Jack sprawled across the couch, his unbelievably long legs hanging over the arm. "My life is meaningless," he began with an earth-shaking sigh. "Look at me. I do nothing. I am a useless, worthless loafer. Adulthood was supposed to be when you get things figured out, but it's a great Sisyphian cycle of television and laundry. Worst of all, there is a swirling black hole in my soul where emotions used to be. Is that normal? My favorite dog died two weeks ago. Did I have an elaborate funeral and cry over his grave? No. Devin took him and I think he buried him. Maybe he didn't. Maybe the kids are experimenting on him as we speak. I don't know. Is something wrong with me?"
Dr. Hopper looked a little stunned, possibly because he'd never been properly introduced to the young man who had walked into his office and begun talking. Still, he wasn't the type to turn away someone in trouble, lunch break or no. He put down his sandwich and pulled up a chair. "I don't know much about your particular situation, but at your age a certain, I guess you could call it disillusionment with the adult life is fairly normal. How long have you felt this way?"
"I don't remember," said Jack airily, running his fingers through his white-blond hair. "There's only one thing in this drab life that gives me the old thrill."
"Oh?"
"Victoria." A wide, dreamy grin crossed his face.
"Who?"
"Victoria Shelley. She lives up the hill. We've been best friends since God knows when, and now I'm hopelessly in love with her. It's driving me to distraction."
Dr. Hopper said, "Have you tried telling her how you feel?"
"Don't be ridiculous," said Jack, sitting up in indignation. "She's a young lady of substance and quality and perfection and the only person I trust to tell anything to—present company excluded," he added respectfully. "You can't throw wrenches into nice things like that. It takes subtlety and meticulous planning and the universe's proper alignment. Maybe I'll get her a Christmas present!"
"It's October," Dr. Hopper reminded him.
"Oh. Can I get her a Halloween present?" Dr. Hopper hesitated, so Jack leapt to his feet and continued. "Thank you, Doctor. I feel much better. How much do I owe you?" The doctor tried to refuse the crumpled bills Jack forced into his hand, but before he said a word the strange character retrieved his coat, waved cheerily, and left the office as suddenly as he'd entered.
"Why do we have to hike all the way up here?" moaned Jesse, dragging his pillowcase of candy. "My feet hurt."
"Come on, Short-Legs," said Jack. "One more house."
"This house never gives candy," whined Shiloh.
"Unless it's eye candy, amiright?" Devin said, elbowing Jack in the side, though due to their height difference he really elbowed him in the lower hip. Shiloh clocked him on the head for his stupid joke, and they bickered the rest of the way up the windswept hill.
Jesse joined the bickering when it came time to decide who rang the doorbell, which Jack didn't think was fair. They should either complain about trick-or-treating or fight over who got to do it, not both.
"Trick or treat!"
Victoria smiled as she opened the door, leaning her weight on her good leg. Then her face clouded as she tried to figure out what she was looking at. "What are you supposed to be?" she asked.
"I'm a serial killer," said Devin, who was dressed completely normally.
"He didn't want to dress up," said Shiloh, sticking out her tongue and straightening her tie. "I'm a corrupt corporate executive who steps on underlings." She showed off her shoes, to the bottoms of which two tormented Barbies were strapped.
"You never can tell who's a serial killer," retorted Devin, "until they've got a knife in your throat!" He pounced on his sister, and the two of them wrestled as Jesse held out his pillowcase to Victoria.
"I'm the plague," he said brightly, and to top off the sickly face paint and faint smell, he hacked and coughed. Victoria recoiled, but she gave him a handful of candy anyway. The other two noticed their brother getting candy and dragged him into the fight.
"What happened to kids dressing as witches and skeletons?" asked Victoria.
"Who knows," said Jack. As the three little monsters tumbled around his feet, he smiled wearily and held out a coffee. It had been difficult to carry in his scissor hands all the way from Granny's, but determination and a good sense of balance carried him through. "I figured it was time a trick-or-treater gave back," he said. "I wasn't sure what you liked, but pumpkin spice is my favorite."
She beamed and Jack's knees weakened. "Thank you," she said. "Would you like to come in?"
Jack was about to accept when Shiloh paused with her fist at Devin's nose. "He can't," she said, sneering at Victoria. "He has to take us home and put us to bed. Come on." She dragged her little brothers up by the hair and pushed them toward the hill.
"Why don't you go on?" said Jack, trying to ruffle Shiloh's hair and failing because she snapped at his hand. "I'll be home soon."
"Did you hear that?" said Jesse. "He's letting us go somewhere by ourselves."
"I heard that," said Devin. "What an idiot. Imagine what we might get up to by ourselves."
"We could wreak havoc," said Shiloh. "We could get a job from Mr. Oogie Boogie."
"We could finish a job from Mr. Oogie Boogie before Jack gets anywhere here," Devin added pointedly.
Jack blanched and Victoria blushed. "Who's Mr. Oogie Boogie?" she asked to get as far from the last point as possible.
"Their imaginary friend, I think," said Jack, scratching his neck. "Or I suppose he's their imaginary boss. Whatever he is, that's how they explain their crazy antics. He tells them to."
"He's had some interesting ideas," she said, remembering a few choice pranks. Before she could continue, a scratchy voice inside shouted for her. She deflated. "Five minutes to myself is all I ask," she moaned. "Dr. F," she explained to Jack's questioning look. "Our crotchetiest resident. His favorite hobby is running me ragged." Another shout. "I have to go."
"So do I," said Jack, who had grabbed Devin's collar to keep the little monsters from getting any new jobs. "Victoria!" She was gone. "Oh, well," he said. "I suppose there's always next Halloween."
