Age Indifference
After a science experiment had gone awry, Princess Bubblegum is left with a huge mess to clean up. No big deal. She'll just get Finn to come over and fix things, right? Just needs to pick up the pieces of herself and hug it out. Five years isn't that long…right?
"Finn, I need you to come to the lab. Right now," she punctuated.
"Oh, right now? Like, 'right now' now?" he asked, still focused on the game.
"Yes, 'right now' now, hurry," she pleaded.
"Alright, give me five minutes and I'll be there with Jake," Finn said, mashing buttons.
"No! I need you here now!" she shouted through the phone, Finn wincing at this.
"Alright, alright!" he said, pausing the game, "Let me go get Jake."
"Don't bring Jake!" the princess argued, "I only need you over here."
"But I thought you wanted me over there right now?" he questioned, "I need Jake to take me over there."
There was a loud huff of frustration heard.
"Alright, fine. He can walk you over, but I won't let him in the castle," she sounded exhausted, "Just, please hurry, Finn."
"Your voice sounds weird, PB," Finn stated as he got up.
"…"there was silence for a second before the princess hung up.
Finn looked at his phone curiously, as if it had any clues for him. The princess had never been so demanding with him, usually starting with a greeting and playful banter, it caught him off guard the way she urged him.
But there was no point in mulling it over right now.
Whatever it was, it had the princess stressed out.
That was five minutes ago.
As he promised, Jake was left behind at the castle stairs. The dog was annoyed at this, accusing Finn of lying to him for personal reasons, as he had done before. Of course, Finn wasn't motivated by his feelings or anything, so he had no reason to lie, he defended. Jake seemed to accept this, saying he would go get some pizza while he waited. Satisfied that he wouldn't try to sneak into the castle, Finn paced his way into the castle and towards the laboratory.
Nothing much had changed over the past five years, Finn thought. The walls were the same pasty color, the same potted plants had grown very little, and the carpet, though it might have been washed recently, was the same color and brand he recognized. He made his way through these halls so many times, he could make his way through blindfolded if he wanted to. He probably did at one point, recalling his tribulations in the Hall of Egress, but that was so long ago.
The only thing that changed was how smaller everything had gotten.
Up the stairs and around the corner Finn jogged, making his way to the same lab he had been to multiple times. From culling a zombie infection, to having a bad tooth looked at, the laboratory was also sometimes called the panic room, because that's where everyone goes in case of an emergency, Jake said once. Princess Bubblegum would've preferred it be called 'the room of scientific wonders and groundbreaking discoveries' but lab was sufficient for most people.
Speaking of which, Finn could see the lab down the hall, and that the door was left opened. Something pink crept onto the floor of the hall, spilling its mess all over, likely from an explosion of some kind. For a moment, Finn was worried about what had happened to the princess in the five minutes he took getting here, as the pink stuff reminded him all too well of her hair. He shook that thought out of his head as he reached the curious mess.
"Princess?" Finn called out as he reached the doorway of the lab, only to gasp at his discovery.
There was pink, everywhere. Or more specifically, there was a gooey mess of pink all over the lab, and keep in mind the lab itself was very big. It lay in lumps and reached all over, stretching to even the far corners of the room. It extended its gooey arms over the tables, up the bookshelves, even reaching the ceiling by climbing the walls. It all seemed to be alive, as the center of the room housed a massive lump that seemed to be breathing.
"Princess, are you in here?" Finn asked as he walked carefully into the room, avoiding the pink mess of gummy mass.
When he received no answer, he looked down curiously at the viscous, almost rubbery material all over the floor. He prodded a puddle of the pink stuff with his shoe, expecting to be grabbed, but there was no reaction, just the typical waves of disturbed liquid. It pulsed a little, but it seemed involuntary. He tried poking it a little harder, only for it to give way, like gelatin.
"Weird," was all he could say.
"Oh, you're here," said a voice from the hallway.
Finn turned around at the sound of the princess's voice, but it was not what he was expecting.
There she stood with a handful of buckets gripped collectively at the handle. She was wearing a short dress with puffed up shoulders and a wide skirt, shadowing over her legs. Her hair was much shorter than her remembered, curling up into drops of bubblegum. A familiar bow hung behind her dress, and polka dots were patterned on her shirt. Also she was much shorter than he remembered, distinctly tall enough to have easily reached the upper frame of the doorway she was in when now she could only headbutt the doorknob without leaning.
Also she looked way younger than when they last met.
No, she looked like a thirteen year old.
"Wha, what happened to you?" Finn asked, astonished.
The young princess walked in, followed by Peppermint Butler, artfully carrying stacks of buckets like a balancing act.
"I accidentally discombobulated my molecular structure," she explained, walking over the pink mess and stepping on it so fearlessly, "I was trying to build a discombobulating ray gun, but I miscalculated a few things."
"A lot of a few things," Peppermint Butler corrected, handing Finn a stack of buckets.
"So I called you over to help me fix things," she said, scooping what Finn thought was a huge mass of herself into one of the buckets.
It was a lot to take in.
For one, the last time she had turned thirteen, he was also thirteen. But that was four years ago, and Finn was almost a grown up now. He couldn't help but be reminded of those good old days when she and Finn were pulling pranks on that Lemongrab in an effort to harmlessly oust him from the kingdom. She had meant the world to him then, and he thought she felt the same way.
