Just a little one shot that's been bugging me for a while. It wouldn't leave me alone, until I'd written it and so here it is. I've made Izzy 5 years old, so the story takes place about four years in the future.
I don't own anything you recoginze.
Ed had just come home from a long and tiring shift and he wanted nothing more than some quality time with his family. As he made his way into the kitchen he could hear the sound of small footsteps, indicating Izzy was coming up behind him. But before he could turn to greet her, she spoke to him.
'Are you a murderer daddy?' The question threw him off balance for a second, making him stop in his tracks. He turned round to face his little girl, who was looking up at him with fearful eyes, a picture clutched tightly in her tiny hands.
It was a question he'd asked himself countless of times in the privacy of his own mind. And not once had he been able to answer that question with a definite no. There'd always been doubt. No matter how justified a killing was, it would always be that, a killing.
'Of course not sweetie, what makes you think that?' He questioned once he had his emotions under control, sounding much more confident than he felt.
'Tommy said guns are used to kill people. People that kill people are bad. Are you a bad person?' He hated that boy, would kill him, six years old or not, for changing the way his little girl looked at him. He used to be a hero in her eyes, and even though, technically, Tommy had been right, he'd always blame him for making her think of her father as a bad person.
It took him two big strides to reach her, and he knelt down in front of her, taking her fists in his much bigger hands and tilting them towards him so he could see what picture she was holding. It was a picture of him, in his uniform, carrying his sniper rifle, a picture that once upon a time had made him proud, but would now never be able to see again without thinking of the fear in his daughter's eyes.
He let go of her hands and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to his chest. Whilst he stroked her hair he tried to figure out what he could say so that she would understand, when all he really wanted to do was shield her from the big bad world where people needed to be killed to prevent innocent people from dying.
'Sweetie, you are right. Some people that use guns and kill people are bad. But there's other people, like your daddy, that have to stop them from doing bad things. And sometimes, that means that they have to do things that you're not supposed to do, to make sure that everybody else is safe' He pulled away so he could look her in the eye as he told her this, it was important to him that she understood that he was not a bad guy. She appeared to be going over things in her mind, but it didn't seem to click. How could it, she was only five years old and more often than not it didn't make a lick of sense to him either.
'Did you ever shoot somebody?' He didn't want to lie to her, but he honestly didn't see how telling her the truth wouldn't complicate things even further. Yet when he started shaking his head, he found that he couldn't.
'Yes. Unfortunately I've had to shoot somebody' Now that they'd gone down this road he'd better go all the way. He wondered whether or not he should defend his actions, tell her that it had always been the other guy that had done something bad first, but they'd told her off countless times for using that excuse when she'd done something wrong. No matter who started it, you're always responsible for your own actions, that's what they tried to teach her. Yet it was exactly that excuse that made him belief he was not a bad guy. He'd never killed for his own good or on his own account, and had always felt horrible afterwards.
'To keep someone safe?' She asked and this time when she looked up at him there was hope in her eyes.
'Yes' he said without any hesitation. Every time he had pulled the trigger and ended someone's life it had been with the intent to protect other people. He did it, so that other people didn't have to and kids like his daughter could remain innocent for as long as possible.
'Okay' She simply said
"Izzy, look at me' He said, taking her head in both his hands, seeing his own bright blue eyes stare back at him'I love you, you know that right? And I will always protect you' She nodded solemnly and hung her hands around his neck, making him lift her.
'You're a superhero' She whispered, at least his hero status seemed to have been restored. He didn't say anything as he carried her to the living room and deposited her on the sofa, tickling her mercilessly just because he wanted to hear her giggles. It wasn't until later that night, when she was safely tucked into bed, that he let the tears run down his cheeks and sought refuge in his wife's arms.
I've always figured that while Ed is all tough and mister bad guy at work, he's really a softie at heart. Please let me know what you think
