"Actually, there's this girl I like." Dino told me, just after we both became closer friends. I felt down. My face put on an expression that asks "So am I just a friend?", but I try my hardest not to get discerned by him.
"Actually, I really like you." I wanted to reply to him saying that, but I can't bring myself to do it. I don't want my stupid feelings for him be the cause to be hated by him. Because of that moment, it felt that time stopped, my heart stopped beating. I couldn't go on because of this, but I can't bring myself to hate him.
The next day, the both of us were walking to the ice cream parlor. While walking, he had this expression on his face. Judging by that expression, he must be thinking about that girl and smiling from it. I couldn't bear myself seeing him getting joy because of her, so I slowed down my pace. It is selfish of me to do that, but I can't control myself. My body moved on its own making me walk behind him to one side, keeping an angle of about 30 degrees until we reached the ice cream parlor. After we ate there, we both went our seperate ways.
As I got home, I sat at a corner, confused. I don't know anymore. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. There's no answer. Where will these emotions for him escape to? My thoughts for him are unrequited, but I won't give up yet. Was I the only one who thought the distance between our love shrunk? But because I don't want him to hate me, I just locked my feelings up. Whenever he needed me for advice, I'd hide my feelings for him and say "I'll be rooting for you!" before ending our conversation with a smile.
I thought once again. Yes, I do like him, but is it really worth it? He likes someone else. Do I still have a chance? Should I still like him? I keep asking myself all these things. Even if we did become closer, I still felt some distance between us. It feels like, we're so close yet so far from on another. I asked myself again if I really should still see him, but I am unable to sort and figure out my own feelings.
Later, at around midnight, he called me up. "I need your advice. What should I do?" he asked, not knowing my true feelings for him. "If only you would understand a girl's heart better, maybe your love will work out?" I replied, but ,of course, there is no way I could just bluntly tell him that.
After that call, I thought to myself once again. I don't know what I should do. I don't know if I should still like him. We have met each other, but will my feelings be possibly returned in the near future? This is still like a dream. Maybe it would be fine just to be friends with him, but I will feel better if we were more than that. I still hope that one day he'd be aware of my feelings.
The next day, he called me up saying he'd go for it. I wanted him not to, but if I'd say that, there's a possibility he'd hate me, and I don't want that to happen. Because of that, I just locked up my feelings and told him "I'm sure everything would turn out fine!" "Thanks, Akira~" he said to me, put down the phone, and went to her.
