AN: After playing the game many times since I've gotten it and falling even more in love with everything about The Last of Us, I have decided that I should take this spontaneous idea for a story I got last night to my advantage. This will be set in the beginning of Spring, where they are just about to reach the Fireflies, and will carry out to what happens when they reach them and the events that follow. This first chapter will leave you guessing and expecting the worse, but fear not, for it isn't exactly as it seems. If you have any suggestions, leave a review, and please let me know what you think of this story and writing, it is very appreciated. I hope you enjoy. :D
Disclaimer: I do not own the Last of Us or any of its characters. Nor do I own the song to which this story is titled after: The Mercy of the Living by Bear McCreary.
Ellie
Joel tells me all the time about how life before this was worth its while. How people weren't always scrounging for food and losing sleep in fear the infected might break in- or even their own kind for that matter. He told me if you had the heart and the will you could do just about anything in life; Maybe I could've been an astronaut.
Ever since Joel's injury and the incident with David, and his damned cannibals, I'd say we were doing pretty well. Joel healed up rather quickly after the medicine set in, and we once again moved on while I got myself together through the last few, snowy months of Winter. We hadn't argued once since then, at least not like we used to. It was almost as if we had come to an unspoken agreement between each other: We stick together.
Spring was definitely among us with more greenery greeting the Earth while squirrels and other various animals awakened from their prolonged slumber. It was nice to know that not everything was dead, or infected, or corrupt. It was nice to know that life continues to go on. I had a feeling life would always go on and it made me wonder if the Fireflies thought that way, too. It must be worth saving, right?
Could humanity be fixed even with a cure? Would we even be able to distribute it to everyone and make everybody immune? Joel said that when it started, nearly 60 percent of the world was already infected. How many could there be left now?
Sometimes my thoughts get cluttered, and I question what really is wrong and what really is right. Joel must have a better clue than I do, growing up in a world where your morals were so easily identifiable- at least it seemed they were. It's often lead me to think if we just turned around now, forgot the entire mission, and decide the world's already gone to shit, would it even be wrong? Did I have a choice? I didn't ask to be immune, and it's not as though I resent it, but did this automatically volunteer me as the savior to mankind? I shook my head, kicking up some dirt as we continued down the desolate street. It can't be for nothing. It just can't.
"Man, today would be a perfect day for swimming. Weather's perfect." Joel's gruff voice interrupted my thoughts, causing me to let out a weary sigh.
Joel slowed down a bit, causing us to be in line with each other as we maneuvered around cars forgotten by people and claimed by nature. "You all right?"
"Everything's just wonderful, Joel, not a care in the world right now." My voice was so blatantly bitter at the moment, but I was too frustrated to care.
Joel stopped walking completely, his hand resting on my shoulder, but I refused to look his way. My eyes were fixed on the deteriorating skyscrapers miles away.
"Now, Ellie-"
"Are we doing the right thing here, Joel?" The question had been eating at me for a while, and I knew it'd eventually slip out. Joel had been hinting at leaving the whole thing and just heading back to Tommy's for a while now.
"Right thing about what?" His false ignorance did not fool me, because I could tell he'd been contemplating it, too.
I gave another sigh, this time louder and with more desperation for a solid answer.
"Ellie," Joel hesitated, "I-I don't know." He continued when he saw the disheartened look I gave him. "What I do know, is that I'm going to stick by you with whatever choice you make, and I will not think any less of you by the one you choose."
I wanted to cry, because believe it or not, I was scared- terrified in fact. I felt guilt ride up on me for something I didn't even know if I was going to do or not yet. I was scared and too ashamed to admit it.
"What if they aren't there, Joel? What if I'm just leading us on this giant goose chase for nothing?" My voice was failing to carry out the strength I desperately clung to at all times.
"Then we keep going to find that nothing, in hopes that it's something, baby girl."
I could feel tears gather at the corner of my eyes, and I didn't care if they fell anymore, for my fears were becoming too overwhelming at this point. I was afraid that we'd never find the fireflies, or if we do, then we'd have to go through years of treatment only to find out that I'm not even the cure after all. I'm afraid Joel will change his mind and that this whole agreement is just in my head. I'm afraid that he'll ultimately leave in the end.
"What if-" I didn't get a chance to finish my sentence, because the second I started to speak a bullet buzzed past me, hitting the car to our right.
Before I knew what was happening, Joel had grabbed me and shoved me into a crouch beside him behind a rusty pickup truck. He had his shotgun out and loaded and I followed to grab my pistol from the back of my jeans.
"Fucking Hunters. We'll talk later, we have company." Joel muttered, aiming at a bald man whose had popped around a car to shoot at us. Joel was way ahead of him as he launched a bullet straight into the man's exposed head.
By the looks of it, there were about three more, and I was able to stab one of the assholes as he tried to flank us.
"Joel, to your right!" I yelled, but he'd already been kicked in the side and fell to the ground with a thud. I was about to climb on the man's back, but Joel grabbed a bottle at the man's feet, effectively stunning the man as he smashed it into his head.
Joel was able to kick the Hunter down this time, lifting a pipe and beating it into his skull until Joel knew for sure he was beyond done for. It was moments like these I could see just what he was capable of, but it never eluded me. I understood firsthand that there was no room for hesitancy in this world.
