of seconds before letting out an amazed 'huh'. He looked at me, obviously impressed. " Good job, soldier."

I raised an eyebrow. " Time for a raise?" I faked a cough and rubbed my fingers together.

He chuckled a bit, shaking his head. " I think it'll take a bit more than that."

I pouted. " But I was amazing…anyway, I better get back to whatever it is I'm suppose to be doing." He let out a laugh. I looked at him blankly. " No, I'm serious. I have no clue as to what I'm suppose to be doing. No one told me. They just dropped me on this ship, waved, and told me to have a good time." I shrugged. " I suppose I could always go down to the maintenance bay and do their job for them…again…" Carth stopped me from leaving.

" Wait…you honestly don't know what you're doing on this ship?"

I shook my head. " Not a clue in hell." Shrugging, I turned to go, throwing the bag over my shoulder as I put the headphones over my ears again. " I'll figure something out, don't worry, Captain!" I spun around briefly to give him a little salute, then sauntered my way back to my dorm, sticking my tongue out at Mr. Shnoz on the way out. I'd kick his ass later…

Not much happened for about a week. My time was divided between fixing personal items of the crew, droids, and the ship in general. It wasn't the newest ship; the Republic wasn't in the best shape as a result of the Mandelorian Wars, but it was still limping along. I devoted most of my time to fixing whatever I could get my hands on: doors, computer consoles, alarms, you name it, I fixed it. People started to call me the 'magic engineer'. I wasn't an engineer at all, I just liked fixing things.

Mr. Shnoz was determined to make my life a living hell, and started watching me carefully, just waiting for me to screw something up or get knocked up or something. I don't know. Thankfully, I had the support of the whole crew, including Carth. I spent two days fixing a watch for him. He better have been on my side, damnit. I found out the name of my bunkmate on the third day; Trask Ulgo. Seemed nice enough; he didn't go through my stuff. I was sure; I had rigged my footlocker with explosives. If you didn't know the passcode….BLAM! The walls would be painted with your internal organs! I had hinted many times to Mr. Shnoz that I had some sort of illegal goods in my footlocker, but he was too dense to figure it out. Ah, well. Sooner or later…muhahahahaa….

It was about the ninth day on the Endar Spire when everything went to hell.

I was off-shift and taking a nice, refreshing seven hour nap when an explosion rocked the ship. Being the light sleeper I am, I woke up suddenly, frantically scanning the room like a threatened animal. Damn…the walls weren't red. I gasped sharply. Then it was something else…

" We're under attack!" The door flew open and Trask barged in, blasters in hand.

Being a bit slow, seeing as how I had just woken up, I blinked. "…under attack?" See, it just didn't click right away. It took a couple of seconds. "WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!" My arms flung up to cover my head. " I'm gonna DIE!"

Trask strode over to my bunk and grabbed my arm. " Come on, get a hold of yourself! We need to help Bastila!"

I lowered my arms just enough to uncover my eyes, which were staring at Trask with angry confusion. " Who's Bastila and why should we help him-slash-her?"

Trask looked at me like I was a moron. " Bastila's the Jedi we swore to protect. I heard that she's on of the only Jedi who can use Battle Meditation It's a powerful move that-"

" Don't care." I sat up and grabbed the edge of my bunk as the ship lurched again. " Besides, Bastila's a Jedi. Jedi are the 'defenders of the galaxy'. Therefore, one could conclude that if she's qualified to defend the galaxy, she should be qualified to defend herself. At least. I mean, come on!" I got up and entered the code into my footlocker, which promptly swung open without blowing me to smithereens. I put on my uniform (after forcing Trask to turn around. I have my pride.) and grabbed my long sword and my blaster. I also grabbed the frag grenades I had hoarded during the week and shoved them into my pack, along with my toolbag.

"…you can turn around now."

Trask turned around and took off the blindfold. " Thank goodness. Alright, let's go!" Letting out a male-testosterone yell of battle or whatever, Trask ran over and opened up the door, then ran over to the second door. After a couple seconds of cursing, he turned around to glare at me. I was still standing in the dorm room, scared shitless that Trask was going to blast my head off in his mad, testosterone-induced battle rage. He shook a fist at me. " Get over here and open this door!"

I let out a small squeak before running to the door. I pulled out a small pick and picked the lock with it. The door flew open just in time for us to witness a couple of our crewmates get shot to bloody hell by a group of Sith. Trask let out an infuriated howl.

" FOR THE REPUBLIC!"

Thinking fast, I grabbed his arms and pulled as hard as I could, getting him back into the short hall before the Sith had a chance to see him. I scowled at him before backhanding him. " Goddamnit, do you have a deathwish? Let me take care of this." I pulled a frag grenade out of my bag and slung it back over my shoulder. Taking a deep breath, I stepped out into the main corridor and waved cheerily at the Sith.

" You know, I always thought the Sith would kick the Republic's ass. Good for you guys!"

The Sith, quite confused at my actions, began to converse with one another. I smiled even wider.

" And those uniforms are uber sexy."

All three Sith stopped talking and looked at me. " I have a present for you guys." I pulled the pin out of the grenade while holding it behind my back, and tossed it to the dumbstruck Sith. The one in the middle caught it, and they all looked at it for a second. I distinctly remember hearing one of them comment 'oh, shit' before I jumped back into the dorm corridor and plugged my ears. A loud explosion and a flurry of body parts ensued. I looked at Trask, an eyebrow raised in triumph. " Brains beats brawn, baby."

Just then, my wrist communicator beeped cheerily. I had changed the tone so it would beep out my favorite rave song, so I was too busy dancing to the music to answer it. Thankfully, Trask's still beeped the same, so he answered his. He grabbed my arm, and I stopped dancing.

