Author's Note: Um.... anyone wondering about chapter four of Altered State?
It's coming, I promise. I've just got the GREAT WALL OF CHINA subbing in
for my writer's block. Bleh. I HATE writer's block... also, look for my
newest fanfic, "The Crow: Sacred Flame" coming soon. I think some of you
might like it... I'm almost done... (right now, I'm, like, on page...
thirty-two. It's much longer than my past works....).
Anyhoo, moving on... usual disclaimer applies. PG-13 for swearing... same
as usual.
Enjoy.
---------
Sometimes.
By Mercury Blue
---------
Sometimes I want to end it. I swear I do. Sometimes, I'm just so tempted to
buy a gun, put the barrel in my mouth, and pull the trigger. Sometimes, all
I want to do is die, so I won't have to face this gloomy future that awaits
me.
But, I know, with my luck, she'd be able to revive me. Like every time, her
'pure love' would bring me back to life, and I'd be whole again. I'd wake
up in her arms, with those wet blue eyes staring down at me, and I'd regret
it all over again.
Sometimes, I hate her.
I know the past says that I love her. The future says the same thing. Time
has deemed her my soulmate, forever by my side, despite whatever happens.
And, I suppose, part of me does love her. But the other part...
Oh, gods. No one knows what it's like to be forced into a future like I have
been. To wake up every morning knowing I'll spend the next thousand or so
years by her side scares the shit out of me. How am I supposed to deal with
something like that? Maybe, if Pluto hadn't told us all what lay ahead of
us- if I hadn't learned Rini was our daughter, that I would one day be king-
I'd be able to live in peace, quietly living every day of my life with her
until the fated future occurred, completely ignorant.
But, now I know.
Sometimes, I feel so pressured. Before I found out my future, I'd had hopes,
dreams. I wanted to be a doctor, heal people. Now, those dreams are jaded.
With the knowledge such a thing will never happen for me, I feel I've wasted
my entire life. Why am I even bothering with college? Why am I bothering
to learn all of the medical terms, and such? I'll never use them, I know.
Now, I feel all I'm good for is the semen which will one day lead to the
birth of the new princess. What a role to play in life.
Sometimes, I'm tempted to screw things up a bit- fuck one of the Scouts, or
move to Timbuktu. That should make things interesting. At least then, I
wouldn't be haunted with this profound knowledge of what will be; at least
then, I'd have the little gift of surprise.
But, I know I won't. I'm too scared to. Look at me. Darien. Tuxedo Mask.
Ally of the Sailor Scouts. Who's fought against countless enemies, and
villains- scared to change a future he hates. I'll spend the rest of my life
with her, I'll live life out as planned. I'll be the king- I'll have my
Queen, and my palace, and my eternal life.
And I'll force myself to live it, even if I regret it...
... sometimes.
* * *
~fin.
Ah, the joy of character-driven fics. If you've read my past works, you may
see a pattern.
No, I am NOT a gloomy person, nor am I suicidal. But, then, I'm not on a
set path to the future. You see, I believe that if *I* were 'destined' to
do something, and know about it, that knowledge would drive me crazy. I
much prefer the idea that I make my own decisions, and choose my own life.
I've always thought Darien might feel the same way, deep inside.
But then, this is just a fanfic. Who truly knows what goes on in the minds
of cartoons?
Flames will be burned... compliments and constructive criticism welcome.
TTFN,
Merc.
* * * *
It's coming, I promise. I've just got the GREAT WALL OF CHINA subbing in
for my writer's block. Bleh. I HATE writer's block... also, look for my
newest fanfic, "The Crow: Sacred Flame" coming soon. I think some of you
might like it... I'm almost done... (right now, I'm, like, on page...
thirty-two. It's much longer than my past works....).
Anyhoo, moving on... usual disclaimer applies. PG-13 for swearing... same
as usual.
Enjoy.
---------
Sometimes.
By Mercury Blue
---------
Sometimes I want to end it. I swear I do. Sometimes, I'm just so tempted to
buy a gun, put the barrel in my mouth, and pull the trigger. Sometimes, all
I want to do is die, so I won't have to face this gloomy future that awaits
me.
But, I know, with my luck, she'd be able to revive me. Like every time, her
'pure love' would bring me back to life, and I'd be whole again. I'd wake
up in her arms, with those wet blue eyes staring down at me, and I'd regret
it all over again.
Sometimes, I hate her.
I know the past says that I love her. The future says the same thing. Time
has deemed her my soulmate, forever by my side, despite whatever happens.
And, I suppose, part of me does love her. But the other part...
Oh, gods. No one knows what it's like to be forced into a future like I have
been. To wake up every morning knowing I'll spend the next thousand or so
years by her side scares the shit out of me. How am I supposed to deal with
something like that? Maybe, if Pluto hadn't told us all what lay ahead of
us- if I hadn't learned Rini was our daughter, that I would one day be king-
I'd be able to live in peace, quietly living every day of my life with her
until the fated future occurred, completely ignorant.
But, now I know.
Sometimes, I feel so pressured. Before I found out my future, I'd had hopes,
dreams. I wanted to be a doctor, heal people. Now, those dreams are jaded.
With the knowledge such a thing will never happen for me, I feel I've wasted
my entire life. Why am I even bothering with college? Why am I bothering
to learn all of the medical terms, and such? I'll never use them, I know.
Now, I feel all I'm good for is the semen which will one day lead to the
birth of the new princess. What a role to play in life.
Sometimes, I'm tempted to screw things up a bit- fuck one of the Scouts, or
move to Timbuktu. That should make things interesting. At least then, I
wouldn't be haunted with this profound knowledge of what will be; at least
then, I'd have the little gift of surprise.
But, I know I won't. I'm too scared to. Look at me. Darien. Tuxedo Mask.
Ally of the Sailor Scouts. Who's fought against countless enemies, and
villains- scared to change a future he hates. I'll spend the rest of my life
with her, I'll live life out as planned. I'll be the king- I'll have my
Queen, and my palace, and my eternal life.
And I'll force myself to live it, even if I regret it...
... sometimes.
* * *
~fin.
Ah, the joy of character-driven fics. If you've read my past works, you may
see a pattern.
No, I am NOT a gloomy person, nor am I suicidal. But, then, I'm not on a
set path to the future. You see, I believe that if *I* were 'destined' to
do something, and know about it, that knowledge would drive me crazy. I
much prefer the idea that I make my own decisions, and choose my own life.
I've always thought Darien might feel the same way, deep inside.
But then, this is just a fanfic. Who truly knows what goes on in the minds
of cartoons?
Flames will be burned... compliments and constructive criticism welcome.
TTFN,
Merc.
* * * *
