Not-so-dear Freddie,

if you're reading this, then I am already long gone. I decided I should write you a letter before taking off for Los Angeles, because I've got a lot of things I'll never be able to say to your face. I asked Spencer to give you this letter and I hope he didn't open it before giving it to you, but it hardly matters anyway.

First of all, I have to say I am leaving for good. I'm sorry for not telling you. I just didn't have the chance. I needed to get away from Seattle, simply because I had no reason to stay. Carly's gone, and you're gonna move on with your life. I realized it was time to embark on the adventure I'd always wanted to live, now that Spencer has given me his motorcycle.

I know it's hard to believe, but I'll miss you, Freddie. I'll miss our daily fights, I'll miss how we teased and pulled pranks on each other. Who will be my personal punching bag now when I'm stressed and need some entertainment? Ok, so you weren't just my punching bag. You were my friend. Yeah, I admit it. Even though I used to hate you, and constantly pulled pranks on you, and embarrassed you, and wanted to make your life miserable, the two of us were still friends. I don't know you could stand me all these years, but thank you. You and Carly are my best friend, and you always will be, because you saw the best there was in me even when I brought out the worst. You made me want to be a better person.

I tried to change, Freddie. I really did. I tried to be what you wanted, but maybe it wasn't enough. Maybe people can't change, and feelings can't disappear out of nowhere. You can't ask me to be perfect any more than I can ask you to stop loving Carly. And it's okay. But I couldn't keep watching you pining after her and feeling bad for myself because I actually believed you when you told me you loved me.

So, I'm moving on. And I hope you'll move on too, because Carly will be gone for a while. Most of all, I hope you'll be happy, whatever happens. When you asked me if I wanted to get back together…I did. I really did. But I was scared. I didn't want to force you into something you didn't want to do. I shouldn't have held on to you so tightly just because I was scared of losing you back when we were together. I should've realized you were still in love with Carly, but I chose to be blind just because I wanted to keep you with me. And that selfish.

I don't know about you, but I really meant what I told you in that elevator, after breaking you. I love you. And I will always love you. I tried to forget you, to convince myself you were nothing special, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't. You were my first kiss. You were the first boy who made me feel special, who made me want to be better. So of course you are imprinted on me.

I need you to promise me I can always call you and talk to you about all the crazy things I see and make fun of people together, as we always did. Who knows, maybe you can come visit me, and I can come back to Seattle whenever I can. I don't want us to lose contact. Just know my door (as long as I find an apartment in LA) will always be open for you. I'll be waiting.

But I guess this is goodbye for now.

Hate, Sam