Disclaimer: I STILL don't own any of these characters!

Author's Note: I wrote this story for the sole purpose of being flamed. If you like it, there is something wrong with you and you should seek psychiatric help. I only ask that if you flame me, you not flame someone who worked hard on his or her story, because that is not nice and you know it. To all you people who are sweet angels and have refrained from flaming, here's your chance to let out all that aggression.

Story:

Once upon a time, the Fellowship of the Ring was walking. They were all really tired, because they had walked a lot. Then Boromir said, "Hey Frodo, can I have the ring?"

Frodo replied in answer, "No, you are ugly."

So Legolas asked, "Hey Frodo, can I have the ring?"

Frodo said, "Gee, I guess so. You are hot."

"Thank you. Yoink!" Said Legolas grabbing the ring and running with elven speed toward Mordor.

"D'oh! He was evil," said Frodo.

Legolas ran and ran with the ring, but he got tired. He sat down and a Nazgul tapped him on the shoulder, and said in his most polite voice, "Hey Legolas, can I have the ring?"

In answer, Legolas punched the Nazgul in the stomach and laughed as the wraith writhed in pain. Then Legolas continued to run towards Mordor. When he got there, he told Sauron he had a present for him. Sauron came out of his fortress and said, "Where is my present, you hot elf?"

Legolas poked him in the eye and Sauron began to scream, "Oh no! I'm blind!"

Then Legolas ran to Mount Doom and threw the ring in the fire. The ring screamed, "Oh no! I'm melting!" and then it…um, well…melted.

Everyone lived happily ever after, and Frodo apologized to Legolas for thinking he was evil then the two of them got together. Sam was insanely jealous, so he jumped off a cliff. However, he was saved by Aragorn, who made Sam his love slave, much to Sam's discontent because after all, Aragorn was not, shall we say, a marathon man.

The End