He shook his head. Those days were long gone now.
"So, you want me to help clean up all this gum?" he asked, uncertainty ringing through his voice.
"Yes, and also to help me become eighteen again," she answered.
He dodged that incoming thought like a bullet.
"But why not stay thirteen for a while?" Finn quickly asked, "Like what you wanted to back then?"
She had stuffed a bucket full of the gummy mess when she looked up at him, "Not this time. I have too many things to do, my schedules been filled this week," she grabbed an empty bucket and resumed scooping, "Besides, I can't let anyone find out I'm a child again. I don't want Lemongrab or any of my other creations running to take my throne away."
The incident with the Lich was news spread all over Ooo. It was on the papers, discussed in radio shows, had weekly segments on TV, and even reached the isolated individuals that lived in solitude, like the aforementioned Lemongrab. But this time, it was just a little hiccup, a misstep in her daily meddling with science and the functions of the universe. No Lich was involved, just another science experiment gone awry.
But why was she being so secretive? Why not let Jake in on this admittedly hilarious turn of events? Was she always capable of turning back her age whenever she wanted to? Finn realized that these were the kinds of questions that fed the merciless gossip mongers that hid in the shadows. Conspiracy theorists be damned, this would stimulate the tabloids for weeks on end if word of this ever got out.
While he was grateful that the princess trusted him enough with this secret, Finn wondered for a moment how long she had been 'eighteen' for.
"Well?" she spoke up, having already filled three buckets, "Get scooping."
"Oh uh, right," Finn snapped out of his thoughts and started scooping up the pink mess in the lab.
It had taken half an hour to scoop up the whole pink mess with the buckets. Streaks of pink ran across the floor still, resorting to Peppermint Butler fetching some shovels, of which he had a lot of for whatever reason, to finish the job. When they had filled all of the buckets the first time, the princess revealed a candy biomass synthesizing machine from the lab's closet. She said that this is what she uses to create biomass out of raw candy matter, so they dumped the buckets into the machine's reservoir, filling it with goop. The machine hummed to life with the flick of a switch, and it churned up all of the biomass inside and spat out a brick of dense taffy. Twenty buckets made one brick, and so it was back and forth between scooping up buckets of the pink stuff and dumping it all into the machine. Eventually twelve bricks were made, and they were well on their way to restoring the princess to her former self.
There was just one problem.
"Now to apply the bonding agent to these bricks and dress me up with them," the princess said so casually.
Ok, maybe not yet.
She retrieved vials of candy glue from her pink stained desk and handed one to Finn. It looked like he wasn't going to need his tongue for this one.
"So…" Finn started, applying the viscous solution to the bricks, "How have things been? We haven't talked in a while."
"Things have been okay, I guess," the princess responded, paying more focus to the gluing of bricks in her hands.
With that conversation over, Finn tried again, "You know, I found out about the mods you gave my arm."
She looked up at him with a pleasant surprise, "Really? Kinda late, don'tcha think?"
"I didn't need 'em until a couple days ago," he then frowned, "I…I killed Fern."
She stopped gluing, "Oh my gosh, I'm sorry to hear that."
An awkward silence fell as Finn continued to apply glue to the candy bricks. It made a bubbling fart sound on its way out of the bottle, breaking the tension as the young Princess Bubblegum snickered trying to hold back her immature laughter. Finn wasn't laughing, so she stopped almost immediately.
"Sorry," the princess apologized awkwardly, then forced a cough, "Do you…wanna tell me what happened?"
"He…" Finn's hands slowed as he recounted the events, "He tried to imprison me in a stone room. I got out thanks to the rock drill you gave me."
"I implemented multiple functions to account for all possible means of survival," the young princess said proudly.
"Even pasta maker?" Finn asked.
"I said multiple, not 'all' of them," she joked with a giggle.
He giggled back, then resumed his story as he glued, his face falling, "I found the weed whacker function…"
Princess Bubblegum slowed, knowing the implications of that tone in addition to the news of Fern's death.
"He was trying to kill me, deciding I was better off dead," Finn said, staring not at the bricks he was holding but at nothingness, "I was only defending myself, I tore him inside out, it just happened."
He recalled the memory screeching to a halt as Fern was over him, blade to his throat, then gone in a literal second, a flurry of grass clippings falling all around him.
"I mean," she tried to start, but found it to be rather distasteful, "…I'm sorry that it happened, but I'm glad you're still here. I mean, I hope that's not heartless of me to say that but…"
Finn shook his head, "No, it's fine. That's behind me now. Let's change the subject."
The princess frowned, knowing that disregarding something that traumatizing would have repercussions down the road. But she had no choice but to take his word for it, he was obviously uncomfortable with the idea that he killed someone who was basically himself from a different timeline. She could only rely on the fact that he was seventeen now, and was wiser and could deal with all of the haunting memories he had more of than any normal person should.
Coming from someone like her, that's saying something.
"What happened while we were gone?" he asked suddenly, snapping her out of her thoughts.
The somber thoughts turned to forlorn nostalgia as she looked down in sadness, "I was a tyrannical tower of bubblegum for most of it."