"Man, can't we ever catch a break?" My voice tried to hold some humor, but it was still sour from our earlier conversation.
We stayed quiet for a moment, listening to the wind rustle some paper nearby, a bird calling to another, our harsh breaths evening out. The sudden calm after the storm never failed to bring me relief. Joel stood tall once more and I followed, making to grab the dead hunter's gun for ammo.
"I think that's all of them." I muttered as I walked forwards. I didn't get very far.
Just like that, my words deceived me. They jinxed me and sent me flying back onto the hard pavement. I couldn't breathe, because each breath I took sent a sharp pain to the burning hole in my right shoulder. I was gasping for air before I knew it. It felt like drowning, but worse, because I couldn't resurface or catch my breath.
I realized I had been shot and that there was no coming up from this.
Another gunshot went off and I struggled to move my head to see who had been on the receiving end.
"Ellie!" Joel was at my side in an instant. "No, no, no, no, no." Over and over like a chant, and I felt horrible, because Maria told me about his daughter, and he was reliving it.
I cried out when he put pressure on the wound, his face hovering above mine, immense fear written all over it. I wanted to apologize, say sorry for my slip-up, my carelessness, and fuck I wanted to say sorry, because he'd lose me too. I couldn't, though, for he had too much faith in me. Far too much.
It was cruel how unexpected it was. I never did realize how fragile life really was until now. My immunity had always given me a sense of security that blinded the plausibility of death by another person's hand. A sick part of me hoped that I wouldn't make it through this one if it meant I didn't have to disappoint anyone ever again. I promised Riley we'd go together, all poetic, just the way she wanted. I told Sam he had us to rely on so that he didn't have to live in constant fear of turning. I told Joel that I'd go with him wherever he wanted once this whole thing was through. How many more promises could I stand making, just to break them all?
"Just look at me, look at me." He commanded, and I willingly complied, because I was starting to believe this would be the very last time I would ever see him.
"Of course it isn't the infected, huh?" The damned world turned us into the true monsters.
"You're fine, you're going to be just fine." He was reassuring himself more than he was reassuring me, that's for sure. "Just keep talking, keep a conversation with me."
"You know, even if this world has gone to shit, I'm glad that I was around to see it. In a way, it's still beautiful." Joel grimaced, he didn't want me talking like this- like I'd given up, but he let me go on.
I was thankful to have lived, even if it was in a world where it was so hard to tell right from wrong, or who you could trust, or if it's worth the risk of just ending up like the infected. Maybe it was easier, not knowing what life was like before. How could I miss something that I never had? I still ached to know what it was like, that there is at least some chance for it to be restored.
"Tell me how it's beautiful, Ellie, tell me how you know it's worth saving." Joel was applying more pressure on the hole, while pulling out scissors from his backpack and what sounded like a bottle clanking against them.
"I know the way the light hits the trees at just the right time of the afternoon. I know the way fireflies-real fireflies come out just before dark, floating around like fallen stars." I started coughing real bad, but pushed through it. "I know the way a destructed world is better than no world."
"Keep going." Joel urged, pouring the bottle's contents onto a rag.
"I know the way you secretly think my jokes are funny, but you're too proud to admit it." A small smile washed over my face, but vanished almost instantly and I began to choke up as I continued. Realization was setting in.
It all came spilling out, just word after word at this point. "Joel, I'm so thankful to have lived in this world and I know it's the worst it could possibly get, but that's okay."
"Oh, Ellie, don't talk like that, now don't." His voice was faltering, and it held doubt, but he was willing his faith to pull me through.
"I'm sorry I got you in this mess, Joel. I'm sorry about Tess, and Sam, and Henry, and Sarah. I'm not sorry that you lived instead, though, Joel, as fucking bad as that sounds. I'm glad you were the one to live."
"Ellie, don't-"
"You know, my biggest fear is ending up alone," My breathing was way past painful at this point, and I was seeing spots. "I know we said we'd stick together." I was nearly bawling at this point, and I knew this was my way of saying goodbye, because even if he didn't want one, I wasn't leaving without it.
"We will, we will, Ellie. I'm not going anywhere, and you sure as hell aren't going anywhere, either, you listen to me."
It was getting hard to listen, and I yelped as I felt something wet and itchy sting my wound, but it was gone in an instant, and Joel was picking up the scissors.
"At least we won't have to make that choice now, huh?" It was a humorless joke and I regretted it the minute I said when I saw the flash of horror on Joel's face. His certainty was starting to thin.
"Don't talk like that."
"Thank you for not leaving me when you had so many chances to." He was crying, too, at this point. I don't remember ever seeing him cry.
The pain was beginning to be too much, and my vision was nearly completely obscured by dots and tears. I felt something prick at my wound, and it was beginning to feel numb.
"Stay with me, baby girl, stay with me. Come on now."
I could hear Joel's voice, but it was fading fast, until it was almost incomprehensible. Man, I'd miss surviving, miss living.
David told me everything happened for a reason, but I didn't know what the reason for this is. If it was truly time for me to go, however, I'm glad it was with Joel. I would certainly miss him most of all.
