Notes: Hi! Thanks for reading. The song is "Head Over Feet" by Alanis Morissette. This first chapter is a songfic, but I don't think the other ones will be.

Disclaimer: I don't own ER, Ray, Neela, Alanis Morissette or her songs, Celebrity Poker Tournament, or anything else even remotely related to ER.

"Neela? Neela!" Abby said forcefully as she was getting ready to leave to pick up Joe from the babysitter's.

"What…oh, uh sorry Abby, I was just…" Neela replied with a slightly dazed look on her face. She didn't want to finish the sentence, but she had been thinking about her resolution to tell Ray how she really felt. Neela had lain awake all night imagining how she should go about telling him…I love you, RayI've loved you for a long timeI'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you, and I hope you can forgive me…the list went on and on.

"Is everything okay, Neela?" Abby looked at Neela with a slightly worried look on her face.

"Yeah, everything's fine, thanks." Neela said almost too quickly.

"Alright, well, I just wanted to make sure it was still okay to leave Joe with you tomorrow night. Luka and I have been planning this dinner for a month, and the babysitter calls me today to tell me she can't do it," Abby said while rolling her eyes.

"Don't worry about it, Abby. I think Joe and I will have lots of fun snuggling on the couch and watching Celebrity Poker Tournament together," Neela said with a grin.

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

Neela had just finished another surgical consult and was heading toward the stairs when she heard a familiar voice call her name from the admit desk.

"Neela! Do you think I could catch a ride with you after your shift is over? My car's in the shop and its gotta be minus 20 degrees outside." Ray gave Neela a pleading look—it reminded her of a puppy she'd seen in an alley when she was younger.

"Um sure, I get off at 7 so I'll meet you in the break room. Is that okay?" Neela replied with a slightly nervous look.

"Yeah, that's great. I owe you, Neela!" Ray yelled as he ran toward the ambulance bay for an incoming trauma.

Alright, I can do this. I'll just…she couldn't find any words to describe exactly what she was going to do. Why am I so nervous? Neela chided herself. She had been too afraid, too guilt-ridden to admit her feelings for too long, and now that the time seemed right she was not going to let herself run away. Neela had done that once before, and she paid the price for it everyday.

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

"Hey," Ray smiled as Neela walked into the break room.

"Hey," Neela replied, "How was your shift?"

"It was pretty interesting, actually. I got to see a guy with an axe stuck inside his skull." Ray had a gleam in his eye that Neela found very amusing.

Smiling, Neela grabbed her things out of her locker and motioned to the door, "Hmm, ice pick inside a skull I've seen, kitchen knife I've seen, but the axe is a new one."

The icy winter air brushed their faces as they stepped outside and began walking toward Neela's car. Neela's heart began pounding against her chest again, this time so loud that she thought Ray could hear it. Caught up in her worries, Neela didn't see the thick sheet of ice she was about to step on. With her next step her right foot slipped from underneath her, and just as she was about to land squarely on her bottom Ray reached his hands under her arms to catch her.

"Watch it there, Neela! Winter in Chicago is not the time to go daydreaming, I've learned that from experience," Ray wisely advised.

Neela felt like kicking herself for being so clumsy, but she realized how funny she must have looked after seeing the grin on Ray's face.

"Thanks, I'll remember that next time," Neela replied with an equally wide grin.

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

Neela started the car and immediately turned on the heater. While waiting for the windows to defrost, Ray told Neela about all the developments of the ER in the past few days. Neela had been out of the loop since moving up to surgery, and she couldn't help feeling a bit lonely without her friends around her.

As she pulled away from the curb, a familiar song came on the radio and both Ray and Neela fell silent.

I had no choice but to hear you
You stated your case time and again
I thought about it

"You're the best friend I've ever had." Neela remembered the hurt in his eyes like it was yesterday. She stole a furtive glance toward Ray, but he was looking out the window. She had to make this right.

You treat me like I'm a princess
I'm not used to liking that
You ask how my day was

Ray had always been there for her, even when she didn't want him to be. She knew that all she had to do was ask, and there he was—the knight in shining armor—to be the friend she needed.

You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault

It was all his fault. If he hadn't asked her to be his roommate…if he hadn't cooked for her…if he hadn't offered her his shirt…then what? Neela knew it was no use thinking of all the 'if's. She had finally seen the person he truly was, and loved him more than anything for it.

Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole
You're so much braver than I gave you credit for
That's not lip service

Neela smiled as she thought of her, Ray, and Abby's intern days. Out of the three of them, Ray had changed the most. One day, Neela would tell him how proud she was of him.

You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault

It seemed like Ray was still gazing out of the window, but Neela could see that the corner of his eye was on her. She felt her stomach muscles tighten. The song took her back into her reverie.

You are the bearer of unconditional things
You held your breath and the door for me
Thanks for your patience

Ray had given her space after Michael's death, and she appreciated it more than anything. "Stay the hell away from me" probably wasn't the best way to do it, though, and she intended to apologize for her words sooner rather than later.

You're the best listener that I've ever met
You're my best friend
Best friend with benefits
What took me so long

He was her best friend—the guy who did whatever was in his power to brighten up her day, even if it meant watching Celebrity Poker Tournament with a girl who kept insisting on talking about her husband and war.

I've never felt this healthy before
I've never wanted something rational
I am aware now
I am aware now

Alright, this is it, Neela thought. It shouldn't be this hard.

You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault

The song ended just as Neela pulled up to the side of Ray's apartment. It seemed that he had been in a reverie himself—Neela had to put her hand on his shoulder for him to snap out of it.

"Oh, uh sorry Neela, I was just…" Neela knew the phrase well—she'd struggled for some way to end the same sentence many times.

Neela looked straight into Ray's slightly dazed eyes and said, "There's something I need to say, Ray."