TITLE: Abduct This!
AUTHOR: jeri
EMAIL: agentjeri@thexfiles.com
RATING: PG-13
CATEGORY: XRA(and my own odd touch of H), M-POV
KEYWORDS: MSR, post-ep
SPOILERS: Requiem
STARTED: August 20, 2000
FINISHED: August 21, 2000
SUMMARY: What happened to Mulder. (Succinct, eh?)
**DISCLAIMER: Good God! Don't you lawyer types
know that we know we don't own these people?!
You'd think you'd get it after seven years...
**DISCLAIMER OF A DIFFERENT COLOR: The title is
the name of a game that came with my "X-Fools"
CD-ROM. Don't sue me, coz I don't own that, either.
Oy, and I'm not Bill Gates, either, so I don't own
anything Windows related.
^*^*^
It takes me a while to realize what I'm getting
myself into. Even when I was standing in the circle
of light with Theresa, Billy, and the Mighty Morphin
Bounty Hunter, I didn't really understand what we
were in for.
However, now that we've all been magically
beamed up to the alien ship, which next takes off
for destinations elsewhere in the universe...well,
the first thing that I think is "Ooooohhh shiiiiiit..."
Before anyone has gotten used to the idea that
they've just been abducted (again, for everyone
else), we are escorted to the stereotypical
abduction room. In fact, it is so typical that I
wonder if this is all a stage by the government
to keep tabs on me. But of course, all stereotypes
have to start somewhere, and that's usually reality.
We are seated in very uncomfortable metal
chairs, strapped in by our arms, legs, and across
our chests. That's when it occurred to me that we
could be going away for quite a while. My mind
flies instantly to thoughts of Scully...and how
she is going to kill me when I return.
Damn it! I'd promised her I'd be back. Hell, I
refused to let her come with me because I couldn't
lose her! And lately, she's been feeling a bit
off; I wish she'd just go to the doctor. If he
says it's the flu, then at least we'll know, and
I won't have nightmares about her cancer creeping
back into the foreground. About once a year I get
that dream, and it lasts for a few nights. Then I
finally convince myself that she's in the clear,
and there's absolutely nothing wrong with her.
Looks like I'm gonna have nightmares tonight.
The Bounty Paper Towel Man comes into the room,
looking at each of his hostages. I presume he's
taking attendance, making sure we didn't forget
anyone before we hit warp speed or whatever the
point of no return is.
Only a few people look worried. Deputy Ray
does; in fact, he looks scared to death. Theresa
looks more worried, and I think I know why--who's
taking care of her baby? I hope she has family
nearby who are willing to believe her about the
abductions. Maybe Scully can watch the baby if no
one else can.
Dudley Do-Right the Bounty strides over to me,
staring at my face with undisguised contempt.
"Why are you here?" he asks in his gruffest
voice.
I can only answer honestly. "I haven't the
faintest idea, actually. I was just looking for
the ship; I didn't plan to be abducted."
He looks away for a moment, then turns back.
I'm surprised by the faint glint of emotion that
peeks out from his eyes. "You shouldn't have come,"
he says, unnecessarily. "You have more important
things to attend to back in Washington. You should
have stayed there."
Now I'm getting mad. "If I'd known that this
would be the consequence for my actions, I *would*
have stayed home. This is exactly what I didn't
want to happen."
He sighs and steps back. "It's too late, now.
You'll have to stay with us for the duration of
the test. I'll try to arrange it so that you go
back first."
"Why?" I ask as he turns away. "What's going
on that I have to be there for? The audit? Agent
Short is all done with my testimony; he's already
sent in his report."
"The audit is for your own good. Now is the
perfect time for you to step away, Agent Mulder.
It would be most responsible for you to find a
nice, safe, stable job. Go be a psychologist,
Mulder."
With that oh-so-helpful bit of advice, Mr.
Personality continues his role-taking. I wish I
knew what the hell he was talking about. He's
gotta know how hard it is to get me to quit. The
FBI brass has tried to disgruntle me into quitting
enough times to realize that I'm in for as long as
possible. They'll have to throw me out...on a
reasonable charge, of course.
Well, now that I think about it, there is *one*
reason that I'd quit now. And luckily for the
Bureau, it's not happening anytime soon. Way back
when the Bureau reqruited me for profiling, I made
it very well-known that if at any point in my
career I was to have children, regardless of my
marital status, I would leave the Bureau to better
ensure my presence in my children's lives.
Of course...well, I guess the brass better hope
I go crazy and kill someone so they can can me.
The lights in the room go out without warning,
plunging the room into darkness. There are a few
frightened cries from the abductees, and I hear
soft murmuring as the men try to reassure the women.
I wish I had my woman here to reassure me. She
survived this whole abduction thang, right?
