I do not own Naruto. Some of the ideas used to create this fic use ideas from other series, and I don't own them either.

--

Chp.1 Kisame's Evil Petting Zoo

Fifteen teenagers stood huddled in a group, staring strangely at a scarred man and the sign above him. None of them looked as if they wanted to be there.

"Ok, kids, time for you to enjoy your field trip!" Iruka said happily, gesturing to the gate under the sign. It read 'VIL PETTING ZOO' though some letters were covered up by a piece of cloth.

"Why are we here again?" Kankuro mumbled to his sister.

"Because we were visiting and our friend's roped us into it so they wouldn't have to go by themselves," Temari said in a sage-like voice.

"Oh."

"OK kids! Go and frolic with joy!...erm…I mean, go wander around the zoo and have fun!" With that, the teenagers dispersed into various groups, going to see their own favorite animals (this was a very extensive petting zoo).

The view of the front gate flashed off of a monitor and began to show screens of the other various areas of the petting zoo.

"Hmmmm…they have arrived…no Snookies, you may not have another fish…"

--

Naruto came skipping out of the amphibian exhibit, smile on his face. "So that's where Gamakichi lives when he's not summoned!" Little did Naruto know that if he had looked closer, he would have seen Gamakichi's mouth was being held shut and the pinky finger of the frog had been tied to the rest of his hand.

As Naruto came gallivanting out, he saw several of his friends head into the Mammal exhibit. "Oh! Wait guys!"

--

"Come on Shino, they're not that bad."

"…"

Shino had been dragged along by Kiba to the dog section of the zoo. Shino however wanted to go to the bug exhibit, and thus argued very vehemently with Kiba on this point.

"…"

"OK, ok fine, we'll go to the bug exhibit after we see the dogs." Akamaru barked in agreement.

--

Sasuke was in a state of elation. He had both of his eyebrows raised and that was it. Why was he happy you ask? Well in that tragedy oh so many years ago, when Itachi destroyed Sasuke's life, Itachi also killed all of the various animals that the Uchiha family had bred. Yes, he killed the cows, the fish (Sasuke's poor pet goldfish), and everything else that the Uchiha's had a hand in. However, it seems not all of the animals had been killed, and Sasuke was standing in front of proof that that was true.

A red eyed crow stared back him.

Yes, Sasuke was truly elated. It was definitely a good day. He might even be nicer to Naruto and maybe even put up with Sakura's advances……pfft! Yeah right.

--

"Hehehehe!" For the first time in a long time, Hinata was giggling. Or maybe she was squeaking in terror, no one was really sure. Well, most of the girls thought she was squeaking in terror because she had several rabbits attacking her hand. But the cute furry animals distracted them so they didn't really do anything to help. Sakura was currently feeding some of the cats in the mammal exhibit with a bottle on of the attendants had given her. So holding a kitten in her lap, happily nursing it, with lots of the felines surrounding her, she only barely heard the remark from Naruto just as he walked in.

"Haha, Sakura looks like an old cat lady!" Naruto was unfortunately beaned in the head by the bottle.

"How does this look like me again?" Tenten was quite puzzled by her teammates' remarks. She looked at the panda again, after glancing at the damage Sakura had done with the bottle. "I seriously don't get this." Nonetheless she went up and pet the large black and white animal.

Lee on the other hand, just a few pens away, was more ecstatic than confused. "AAAHHHHHHH!!!!!! One of the few animal species with the power of YOUTH! Please, oh Great Ones, teach me your ways!" Lee started bowing down in front of the squirrel cage.

"Uggh…." Neji quickly looked away from the embarrassing sight of his teammate and instead chose to concentrate on the animal in the pen next to his cousin. Like all things, Neji started comparing them to his destiny to see if he should like them or not. Underdogs of society not by their own choice? Check. Resigned to a fate that they never could escape from? Check. Trapped like a bird in a cage? No check. Ah well, looks like he'd have to not like something again. Oh well, Neji could still stand there and look at them. Neji soon became entranced by the hypnotic dance of the rats he was currently looking at.

