Their blue eyes locked; suddenly it felt as if there wasn't any air left in the room. They stared at each other before he lowered his head, deeply sighing.

"I miss her…"

His voice choked out.

He reached over, touching his back. Fighting off his own tears.

"I know man, so don't I."

He lifted his head, his eyes bloodshot and worn from crying. They both stared at each other before that funny feeling came between them again. The same feeling that seemed to be happening more and more often now.

His mouth feeling dry, he lightly licked his lips before leaning forward. They were inches away from each other, slowly coming closer.

Just then thin cries came from the next room and both snapped out of it. Sitting up straight he cleared his throat while the other quickly wiped his eyes. Both got up and began heading down the hall.

2009.

"Well goodbye all! Today has been a success! We're gonna make it!"

Michael said before grinning.

"See you tomorrow!"

Michael shut the door and left Pam and Ryan alone in their small office space. Pam was finishing her last cup of champagne, which was one over her usual limit. Michael had swung by WallMart and bought a fifteen dollar bottle a few hours ago after Pam made her first sale. For the first time that week, this company somehow had a small ray of hope. Pam felt the happiest she had been in awhile.

Just then there was a knock on the door, Pam turned as Jim poked his head in.

"Hey Pam, can I talk to you for a second?"

Pam glanced at the clock, it a half an hour until they were going to leave. Smiling she walked over as Ryan kept his head buried his in laptop. Jim looked over at him and raised an eyebrow.

"Hey buddy, working hard?"

Ryan glanced over his shoulder and said nothing. Jim smiled before Pam met him in the doorway.

"What's up?"

"Can we talk outside for a second?"

"Yeah sure."

Pam shut the door behind them and both stood in the tiny hallway.

"Guess what?!"

Jim smiled.

"What?"

"I made my first sale!"

Jim looked surprised.

"Really?"

"Yeah it was amazing, this guy who came to the pancake breakfast ended up calling us back and you should have seen me…"

"So just one call today?"

"Yeah but…"

Jim nodded, giving his usual cocky look to her. Right away Pam felt her heart drop slightly. She honestly she felt he would be more excited for her.

"Hey listen, my brothers are coming to Scranton tonight. Their passing through and they wanted to meet me for drinks. Is it okay if I hang with them for awhile?"

"Yeah sure."

"Do you wanna come? I mean might be a good way to blow off steam."

Pam smiled.

"Naw I'm okay, besides I think I'm all ready a little drunk."

Pam giggled while Jim raised an eyebrow.

"Huh?"

"Yeah, Michael bought some champagne at the Golden Eagle, a little celebration for The Michael Scott Paper Company's first sale.'

Jim gave her a look.

"I wouldn't start celebrating that fast."

Pam was taken aback.

"Huh?"

"Well come on Pam, it was one sale. Are you okay to drive?"

Pam suddenly felt angry, she couldn't believe Jim was making her feel like this. Any joy she had over this afternoon was now gone.

"I'll get a ride…"

"And leave your car here?"

"Yeah I've done it before, what's your problem?"

Jim held his hands up in defense.

"Nothing, whoa…kinda snapping there Beesly huh?"

Pam rolled her eyes, turning to go back inside. She hated whenever Jim and here got into these stupid little fights. They weren't anything like Roy, but it still got to her. Jim reached out and touched her shoulder.

"Wait, Pam…"

Pam stopped, her eyes annoyed.

"What?"

"Listen I'm happy for you, it's just there's a lot going on upstairs and…well I don't want you to get your hopes up."

"Thanks for worrying…I'll see you tonight.

"Come on Pam wait!"

But Pam slammed the door behind her and locked it. Leaning against the door she shut her eyes and struggled to hold back tears. She was furious whenever Jim talked to her like she was a child. He had been giving her all these 'little speeches' this whole week since she quit upstairs. Opening her eyes, she took a deep breath and saw Ryan.

He was sitting at the table, an inhaler in his hands. Triggering it, he sucked in before sighing. Pam stood there slightly puzzled.

"What's that?"

Pam quickly wiped her eyes before walking over.

Ryan looked over, surprised.

