Fire and Ice - Heart of Flame

I told myself I wasn't gonna do this, but... sigh. Thank you, Ghost in the Lion. What I needed was more plot bunnies. And thank you, certain people who know who you are (Rachel!), this is ENTIRELY your fault! Heh.
I apologize to Lance, because he'd say this title is lame. But sometimes when it's that easy you've just gotta take it.
VF continuity, DotU to fill in the gaps.


He tasted like ice.

I know, that's silly. Ice is just water, and water doesn't taste. Except that it's not, it's... it's just different, I can't explain how, something cold and clean and sharp and pure. And the first thing I learned with him was that there are different kinds of cold. To be with Sven was to know the primordial chill at the heart of everything, letting his caress send shivers through you and finding that passion could burn so hot it froze.

Nobody else could make me wax all poetic like that. But with him around it was so easy. Something about him opened those places inside me that I'd never known existed. That sometimes I still can't reach unless he's the one I'm thinking of.

I call myself a soldier. Most others call me a lunatic. All I know is the only time I ever cared about security was wrapped in his arms, letting the cold soothe all that tension and recklessness away.

Security. Yeah.

Funny thing about that.

I believed he would always be there. He meant to always be there. And it was that loyalty—a loyalty I'd never known, never earned before, never dreamed I could earn—that tore us apart.

His loyalty and my own stupidity. Because the ice is delicate, as fragile as it is beautiful, and if you let it come into harm's way it shatters. I'd believed he was unbreakable. And for once in my life, for the first time on the topic of my lover, I was wrong.


From the moment I first laid eyes on him, I knew he was important somehow. He didn't say it. Didn't hold himself above anyone. But you could see it, the nobility flashing in those harsh gray eyes, the way he carried himself with such cold confidence. The way he always seemed to have waves of silent fury rolling off his skin. He didn't act forbidden, he just felt forbidden.

A challenge!

Always have loved challenges.

I watched him. Studied every move. How he slipped through the streets and halls of the academy, graceful and elusive as a single snowflake. How he absorbed every blow in combat training, immovable as a glacier. How in the dead of winter he would stay outdoors for hours in only a light jacket and get curious stares, always ignored, as the other cadets passed him by.

I can't remember the thought even occurring to me that I'd never chased after a dude before. I mean, I hadn't. But it didn't even cross my mind. He was going to be mine and that was that. How hard could it be? I could always get anyone I wanted. Anyone!

When I look back sometimes I wonder if I was tired of what my life had become. I was Lance, the hopeless rake, the skirt chaser, the one who always slipped away before dawn. Girls were nice for one night, maybe two, then they got annoying. Even when I thought something was serious I always found myself back in the same place.

I was drifting through the academy in a sea of piloting drills, disciplinary hearings, and dozens of nameless, faceless women. Is it so hard to believe I was lonely?

No way. I'm Lance! I don't get lonely. I just wanted something different.

This would be different. Trying to attract and conquer, not just picking up some quick score who could be forgotten equally quickly. The thrill of the hunt would make it sweeter.

Yeah, about that.

I started with the direct approach, just to see what he'd do, and he was in my bed an hour later. So much for the plan. I think that was when I realized what had attracted me to him so powerfully... he was so pure. Purer than the snow, purer than rays of light streaming off icicles in the morning sun. I'd never known someone like that before.

I stripped away his innocence so easily, but never that purity of his heart.

Yeah. I said innocence. You wouldn't have known it, from that rage seething under his surface, but in these matters he was innocent as a kitten. But I'd seen that kind so many times. No innocence survived contact with Lance McClain, and neither did his.

One night. One night and I knew I never needed a girl again. One night and I knew he was mine as long as I wanted him... and I wanted him forever.

The first time was awkward. Thoroughly enjoyable, but still awkward. He had no idea what he was doing, and he readily admitted to that fact. So I taught him. And over the next few weeks I taught him everything I knew.

He learned so quickly.

Sven knew how to make me shudder like nobody else could ever dream. Knew every spot to run his fingers over, the precise amount of pressure that would make me cry out and beg for more. Usually that was my specialty, making the girl of the night squeal like... well... a girl. Nobody had ever been able to do that to me before.

I haven't let anyone try since.

His touch was always cold. There was some very simple biological reason for it... he tried to explain it to me once, but I told him to shut up and go back to kissing. I loved his voice, that exotic accent washing over my senses. But I liked his mouth even better when it was locked against my skin.


The day it all became real was the day he barged into my room, cursing and snarling, saying something about being called home.

He was so angry. I'd seen him angry so many times, usually because I wanted him angry, because I knew how to calm him and turn the arctic rage in his eyes into desire. So easy. Just touch the most sensitive spot on him I could reach, listen to him yelp, melt the fury off his face and take him to the ground. Turn all that intensity to a more productive goal. He never did learn to expect that.

Or maybe he wasn't thinking through the anger.

Or maybe he just liked it that way.

But something was different this time. Something about being called home, as if you could just up and walk out on the Alliance. That only happened under special circumstances. Special circumstances that applied, for all I knew.

