"We've been to the movies, we've been around the world, we've been on the same camp island for SEVERAL seasons." Said Chris McClain in his usual "TV" voice. "This season, we've found a new location somewhere in the South Pacific called Kazan Island, which is home to Raitoningu volcano." Chris explained with a sadistic smile. "Don't worry, viewers, the volcano is inactive… or, at least we think it is."
"Oh, and don't think I forgot about the "important" cast." Chris said rolling his eyes. "Here comes the yacht now!" The camera pans towards the slightly cramped boat with 19 contestants in it.
"First up are best friends, Katie and Sadie!"
"EEEEEEEEEEH" Katie and Sadie shrieked simultaneously.
"Yeah… They won't last long." Chris snarks.
"Boyfriend and girlfriend drama, "Gary" and "Mary" stu, Mike and Zoey!"
"Your eyes look great today, Zoey." Mike says.
"Aw, thanks, that's so sweet. Do you think we're going to get there anytime soon?" Zoey asks.
"I don't know, It feels like forever since we boarded." Mike replies.
"Pretty boy Justin, manipulative farm-boy Scott, and Tan-in-a-can with attitude Anne Maria!" The camera pans towards the 3 on the yacht, fighting about who gets the last jelly donut.
"Brace-face, finalist on Total Drama: Action, Beth!" Beth turns to the 3 previous contestants who are fighting over the donut.
"Guys, calm down! There's enough snacks to go around!"
Anne Maria turns around and sprays Beth in the face with her hairspray. "*Cough, cough* what did you do that for!"
Anne Maria looks at Beth with a surprised look. "Oh sorry toots, I thought you were one of dem zombies or sumthin'. I'm gonna need to fix you up!" Anne Maria turns around and continues fighting with Justin and Scott.
"We also have, crazy-face Izzy!" Chris stutters with a freaked out face. "You guys wanna see how many crab cakes I can fit inside my mouth!?" Izzy yells. The surrounding contestants back away slowly.
"Also returning, cadet-code Brick!" The camera pans towards Brick backing away from Izzy. He then makes a salute sign at the camera and trips backwards on one of the food carts.
"Eva and Tyler!" Chris asserted. "Finally, some contestants with some oomph in them!" The camera shows Eva and Tyler having an arm wrestle. Eva beats Tyler, knocking him to the floor in the process.
"Just like old times!" Eva yells proudly.
"Know-It-All, Noah!" Chris giggles with a "proud of his own joke" face. Noah is un-amused.
"Up next is Cody and his stalker.. I mean,*friend* Sierra!" Chris stutters, realizing he's gonna have to pay a fine for that.
PSSSHT. The camera cuts to the confessional. "I can't believe I'm finally back with my Cody-kinz!" Sierra screams. "But… let's just pretend All Stars never happened L-O-L." She whispers.
PSSSSSH. The camera cuts to Cody in the confessional cam. "I know what you're thinking, *Wow, Cody, I can't believe you came back with Sierra!* but it's 'ight. Me and Sierra are friends now. Besides, I've set it to her straight about the whole "dating" thing. She won't get in my way, I'll still win the million!"
"And, the 4 remaining contestants, Dawn, Dakota, DJ, and Harold!" The 4 contestants are seen on the far end of the boat. Dakota and Harold are playing chess as DJ and Dawn spectate.
"Checkmate! Hehe." Dakota giggles.
"No!" Harold screamed pushing up his glasses. "You can't do a checkmate yet you have to!"
He was cut off by Dakota. "Whatever, I'm just trying to pass some time before we finally get to the island."
Dawn points at shore. "Look! I see the shore. It's a black sand beach!"
PSSSSH. The camera cuts to confessional cam. "I love black sand beaches… a lot" Dawn says quietly.
PSSSH. The camera cuts to Zoey in the confessional cam. "I can't believe they let me back on the show!" she says while shaking with both excitement and terror. "Except… this show kinda stinks!"
The camera points at all the contestants standing on the beach with Chris and Chef Hatchet. "Alright campers, for your first challenge..."
He is cut off by DJ. "Uh, Chris?" he stutters.
"Yes, DJ?" Chris replies in an annoyed tone.
"What's with the black sand?" DJ asks.
"Well, DJ, since you asked, this island is home to a volcano called Raitoningu volcano." Chris announces. The contestants are petrified, as usual. "Don't worry, it's completely safe and inactive." Chris explains. The contestants are relieved, but still on the lookout for danger. "You might also wanna watch out for the fauna. There are snakes, bears, and adult male deer around these parts, so keep yourself safe. Or not, I don't really care" Chris chuckles.
PSSH. The camera cuts to the confessional. "Hehehe, Chris is up to his usual antics." Sierra laughs.
"And now, before we head into the first ever challenge of the season, I wanna announce the teams." Chris explains with an excited tone. "And to do that, you're going to pick colored rocks from this bag." Chris shows the bag full of colored rocks. "If you pick a yellow rock, stand on the yellow mat. Blue rock for blue mat, and purple rock for the purple mat." The contestants all picked rocks.
"Ooh, these purple rocks go great with my eyes." Justin said with a glimmer in his eyes.
"OoOOh." Sadie drools.
"Sadie!" Katie snaps, "Keep your eyes on the game, don't let his evil good looks get to you!" Sadie nods in sad agreement.
PSSSH. "Me and Sadie are SOOO gonna take home the prize money this time together." Katie cheers in the confessional.
"Alright miserable contestants, the teams have been picked." Chris states. "Team A on the purple mat is Zoey, Mike, Sadie, Katie, Justin, Scott, and Anne Maria." Chris smiles. "And you will be known as… The Striking Serpents!" The camera shows the 7 contestants looking confused but staying silent.
"Team B on the blue mat are Noah, Izzy, Eva, Tyler, Brick and Beth. You guys will be known as… The Furious Bears!" Eva glares at Chris. "Seriously…?" she growls.
PSSSH. Eva is in the confessional. "I swear this show gets so idiotic sometimes, I could just PUNCH it!" Eva yells.
"And team C on the yellow mat has Dakota, Dawn, Cody, DJ, Harold and Sierra! Your team will be known as, the Malicious Bucks!" All 3 team logos appear on screen.
"Oh, cool!" Dakota shouts.
PSSSH. "Okay, so I may not have gone far in Revenge of the Island but I'm ready to make some alliances. My anti-mutant cosmetic surgery has worked like a charm and I grew my hair back and am normal human size again! My hair is still green though…yuck!"
"Hey so… Harold, is it?" Dakota asks.
"Yes, It is I." Harold replies.
"Well, I was just wondering if you wanted to be friends who vote together?" whispers Dakota.
"Is this some sort of stinkin' alliance, Dakota? Because if so, I'm out!" Harold says as he moves away from Dakota. Dakota sighs.
PSSSH. The camera cuts to Harold in the confessional cam. "You may have thought that I was mean to Dakota back there, but I was just trying to protect myself from a deadly alliance. I'm basically a lone wolf, especially since in my role-playing group, I'm actually part werewolf.
"Alright campers, challenge time!" Chris exclaims to them. The campers sigh.
"You've gotta be kidding me!" Scott retorts. "We just got here!"
"Yes, but that is for next episode!" Chris says. He turns towards the camera. "Bonds have formed, alliances have been attempted. Who will win the million dollars? Who will go home next episode? On TOTAL. DRAMA. KAZAN ISLAND!"