It wasn't long after Finn, Jake, and Susan left Ooo that things turned the way they did when they came back. Patience St. Pim, the self proclaimed Ice Elemental reborn, had approached her with an outlandish offer. 'Achieve you full elemental potential and become the powerhouse force of nature you were always meant to be' she said. Of course she brushed her off, as any sane person would. Patience wouldn't take no for an answer, and so had her kidnapped along with the other two supposed elementals reborn, and basically juiced them up with an overwhelming amount of magic.
The rest was hazy, but she knew of mostly everything that happened secondhand. She had turned into a candy tower, turned her friends into candy, and turned a fourth of Ooo into some crazy candy fever dream. Marceline, the first person she reunited with after she had turned back to normal, had suddenly become distant from her when they used to be tight, well, tighter than they had ever been in centuries. That sowed the seed of fear that she had done something far worse than what everyone was telling her.
She would know in due time, that was the only comfort that kept her sated for the time being.
"Oh," was all Finn could say, feeling rather dumb for forgetting all of that, "Well, things are better now. And they're gonna stay that way."
He said it with so much confidence, she could almost believe him. Too bad she didn't live this long just simply believing everything would be okay.
"Not for certain, but the assurance is nice to have," the princess humored him, putting two more bricks together, "Did you find humans?"
She had always meant to ask him that after the whole candy elemental ordeal. How familiar, she thought, that being thirteen again brought about these opportunities for her. It was very nostalgic.
"I found my mom," she gasped audibly, "She was really nice, and really smart. A lot like you."
She should've been flattered, but her face was steadfast, stripped of all positivity from mere moments ago, "…in what regard?"
Finn picked his words carefully, "She was super smart. Like, really smart. She really cared about me, and all of the humans. She actually tried to keep me from leaving the island, and then, uh…"
There was no reaction from her. She knew Finn wasn't telling her everything, but she wasn't exactly anxious to find out. If his comparison is true, that would make her a brilliant but tortured soul, bent solely on the protection of her people, sacrificing everything, even herself, for their guaranteed wellbeing.
She never thought, not even for a moment, that there was anyone else like her in the world.
"I hope I get to meet her one day," Princess Bubblegum said after a moment of silence, her face still stone cold with brewing thoughts.
"I hope so too. Who knows? Maybe she'll come and move to Ooo with the other humans I invited," he said with positivity.
She was being quiet again, "…do you think it's safe for them here? Humans sailed away from here for a reason."
"I, uh…" he trailed off, "…we'll just have to wait and see, alright?"
Of course Finn wasn't aware of all of the dangerous things that targeted humans. He had always thought that he was constantly being attacked by monsters and demons just because they were looking for a fight. Finn waved around his title of 'human boy' so endearingly, not knowing he might as well be saying 'five star meal' out loud from the mountaintops. It was only thanks to his sheer resilience and strength that he had survived for so long.
But then again, if that mechanical monstrosity from all those weeks ago was truly the product of human technology, they might be better off here in Ooo then they were a thousand years ago. Additionally, if any of them were like Susan Strong, who had received augmentations with a GMC, or gene manipulation chip for short, they would have no problems living here.
The last of the bricks were pasted together, coming together to form the largest hat anyone had ever seen. It stood proudly on the table, even sporting a rim that made it resemble the legendary hat of Abraham Lincoln. Of course that meant some creative liberties were taken, a couple of the bricks being taken apart to forge the ideal shape, but nobody was complaining.
"Well, it's done," Princess Bubblegum said emptily.
"All that's left is to put it on, right?" Finn said as he picked up the creation effortlessly and placed it on the young princess's head.
She looked kind of silly with the oversized hat nearly swallowing her, but there was no humor to be found here. They both knew what was coming, and what needed to happen.
"Yeah, umm…" the princess hummed as she suddenly took Finn's hand, "Listen, I just want to thank you for helping me out here."
"Anytime princess," Finn said avoiding her eyes.
He wasn't sure if he could do this. After all, the last time they held hands like this was at a slumber party last year. They had spent most of it just hanging out, talking about things, reminiscing on the past, and other platonic friend stuff. Of course Finn would fantasize on what would have happened had Jake not sent those pictures, but he would quickly dash those thoughts away, knowing that the princess was his friend, and nothing more.
But now…
"I really wish we had more time like this," she smiled as she took his other hand, "We should hang out more."
Finn couldn't help but look at her with a light blush. It was four years ago, in the dark dungeon corridors that they held hands like this, all because they had run out of options for forcing Lemongrab out of the kingdom. Finn would never forget that day, as if he could, because for once the princess appreciated his company the way he appreciated hers. The weight of the world lifted off of her shoulders, she was finally free to be the child she was on the inside, and she wanted to be a child with him.
But he wasn't a child anymore.
As she wrapped her arms around him and dug into his stomach, he thought how she looked like an affectionate little sister if he had one. The way she held him tightly, too short to even reach his wicked pecs, he was reminded all of a sudden of how he had the same problem hugging the princess when he was thirteen as well.
He couldn't help but suddenly think to himself 'Oh Gob is this how she saw me? You're literally just a kid what are you doing?'
What was he supposed to do in this situation, hug back? Because he did, and it wasn't making things any less awkward. Worst of all, this was supposed to be a whopping love hug, and it was supposed to age her back up to eighteen, but right now it seemed more like a halfhearted one-sided embrace between strangers.
His heart just wasn't in it, and he didn't know what would happen when they eventually let go. Would she be mad at him? Would they try again? Would they try to k- No. No, put that thought away. She was literally a little kid, and he had morals to uphold.