Who'm I kidding? The only thing keeping me sane
right now is knowing that Scully is safe at home
with the Gunmen watching over her. And I'm sure
Skinner will make sure she stays out of trouble,
too.
I just hope she's not too mad. I hope she knows
I didn't plan this.
I hope she knows I love her.
^*^*^
Hours later, we find out what the "test" is
all about. The colonizers want to know if our
"superior" brain power can help them find the
Rebels' Secret Base. As the _Star Wars_ theme song
runs through my head, complete with filtered
breathing, we are taken, one-by-one, into a room
that's filled with odd equipment.
Before I can ask about the hi-tech toys, a
switch is flicked and my head is filled with a
gillion thoughts, much like my reaction to that
artifact last year. My hands shoot up to my temples,
trying uselessly to subdue the pain that accompanies
the noise.
One thought comes up through the mess as though
it was sifted through a sieve, demanding my attention.
"Agent Mulder. You will learn to control what
you hear in your head. You will find a particular
person's thoughts: Alex Krycek. He has been a part
of the Rebellion's efforts on Earth since their
formation; only he knows the location of their base.
Once you have found the required details, you will
be permitted to go free."
I know this is the Bounty of the Forest Hunter
"speaking" to me. I look up at him, trying not to
grimace, trying to control the noise like he said.
"What guarantee do I get?" I ask.
He grunts. "Agent Mulder, there is nothing I
can say that will convince you that I am speaking
the truth, so I won't waste our time. However, I
will tell you that the Project is better off with
you in your rightful place. We need you alive, in
case recent developments fail to pan out."
Once again, I have no clue what he's talking
about, and it's beginning to really piss me off.
"Why? What's going on that I need to be in DC for?"
Bobba Fett the Bounty Hunter (oh, there's a
name I can use!) frowns. "It's too bad you aren't
aware of those developments," he confesses. "It
would most likely make you more willing to help
us."
"Why would I want to help you? Why would I want
to facilitate the destruction of humanity?"
I'm bewildered as Bobba Fett throws his head
back and laughs. "You must follow you're own creedo
more often, Agent Mulder. Trust no one." With that
parting shot that leaves me even more confused,
Bobba Fett turns and leaves the tiny room.
I assume that none of the gadgets before me
are a "How To" guide to reading minds, so I close
my eyes. As I hear the enormous jumble of thoughts,
I imagine that each is on its own Instant Message
window. Using the visualization techniques that I
perfected for baseball and basketball I move my
mental mouse and, one-by-one, click on each window's
X to close them. It doesn't take as long as I
anticipate, though I have the feeling I've lost
track of a whole lot of time by now.
When I'm done, I find my mind's eye staring at
a screen with three Instant Messages on it.
Ratboy0001; SkinnManAP; and Luvrgal4Me. I rather
like that last screenname. The only problem with
this version of the Instant Messanger is that
it's a one-way conversation. What I wouldn't give
to let Scully know that I'm okay.
I decide to focus on Ratboy0001's IMs right now;
he's my ticket out of here, after all. But I'll
keep an eye on the other two.
Ratboy0001: "I'm sending the Devil back to Hell."
yeah that's right you old wrinkled geezer you're
time's up no more smokes for you oh did you hurt
yourself that's a shame god get me outta here i
can't stand the sight of him god i wish she'd stop
following me around i mean sure she got me out but
it wasn't because she wanted me out no she was
doing his dirty work ungrateful bitch when i get
her alone i'm gonna
I pull myself from that little bit of unpleasant
thoughts, and I decide to take a peek at Scully.
Luvrgal4Me: zzzzzzzzzsighzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzsighzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzsighzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzsighzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzsighz
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzsighzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzsighzzzzzzzzsighzzz
I smile. At least she's getting some sleep. Of
course, she probably doesn't know what's happened
yet. Either she doesn't know, or that flu-ish
thing has really hit hard. Okay, time to make sure
Skinner knows what he's gotta do.
SkinnManAP: shit she's gonna kill me shit she's
gonna kill me shit she's gonna kill me shit she's
gonna kill me shit she's gonna kill me shit she's
gonna kill me shit she's gonna kill me shit she's
gonna kill me shit she's gonna kill me shit she's
gonna kill me shit she's gonna kill me shit she's
gonna kill me shit she's
I think I get the gist of his thoughts. Don't
worry, I mentally plead, she won't kill you. It's
my ass she'll be after...and not in the good way
this time.
Okay, back to unpleasant business.
Ratboy0001: god i hate this job i wanna be a
ratboy all on my own i don't want to rely on
rebellious aliens 'cause god knows there's not
that many of them out there okay i got work to do
gotta contact the master baiter god that's a
terrible name i really should tell him about how
that sounds to us earthlings and tell him that
the mission was accomplished that he can move his
men out tomorrow night god it'll be nice to have
a clean apartment again can't wait to get a whore
over for a quickie
Geeze, why's he always thinking about sex? Well,
I guess that's the "8 second rule" in action.