I always know where to draw the line. My line. Maybe it's not the same place people would like me to draw the line, but I know how far I can really go.

Of all the impertinent questions I'd asked him to spark his temper, I'd never asked this one. But now it seemed important. This wasn't just idle curiosity, wasn't just me being brash because it infuriated and aroused him in the same moment. I needed to know. To help him. To keep him with me.

"Sven... what exactly is your title, on your homeworld?"

He'd never spoken of a title, I just knew he had to have one. Knew because nobody else could carry themselves with such majesty. Knew because not even the ice could be so pure. But the scope? Nah. Couldn't have even guessed at that.

I expected to have to drag it out of him. No problem. He couldn't resist me any more than I could resist him. Maybe that's why he didn't try to hide it, but I'd like to think that wasn't it. I'd like to think he trusted me that much, because Lance the incorrigible flirt had never been worthy of anyone's trust before.

Either way those gray eyes raised, going nearly as pale as the tundra, and he averted them just as quickly. "My name," he whispered, "is Crown Prince Sven Holgersson of the Fifth Diaspora."

Oh lord.

I'd spent the last three months sexing up a prince? The wave of shock that washed over me carried a little regret along with it. A prince...

Think of all the royalty jokes I'd missed out on! Damn.

I can only imagine what my expression must have looked like. I couldn't ask him, because he wasn't looking at me. He was looking at the comm set in his hands. Staring at it like it held a thousand answers that I couldn't see.

And then he threw it at the wall and watched it break.

"I reject this."

"Sven?"

"I'm not going back there, Lance."

"Dude, you're their prince."

"No! I'm not. I reject that... all of it!"

"But it's your home."

He had that terrifying look in his eyes that he got when he was determined. That look that could freeze your soul, that said it was useless to argue with him, and that's why I was arguing. I didn't want him to leave. Of course I didn't. But I knew he wasn't going anywhere, the second I saw that look, so I protested.

I protested to hear him confirm it.

I still didn't expect what he said.

"My home is here, Lance. And unless this is you telling me to leave... my home will never be anywhere but where you are." And he grabbed me and kissed me so furiously the ice drove down my throat to pierce my heart.

I saw his homeworld in that moment. Our eyes were locked on each other and there was something in his I could only call desperate, begging me to tell him it was okay. I'd had lovers beg me to stay with them before. I'd never had a lover beg for the right to stay with me. But... I saw it. A reflection of drifting snow and howling winds. Bleak. Hopeless.

I understood why he hated it. I understood why he loved me.

He pulled back. Blinked. And that image was gone, leaving only my own reflection in his eyes.

"Are you sure about this, Sven?"

"Did that feel uncertain?" His eyes narrowed and he ran a finger gently down my chest. "Do you need me to go further to prove just how sure I am?"

I answered that the only way I knew how. By dragging him onto the bed and demanding he do just that. Showing him how thoroughly I accepted his promise.

We never mentioned his past again... like I said, I know where to draw the line.


Arus was supposed to be perfect. We were deployed together, how could it not be perfect?

Haggar. Bitch.

The old witch was clever. She set a flawless trap, baited it to ensure her target couldn't fail to appear. Sometimes I wonder if it was focused so precisely on me. If my lack of control made me the weakest link and they knew it. If I'm responsible...

Of course I'm responsible. It doesn't matter if it was intentional on their part, all that matters is I took the bait. Fell into her twisted clutches.

It's why I get after Daniel, when he goes off like the hotheaded idiot I recognize so well. I want to tell him everything. That I've been there. That someday he's going to cost himself someone he loves dearly.

But even now I can't bring myself to say that out loud.

I put up a damn good fight. Crazy witch. We were just pilots, not ready to face battle and magic on the ground, but I fought like hell. No way was I going to live down to the mess I'd just gotten myself into. It was just another inconvenient little scrape, like a thousand I'd come through before. No problem.

No problem. Story of my life. I never have problems. I'm Lance!

I held my own against the witch. But then there was movement at my side. Movement I couldn't hope to block or dodge without giving the witch a clear shot.

The cat. I'd forgotten the damned cat.

And suddenly there was a shadow in front of me, and something much larger and stronger than a housecat knocked me to the ground, and the cat was yowling and Sven was screaming and the witch was laughing and...

Everything.

Froze.

I think an eternity passed before I realized his blood was soaking my chest. It was hot. It shouldn't be... his blood should be cold, shouldn't it? When everything was right, he was cold.

Nothing was right.

He wouldn't let go of me. Not even when the cat backed off and we saw the shadow looming over us, heard the snarl of one last combatant. Where the hell did that monster even come from? But it didn't matter, because Sven saw it, because he tightened his grip on me and took the full blow across his shoulders.

The blow meant for me.

Tears mixed with his blood, tears that were as cold as the blood was hot. I still don't know if they were his or mine.

I avenged him. Dragged that robeast into the lava that couldn't burn near as hot as my rage. Burn, you miserable bastard! Burn in all the fires my lover will never know again. He could take the heat, and it was meant for him. Him alone! Anyone else who touches that fire can only turn to ash.