"Oh it's my inhaler."

"Inhaler?"

"Yeah I have asthma, been acting up lately."

"Asthma?"

"Yeah, had it since I was a kid."

Pam walked over before taking a seat beside him, right away she looked down and sighed. Ryan studied her before reaching over and gently touching her arm.

Pam looked up.

"What's the matter?"

Pam couldn't believe he even asked. The last few days the two had barley been able to stand each other. In fact, she hated the person Ryan had become. She missed the old days when he was just a shy little temp that Michael had a crush on. Sure, she didn't know him that well…even back then, but there were a few memories both of them shared and she was sure would never repeat to anyone else. Ever since he was offered that job in New York he had changed. She hated how cocky he had become, and how rude he seemed acting as though he was above everyone else. Just a couple of months ago he returned, having been fired for fraud and drugs…still acting as if he was better than everyone else. She remembered how many times he annoyed her and how in the back of her mind she wondered where her co-worker and friend had gone.

But there had been so much going on she hardly had a chance to think. She was starting a new life with Jim, which at the moment she couldn't even think about.

Pam sighed deeply before rubbing her face.

"Oh nothing…"

Ryan shut his laptop and looked at her, suddenly the scent of clean soap and cologne overcame her. The past couple of days Pam had gotten used to the scent, along with the stuffy cold air the room brought…now it seemed almost pleasant.

"Come on something's wrong."

Pam looked up at Ryan's brilliant big blue eyes and remembered exactly how he looked the first day he walked into Dunder Mifflin. It was a boring early June afternoon and Pam had spent her morning sitting behind her desk and trying her hardest not to doze off. She remembered the door opening and seeing him walk in. He was dressed in black slacks and a long blue rain trench coat. His dark brown hair was such a shade it seemed almost yet black. His skin was flawless and creamy looking, and his eyes…

Her thoughts broke off staring up at him as she rested her head on the poker table they had been working at. Seeing him now with those dumb blond highlights she wondered yet again what happened to the young temp she had met that lazy early summer afternoon.

Pam remembered an hour ago when she was pouring herself champagne how she had offered it to Ryan. He simply shook his head and it dawned on her he was sober. In fact he had been sober ever since he came back…as far as she knew. Somehow that tiny little action of refusing the cup seemed very responsible to her.

Pam decided if she didn't get this off her chest it would just bother her all night. Sighing she looked at him and huffed, a tiny piece of fallen hair in front of her fell away. Ryan smiled before she sat up straight.

"It's nothing…kinda stupid."

"What?"

"Jim…I told him about making my first sale and he sorta blew it off, acting like it wasn't a big deal."

Ryan looked surprised.

"But it is a big deal."

Pam felt touched by this and smiled.

"Thanks…"

"Well come on. How long was I in sales and I didn't even make one. That was amazing today Pam…really."

"Thanks Ryan…"

Ryan shrugged before Pam went on.

"I know it isn't a big deal. I mean Jim has been so supportive and I know I'm complaining about nothing but…I don't know, I thought he would have been more excited."

"Don't let it bother you. I think it's amazing you did that today. Don't let anyone ruin it for you."

Pam just sat there, completely shocked by how Ryan was acting. It didn't seem like him.

Pam shrugged before a hiccup came up. Pam laughed before covering her mouth. Ryan smiled.

"Listen, I know this is lame but my mom is picking me up in a half an hour. Do you need a tide?"

"No, I'm okay…"

Ryan looked at her smiling before another hiccup came. Pam laughed before blushing.

"Yeah, maybe that might be good. You sure she won't mind?"

"No, not at all."

Pam smiled.

"Thanks Ryan, you're a good friend…"

Before she could say anything else, he kissed her.