'Little kid' he scoffed in thought. He knew better than to call her little, or even thirteen for that matter. There was the undeniable truth that the princess was older, far older, than she led everyone to believe.
And something about that churned negative feelings in his pit.
"…huh?" she spoke up as she opened her eyes, "Why isn't this working?"
She looked up at him with innocent, questioning eyes. For a moment, he could see that there was fear, doubt, and betrayal hidden away within them.
Finn loosened his hold and looked away, "Uh, no no, just, give it a little more."
She scowled in offense, parting from the hug completely, "What's going on here? Is there something you want to tell me, Finn?"
Finn stepped away as he scratched the back of his head in frustration, "Princess, I don't know what you were hoping for, but whatever it was faded away all those years ago. I'm not comfortable with whatever…this is," he gestured, drawing a circle emphasizing him and the young princess.
"I'm not a little kid, Finn," she definitely looked like one, he thought, "Just tell it to me straight. Don't play dumb with me."
"Don't play dumb? I thought you were smarter than this," he accused, feeling his emotions bubbling up, "You should've known something like this was gonna happen."
"What are you talking about?" she questioned again.
"Princess, you're too young for me," he explained, "All that love hug stuff we did, that was, like, five years ago."
Something in him exaggerated the number of years, some notion of revenge that Finn wasn't aware he had. He immediately regretted it, because the princess looked very offended.
"Don't turn this around on me, Finn," she shot back, "Age isn't a factor here, and five years isn't that long for someone to just stop loving someone else. Why don't you tell me what's really going on?"
Her stubbornness had all of a sudden infuriated him, the way she pronounced her words as if they were fact. As if the idea that he ever truly got over her was out of the realm of possibility, that he would be on her heels at a moments notice, erupted forth frustrations and transgressions Finn never knew he had buried within his heart. How could she think she had him wrapped around her finger, loyal to her cause and obedient to her word, motivated by his supposed infatuation with the candy princess? The idea of it churned his stomach, like he was some sort of servant blinded by a cloth he could remove at any time but chose not to.
Like a spark, Finn exploded.
"You want me to spell it out for you?!" he nearly shouted, "The love hug didn't work because I don't love you anymore!"
Princess Bubblegum was taken aback, but he continued.
"What, you thought we would just come back together for a moment like nothing happened? Like I never cried over you dumping me? You just turn thirteen again and you bring me here to, like, remember the good ol' days? You could've- We could've done that anytime, we could've hung out again at anytime. But you bring me here and you don't think for a second nothing like this was gonna happen?"
Out spilled his most personal feelings, his regrets and emotions brewing for the past four years. He waved his arms around as he spoke, emphasizing the scale of his pain his words failed to convey, and even then they couldn't put his suffering into perspective. Finn truly had thought back to that day, four years ago, many times during the lonely nights, when Jake was too quick to fall asleep, and could only muse over what could've been. All those pranks, all the fun they had together, that love hug they shared, the delicate kiss before it was all whisked away in an instant, Finn could never truly forget his feelings back then.
No one could blame him for seeking those feelings again, whether it was through Flame Princess, other princesses, or even Bubblegum despite the age difference.
"I don't know what I should be angry at," he huffed, his waving and ranting draining him for the moment, "The fact that you called me for this, or that you thought you could just fix this so easily."
Princess Bubblegum was shaken for a moment, taking in all of Finn's words as he rattled. She didn't know what to think, and she should've known better than to speak without putting some thought into her words, but her emotions flared, her face scowled in anger, and she shot back with anger, as if she was trying to one up him.
"Of course I would call you!" she shot back, somehow dodging all the issues Finn had thrown at her, "You're the only one I've done this with before! And you know I can't do this by myself!"
"Like I'm the only one," Finn countered, "You could've called Marceline. I've seen the way you two look at each other. If I wasn't here, you two would probably be making out right now! And that would be AFTER you turned eighteen."
That had touched a nerve. The fact that he felt the need to clarify suggested that Marceline would not be above such scandalous acts. Aside from that, she felt offended that he thought that way of her and Marceline. Yeah, maybe they had a thing back then, but that was hundreds of years ago, and they were over it, as far as she knew.
The princess blushed and scowled furiously, "Don't bring her into this! She'd just laugh at me and wouldn't cooperate! And besides, she'd be sleeping right now, and you're the only one I can trust with this!"
There was also the other reason that she and Marceline weren't on speaking terms at the moment. Ever since she had recovered from her candy elemental spell, the vampire was hesitant to talk to her, look at her even. But she refused to let it get to her. They had gone silent for centuries once, so a few weeks were nothing compared to that. Whatever it was affecting her, it would all be resolved soon enough.
But for now, Finn was here, trying to put five years into perspective for her.
Finn scoffed, "What am I? Some bellboy to you? Did you seriously not think about what would happen when you brought me over?"
"No I didn't!" she answered honestly, to her surprise, but she was too mad to care, "You were supposed to come over, hug me, and we could forget this whole thing ever happened!"
"You mean like five years ago?!" he was on the brink of shouting, "Well I'm sorry to disappoint you, but the tables have turned. I'm over it, you're too young, and I'm not going to stand here and let you talk down to me as if I'm the child!"
All hell broke loose.