But he wasn't dead. I should have known better. He wouldn't die so easily, he wouldn't just leave me like that. He was too strong for that, too loyal to succumb to petty little biological realities. There was no choice but to send him off-world, though. Not if he was to continue to live.

I squeezed his hand and it was so cold. The wrong kind of cold. And watched the ship that took him from Arus until it had been out of my sight for hours.


When he resurfaced he didn't come back. They needed him on Pollux, much more than we needed him on Arus. The team spent a week on that planet, guests of the princess we'd saved, and every night he begged me to understand. Pleading with his words and his body at the same moment. The frost of his skin had not changed, and we stayed pressed against each other until every one of my muscles ached from that sensual cold.

I did understand.

Of course I understood why he stayed with her, not because she'd saved him, but because she still needed saving and he wouldn't just leave her, not like that. I knew Sven so well. Knew what was going through his mind when he looked at her so fondly. He didn't need to justify himself.

At least I knew he was alive. At least I knew where he was, and Pollux wasn't that far away. He'd given everything for me, and I could give him this.

Romelle knew about me. She was... she's a good person. A wonderful person. She came to Arus one day, when he was busy on a scouting mission elsewhere. Came to talk to me, of all people. Came to tell me that he'd told her about us, to promise she was not a threat.

I don't know how she did it. I'd barely met her and I could see she loved him, in ways she knew he would never return. That's the intellectual side of me—yes, I have one!—talking, though. All I heard at the time was he still loves you.

Diplomatic arrangements would be made. Once the Drules were defeated, and relations between our planets became more routine than the military matters called for, we would need an ambassador from Pollux. Who better?

Sven hated diplomacy, and I was so looking forward to that. Sex was always better when he was angry. When he took on that darker chill and all but demanded I burn it away. Which, I should add, I was very good at doing.

Of course it wasn't that easy. Because Sky Marshal Wade was a psychotic bastard and just had to make things difficult for everyone.

The Drules were defeated, but it wouldn't have mattered who was on Arus. Because I was on Earth, stalking the halls of the GA flight academy, terrorizing the cadets, searching for something. Nothing specific. Just something. Watching Wade's tricks, keeping my eyes open. Waiting for a cadet or two to display appropriate qualities for recruitment. Waiting for the right moment to move.

I still don't know how he got into my bedroom. He was just there one day, smirking, saying he'd gotten a seasonal diplomatic detachment from Pollux. Oh, he hated diplomacy. But not as much as he loved me.

There were two perfect months. It was the heat of the summer, but all I knew was the ecstasy of winter. Then he had to go back. He kissed me, cool and gentle as new snow, and swore he would come back as soon as possible.

And then he vanished.


The kid wasn't a shock. I knew. Romelle told me exactly why he'd run. She couldn't tell me where... she'd thought he had been planning to come to Earth. But days turned to weeks that turned to months, and he never appeared.

I refused to believe he was dead.

So he'd been with someone that wasn't me. I couldn't be angry, not when she explained, dancing around the details but making the spirit behind the act clear. Platonic sex! Ridiculous. It was so... so... Sven. Maybe I hadn't quite managed to take every shred of his innocence after all.

Jealous? Nah. I can bring myself to share his body. I don't need to be jealous, because I know I have his heart, because I'm Lance and as long as I want him he's still mine. I just hope Romelle enjoyed it as much as I always did. Hope she appreciated what she had.

A child, though. I couldn't see him as a father. Not by himself. Not alone in whatever corner of the galaxy he'd fled to. And I couldn't see myself as a father, either, but I was ready to try to learn if he wanted me to help him. If he would just come back to me.

I kept wondering if that was why he didn't show up. If only it had just been that... and then suddenly the war erupted. I was on Arus again. We could've used him, to help us fight Wade. To deal with the holy terrors we'd recruited into our ranks as cadets. But he was still nowhere to be found.

Until that day on the beach.

Crydor. I feel so stupid for not realizing it sooner! A frozen hellhole that was home to a race of vikings, seriously. So obvious.

But maybe I was in denial. Maybe I knew, from the moment it was Blue Lion that was taken, from the moment Pidge said the Castle of Lions seemed to know the thief. Maybe I just couldn't bring myself to believe I'd just fought him.

Really, who else could it have been? Piloting better than me, indeed. Sven... argh! But I can admit it. He always could outmaneuver me, in a lion as easily as in bed.

He nearly killed all of us, and all I can remember is how I felt when his voice first came over my comms. How glad I was Daniel was there, to prevent me from saying—or doing—anything rash.

Rash by my standards, I mean. That's pretty rash.

For the briefest of moments when I heard that voice, I'd have handed over my own lion just to have him back.

To touch him again.

To feel his icy breath on my skin.

To just hear that ridiculous accent whisper my name.

Sven! Never forget what you told me, damn you. Crydor is not your home. Because I'm not there... but I'll come back. I'll come back once we've found a cure. I'll come to get you and drag you back to Arus to be healed, kicking and screaming if that's what it takes.

And then we're going to make up for lost time. I won't let you go until my body stops working, numb from the pleasure and the cold.

I still love you, Sven.