Naruto walked by several of his friends looking for some animal he might find interesting and no one else seemed to be interested in. He passed by Sakura and the cats, Hinata and the bunnies, Neji and the rats, Tenten and the panda, Lee and the squirrels, Ino with the pigs and Shikamaru with the deer. He paused briefly to stare at Gaara who was currently situated in front of the raccoon pen.

"Uh, Gaara are you ok?" He poked the insomniac in the head.

"Mmmmmm….shiny…" Gaara mumbled. Naruto turned to look at what Gaara was staring at, and saw that all the raccoons in the pen were looking at it too. A small bit of reflective metal was poking up out of the ground in the middle of the enclosed area. Naruto proceeded to sweat drop.

Continuing on his way, Naruto finally came to a pen that caught his interest. Or at least it caught the interest of a demon inside his belly. As he walked up to the pen, all of the foxes inside stopped and looked at him, the slowly backed away and looked as if they were bowing. Perplexed for a moment, Naruto suddenly grinned.

"You!" he pointed at one of the foxes, "turn around!" The fox he pointed at paused for a second then turned all the way around.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!"

--

Kankuro looked around. No one was nearby.

"Dang it! Why does this always happen to me!?!?!?!" Kankuro stared shrewdly at the kangaroo in front of him. "You know something don't you?"

It turns out the kangaroo did know something. Directly behind kankuro on the other side of a bush stood his sister, holding a desert hawk, one of the few other animals in the desert exhibit. Temari upon hearing her brother on the other side of the bushes decided to play a little joke.

Seconds later, Kankuro was frantically looking around the area for the strange bird that had taken his cap. Temari giggled in the bushes holding Kakuro's cap.

--

"See, here we are, the bug exhibit!"

"…"

"You want me to what?"

"…"

"Ok, fine." Kiba proceeded to walk into the middle of the beetle pen as Shino held Akamaru.

Chouji, happily munching away at his potato chips, glanced away from the butterflies. He turned back, grinning happily that Shino had started to become more open. Little did chouji know, a caterpillar had just crawled into his chips.

--

Iruka had finally finished his surveillance of the kids to make sure they were enjoying themselves. The reason Iruka had done all of this was because he thought all of the kids could use a little time off from ninja-in-the-night-ing and enjoy themselves. And it looked like it was working. But one thing irked Iruka. There was no one else in the petting zoo.

Hmmm…maybe ill go ask the manager of this place. Iruka soon found himself in front of a large building near the back of the zoo. "Uh, hello?"

"Come in my fine friend…" a voice replied from inside the door. Iruka skittishly walked into the door, following a dark corridor towards the back of the building.

"What the?" Iruka walked out onto the back porch of the large building to find one of the oddest sights he would ever see. The only objects in the backyard of the building were a very large kiddy pool and a table piled with TV screens. But that was not what made it odd. Within the kiddy pool was a large shark, with some sort of contraption on its head. As a large beam of red light passed Iruka's head and set aflame part of the door behind him, he knew what the contraptions were. Great, Sharks with Laser beams attached to their heads. Sounds like some bad 60's spy movie.

"Oh, come now Snookies, don't scare the guest. We want to thank him from bringing all the little kids to us." A large…blue?...man stepped out from behind the TV table, wearing nothing but some black swim trunks with little red clouds on them. The strange…gilled?...man then turned to Iruka. "I thank you mine mortal enemy for delivering these tasty morsels to me. They will make great workers in the chocolate factory!"

Chocolate factory? Mortal enemy? Iruka looked over at the shark. Oooohh……duh…. For some reason Iruka felt the urge to do something dramatic. "You will not have your way you nefarious fiend!...Who are you by the way?"

The large blue man grinned. "I…am…KISAME!!!!!!"

Suddenly all the way at the front of the zoo, the cloth suspiciously covering the sign fell away revealing the slightly sinister moniker of the place. Kisame's Evil Petting Zoo.

"Kukukukukukukukukukukuku!"

"You will not get away with this Kisame!" Strangely Iruka's words seemed to be slightly out of sync with his mouth, producing the effect that he was speaking a completely different language than what he really was speaking. And thus the battle began.

"Flying Dolphin Tail Slap!"

"Exploding Shark Bite of Doom!"

As the two combatants flew towards each other, in the background a large and highly unneeded pyrotechnic display exploded in all its fiery glory.

