The Tables Have Turned

AN : This fanfiction, a word which here means " story written for the purposes of entertainment, and not making money from it, " is an AU of the latter part of chapter twelve of the " Ersatz Elevator. " Ersatz " is a word which here means "describing a situation in which one thing is pretending to be another. However, I shall stop defining words, and get on with the story. I don't own much apart from my imagination. The story starts at the bottom of page 228.

". ... Now that I am Vice President in Charge of Orphan Affairs, I'm making more money, and my wife wanted to see if I could buy a bit of ocean decoration. "

"But -" Violet started to say, but Mr. Poe shushed her.

" Shush, " he told her. " Gunther is beginning Lot #48, and that's what I want to bid on. "

"Please, Lot #48, " Gunther announced. His shiny eyes regarded the crowd from behind his monocle, but he did not appear to see the Baudelaires. " Is large statue of fish, painted red, please. Very big, very in. Big enough to sleep inside this fish, if you are in the mood, please. Who bid?"

Someway behind the Baudelaire siblings, four adults were standing there, watching the proceedings. All four of them knew what was concealed within that fish, just as much as they knew that "Gunther " was, in fact, a horrible villan called "Count Olaf. "

The reason why they knew the answer to both of these facts was because one of them, a man called Philip, had been spying on Count Olaf, and then relayed the information he found out back to the others.

Meanwhile back at the ranch, Mr. Poe called out "Three hundred twelve, " before turning to the children and frowned at them. " Don't be ridiculous, " he said to them. " Count Olaf is a criminal. Gunther is simply a foreigner. I cannot remember the word for a fear of foreigners , but I am surprised that you children have such a fear. "

"Four hundred, " called out the other voice.

" The word is "xenophobia, " Klaus said, " But it doesn't really apply here, because Gunther isn't really a foreigner. He's not even really Gunther! "

Mr. Poe took out his handkerchief again, and the Baudelaires waited as he coughed into it before replying. " You're not making any sense, " he said finally. " Can we please discuss this after I buy this ocean decoration? I bid four hundred nine! "

"Five hundred, " called out the other voice.

" I give up, " Mr. Poe said, and coughed into his handkerchief. " Five hundred is too-"

"One thousand, seven hundred and fifty, " called out one of the adults standing behind the Baudelaires, and the entire "In" crowd either gasped or gaped, a word which here means " so surprised that their mouths fell open and they had to search their brains in order to remember how to close them again. "

The man who had called out such a large sum sneered to himself, and his colleague chuckled quietly beside him.

Onstage, both Esme and Olaf were surprised themselves, but Esme grinned nevertheless, thinking about the enormous sum of money that she would soon place in her "In" purse, a light blue bag with seashells on it.

Gunther smiled. " One thousand, seven hundred and fifty is highest bid, please. Please give large money sum to Mrs. Squalor, please. "

A man who was nearly as tall as Count Olaf, though nowhere near as skinny or as evil, made his way towards the stage. As he passed the Baudelaires, they couldn't help but stare at him. He was wearing a pinstripe suit, a belstaff jacket, and a deerstalker.

With a flourish, he handed over what looked like a cheque to Esme, before wrapping his hands around the fish. When both villans realised that they didn't know who this man was, they were nervous.

As the man struggled slightly with the fish, he stopped by the Baudelaires just long enough to quietly say, " Don't bid on anything; this fish is a red herring. "

Violet, Klaus, and Sunny all looked curiously at one another, before deciding to follow the man, without knowing why.

He led them to an area where there were three other people, a woman and two men.

" Right, Sally. Please pass me that tool that Philip gave you to open the fish, " they heard him say. Sally handed over a tool used for opening hollow statues, and the mysterious man fitted it into the gap.

He then glanced up and saw the children watching him with interest. He gave them a little smile, and carried on opening the fish. " Count Olaf may have fooled many people, including you, but there I'd one man who he can't fool, and that's me." He said.

"Terna? " Sunny asked. By "Terna" she meant something along the lines of "Who are you? " Violet started to explain what she meant, when he said, "My name is Sherlock Holmes," and finally got the fish opened.

When the Baudelaires saw what was inside, or rather who , was inside, they let out exclamations of surprise .

" Isadora! Duncan!" Violet cried out, and the entire " In " crowd turned around and gasped themselves. Then, all the lights went out, and all the blinds in the room closed, plunging the room into darkness.

When the lights came on again, and the blinds had opened again, everybody gasped again. Esme, Gunther, and the doorman, who had been the hook-handed man all along, were in police custody and each sporting a pair of handcuffs.

" Esme Squalor, Count Olaf, and Fernald Widdershins, I am arresting you all for numerous crimes, including the attempted auctioning of children, " said a police officer from behind them. She had long dark hair, and dark skin.

She smiled. " Laddies and Gentlemen, my name is Sergeant Sally Donavan, and it is my duty, not to mention, my absolute pleasure, to arrest these villans. "

The crowd burst into applause, as six officers escorted the three horrible people out of the building.

PAGE BREAK

" Well, that was an interesting morning, " Mr. Poe said, as plates of vermicelli were served to the people at the table. The Baudelaires, Quagmires, Mr. Poe, Sherlock, Lestrade, and Sally were all eating lunch at a Vietnamese restaurant and happily talking about a manner of things.

"I second that, Mr. Poe, " Violet agreed, picking up her fork and twirling noodles around. She then looked up at Sherlock Holmes, and asked, " How did you know that the Quagmires were actually trapped inside the fish statue? "

He smiled. " Well, we have an officer who works with us , but who also tails criminals around. I'm sorry that we couldn't save your aunt or uncle, but at least that terrible man, and his troupe, will never bother you again."

"What's this man's name?" Klaus asked.

" Philip Anderson. I always thought that he was a bit of an incompetent fool, but not so much now, " he said, and Sally smiled at him.

" Of course, it's going to take him quite a while to get to the standard of Sherlock Holmes, " he added.

" Hmm, interesting thing. Apparently, children, your parents knew Sherlock, and named him as a last resort guardian, which I didn't find out until just as I was getting ready to leave to find the Quagmires on the mountain top," Mr. Poe said.

" Cavoo, " Sunny said, which probably meant "Well, he isn't the friendliest guy on the planet, but he seems like he'd be a better guardian than Count Olaf ever was," Sherlock nodded at her in agreement.

" Indeed. Well, children, if you are going to be staying with me until Violet becomes of age to inherit your parents money, there is something you should know about me. I am a consulting detective, and I can tell what your interests are, just by looking at you. Violet, I'd say that you are an inventor, going by small shavings of wood on your person and the rough callouses on your hands. Klaus, you are a reader. Your hands show where you have turned pages, and your glasses are halfway down your nose," he said, pointing.

Klaus pushed his glasses back up, just as Sherlock added, and Sunny's teeth show constant use, thus meaning that you love to bite things."

"That was incredible, " Isadora said, smiling.

" Thank you, Isadora," he smiled back. " Any other questions? "

" Yes. Where do we live?" Asked Violet.

" 221B Baker Street. It's a nice place, and I have plenty of room for five children, " he said.

No more was said after this as they tucked into their lunch, but the Baudelaires and Quagmires, with their stomachs filled with good food, and surrounded by decent people, felt safer than they had in a very long time.

AN : I hope you enjoy this story. If you want me to write more, let me know. But I am quite happy with it as a one-shot. In this story, 221B Baker Street is bigger than it is in the series.