2006 July.

Ryan walked into work feeling slightly depressed. Today was his twenty-sixth birthday and he never felt so horrible before in his entire life. He prayed it would be like last year and everyone would just forget it was his birthday so he didn't have to go through one of Michael's little birthday surprises like everyone else. Kelly had wanted to have a romantic dinner, but he had to say no, in fact he made her promise not to make a big deal about today or give him anything. Tonight he planned on getting a few drinks with his friends and then have dinner with his mother. It didn't seem, that crazy for a birthday but that's how he liked things. Sighing, he knew that before the summer he would have to break up with Kelly. He was extremely unhappy and what started off as a fling now seemed more like a nightmare. On top of that she had been bugging him about something called 'Diwali' which was coming up, and he still hadn't made a sale. In fact this entire year had been the longest of his life. Putting down his bag, he pulled back his chair before stopping.

There was a card on his desk. It was a dark blue and what white lettering on it which spelt out "Happy Birthday!"

Raising an eyebrow, he slowly sat down before opening it.

Ryan,

It just dawned on me yesterday that last year we forgot your birthday! I feel horrible, there we were giving Meredith her "pre-birthday" and you didn't even say a word! I'm so sorry! Angela noticed this as well and yes Michael is planning on tackling you the second he walks through the door. Angela got you strawberry short cake? You like that night? I remember for Kevin's birthday we had that and I remember you saying something about how it was your favorite. Funny how you remember such stupid little things huh? Anywho get ready for a long embarrassing day of Michael trying to give you birthday kisses and Kevin making jokes about you blowing out the candles (fire guy!) jk lol! Anyways happy birthday Ryan, maybe soon we can grab drinks together and talk about how crazy this place is.

Pam ps. Hope you like the drawing!

Ryan grinned reading the little note, that's when the folded up piece of sketch paper fell out from the card. Picking it up and slowly unfolding it a smile appeared on his face.

It was a drawing of his dog Rusty. Ryan eyed the framed photograph he had on his desk of Rusty laying on his back porch and saw that Pam had sketched the same exact thing. In fact he was really impressed. Wondering how she found the time to do this, he looked up and saw Pam sitting behind her desk staring at her computer screen.

Man, she sure was pretty…

He smiled at her before Pam looked over and met his eyes. Right away she smiled before Ryan held up the sketch.

"Thanks Pam, it's awesome."

Pam smiled, her cheeks blushing before the front door crashed open. Michael stood there giving Ryan a creepy grin before dropping his suitcase. Right away Ryan looked over and gulped.

Michael smiled before opening his arms.

"HELLO BIRTHDAY BOY!"

As Michael went charging towards Ryan, Pam sat back watching slightly horrified and the same time amused.

This had been a long year, most of all with Jim now being gone.

A broken three year engagement, turning Jim away, and somehow seeing no future for herself at this lonely dull paper company. Sure she had plenty of laughs, but a slow depression had settled over her.

Lately she couldn't help but looking over at where Jim used to sit and see Ryan there and get the oddest feeling.

Just last month she was beginning to see how Ryan could never replace Jim and how maybe she had made a horrible mistake…still, she couldn't help but keep looking at him and wondering what he was really like.

Smiling, she sat back as Michael knocked Ryan and his chair over.

Present.

Pam pulled away, out of breath and completely unable to make the room stop spinning. She knew she wasn't drunk enough to have this happen, but for the couple of minutes they kissed she felt as if her heart was going to burst any second. Pulling away, both gasped for air. Ryan grabbed his inhaler and triggered it in his mouth before smiling. Pam pushed her hair away before seeing her ring. A horrible feeling overcame her.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that."

The words echoed in her head like a church bell. Those were exactly the same words Jim had said to her on casino night.

Pam shook her head, her heart pounding in her chest. Her lips felt numb, she had never been kissed like that before.

"Ryan I can't do this…I'm engaged…"

She began to pull away when Ryan gently cupped her face, pulling her close. Pressing his forehead against hers, he breathed deeply before he kissed her again, their mouths opening slightly. When the kiss broke he looked at her.

"Pam…I'm so sorry."

Pam looked at him, confused.

"For what?"

"For being such a jerk…I'm so sorry…I'm such a loser."

Pam tried to pull back a little, she needed to get out of here.

"You're not a loser Ryan…"

"I am…I just needed to let you know I'm sorry."

Pam sat back, still taken aback by the kiss. Ryan then stared at her.

"Jim is a lucky guy…he should know that. I can't even tell you how many nights I laid awake in jail kicking myself for being such a jerk to you…"

Pam looked at him, she couldn't believe what he was saying.