"WHAT DO YOU KNOW?!" she shouted as loudly as her thirteen year old vocal chords could allow, "You're just some lovesick little kid who thought he had a shot with an eight hundred year old girl made of candy!"
"THAT WAS FIVE YEARS AGO!" Finn shouted back as loudly as he could, "Don't you know a lot changed in those five years?! I'm not the same stupid kid I was back then, but you're still the same overbearing control freak WITH A GODDESS COMPLEX!"
Those words echoed far louder than they should have. All fell silent in the lab as the two held their breaths, restraining themselves with the sheer tension of the room. With a slow breath, Finn huffed, sore from all the yelling. The princess herself favored a solemn inhale, her face flushed red with anger but her eyes wide with shock. Sweat trickled down Finn's forehead, having exerted himself in his tirade, but now he bore the look of guilt, seeing tears running down the princess's cheeks.
"You…you always thought that?" she asked quietly, painfully, in an attempt to speak clearly.
"I…" he looked away, unable to face the consequences of what he had said, "I didn't…"
"No. You tell me the truth right now," she was trying to hold back her tears, despite her face already damp with them, trying to quell the storm brewing in her eyes, "Is that what you really thought of me?"
With a deep breath, he responded, "Princess, you always showed up to parties with trumpets and confetti, and Peppermint Butler would literally carry you in."
Princess Bubblegum dropped to her knees from shock, her tears flowing freely. The silly large hat made of candy had fallen off of her head with a dense thud.
"And there were all those cameras you had running," Finn continued, "And you got mad at me and Jake every time we messed up, even just a little. You were always making plans, always telling us that things had to be perfect, no matter how small they were. And-"
"I…I get it, ok?" she choked through her crying, interrupting him. Her hands held her mouth, as if trying to hold back a torrent of screams that were forcing its way out. Her defenses were weakened, her eyes leaked, and her voice gurgled as she spoke, "I mean, when you're right, you're right."
It all flowed freely, bawling into her hands as Finn watched. She cried without restraint, loudly and grossly as her tears flowed from her hands to her arms and to her dress. He couldn't look at her pathetic form lie there on the ground, an eight hundred year old ruler trapped in the body of a thirteen year old. He turned away, his anger gone but his feelings true and unresolved. He wanted to try and maybe console her, but he didn't know what to do, where to start, or even if he was allowed to approach her.
He didn't even know if he could forgive her.
"Everything you said was true," she spoke through a brief pause in her tears, "I could've called Marceline, you're not that same kid anymore, I thought this would all just pass without incident, and I am still all those terrible things…"
"But that doesn't mean you never changed," Finn said, trying to ease her torment, "I mean, I still remember what you said the last time I came to your slumber party, about being okay with people making mistakes around you."
"That doesn't matter!" she shot suddenly, looking up at him with pained eyes, "I thought I could use you again, just like I always have. I thought you still loved me just a little bit like you used to. I treated you like a tool for me to do with as I pleased."
A needle pierced into his heart, like a sharp sting at those words.
Ever since the incident with the Door Lord, Finn had begun to question his position in Princess Bubblegum's court. For the longest time he had thought of himself as her friend, her knight, her possible love interest, but that worldview was shattered the closer they got, the longer time went on. At times he was just a helping hand, others an irreplaceable ally, he could never pin down confidently who exactly he was to the princess. Of course the thought had come up once or twice that he was just a pawn of hers, a means to an end, a knight to shed blood on her behalf, to do her dirty work, someone who would do as she said without question. The scary thing was, he had done so many of those things already, it frightened him, and he had to shake the thought away before he fell too deep. So long had he repressed this idea, to hear this confirmed by the very princess he used to love…
He felt like a fool.
"Don't you know that you weren't my first knight?" she continued.
The banana guards, the rattleballs, Peppermint Butler, even the old Tart Toter, all came to mind as those who had served or still served her. He never once thought himself as replaceable, as she had reassured him several times that he was the only Finn in all of Ooo. But that didn't mean squat if she could literally just build a better knight than him, and she had the power to do that.
So why did she humor him for all of these years?
"You were never careful," she answered, as if responding to the questions in his mind, "You rushed headfirst into fights, you would accept dangerous missions without briefing, Glob you didn't even hesitate to go after the Lich when he escaped."
Finn was never one to contemplate his own mortality, but being presented with all of this made him realize something.
"Of course I used you so eagerly, you could've died any time," her gaze fell as she couldn't bear to look at him anymore, "You regularly fight with giants, demons, aliens, wizards, any moment in my life you could've been gone, just like that. I teased you all those times because I didn't want you to lose heart, you needed a reason to keep living, because if you had something to bring you back, I had faith that you would survive…"
When she was right, she was right. She still used him like some kind of errand boy, but he couldn't find it in him to be mad. Any mother would worry about their kid like that, and Finn didn't have any parents, at least, not for the longest time. He couldn't blame her for thinking he was some stupid kid with a death wish, but he couldn't help but wonder how long she felt like that about him.
Especially when he got older.
"But then I became attached," her panting had lowered to breathing, finally calming down, "You were just so cute, clinging to me loyally, serving me faithfully. You never let me down, and I knew you would eventually disappear from my life."
The thought that Princess Bubblegum had a premade grave for him whenever he died filled him with macabre unease.