But next I realize that he's talking about
someone in his apartment. I didn't even know he
had an apartment! Could that be where the Rebellion's
leaders are holing up? I file this information in
a corner of my mind.
After a while, all three IMs are full of zzz's.
I guess it's bedtime down there. What I wouldn't
give to be in a bed right now, preferably with
Scully next to me...
Christ, I've caught the "8 second bug". I need
sleep. I barely slept last night, between packing
and saying goodbye to Scully and giving out
instructions to the Gunmen. Once more, I take my
mental mouse, this time clicking on the windows'
_ to minimize them. That way I won't lose them
for good.
Task bar filled with inactive IMs, I start the
screensaver and fall asleep.
^*^*^
I wake up to the sound of...well, I'm not sure
what sound it is, to be perfectly honest. I'm gonna
take a stab in the dark and guess that it's the
sound of the alien ship's engine overheating, but
I'm probably wrong.
There's a pink "While You Were Gone" slip on
the table next to me. It's from Bobba Fett, telling
me that he stopped by to check on my progress, but
I was asleep. I'm to stay awake until we can have
a chat.
Right. And Skinner's having Scully's baby. I
promptly fall back asleep.
^*^*^
Next time I'm jerked awake by a very strong,
very large, very annoyed pair of hands. Bobba Fett
pulls me to my feet, growling something in a
language that I'm unfamiliar with, despite my well-
rounded education.
I've noticed that my time in the spaceship has
made me a bit more sarcastic than normal. Hmm.
Odd.
"I can't understand you," I gurgle out. Bobba
Fett removes his hands from my throat, allowing
me to breathe again. How thoughtful.
"I told you, don't go back to sleep! Have you
found out anything yet?"
I shook my head. "Other than the fact that
Krycek's a sick bastard? Well, I guess I didn't
just find that out, I've known that for a while..."
Bobba Fett glares at me, and I realize that's not
what he wanted to hear. "Is there a, um, Master
Baiter in the Rebellion?"
"Not that I know of. So you don't know where
the Rebellion is located?"
"Not yet," I hedge. His look makes me really
want to go back to my IMs.
"I will return in a while," he says. "Try not
to sleep."
With an ominous glare, he strides out of the
room, allowing me to breathe even better.
I figure I'd better find out where that Rebel
base is so I don't unleast the Wrath of Bobba
Fett next time he comes to see me. I find the
task bar with my mental mouse and maximize the
IM from Ratboy0001.
Ratboy0001: crack the egg pour the egg scramble
the egg pop the toast pour the OJ find a fork no
clean forks wash a fork dry the fork find a plate
thank god a clean plate dump the eggs add the
toast carry to table sit in chair lift fork to
mouth chew chew chew chew chew
Wow, Krycek's a happy little homemaker. Who'da
thunk it? I could really go for some eggs right
now. And bacon. I love bacon. Pigs are wonderful
animals.
One corner of my mind does its own thing and
maximizes Luvrgal4Me's IM.
Luvrgal4Me: there's got to be some mistake it
can't be true i'll have the guys do their own
test hmmm i wonder if they've ever been asked that
sort of thing before god what is my mother going
to think about this hell what's mulder gonna think
i hope he gets finished out there soon god i need
him here right now i still can't believe it if
doctor whats-his-name comes back in here and tells
me he messed up i'm going to kill him it would be
justifiable no jury in the world would convict me
jesus i'm gonna damn the phone why didn't i put
it next to my bed
And at the same time, I hear Krycek.
Ratboy0001: why am i doing this why don't i just
let skinner tell her himself no i gotta take some
responsibility pick up damn it
Luvrgal4Me: "Scully."
Ratboy0001: "Agent Scully. I have some unfortunate
news for you."
Luvrgal4Me: "What do you mean, Krycek? Where are
you?"
Ratboy0001: "Nowhere you can find me, Agent Scully.
I just felt that I should tell you that Mulder is
gone."
Goddamn it! Why'd she have to hear it from that
scumbag?
Luvrgal4Me: "What? Where is he Krycek? So help me
God, if you've done anything to him..." i'll kill
'im i'll kill 'im i'll kill 'im i'll kill 'im i'll
kill 'im i'll kill 'im
Ratboy0001: "I didn't do anything, Scully. I'm
nowhere near Oregon. I've been informed, however,
that Mulder did indeed find the alien ship. The
bad news is that he seems to have boarded it, and
it has taken off for an unknown destination."
damn it i'm sorry scully i didn't mean for that
to happen
From what I can gather from the rest of the
conversation, Krycek has been working with the
Rebels since they first began, as Bobba Fett had
told me. Apparently I as valuable to the Rebels
as I am to their enimies (who have me now, conviently
enough). I wonder why I'm in such great demand
these days?