"Really?"

Ryan nodded.

Pam reached over, touching the side of his smooth cheek. Looking into his eyes she sighed, suddenly feeling really sorry for him.

"Ryan, you made some mistakes…but you've changed. You're a good person now…but I can't do this. I love Jim…"

Ryan looked disappointed, in fact right away the look in his eyes broke her heart. Looking away, he turned his chair slightly, grabbing for his inhaler.

"Ryan please…"

She reached for him and saw for a split second what appeared to be tears building in his eyes. That's when everything broke down for her…she couldn't take it anymore. Turning his chair back to him, she smiled.

Ryan looked embarrassed and quickly wiped his eyes. Pam placed her hands on his arms before smiling.

"Fuck it."

Leaning forward, she kissed him again.

2005 August

Pam was upstairs checking the voice mails after the famous basketball game. Roy said he would come and pick her up in about ten minutes. Jim was still in his gym clothes, but was sitting on his desk. A client had called just a minute ago catching Jim right before he left for the day. Jim sat there before raising an eyebrow.

"My charts? Ummm hold on…no just a second…"

Jim put the phone down for a second before looking at Pam with helpless eyes.

"Pam?"

He loudly whispered to her. Pam looked up before Jim rolled his eyes.

"I think Kevin took my chart sheet into the bathroom before he left, would you mind grabbing it…"

Jim listened to the phone before nodding.

"Yes Mr. Clark, one second…no don't go one second…"

Pam smiled before going around her desk.

"Yeah hold on I'll check…"

Pam hurried into the staff kitchen, nearly knocking into Stanley before opening the men's room door.

That's when Pam stopped dead in her tracks.

Ryan stood there, his shirt off near the sink. Pam stood in the doorway staring like an idiot. Ryan right away looked over, his bangs falling in his face.

"Hey Pam."

Pam suddenly felt her throat become dry. It had only been two months since the temp had been working for them and she really hadn't paid him any further mind. Now here he was, his blue button up shirt and tie in his hands and completely shirtless. Staring at him she saw how smooth and pale he was, his stomach was perfectly flat and he seemed so…

Handsome?

Pam right away snapped out of it, embarrassed she was staring for so long. Blinking, she smiled before blushing.

"Ummm, have you seen Jim's chart folder, I think Kevin brought it in here…"

Ryan smiled before grabbing it off the counter.

"Yeah here…"

Handing them to her, Pam couldn't help but look at his chest. Just then she wondered how exactly he looked naked. They had to be around the same age, and she had noticed how big his eyes were…

That's when she smiled, quickly thanking him before leaving, wanting to slap herself for looking so stupid.

Present.

Pam snapped her eyes open before crying out. She was having the biggest orgasm in her entire life. It seemed so intense that she had to make a tight fist with her hand and bite down hard on her knuckles from crying out. She knew there were still plenty of people in the building and someone might think somebody was getting murdered.

Her entire body felt as if it was on pins and needles. Staring up at the ceiling, Pam's nails dug deeply into Ryan's arched shoulders. The two of them laying halfway against the poker table. Ryan's slacks were down around his ankles. Pam's dress slacks unbuttoned and thrown to the floor, her shirt opened revealing her bra. Pam's hair pooled around her and she saw they were right beside the phone, which was now off the hook.

Pam's mind was racing, she couldn't even think. Ryan raised his head, his face red as he tried to hold back. His dyed blond hair was now matted against his skull. Pam laid there, her back arching as he laid still inside of her for a moment. Making her squirm. Panting, Pam clung onto him.

"Don't…stop…"

She was able to say, feeling as if she was going to pass out at any second.

Ryan stared down at her and gave a dull thrust before taking hold of both of her wrists and raising them above her head on the table. Laying against her, squashing her breasts he began to thrust again, her legs spread on each side of him. Pam thrashed her head back and forth, this was the best sex she ever had.

A few minutes later…it was over.

They laid there for a while, in complete silent not saying anything. Ryan laid on top of her, still inside of her with his head resting against her breasts. Pam laid there, completely exhausted before the reality of what happened hit her like a pile of bricks.