"And then, I got to know you better," the young princess had straightened up to seat herself on the floor, "You were hilarious, you were full of spirit, you made me smile, you treated me like a friend instead of some precious princess. I was throwing a party for you every time you saved me from the Ice King. Finn, do you have any idea how long it's been since I've thrown parties like that before you showed up?"
Finn detected the desperation in her tone. She wanted him to believe him, and he did. He took in every word. The idea that he doubted her when she sat there so vulnerable and miserable, it was something only the most resentful jerk could do, and Finn was better than that.
He knew she didn't mean it, but the idea that she thought Finn would be that bitter hurt him.
"You became precious to me," she was still going, "That pink sweater I knitted for you held my truest feelings when I made it. I worried for you terribly when you and Jake went on to fight the Lich. Do you have any idea how much that hurt? Going on to face the most dangerous evil the world had ever seen? Facing the very real possibility that you could've perished and never come back? It pained me more than the fact that had you failed, everyone in Ooo, including me, would have died."
That was an all too familiar feeling, because in a strange twist of fate, one of them had actually perished at the hands of the Lich.
He remembered her voiceless cries as she sank into the Lich's Well of Power. He remembered scooping her out with pipes and rebar and whatever they could find that didn't corrode immediately in the bubbling soup of death. He remembered her deformed shapeless mass being wheeled into the ER, realizing the reality that the princess could possibly, actually, die.
"Not once did I ever think you would outlive me," she looked down, a wave of nostalgia flowing over her, "But…but then…"
Finn finally spoke, in a tone not of anger or resent, but in a voice of understanding and clarity.
"But then the Lich happened," he finished for her.
"Yes," she wiped her face, concentrated on the floor still, "Then I turned thirteen, and with it came an opportunity, one that I would never have imagined in my hundreds of years of living. I was your age, I was your size, I was perfect for you. The very idea that I could share at least some of those years with you, out of the centuries I had been alive, I would have been stupid not to take it. I could have spent five birthdays with you, five anniversaries, five of the happiest years I could've had, before I had to return to my rule as the princess of the Candy Kingdom. Of course I kissed you when it was all over, because that was when I realized how long five years could've been."
"Responsibility demands sacrifice," Finn said, having squatted on the floor next to her, putting a hand to her shoulder, "…isn't that what you told me once?"
She nodded, "Sometimes, you really want to kiss someone, but you can't," she looked at him despite herself, "Even if I wanted to, there were too many things holding me back. Your age, my rule, our friendship, I had no choice but to wait until you were older, physically and mentally," she hugged her knees and looked away in shame, "And here you are, older, sensible, mature, honest, and I'm fighting with you over that. I'm…I'm such a…I'm the one who needs to grow up…"
Finn sat on his rear, close but not too close to the princess. Silence overtook them as guilt brewed within, all the anger and regrets that fueled their shouting had evaporated completely. Finn didn't know who to blame here, himself for falling for his own fantasies, or the princess for lulling him into conformity for her own purposes, or both. He disregarded that thought, as he knew that he was only a child back then, and the princess had her reasons. The fact that she was sitting here, telling him everything she was thinking over the past five years, it was more than he ever thought he'd get.
But it wasn't enough, the princess thought. She had to tell him everything.
"Five years is a long time for some people," Finn broke the silence.
"Not for me," she responded, "Five years, five minutes, what difference does it make? Every day is just a breath for me, filled with scientific research and royal distractions."
She looked at him despondently, a deep sadness hidden in her eyes.
"When I turned thirteen, all those burdens just vanished, and the days stretched into hours," she looked down at herself, her small feet peeking out from under her dress, "Every day I regret not spending more time with you, being true to myself, being with you, no longer restrained by my duties as a princess. You and I could have been something…else," she struggled to say.
To hear that she too mourned those bygone days filled Finn with relief. He didn't suffer alone in that thought, but he had no obligations, no duty other than to serve the princess, he had no sense of responsibility and, if he was being honest, still only a child. Princess Bubblegum had to sacrifice all of that for the sake of her kingdom, and it tore her apart on the inside.
He felt ashamed that he thought she had discarded those memories, like empty wrappers.
"I always thought you would come back to me one day," she looked away as Finn looked back, "I had it all planned out, or at least, a rough idea of it. It would've been like today, the only opportunity I would've had to reconnect with you. Just like before, when I turned thirteen, this was the only way I knew it would happen…"
Finn said nothing as she continued.
"I…I brought you here to see if it would work," the princess hung her head, "I don't know, I thought the hug would work, you'd embarrass yourself, we'd laugh it off, we'd catch up, we'd go on a date, I don't know. I just don't know," she repeated in frustration, "Five years is a long time, like you said. Of course you'd have moved on by now. Of course you wouldn't have those feelings anymore. Why did I not consider these contingencies? Why did I not expect anything else to happen…?"
She would cry if she had not already cried her heart out earlier, and yet stray tears were forming at the corner of her eyes, weakly crawling their way out.
"I think I get it now," Finn spoke up suddenly, her ears perked attentively.
If there was anything Finn knew about Princess Bubblegum, it was that she planned everything. For certain he knew that those parties she held, whether they were impromptu or scheduled, they were only possible because of a gap in her calendar. The princess had weeks, months even, planned in advanced and she could go for days without seeing him or any of her friends if there were too many events stacked on top of one another.