--

As the explosion rang throughout the evil petting zoo, fifteen heads turned to look towards the back of the area. One by one they all shrugged and turned back to the furry (or exoskeletony, or feathery) and extremely kawaii little animals.

--

After several minutes of grunting for no apparent reason and calling out random names of attacks, the scarred man and the blue man, both panting from exhertion, looked at each other from across the kiddy pool.

"It seems that you are a worthy opponent, my marine mammalian friend." Kisame stood up slowly.

"Likewise, my tooth skinned blue enemy." Iruka too, erected himself.

"But, it seems I must bring battle up short…" Kisame whipped out a remote with a big blue button on it.

"What, no big red button of doom?"

"Shut up!...I like blue…" Kisame pressed the button once, and a large mechanical contraption emerged from the center of the kiddy pool.

"I won't let you do whatever it is that you were planning on doing that seems as if it would be very evil and painful!" Iruka then used his amazing ninja skills (wait…what?) and preformed a daring move of ultimate goodness. In other words he ran up to Kisame, grabbed the remote, and threw it into the water, where it proceeded to make dying electronic noises underwater.

"NUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" And the machine in the middle of the kiddy pool exploded (in yet another unneeded display of pyrotechnics).

"Stupid Konohanian, you know not what you do! That machine can alter the very fabric of reality!"

"Really?"

"Actually I don't know what it does…other than its supposed to be really evil. Itachi told me to use it!...But anyway, tootles!" Kisame grabbed the shark out of the kiddy pool and promptly disappeared in a poof of smoke.

"Crap." The machine promptly exploded and sent a strange wave of energy off surging through the petting zoo of supreme evilness.

--

Naruto laughing maniacally with a fox curled up in his arms.

Sakura getting her face licked by the black cat she was holding.

Sasuke glaring happily at the red-eyed crow sitting on his arm.

Shikamaru getting his butt stabbed by the antlers of the deer.

Ino struggling to move a pig away from her leg.

Chouji starring at the caterpillar he found in his chips.

Hinata still giggling with the bunnies.

Kiba being swarmed by the beetles in the beetle pen.

Shino chortling at Kiba while holding Akamaru.

Neji joining into the mesmerizing dance of the rats.

Tenten squirming to get out of the breath stealing hug of the panda.

Lee being tested by the squirrels to see if he was a good nut or a bad nut.

Gaara looking angrily at the raccoon holding the shiny object while holding it by the tail.

Temari smiling to herself, flipping the eared hat in her hands, as the desert hawk perched on her shoulder.

And Kankuro looking into the kangaroo's pouch to see if he could find his hat.

These were all the last things any of the young ninja remembered before the wave of strange energy washed over them all.

--

(Several days later)

Shikamaru slowly opened his eyes, his face quickly becoming disgruntled. Instead of the beautiful scene of clouds looking back at him, he found the ceiling of what looked like a hospital room. As Shikamaru sat up, he found it was indeed a hospital room, and a very large one at that.

"Hehehe, of course the last one to wake up is the lazy one." Several heads around the room nodded in agreement with the girl in four blonde pigtails.

"Meh, how troublesome…what are we here for anyway?" Shikamaru looked around the room and found all 14 of his friends in beds around the room.

"We were apparently hit by some unknown type of attack that rendered us all unconscious. They said we all had some strange side affects when they found us, but all of us didn't notice anything strange." Sakura replied in her professor voice.

"But don't worry about anything Shika-kun, I'm sure it was nothing." Ino promptly hugged the lazy nin in the bed next to her.

What happened next, none of the 15 ninja would ever forget.

Right after Ino had started to hug her teammate, there appeared in their places a very confused deer and pig.

Nine pairs of furry ears, two pairs of antennae and two feathered ruffs stood up in surprise.

--To be continued?--

A/N: Ok, so I took several ideas from various things namely Fruits Basket, Tokyo Mew Mew, Austin Powers, old Kung-Fu movies, Itcha Itcha Naruto by red.junko, and every single cheesy villain I could think of at the time.

Anyway, if you like this and would like to see it continued then please review. Ill probably put out at least one more chapter for this, but whether or not it continues is up to the reviewers.