I think I almost sighed when I logged of Trollian. Almost. I can't remember the last time I sighed aloud, but I don't particularly care. I wondered if I was supposed to feel bad that I had tricked him into doing what I wished, Vriska doesn't seem remorseful when she hurts others so I guess this is normal. I sat there for a while more listening to the wind to see if it carried any whispering voices. It appears that they choose to be silent tonight. I'm okay with that.
I lean back and lay on the stone floor of the cave. I think the stone is very cold and should be giving me honkbeast mounds. Maybe it isn't cold. I'm… glad? That Vriska has not told anyone besides Terezi of my current state. But I also guess I couldn't care less if she had told everyone. It didn't really matter to me. Nothing really did anymore.
Destroying things was nice though. It gave me some sort of feeling, like I was strong and everyone was weak. But it didn't make me happy.
But I guess I was okay with that too.
I was never really lonely, I could always go see my friends if I cared enough to go all that way. I'm sure someone would answer if I messaged them on Trollian. Unless they were too wrapped up in their own affairs then I guess I wouldn't be too upset if they didn't reply. Some people said I was a little distant nowadays. Maybe I was, I didn't care.
I think if I could remember how to feel, it would feel great to not have a care in the world.
I wonder if I would care about my friends' fates. I knew how each and every one of them would come to perish, even in alternate timelines. But I would stick to my job of making sure things followed their order in the alpha timeline.
Tavros would eventually get to enjoy his confidence for a little while.
Sollux would learn to relax and have more fun with a bubbly girl.
Karkat would realize he actually cares for all his friends no matter how much he tries to hide it.
Nepeta would continue her dreams and shipping escapades.
Kanaya would eventually find solace in a friend after another broke her heart.
Terezi would realize that being blind isn't all that bad.
Vriska would realize that someone actually did appreciate her company.
Equius would realize that being strong is not always the answer.
Gamzee would stay on his sopor for a while yet.
Eridan would realize that Princes are not always meant for protecting their subjects.
Feferi would find that she could've been a better moirail to her friend.
All this was pointless. In my life everyone was already dead, they always had been. I was dead. They were dead.
We were all dead.
I clicked back on the Trollian icon and messaged Sollux. Maybe talking to him would make me feel better. No, cause I didn't feel bad. I didn't really feel anything except the need to talk to someone at the moment.
In a minute he was on and we began chatting.
TA: what2 up AA?
AA: n0thing
TA: well okay then iim kiinda iin the miiddle of 2ome 2eriiou2 hackiing
AA: 0k
TA: ii2 there 2omethiing you needed?
AA: no
TA: okay iim done wiith thii2 crap
TA: what ha2 been up wiith you
TA: a while back you ju2t 2eemed two 2top cariing
TA: diid ii do 2omethiing two up2et you?
AA: no
AA: I guess I did just st0p
AA: st0pped caring
AA: but that's 0k
TA: how could that be ok
TA: whenever ii talk two you now iit2 liike talkiing to a dead per2on
TA: you are liike a gho2t of your2elf
TA: wa2 iit the voiice2?
TA: what diid they tell you
AA: they didnt tell me anything I didn't already kn0w
AA: they whisper t0 me
AA: wanting revenge 0n every0ne
TA: ii hear them two you know
TA: but they don't whii2per
TA: they alway2 2creech of the death2 of everything
TA: liike they are in pain
TA: the pain of knowiing their fate I gue22
AA: they tell me what they whispered t0 y0u
AA: they want y0u t0 try and save them
AA: 0r maybe t0 have s0me0ne t0 share their grief with
TA: ju2t becau2e you 2topped feeliing doe2nt mean ii didn't
AA: h0w d0es it feel t0 kn0w y0u cant save them
I logged off again and contemplated my situation. Not even a vague wisp of emotion could grab my attention. I guess I accepted my fate.
I knew I couldn't save anyone.
And I was okay with that.
A/N
So thanks for reading, right now I'm just doing little one-shots but I am planning on doing some more prominent stories in the future!
