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I realized something...Lelouch is the only character I DON'T LIKE, because he's such an ass, and he kills all of his family members for some weird reason I don't fully get. Still, I never actually watched the show (probably couldn't sit through a single episode), but...from what I know about him, he's my least favorite character.
When Lelouch was called by Suzaku to come and meet him in the main hall of the Ashford Academy, he was worried that his 'good buddy' had found out that he was the one responsible for that incident with Viletta and that pair of Orange-kun's underpants. However, he found Suzaku sitting on the couch, sipping some tea (since when the fuck did he drink tea?) with a small baby sitting on his knee, laughing happily in its own naivety.
"Ahh...so you and Euphemia really DID have a child behind my back! You sneaky bastard!" Lelouch exclaimed.
"Actually," Suzaku replied, lifting the baby in his arms, "This is YOUR kid,"
Lelouch punched himself in the gut, and then said, "Uh...I"m sorry, I just had to give myself my daily beating for being such an asshole. What were you saying?"
"THIS," Suzaku held the baby close to Lelouch's face, "IS YOUR CHILD...LELOUCH!"
"...You gave birth to my child...?" Lelouch asked.
"NOW, YOU FUCKTARD!!! I FOUND THIS BABY IN A BASKET OUTSIDE MY ROOM THIS MORNING, AND THERE WAS A NOTE THAT SAID THAT YOU WERE THE FATHER OF THIS KID!" Suzaku snapped.
Taking the baby into his own arms, Lelouch asked nervously, "I...I...I don't understand...how could I have a child...WHO'S THE MOTHER?!"
Suzaku shrugged. "Who's been pregnant, or looked pregnant, lately?"
Lelouch thought for a moment, and then a horrible realization formed in his mind. "...Viletta Nu?"
"NO, YOU MORON!!!!" Suzaku punched Lelouch in the face, and this caused the baby to begin to wail loudly.
"LOOK WHAT YOU DID!!" Lelouch cried.
"ARGH! IT'S SO LOUD!" Suzaku covered his ears, grimacing.
Suddenly, a familiar shape formed in both of the baby's small sky-blue eyes; the symbols of Geass.
"OH MY GOD," Lelouch gasped, "THIS KID...HAS GEASS! AND IN BOTH EYES, TOO!!"
The Geass within the baby's eyes began to manifest into two small spherical orbs, that floated about several feet into the air, and then shot off in different directions. The orbs flew down the hallways at immense speeds, dodging everything in their paths. Soon, they were gone from view.
After a moment, Lelouch muttered, "...What did he just do?"
"I have no idea, but this kid is dangerous," Suzaku remarked, "We have two options, Lelouch: We can either keep the baby, or...we can kill it,"
"K-K-KILL IT?! YOU MONSTER!!!"
"It has Geass in both of its eyes already, Lelouch! It'll never grow up to have a normal life! Plus, it'll be forced to fight for the Britannian Army because of its power!"
Lelouch scowled. "You know...I really hate it when you call this baby an 'it'. It has a gender, moron!"
"Well, I didn't look. You do it!" Suzaku snapped.
Lelouch nodded, and he looked by lifting the little robe Suzaku had wrapped the baby in. Lelouch started to chuckle to himself, and then he rose his head.
"It appears...that this is a girl," he announced.
"...You really didn't have to laugh, you know..." Suzaku sighed.
Suddenly, a loud shriek filled the air, and Lelouch and Suzaku both realized that it came from Shirley's ridiculously large mouth.
'THAT BITCH IS ALWAYS SO ANNOYING! I HOPE SHE DIES LATER!' Lelouch thought as he and Suzaku ran to see what had happened, the baby in tow.
When they came around the corner, they saw that the orb that the baby had created earlier had grown tentacles and was now using them to rape poor Shirley while everyone watched (Rivalz took pictures).
"...We're gonna keep the baby," Lelouch said in a monotone voice as he continued to watch the odd tentacle-rape scene continue.
Suzaku nodded. "Yup...I hear ya,"
They never did find out who the mother was...