Ratboy0001: "I'm going to contact the head of the
Rebellion, let him know what's going on."
Luvrgal4Me: "The head of the rebellion? Is he
nearby?"
God bless you, Scully. You're pretty psychic
for a skeptic.
Ratboy0001: "No, he's at the Rebel base." god
that's so far away too i hope the machines he
gave me will work hehe at least there's no charge
for calling long distance to Sthgincitlec on
weekends haha
Aha!!! Sthgincitlec!!! God I hope that means
something to Bobba Fett, 'cause I certainly have
never heard of that place.
I write it down on the pink "While You Were Away"
slip that is still on the table and with my handy-
dandy NASA Space Shuttle pen that Scully gave me
for my last birthday. (I bet she'd never thought
I'd actually need it in space!) I do the best that
I can at spelling the weird name and pray that
Bobba Fett will know what I'm trying to say.
Mission accomplished, I lean back in my chair
and give a firm click on my mental mouse to close
Ratboy0001's IM. Time to devote all my time to
Luvrgal4Me. For kicks I open up SkinnManAP, too.
Luvrgal4Me: oh god he's gone how could this happen
now of all times i need him here god i've got to
find he's got to be okay i need him with me to
tell mom of course it's proably better that he's
not here to tell billy bill'd kill 'im but mom
will want to see him oh christ i need him so much
SkinnManAP: well here goes nothing i hope she's
okay god please let her be okay i feel bad enough
already if her cancer's back oh look at her hmmm
something is up "Scully...hi. How're you feeling?"
Luvrgal4Me: "I'm feeling fine. They're just running
some tests on me."
SkinnManAP: oh god please let her be okay geeze
now i have to tell her man i don't wanna tell her
don't make me say the words "Um, Scully..."
Luvrgal4Me: "I already heard." oh you poor man
don't cry damn i wish i would stop being so
emotional it's so unlike me
SkinnManAP: "Scully, I'm sorry...I lost him..."
jesus i'm crying why am i crying i'm the big
boss the ex-marine i do not cry "I don't know
what else I can say. I lost him....I'll be asked
what I saw, and what I saw I can't deny....I won't."
Hell, I'm starting to cry. Damn it, Skinner,
this isn't your fault!
Luvrgal4Me: "We will find him, sir. I have to."
My heart breaks at the obvious emotion in that
statement. It makes me feel so good to know that
she'll never stop searching if Bobba Fett decides
that I'm not as valuable as he suggested. I'm glad
she knows how I feel about her, too. If this had
happened years ago, she may have thought that I
did this on purpose, but not now. Now she knows
that...
Luvrgal4Me: "Sir, there's something else I need
to tell you. Something that I need for you to keep
to yourself..." oh hell what am i doing why am i
telling him this especially now of all times he'll
feel even worse oh well too late now
SkinnManAP: oh god here it comes one last time
please let her be okay
Luvrgal4Me: "I'm having a hard time explaining it.
Or believing it..."
SkinnManAP: oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god
oh god oh god
Luvrgal4Me: here goes nothing "I'm pregnant."
SkinnManAP: jesus h christ
Holy fucking cow!
THE END } (evil Grinch smile)
^*^*^
FREE BONUS! Here's a song that I absolutely love and I just listened to it and it made me cry as I connected it to our heroes.
Candle On The Water -- from Disney's _Pete's Dragon_:
I'll be your candle on the water
My love for you will always burn
I know you're lost and drifting
But the clouds are lifting
Don't give up
You have somewhere to turn
I'll be your candle on the water
Till every wave is warm and bright
My soul is there beside you
Let this candle guide you
Soon you'll see
A golden stream of light
A cold and friendless time has found you
Don't let the stormy darkness pull you down
I'll paint a ray of hope around you
Circling in the air
Lighted by a prayer
I'll be your candle on the water
This flame inside of me will grow --my fave line!
Keep holding on you'll make it
Here's my hand so take it
Look for me
Reaching out to show
As sure as rivers flow
I'll never let you go
I'll never let you go
I'll never let you go
::Sniffle, sniffle:: Sorry if I made you cry, but
it's 12:30am and I just had to share that with you
all :) Now I'm gonna go light a candle and put it
in my window for Mulder. Toodles!