It was a negative word sometimes, but she truly was a perfectionist. If everything went as planned, she was happy. If the slightest inconvenience reared its ugly, crowned, ice enchanted head, she would be distraught. She made plans for everything, from events, to parties, to visits, to vacations, even people.
The way she rattled on her rough idea on how today could have gone, it had spelled out something to him the princess was unaware of.
"I think I know why the love hug didn't work," Finn spoke up suddenly, "Because, princess, the truth is, I do still…like you."
Princess Bubblegum shot her face up from her knees, "That-that's not true! I-I wouldn't still be this…this miserable child if it were," she stammered in desperation.
"No, princess, don't you get it?" he said, shaking her shoulders for emphasis, "I still like you, like, a whole lot! Out of all of the important people in my life, you're at the top of the list, next to Jake and BMO, and my mom, and other peeps. Everything bad you've done, all the things you said, I already forgive you."
"But then," she was lost, "why…?"
"Princess, you don't love me."
His words rung loud, like the clattering of broken glass.
"You love the idea of me."
Princess Bubblegum had always had plans for Finn. Most of them had been things like making a perfect soldier out of him, and it was the little things that were laid out to lead him there, from the acquisition of the Enchiridion, to toting tarts. She had considered herself very lucky that he had a strong sense of justice and might, and that he was on her side, no less. It was no loss if he had died, at least that was what she originally thought, because she could clone him or use his DNA to forge the ideal army of soldiers.
But then things changed. When she had that vision of the Lich, she thought that seeing what Ooo knew of as the greatest evil being Billy had ever defeated, it would start his transformation into the mighty hero he was meant to be. One thing led to another, and in a bizarre twist of fate, she had turned into a child. Needless to say, those plans were put on hold.
For a moment, the princess thought she was free. Free of her responsibilities that she had sacrificed so much for, five years might as well have been five minutes to her. But then Lemongrab had to put things back on track, forcing her to return to her age and return to her rule, knowing that she couldn't put the future of the kingdom in his hands. She still loved Finn, but he was still too young. She could wait the time it took for him to grow up, and they could be the mightiest couple Ooo had ever seen.
And then Flame Princess happened. Aside from her threat to Ooo and the very earth itself, she was ok with the idea of Finn seeing other people. She always told herself that he needed to grow up, that he needed to learn from relationships before she and Finn got together. But she wasn't expecting Finn to move on so quickly. It was no big deal, she thought, he was still her knight, her hero, and she could call him if she ever needed his company because he was so loyal to her still. She could wait the time Finn would spend with Flame Princess, because like before, five years might as well have been five minutes to her.
It hadn't even been a year until they broke up. The poor boy was dealing with emotions and hormones and impulses he didn't know what to do with, and whenever she saw these troubles surface, she had to remind herself that this was why he needed to grow up. She couldn't just take him back, especially with all of those advances he made to her at Castle Lemongrab, because she knew that was him trying to fill a void. She was too old still, people needed saving, and she had to make him understand that this was her responsibility. She had to put her foot down, and Finn would be all alone again for a while. Cruel as it was, it was just for a few more years, she thought.
Everything started falling apart when he met his dad.
Finn had lost an arm. He wasn't himself anymore. He had dealt with the Lich more times than any living person ever should, and yet he would still go another round with him. In fact, he did, contending with him even across dimensions. Finding the humans, dealing with Ooo transforming into an elemental pizza upon his return, killing his friend who was basically him from another timeline, it was a lot for any one person to take, let alone a seventeen year old.
And yet despite all of this, she still thought he was the same kid four years ago.
Why did she ever think she was still in control?
Why did she not open her eyes to his struggles, his suffering, his blood and tears?
Was she blinded by this perfect vision of him, that he would eventually be the perfect knight he was meant to be? Was she so closeted that, as long as Finn was alive, it didn't matter what pain he was going through? Was he just another means to an end?
Finn was just another experiment, another ploy to further her own desires, another measure to defend the Candy Kingdom for as long as he had left. How materialistic she was, treating him like that, and she had the gall to state that she loved him like some lovesick child. It was a cruel joke. She had never once told him to his face that she loved him, he had never known her true feelings, and he never was supposed to know. How could she honestly see herself as anything other than a manipulative tyrant who took all measures of security, most of which were without the consent of her subjects?
She was so heartless. So heartless…
'I wish I could stay…like this…with you…'
No, no that's not true.
'Take this sweater. I made it myself. I'm not great at knitting, but please wear it. I care about you, Finn…'
Every time she worried for him, that was her heart crying out.
'And Finn, thank you, sincerely for defending our kingdom again.'
Every time she said thank you, that was from the bottom of her heart.
'Hey, yeah! And I have the perfect prank!'
Every time she replayed those pranks on Lemongrab in her head, it was her being herself. There was no deception, no dishonesty, she was truly at her happiest back then, finally baring her feelings for real, holding nothing back.
'Are you really sure you want him over here?'
'Of course, why wouldn't I?'
'Princess, I'm worried you're gonna have another Marceline incident.'
'Pssh, shaddup, PepBut. Finn wouldn't do that to me.'
'Alright, but as soon as things start going down, I'm outta here.'
And now, here she was, her deceptions exposed, her honest thoughts revealed to Finn, the weight of five years lifted off her shoulders, and he finally understood her. He held no grudge, no anger, no sense of reprisal or the need to, the unknown fear that he would grow to detest her, despite her carefully laid plans, had vanished from her mind.