" Did you get that?"

I looked at him blankly. " Do you think I got that?"

Trask shook his head, obviously annoyed with me. " We're supposed to get to the bridge."

I brightened up. " Oh, good! I know how to get to there!"

Trask raised an eyebrow. " I think everybody knows how to get to the bridge."

I scowled and punched him in the arm, which caused him to cry out.

We killed many a Sith on the way to the bridge. When we finally made it, just to our luck, the place was abandoned. It was convenient that our wrist communicators went off again. I needed some good music to cheer me up.

" Carth said that Bastila's escape pod is gone, so we should make our way to the pods and evacuate!"

" Uh-huh…" I picked up a lightsaber from a dead Jedi's body and looked at it. " Don't you think it's odd how these things can blatantly disregard all laws of physics? I mean, how do the blades just stop if they're made of light? It doesn't make sense!" Trask grabbed my arm and dragged me along behind him.

" Look, I'll be happy to discuss it with you after we're off this ship, alright?"

" Do you even know anything about lightsabers or the laws of physics?"

" Wait-do you hear that?" Trask had stopped suddenly, which caused me to bump into him. My finger accidentally hit the switch on the lightsaber, and it turned on just as it flew into the air. The brilliant blue blade caused a shower of sparks as it cut clean through a portion of the door. Cringing, I gasped in amazement as it laid on the ground, humming softly. " Holy effing Gamorean shit, I gotta get me one of those!…oh, right." I ran over and picked up the saber, carefully shutting it off and slipping it into my backpack. " If that thing turns on in there, I am so dead."

Trask had opened a door to reveal a Dark Jedi chopping some poor bastard in half, then laughing maniacally for a couple of seconds. Trask's gasped caused the Jedi to turn around, and he started to advance towards Trask, his ominous red lightsaber in hand. Trask pulled out his vibrosword and bravely walked towards the Jedi.

" Selora- get to the escape pods! I'll hold him off!" The doors closed behind him before I could reply. Shrugging, I made my way to the Starboard section of the ship.

" You could have just closed the door and run." I mumbled as I snuck my way around some Sith, finally getting to employ my Stealth skills. " It probably would have been more effective…" I was just about in the free and clear when my wrist communicator went off. I froze in place and watched as the small group of Sith looked around wildly.

" Where's that music coming from?"

" I dunno…intercom?"

" You're an idiot, you know that?"

" Hey! I like this song!"

One of the Sith started dancing, and was soon joined by the others. I took off my communicator and grabbed another one off the wrist of a dead soldier, trying my best not to vomit at the sight of his mutilated corpse. I wiped off the blood as best I could and strapped it onto my wrist. I snuck through the next door and closed it, half sad that I couldn't watch the Sith dance anymore. It was pretty funny. I flipped open the communicator and saw Carth staring back at me.

" You're the only one left alive. I've been tracking you bio-signs through the ship, and I'll try to help you get to the escape pods." I nodded, hoping that he could see me too. Otherwise, it would have pretty stupid of me to nod. " The next room has a large group of Sith in it. There's a-"

I laughed. " Don't worry. I know how to take care of Sith. Selora out." I turned the wrist communicator off and sidled over to the nearest computer panel, whistling in my good fortune.

"Hmm…let me think…If I interpreted those pirated charts of this class star ship correctly, I should be able to hack into the life support systems and…." I put in a few commands, using a few security spikes in the process, and brought up the life-support main menu. " YES! Now…if I isolate the next room…and vent toxic fumes from the engines INTO that room…it should eliminate any potential sentient problems." I input the code and listened with glee as screams (they were manly screams) rang from the next room, followed closely by a couple loud 'thud's. I re-vented the toxins out of the room and waltzed in, plundering the Sith corpses, along with a few random footlockers and containers. I got a couple nice vibroblades, and some new armor. It was all Republic issue crap, but one could argue that it was better than nothing. Even if it was far from ideal. Whatever.

I bolted though the next door as a violent explosion rocked the ship. Carth was waiting, eerily calm. I looked at him, wild eyed.

" What the bloody hell are we gonna do?"

I cast me a strange glance. " We're going to leave on this escape pod." He motioned towards a small opening. I blinked.

" There's only one left?"

He nodded.

" And…what percent of the crew died? Like, eighty? Man, if the people didn't suck so much, it'd be like the fucking Titanic here. Women and children first!"

"…what are you talking about?"

I paused for a second. " Nothing. Let's stop being retarded and get the hell off this death trap." With that being said, we both crammed into the last escape pod, and ejected.

Well, the whole idea of an escape pod is to…well, escape. Now, my escape pod would have a nice supply of extremely potent alcohol in it to help soften the blow. ALL the blows. 'Cause, damn, those pods really did cause some abuse. If it was a person, they'd be in jail for the rest of their lives. I really don't remember much from our descent into Taris, seeing as how I was knocked unconscious by a blow to the head. Looking back, I wonder if it really was the escape pod and not Carth…

Anyway, when I woke up next, it was quite a shock to say the least. You know how sometimes, if you've just moved, or if you're taking a vacation, you wake up and momentarily forget where you are? Well, imagine having that feeling, except you never knew where you were to begin with. Yeah. It sucked.

TUNE IN NEXT TIME! (please, I'm begging you! I'm not writing this for my own benefit!…well, I'm not writing this for anyone's benefit, really. I'm just bored shitless and have a strange, unexplainable obsession with this game. Maybe they've somehow come up with a form of video game nicotine or something…bah. I'm gonna go play the game for the billionth time already, thank you very much.)