4 out of 5 doctors say expressing your enjoyment
of a fanfic to its author increases your life
expectancy 23-23.8 years. The other doctor was
killed by Cancerman before we could ask him.
jeri quinne, president, xpab (x-philes against bees)
Gain membership by writing to agentjeri@thexfiles.com
AUTHOR: jeri
EMAIL: agentjeri@thexfiles.com
RATING: PG-13
CATEGORY: XRA(and my own odd touch of H), M-POV
KEYWORDS: MSR, post-ep
SPOILERS: Requiem
STARTED: August 20, 2000
FINISHED: August 21, 2000
SUMMARY: What happened to Mulder. (Succinct, eh?)
**DISCLAIMER: Good God! Don't you lawyer types
know that we know we don't own these people?!
You'd think you'd get it after seven years...
**DISCLAIMER OF A DIFFERENT COLOR: The title is
the name of a game that came with my "X-Fools"
CD-ROM. Don't sue me, coz I don't own that, either.
Oy, and I'm not Bill Gates, either, so I don't own
anything Windows related.
^*^*^
It takes me a while to realize what I'm getting
myself into. Even when I was standing in the circle
of light with Theresa, Billy, and the Mighty Morphin
Bounty Hunter, I didn't really understand what we
were in for.
However, now that we've all been magically
beamed up to the alien ship, which next takes off
for destinations elsewhere in the universe...well,
the first thing that I think is "Ooooohhh shiiiiiit..."
Before anyone has gotten used to the idea that
they've just been abducted (again, for everyone
else), we are escorted to the stereotypical
abduction room. In fact, it is so typical that I
wonder if this is all a stage by the government
to keep tabs on me. But of course, all stereotypes
have to start somewhere, and that's usually reality.
We are seated in very uncomfortable metal
chairs, strapped in by our arms, legs, and across
our chests. That's when it occurred to me that we
could be going away for quite a while. My mind
flies instantly to thoughts of Scully...and how
she is going to kill me when I return.
Damn it! I'd promised her I'd be back. Hell, I
refused to let her come with me because I couldn't
lose her! And lately, she's been feeling a bit
off; I wish she'd just go to the doctor. If he
says it's the flu, then at least we'll know, and
I won't have nightmares about her cancer creeping
back into the foreground. About once a year I get
that dream, and it lasts for a few nights. Then I
finally convince myself that she's in the clear,
and there's absolutely nothing wrong with her.
Looks like I'm gonna have nightmares tonight.
The Bounty Paper Towel Man comes into the room,
looking at each of his hostages. I presume he's
taking attendance, making sure we didn't forget
anyone before we hit warp speed or whatever the
point of no return is.
Only a few people look worried. Deputy Ray
does; in fact, he looks scared to death. Theresa
looks more worried, and I think I know why--who's
taking care of her baby? I hope she has family
nearby who are willing to believe her about the
abductions. Maybe Scully can watch the baby if no
one else can.
Dudley Do-Right the Bounty strides over to me,
staring at my face with undisguised contempt.
"Why are you here?" he asks in his gruffest
voice.
I can only answer honestly. "I haven't the
faintest idea, actually. I was just looking for
the ship; I didn't plan to be abducted."
He looks away for a moment, then turns back.
I'm surprised by the faint glint of emotion that
peeks out from his eyes. "You shouldn't have come,"
he says, unnecessarily. "You have more important
things to attend to back in Washington. You should
have stayed there."
Now I'm getting mad. "If I'd known that this
would be the consequence for my actions, I *would*
have stayed home. This is exactly what I didn't
want to happen."
He sighs and steps back. "It's too late, now.
You'll have to stay with us for the duration of
the test. I'll try to arrange it so that you go
back first."
"Why?" I ask as he turns away. "What's going
on that I have to be there for? The audit? Agent
Short is all done with my testimony; he's already
sent in his report."
"The audit is for your own good. Now is the
perfect time for you to step away, Agent Mulder.
It would be most responsible for you to find a
nice, safe, stable job. Go be a psychologist,
Mulder."
With that oh-so-helpful bit of advice, Mr.
Personality continues his role-taking. I wish I
knew what the hell he was talking about. He's
gotta know how hard it is to get me to quit. The
FBI brass has tried to disgruntle me into quitting
enough times to realize that I'm in for as long as
possible. They'll have to throw me out...on a
reasonable charge, of course.
Well, now that I think about it, there is *one*
reason that I'd quit now. And luckily for the
Bureau, it's not happening anytime soon. Way back
when the Bureau reqruited me for profiling, I made
it very well-known that if at any point in my
career I was to have children, regardless of my
marital status, I would leave the Bureau to better
ensure my presence in my children's lives.
Of course...well, I guess the brass better hope
I go crazy and kill someone so they can can me.
The lights in the room go out without warning,
plunging the room into darkness. There are a few
frightened cries from the abductees, and I hear
soft murmuring as the men try to reassure the women.
I wish I had my woman here to reassure me. She
survived this whole abduction thang, right?