All it took was a bit of honesty.
Five minutes of whole, undiluted honesty.
Why did it take her five years to figure this out?
It was the longest couple of seconds ever before the princess finally said something.
"I must be the biggest idiot in the world," she said, her tears flowing again.
Though her eyes poured, she was smiling happily despite her tears of shame. She turned away from Finn, unable to face him after the realization had sunk in.
"I mean, you're still a scientist," Finn pointed out, sitting back down, waving his prosthetic to her, "You built my cool robot arm."
"You know that's not what I meant, ya ding dong," she chuckled, still crying, "The answer was so simple, I was too smart to see it."
"You know, I never understood what that meant," he said as the princess dragged the candy hat back.
"It just means I was so caught up in fooling everyone," she explained, putting the hat back on, "I ended up fooling myself."
How long had it been since she ruled honestly? How long had the cameras been installed? When did she install those tracker chips into her friends? When did she stop trusting people? She had always told herself that it was for their own good, but she couldn't even trust herself not to leave things up to fate.
She had even believed once that Finn would always be there for him. The hard truth was that he wouldn't, that he would eventually perish just like her old friends. He was only human, and humans can change so much in five years.
"You were always meant to be Finn the human," Princess Bubblegum said, looking at him softly with dried eyes, "Somewhere along the way, I had forgotten that."
Finn the human, not, Finn the knight or Finn the hero. A human, fleeting but strong, with a life expectancy of around eighty or so years, could do so much in that amount of time. Hearing this come from the princess, it made him realize just how precious time was to him, whether it be five minutes, or five years.
"I really should apologize," said the young Princess Bubblegum, wiping her tears, "For everything. Today, the past five minutes, the past five years…"
Finn could try, but he couldn't bring himself to hate the princess or her actions. She gave him sound reasons for the things she did, and even the messed up stuff like thinking he was a pawn. Of course all of those things hurt to hear, and of course he had every right to be angry. But that was five years ago, she changed just as much as he did, and to hold her accountable for it all despite her efforts to change would be nothing more than petty cynicism.
He had proof. He still had the sweater. He still had those slumber party pictures. His own arm was proof on its own. He wouldn't be here if it weren't for two of those three things; the third one was just a happy memory he would look at sometimes.
"You shouldn't have to," Finn reassured, extending a metal arm to her, "I already said I forgive you."
She shook her head, "No, Finn, I really, really am sorry for keeping all of those things to myself. I just…"
"You live long, I get it," he finished, scooting closer, "Trust me, I do. You're not the only immortal friend I have."
She chuckled with a smile, "And yet you still want to be my friend? Come on, Finn, I have an eternity to make this up to you, but you probably have, like, fifty years left."
He knew she was being generous with that number. Finn was not very fond of the idea of aging into a withered, useless, wrinkly old man, especially after seeing his adoptive parents perish of old age. He was resolute in living life to the fullest, so her honesty was greatly appreciated.
"I just…" she looked down sadly, the giant hat waving slowly with her, "I just wish there was some way to make it up to you. How do I answer for five years of being a butt?"
That was a good question. There wasn't any need for it, according to Finn's opinion, but this was something that she wouldn't want to regret for years to come. What could they possibly do to fix five years of deceit and repressed feelings? They might as well start over if they were serious about being friends again.
Maybe that's what they should do.
"Maybe it's time we were more honest with ourselves," Finn said, Princess Bubblegum looking up at him, "And to each other. Maybe we could start over?"
The idea of starting over her friendship with Finn, which had been five years in the making, should've filled her with dread. Five years was so little time to her, but it meant everything to Finn, who had changed a lot in that time. To start from scratch, all those parties and celebrations, all the fights and trials they had went through, all the hugs and kisses they shared, all the pain and suffering…
It filled her with sentimentality. The nostalgic feeling of being thirteen with him came back, only this time, they were both adults as far as anyone was concerned. He was still seventeen, but she was eight hundred twenty nine.
Age made no difference to them.
She would be stupid not to take this chance.
"I'm Princess Bubblegum of the Candy Kingdom," she introduced herself, "But you can call me Bonnie."
"I'm Finn Mertens, human teenager extraordinaire," he said with as much flair as possible, "It's nice to meet you."
They shared a playful little handshake, meant to be formal and delicate, but they couldn't restrain themselves. They reached over and hugged each other tightly, as awkward as it was with the giant hat in the way.
There was no deception here. No lies, no hidden plans, no shrouded emotions or compromising feelings, it all bared out in full, their powerful connection with one another.
It was a whopping hug of love.
"Hey PepBut, have you seen Finn?" Jake asked as he walked down the hall, a slice of pizza in his hand, "I've been waiting for, like, eight hundred years."
Peppermint Butler, who stood faithfully by the doorway to the lab, shushed him quietly as he approached.
"He's in the lab with the princess, but don't go in there," he warned, "They're having a moment."
Finishing the pizza in one bite, Jake stretched his head and face over to peek into the lab, and found a heartwarming sight.
Finn and Princess Bubblegum were embraced in a loving hug, shoulder to shoulder, face to face, heads leaning into each other, eyes closed, sitting on the floor as the princess's long hair spilled onto the floor.
Jake retracted to his body and muttered to the butler, "I'll come back in five minutes."
