Detective Conan and all characters are the intellectual property of Gosho Aoyama.


Shinichi,

It hurts so badly. Losing you like this feels like I've lost all of my air. I can't breathe; I don't want to anyways. My lungs hurt from the gasps I've made trying to bring air in. My eyes are sore, yet I still cry with no tears left to come out.

Last night I couldn't sleep. I just tossed and turned, each time I tried to calm my mind I could think of nothing else than the words that you typed to me. All I could do was cling to myself, trying to keep the pieces of me from coming apart. I'm thankful for the dark curtains I have...it meant that I couldn't tell when the sun actually came up.

I feel lost. When I shut my eyes, I see you so clearly. Did it hurt you when you heard me cry in pain? Or did it just not phase you in the least bit? And why, why did you do it? Is there something so wrong with me? I just feel so empty now. You are a piece of me that promised to always be here beside me. Now that you're gone, I don't know what to do with the part of my mind that you've left empty.

I can't help but to wonder if you even understand how badly you hurt me. I care for you so much and I thought, from the words that you've said to me, that you felt the same. If you did, then how could you shut your feelings off so easily? Did you lie to me? Was it all just some stupid game for your enjoyment? Is it what you decided to do in your down time between cases? Did you only tell me that you cared about me out of pity, knowing that I cared for you as much as I did and at the time you didn't want to hurt me by telling me how you really felt? You owe me so many answers, and I don't even know where I would want you to start.

My phone has been so silent today. I had gotten so use to the sound of it going off that the lack of noise seems deafening. I don't know what to do without being able to talk to you. You are one of my closest friends, whether you know that or not. We've known each other for so long, and even when I thought I hated you, I never did. There were hundreds of times that I wanted to walk away, and I should have walked away, but I thought you needed me as much as I needed you.

I didn't think a pain like this was possible. I was so foolish to believe that you would be here forever. Forever is such a long time, and doubted your words deep down. You said forever, but I guess forever is here now.

Right now, the thoughts I'm having are racing so quickly and I just can't make sense of any of it. I don't want to be going around in circles, and I can barely see straight to begin with. Maybe I will be able to sleep at some point today...I'm sure it would help to clear my head.

Please come back to me soon.

~Ran