Who'm I kidding? The only thing keeping me sane
right now is knowing that Scully is safe at home
with the Gunmen watching over her. And I'm sure
Skinner will make sure she stays out of trouble,
too.
I just hope she's not too mad. I hope she knows
I didn't plan this.
I hope she knows I love her.
^*^*^
Hours later, we find out what the "test" is
all about. The colonizers want to know if our
"superior" brain power can help them find the
Rebels' Secret Base. As the _Star Wars_ theme song
runs through my head, complete with filtered
breathing, we are taken, one-by-one, into a room
that's filled with odd equipment.
Before I can ask about the hi-tech toys, a
switch is flicked and my head is filled with a
gillion thoughts, much like my reaction to that
artifact last year. My hands shoot up to my temples,
trying uselessly to subdue the pain that accompanies
the noise.
One thought comes up through the mess as though
it was sifted through a sieve, demanding my attention.
"Agent Mulder. You will learn to control what
you hear in your head. You will find a particular
person's thoughts: Alex Krycek. He has been a part
of the Rebellion's efforts on Earth since their
formation; only he knows the location of their base.
Once you have found the required details, you will
be permitted to go free."
I know this is the Bounty of the Forest Hunter
"speaking" to me. I look up at him, trying not to
grimace, trying to control the noise like he said.
"What guarantee do I get?" I ask.
He grunts. "Agent Mulder, there is nothing I
can say that will convince you that I am speaking
the truth, so I won't waste our time. However, I
will tell you that the Project is better off with
you in your rightful place. We need you alive, in
case recent developments fail to pan out."
Once again, I have no clue what he's talking
about, and it's beginning to really piss me off.
"Why? What's going on that I need to be in DC for?"
Bobba Fett the Bounty Hunter (oh, there's a
name I can use!) frowns. "It's too bad you aren't
aware of those developments," he confesses. "It
would most likely make you more willing to help
us."
"Why would I want to help you? Why would I want
to facilitate the destruction of humanity?"
I'm bewildered as Bobba Fett throws his head
back and laughs. "You must follow you're own creedo
more often, Agent Mulder. Trust no one." With that
parting shot that leaves me even more confused,
Bobba Fett turns and leaves the tiny room.
I assume that none of the gadgets before me
are a "How To" guide to reading minds, so I close
my eyes. As I hear the enormous jumble of thoughts,
I imagine that each is on its own Instant Message
window. Using the visualization techniques that I
perfected for baseball and basketball I move my
mental mouse and, one-by-one, click on each window's
X to close them. It doesn't take as long as I
anticipate, though I have the feeling I've lost
track of a whole lot of time by now.
When I'm done, I find my mind's eye staring at
a screen with three Instant Messages on it.
Ratboy0001; SkinnManAP; and Luvrgal4Me. I rather
like that last screenname. The only problem with
this version of the Instant Messanger is that
it's a one-way conversation. What I wouldn't give
to let Scully know that I'm okay.
I decide to focus on Ratboy0001's IMs right now;
he's my ticket out of here, after all. But I'll
keep an eye on the other two.
Ratboy0001: "I'm sending the Devil back to Hell."
yeah that's right you old wrinkled geezer you're
time's up no more smokes for you oh did you hurt
yourself that's a shame god get me outta here i
can't stand the sight of him god i wish she'd stop
following me around i mean sure she got me out but
it wasn't because she wanted me out no she was
doing his dirty work ungrateful bitch when i get
her alone i'm gonna
I pull myself from that little bit of unpleasant
thoughts, and I decide to take a peek at Scully.
Luvrgal4Me: zzzzzzzzzsighzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzsighzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzsighzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzsighzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzsighz
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzsighzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzsighzzzzzzzzsighzzz
I smile. At least she's getting some sleep. Of
course, she probably doesn't know what's happened
yet. Either she doesn't know, or that flu-ish
thing has really hit hard. Okay, time to make sure
Skinner knows what he's gotta do.
SkinnManAP: shit she's gonna kill me shit she's
gonna kill me shit she's gonna kill me shit she's
gonna kill me shit she's gonna kill me shit she's
gonna kill me shit she's gonna kill me shit she's
gonna kill me shit she's gonna kill me shit she's
gonna kill me shit she's gonna kill me shit she's
gonna kill me shit she's
I think I get the gist of his thoughts. Don't
worry, I mentally plead, she won't kill you. It's
my ass she'll be after...and not in the good way
this time.
Okay, back to unpleasant business.
Ratboy0001: god i hate this job i wanna be a
ratboy all on my own i don't want to rely on
rebellious aliens 'cause god knows there's not
that many of them out there okay i got work to do
gotta contact the master baiter god that's a
terrible name i really should tell him about how
that sounds to us earthlings and tell him that
the mission was accomplished that he can move his
men out tomorrow night god it'll be nice to have
a clean apartment again can't wait to get a whore
over for a quickie
Geeze, why's he always thinking about sex? Well,
I guess that's the "8 second rule" in action.
