Time slowed to a stop. The glass flute seemed to fall in slow motion, hitting the floor and shattering at the exact same time my heart broke. Tears boiled in my eyes then spilled over like a wave on the brink of breaking. Red wine splattered my legs, streaking down the pale skin like blood.
I push the memory back, Draco's haunted face hanging behind my closed eyelids like a pale moon, forever alone in the dark. The window I'm sitting beside reflects the image of a brown-haired girl whose eyes are ringed with red.
The letter crumpled in my hand, and I felt the static crackling in my hair. My dress billowed around me, pushed and pulled by an unseen force. Witches and wizards were turning to look at me now, wondering why Hermione Granger, the smartest witch of her age, was having a breakdown in the middle of Professor Slughorn's party.
I grab the stained parchment lying on the floor beside me, discarded after being read and re-read so many times. Drops of wine and tears give the inked-in words a haggard, runny look, but I can still feel the pain behind every letter.
Suddenly I felt strong arms envelope me, and guide me out of the hall of curious onlookers. I sobbed into Harry's chest, as he led me towards an empty classroom. He didn't try to ask me what's going on, and a moment later, Ron was there. He tugged me into his firm chest and held me as I cried as if my heart was being torn out by Luna's wrackspurts.
My eyes skim the letter, resting on the first paragraph. As I trace the words with a finger, a pained laugh escapes me. He always did have a dark humor about him, Draco. The thought of him fills my hollow ribcage with a thumping pain that tries to fill the space where my heart was.
Time passed as Ron held me, and I didn't know if seconds, minutes or hours had passed while we sat there. After my sobs had quieted down, I glanced up and stole a glimpse of Ron's face. It was the face of a burning man. His eyes were empty, shells of what they once were. On his cheeks were dried tears and his mouth was set in a grim line. He locked eyes with me, and in that look I understood.
Now Ron's face appears beside Draco's in my mind's 're both looking at me, their eyes begging for me to choose one. I shake my head as the tears start again. As if on a sadistic mission to torture me, my brain presses the play button on Ron's words.
"I'm sorry, Hermione. I'm sorry I'm not the one you want, I'm sorry I'm not enough for you. I'm sorry you are so torn between me and Draco and I'm sorry that loving you hurt so much." His words sounded heavy, as if he had to drag them out. I whimpered and pulled back from him. He grasped my face firmly with both hands, resting his forehead on mine. "But I just want you to know, I'll always be there for you. As a friend, as a love interest, as whatever you want me to be." I took in a shuddering gasp at his words. And with a last "I love you" murmured in my ear, he was gone.
With hindsight, I know I probably should have stopped Ron from leaving. I should have told him I loved him, and only him. But that would've been a lie. It is true I loved him, no it is true I love him, but I also love Draco. And choosing between them is harder than fighting the Death Eaters in the Department of Mysteries last year had been. I'd gladly take on a dark wizard than pick one of them over the other. With a last glance at the letter, I rest my head against the cold window of the girls' dormitory.
Alone in the bathroom, I straightened the letter and read it once more to make sure that it was true.
Dearest Granger,
I remember the first time I called you a mudblood. It was during our second year, and I thought that I was so smart for calling you that horrid name.
Who would've thought that, four years later, I'd be falling in love with Mudblood Granger? Yes, it is true, I love you, even though I never told it to you before and now I doubt I ever will.
You see, the Dark Lord has called me. If I do not obey, he will slaughter my mother, my father and, after forcing me to watch as he tortured my parents into a slow death, he'd kill me too. I do not want to worry you, I am sure we will meet in some afterlife. I just thought that since I would no longer be around, I may come clean with you.
Do you remember the first time we kissed? I do, vividly. It was my first truly happy memory. After you went back to your dormitory, I got on my broom and flew up to the window of your shared sleeping chamber. I watched you as you slept. I can't remember ever feeling so peaceful prior to that moment.
And now, as I am saying goodbye, I wonder if you would have been able to fix me. If you would have been able to heal all my invisible wounds, pull me out of the darkness.
I'm sorry. For everything.
I love you,
Draco Malfoy.