"Oh my God…what have I done?"

Ryan lifted his head and looked at her. Right away Pam burst into tears.

2005 October.

Dwight and Michael were on what seemed like the 10000th verse of "Ryan started the fire". Pam sighed before eyeing Ryan's tiny blue car in the parking-lot.

Today had been one interesting day.

Feeling embarrassed for him, Pam felt her circle of friends trying to push away that nasty jealous feeling she had with Kathy and Jim. Strolling over, she shuffled her feet before smiling as she approached him.

"Hey you."

Ryan turned, he had been leaning up against his car. His head lowered and his hands stuffed in his pockets.

Ryan looked up.

"Hi Pam."

Pam eyed the office building just as the fire truck finally pulled out of the parking-lot. They were informed there was no damage and that the place just needed to be aired out. Everyone was planning on going home early.

Pam glanced over her shoulder watching Dwight still dancing with the burnt pita. Shaking her head, she sometimes became really annoyed with them. Feeling sorry for Ryan she smiled.

"You okay?"

Ryan sighed before looking at the building.

"I've been better…"

Pam smiled before leaning against her own car that was parked beside his.

"Don't worry about them, in a couple of days everyone will forget about it."

Ryan looked at her.

"Pam I almost burned down the building…and worse I have a nickname now."

Pam smiled.

"Come on, it could be worse. They could keep calling you temp."

Ryan smirked before shaking his head.

"I feel so stupid…"

Pam waved her hand.

"Please, you should have been here two years ago when I flooded the staff kitchen."

Ryan's eyes widened before laughing.

"You did what?!"

Pam nodded before smiling, crossing her arms.

"Oh yeah, a bracelet of mine fell down the drain of the sink and an hour or so later the sink started going crazy…water was everywhere and the floor was ruined!"

Ryan laughed.

"No way!"

"Yep, Roy had to pay for them to redo the floors which he wasn't that happy about. Michael of course teased me and so didn't the others…saying some very inappropriate things but time went by and everyone got over it. Don't worry okay."

Ryan smiled.

"Thanks Pam…"

Pam smiled before Roy called her over, he was getting ready to leave. Smiling, she tapped him a wink.

"See you around Ryan."

Ryan smiled waving and watched her go, feeling as if she was the only person who understood him.

Present.

Pam buttoned up her blouse before patting down her hair and sniffling in. Wiping her eyes quickly she grabbed her purse. She felt sick to her stomach.

Ryan zipped up his slacks quickly, his shirt untucked. Looking at her he sighed.

"Pam?"

Pam couldn't look at him, instead she began to hurry towards the door.

"Pam wait, my mom can drive you home…"

Pam pushed past him and fumbled for the lock.

"No thanks, I'm okay to drive now…"

Her words were slightly broken as she tried to hurry. Ryan watched her before she left, hurrying down the stairs and towards the parking-lot. She felt as if she couldn't breathe.

Running to her car, she grabbed her keys and nearly dropped her purse before getting inside and slamming the door behind her. Right away she burst into tears, lowering her head.

A few minutes later Ryan walked out, putting his sunglasses on and saw her car was gone. Sighing, he shook his head and saw his mom's car waiting. Walking towards it, he got inside and his mom smiled.

"Hi hon, how was your day?'

Ryan tried to smile but couldn't.

"It was good, we made our first sale."

Ryan's mother's face lit up before she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.

"That's wonderful!"

Ryan tried to smile.

"Yeah it was…"

Ryan's mother began to drive out of the parking-lot while Ryan stared out the window. He felt horrible and knew he had ruined things.

"That girl, the redhead you work with?"

Ryan looked.

"Pam yeah?"

"She seemed upset, I saw her run to her car crying…did something happen?"

Ryan now really felt horrible, hoping his mother didn't hear it in his voice he shrugged.

"No, maybe she had a fight with her boyfriend or something…I didn't see her."

"Pretty girl, real shame…seemed upset."

Ryan sighed, leaning against the door.

He had really fucked up.

Shutting his eyes, he knew he needed to talk to her.