But next I realize that he's talking about
someone in his apartment. I didn't even know he
had an apartment! Could that be where the Rebellion's
leaders are holing up? I file this information in
a corner of my mind.
After a while, all three IMs are full of zzz's.
I guess it's bedtime down there. What I wouldn't
give to be in a bed right now, preferably with
Scully next to me...
Christ, I've caught the "8 second bug". I need
sleep. I barely slept last night, between packing
and saying goodbye to Scully and giving out
instructions to the Gunmen. Once more, I take my
mental mouse, this time clicking on the windows'
_ to minimize them. That way I won't lose them
for good.
Task bar filled with inactive IMs, I start the
screensaver and fall asleep.
^*^*^
I wake up to the sound of...well, I'm not sure
what sound it is, to be perfectly honest. I'm gonna
take a stab in the dark and guess that it's the
sound of the alien ship's engine overheating, but
I'm probably wrong.
There's a pink "While You Were Gone" slip on
the table next to me. It's from Bobba Fett, telling
me that he stopped by to check on my progress, but
I was asleep. I'm to stay awake until we can have
a chat.
Right. And Skinner's having Scully's baby. I
promptly fall back asleep.
^*^*^
Next time I'm jerked awake by a very strong,
very large, very annoyed pair of hands. Bobba Fett
pulls me to my feet, growling something in a
language that I'm unfamiliar with, despite my well-
rounded education.
I've noticed that my time in the spaceship has
made me a bit more sarcastic than normal. Hmm.
Odd.
"I can't understand you," I gurgle out. Bobba
Fett removes his hands from my throat, allowing
me to breathe again. How thoughtful.
"I told you, don't go back to sleep! Have you
found out anything yet?"
I shook my head. "Other than the fact that
Krycek's a sick bastard? Well, I guess I didn't
just find that out, I've known that for a while..."
Bobba Fett glares at me, and I realize that's not
what he wanted to hear. "Is there a, um, Master
Baiter in the Rebellion?"
"Not that I know of. So you don't know where
the Rebellion is located?"
"Not yet," I hedge. His look makes me really
want to go back to my IMs.
"I will return in a while," he says. "Try not
to sleep."
With an ominous glare, he strides out of the
room, allowing me to breathe even better.
I figure I'd better find out where that Rebel
base is so I don't unleast the Wrath of Bobba
Fett next time he comes to see me. I find the
task bar with my mental mouse and maximize the
IM from Ratboy0001.
Ratboy0001: crack the egg pour the egg scramble
the egg pop the toast pour the OJ find a fork no
clean forks wash a fork dry the fork find a plate
thank god a clean plate dump the eggs add the
toast carry to table sit in chair lift fork to
mouth chew chew chew chew chew
Wow, Krycek's a happy little homemaker. Who'da
thunk it? I could really go for some eggs right
now. And bacon. I love bacon. Pigs are wonderful
animals.
One corner of my mind does its own thing and
maximizes Luvrgal4Me's IM.
Luvrgal4Me: there's got to be some mistake it
can't be true i'll have the guys do their own
test hmmm i wonder if they've ever been asked that
sort of thing before god what is my mother going
to think about this hell what's mulder gonna think
i hope he gets finished out there soon god i need
him here right now i still can't believe it if
doctor whats-his-name comes back in here and tells
me he messed up i'm going to kill him it would be
justifiable no jury in the world would convict me
jesus i'm gonna damn the phone why didn't i put
it next to my bed
And at the same time, I hear Krycek.
Ratboy0001: why am i doing this why don't i just
let skinner tell her himself no i gotta take some
responsibility pick up damn it
Luvrgal4Me: "Scully."
Ratboy0001: "Agent Scully. I have some unfortunate
news for you."
Luvrgal4Me: "What do you mean, Krycek? Where are
you?"
Ratboy0001: "Nowhere you can find me, Agent Scully.
I just felt that I should tell you that Mulder is
gone."
Goddamn it! Why'd she have to hear it from that
scumbag?
Luvrgal4Me: "What? Where is he Krycek? So help me
God, if you've done anything to him..." i'll kill
'im i'll kill 'im i'll kill 'im i'll kill 'im i'll
kill 'im i'll kill 'im
Ratboy0001: "I didn't do anything, Scully. I'm
nowhere near Oregon. I've been informed, however,
that Mulder did indeed find the alien ship. The
bad news is that he seems to have boarded it, and
it has taken off for an unknown destination."
damn it i'm sorry scully i didn't mean for that
to happen
From what I can gather from the rest of the
conversation, Krycek has been working with the
Rebels since they first began, as Bobba Fett had
told me. Apparently I as valuable to the Rebels
as I am to their enimies (who have me now, conviently
enough). I wonder why I'm in such great demand
these days?
