Sammy between seasons 5&6 (being a creepy stalker ;p) disclaimer: I don't own

He looks so happy. And it breaks what is left of your rotting, black heart. You know that's a horrible, selfish, spiteful thing to feel, but you can't help it. How can he be so happy without you? How can he have the right to be happy when you are so alone? After everything you've been through, surely you deserve to be happy too?

So why is it that he is sat, surrounded by loved ones, when you: you are alone? And how can it be that he has a life – a house, a job, a family – when you are still in the family business? Oh, and you're alone.

You feel guilt, then, for begrudging him his happiness, but you can't shake the righteous feeling that he shouldn't be happy when he thinks you are dead. And not even just dead, but trapped – the plaything of malignant angels.

Yet there he sits, laughing at a joke told by his son, kissing his wife on the cheek. The hole left by the lack of your presence doesn't seem to bother him. He doesn't even seem to notice the absence of your hulking frame beside him, your nerdy comments, your smile. He doesn't seem to miss the times you sang together in the Impala, the times you laughed together, the times you cried. He doesn't even acknowledge the missed beat as he waits for the 'jerk' which always follows his 'bitch'.

He doesn't need to remind her for extra onions and not to forget the pie. He doesn't need to argue with her about his crappy taste in music. He doesn't have her to watch his back twenty-four seven, to help him out of scrapes, to save his life, to patch him back up again.

Then again, he doesn't need that now, does he? He doesn't need you now. And as you feel your rotting, black heart crumble, you wonder: what would happen if he were to glance out of the window? To catch your eye? Would he acknowledge your presence? Or would he just carry on living his life-without-you?

You'd like to think he'd cry. That he'd welcome you into his life. That he'd leave them for you. But observing him now, you have no confidence in that.

Thoughts?
xx