Ratboy0001: "I'm going to contact the head of the
Rebellion, let him know what's going on."
Luvrgal4Me: "The head of the rebellion? Is he
nearby?"
God bless you, Scully. You're pretty psychic
for a skeptic.
Ratboy0001: "No, he's at the Rebel base." god
that's so far away too i hope the machines he
gave me will work hehe at least there's no charge
for calling long distance to Sthgincitlec on
weekends haha
Aha!!! Sthgincitlec!!! God I hope that means
something to Bobba Fett, 'cause I certainly have
never heard of that place.
I write it down on the pink "While You Were Away"
slip that is still on the table and with my handy-
dandy NASA Space Shuttle pen that Scully gave me
for my last birthday. (I bet she'd never thought
I'd actually need it in space!) I do the best that
I can at spelling the weird name and pray that
Bobba Fett will know what I'm trying to say.
Mission accomplished, I lean back in my chair
and give a firm click on my mental mouse to close
Ratboy0001's IM. Time to devote all my time to
Luvrgal4Me. For kicks I open up SkinnManAP, too.
Luvrgal4Me: oh god he's gone how could this happen
now of all times i need him here god i've got to
find he's got to be okay i need him with me to
tell mom of course it's proably better that he's
not here to tell billy bill'd kill 'im but mom
will want to see him oh christ i need him so much
SkinnManAP: well here goes nothing i hope she's
okay god please let her be okay i feel bad enough
already if her cancer's back oh look at her hmmm
something is up "Scully...hi. How're you feeling?"
Luvrgal4Me: "I'm feeling fine. They're just running
some tests on me."
SkinnManAP: oh god please let her be okay geeze
now i have to tell her man i don't wanna tell her
don't make me say the words "Um, Scully..."
Luvrgal4Me: "I already heard." oh you poor man
don't cry damn i wish i would stop being so
emotional it's so unlike me
SkinnManAP: "Scully, I'm sorry...I lost him..."
jesus i'm crying why am i crying i'm the big
boss the ex-marine i do not cry "I don't know
what else I can say. I lost him....I'll be asked
what I saw, and what I saw I can't deny....I won't."
Hell, I'm starting to cry. Damn it, Skinner,
this isn't your fault!
Luvrgal4Me: "We will find him, sir. I have to."
My heart breaks at the obvious emotion in that
statement. It makes me feel so good to know that
she'll never stop searching if Bobba Fett decides
that I'm not as valuable as he suggested. I'm glad
she knows how I feel about her, too. If this had
happened years ago, she may have thought that I
did this on purpose, but not now. Now she knows
that...
Luvrgal4Me: "Sir, there's something else I need
to tell you. Something that I need for you to keep
to yourself..." oh hell what am i doing why am i
telling him this especially now of all times he'll
feel even worse oh well too late now
SkinnManAP: oh god here it comes one last time
please let her be okay
Luvrgal4Me: "I'm having a hard time explaining it.
Or believing it..."
SkinnManAP: oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god
oh god oh god
Luvrgal4Me: here goes nothing "I'm pregnant."
SkinnManAP: jesus h christ
Holy fucking cow!
THE END } (evil Grinch smile)
^*^*^
FREE BONUS! Here's a song that I absolutely love and I just listened to it and it made me cry as I connected it to our heroes.
Candle On The Water -- from Disney's _Pete's Dragon_:
I'll be your candle on the water
My love for you will always burn
I know you're lost and drifting
But the clouds are lifting
Don't give up
You have somewhere to turn
I'll be your candle on the water
Till every wave is warm and bright
My soul is there beside you
Let this candle guide you
Soon you'll see
A golden stream of light
A cold and friendless time has found you
Don't let the stormy darkness pull you down
I'll paint a ray of hope around you
Circling in the air
Lighted by a prayer
I'll be your candle on the water
This flame inside of me will grow --my fave line!
Keep holding on you'll make it
Here's my hand so take it
Look for me
Reaching out to show
As sure as rivers flow
I'll never let you go
I'll never let you go
I'll never let you go
::Sniffle, sniffle:: Sorry if I made you cry, but
it's 12:30am and I just had to share that with you
all :) Now I'm gonna go light a candle and put it
in my window for Mulder. Toodles!
4 out of 5 doctors say expressing your enjoyment
of a fanfic to its author increases your life
expectancy 23-23.8 years. The other doctor was
killed by Cancerman before we could ask him.
jeri quinne, president, xpab (x-philes against bees)
Gain membership by writing to agentjeri@thexfiles.com
