I woke up this morning with a pounding in my head. i did not think that vampires could get sick, but it has been four weeks without human blood and i am feeling closer to death than i ever have. Lexi is truly a great person, i get along with her well, but it happens on more than a seldom occasion that i wish i had never met her.
Damon is still so angry with me, even though i have not killed anyone in a month. he has said he will leave town for weeks now, but he has never made it passed the front gate. sometimes, when he comes home at night he has a smile on his face. i would like to ask him why, but he has been so distant. i can hardly speak to him without reminding him to be ashamed of the monster his baby brother has become. i think he has met a girl, i can hear him talking to lexi when i am not in the room. he uses the name giselle often. he has said she resembles katherine, but not so much that he is constantly reminded of her.
i do not miss Katherine. i so badly wish she was not dead, but i could not change what would have happened anyways. i loved her so, and she was beautiful, but there was not much else about her that i held close to my heart. all she would have ever done was driven me and damon apart.
i got out of bed and walked to the kitchen. i turned on the sink and splashed the water on to my face. in the insulated basement we hung rabbits from the ceiling, so i had breakfast.
i waited for Lexi to get home, as i read Wuthering Heights again. Lexi was at the hospital, sharing her blood to save random strangers. i didn't quite understand that. at least not yet. Lexi said that some day soon, i will. it's like she knows who i am, without even having to meet the parts of me that i have shut out. when lexi was home we would talk. she would tell me more about the suffering in death, and that it's the least we can do for the rest of the world to live the life we are lucky enough to have for eternity.
I heard the front door open, and pretended like i was doing something other than having been waiting for her all day. she walked into the room looking rather baffled. Before she did anything else she asked me,
"Can i see that picture of Katherine again?" she would not look me in the eye, i found her behavior strange but did not press it.
"Of coarse, it's up in my room." i said without any intent on fetching it for her. she looked at me, then, expectantly with one raised eyebrow. I sighed,
"Alright." i sped up and into my bedroom. i opened the top left hand drawer of my dresser, that mostly held things i kept to remember my mother. but underneath the needle point canvas of flowers, was a tin plate picture of the first women i'd ever known to love. she looked as beautiful as ever, portraying everything i remember of her with a mischievous smile on her lips.
i traveled back down at human speed, holding it between my fingers.
"thank you, Stefan." lexi said, standing from her chair, and holding out her hand.
"Of coarse," i replied handing the photograph to her. "But why would you want to see it?"
She studied the picture for a moment looking perplexed, with a furrowed brow. she took a moment to answer, but eventually said,
"No reason." handing it back to me quickly. She seemed strange the entire day, but still well engaged. and we talked quite a while.
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(third person)
a blonde women sat by a cot, holding a wounded soldier's hand. she wiped the mans mouth with a handkerchief, and whispered something into his ear.
"only faith is the father of a miracle child."
the man would never see her again, led to believe she was an angel in a fever dream. he would keep the words she spoke to his heart for the rest of his life, for he miraculously healed of every ailment to accompany him that night. in his dream he would have thought the vile she gave him was of Christ's blood, little did he know it was her own kindness that saved his life that night, not that of the lords.
the women then sat beside another soldier, and proceeded as she had previously done. she held his head up with her hand and gave him the vile, whispered the words her mother had told her in his ear, wiped his mouth and kissed him on the forehead.
a young girl named elena had volunteered there. her head was spinning. propelled by the pain anyone could pray not to endure, only all the surrounding men would not be so lucky. the blood stained tools she carried from doctor to doctor, to dismember limb to limb, had started to release a stench. she felt dizzy, but if collapsed would only be stepped over to attend a dying life, and her duty never be done. she pressed on, but when saw a man who reminded her of her brother, she though she might do better by a dying mans side, than have them at her feet. she fetched cold water and a cloth for a man who had been hit close to a cannon and the back of his legs torn open. she had someway been drawn to his appearance, like she wanted to care for him, like a close relative you've never met before. he clearly had a fever. she wet the cloth and put it on his forehead, then took his hand.
"You'll be alright, now." she cooed, only half convinced he could hear her. but he squeezed her hand.
"my name is elena." she said softly, not sure of what else to say. "Can you tell me yours?" she said as more of a friendly introduction, but also to see if he was conscious.
He opened his eyes, now clear to be blue, wider to see what he could have sworn to be an angel. "Mmm..." he got out. "Mmmm...atthew." she looked as if a profound realization had dawned on her, but stayed with a calm, smile on her face.
"May i call you matt?" she asked stroking his blonde hair, soothingly. he only smiled, but a smile that could not have been interpreted as any other answer than yes.
"Do you have family in mystic falls?" she asked. he nodded as eagerly as was clear that he could. "The Donavan's?" he parted his lips to speak but only nodded again. "I remember you, matt." she said quietly. "We played together in school, didn't we?" he smiled very brightly at her. "Oh, matt." she held his hand tightly, and kissed him on the cheek. afraid that an embrace would hurt him. "We were to be married, you remember?" she sang at the memory of a childhood promise. she reminisced, and he listened for longer than they realized. the hospital closed, but elena stayed.
as did the blonde women, called Lexi by those closest to her, known better as Alexia Branson. she saw Elena from afar, over several bleeding soldiers, she recognized her. she had seen that face, only in as much as a picture, but she knew the girl behind that picture as well as anyone. she'd been told.
"Katherine?" she asked with a rightful distain, as she approached the bed. "I thought you were dead."
The girl who looked like Katherine, turned her head, only with a smile. "I think you have the wrong person, miss." as she said concernedly.
But this was not Katherine, she had life inside her eyes, let alone glowing life. she felt warm, and she looked angelic. not by any fault of her beautiful features, but by the way she held them eternally kindly.
"I'm so sorry, i must." the blonde women said. she looked between elena and the man at her side.
"I'm Elena." She reached out her hand.
"Alexia." she took it. "Is this your husband?" she asked as she sat on the opposite side of the bed.
"Not for any time soon." Elena said with a smile as she looked back to matt. the girl called Lexi looked around for a moment, until her eyes landed on a glass of water.
"the glass is almost empty, Elena. How about you go get some more for matt, while we're thinking of it. before he gets to thirsty, i mean, he does have a nasty fever."
Elena nodded, and smiled at the idea. little did she know, lexi only looked to find a reason to send elena away for a moment. Lexi leaned down to matt and looked into his eyes. investing his thoughts taking control of his conscious will, her pupils dilated, as she said,
"Drink this," she held a vile to his lips, and he took as willingly as if from his mothers hand. "You won't remember." she did not say what she had to the other men, for it was a different situation. she needed to know the girl who looked like katherine. For stefan sake, she needed to understand what it meant. if it meant bad, she protect him, if it meant good, she be happy for him.
Elena returned a moment later. she carried a hot bowl and the glass. "the soup is supposed to be for the workers, but i think that you could use some, Matty." she sat and placed the glass beside the bed. she put a towel on his chest, and held a spoon out to him. he drank slowly, and gave her a very thankful look.
"You said your name was Alexia?" elena asked, while still spoon feeding matt.
"Yes, my family call me lexi." Elena nodded, politely, in what seemed to be genuine interest.
"My mothers name was Alexandra, not exactly the same." Elena stated, with another one of her sweetest smiles. whereas lexi noticed,
"Was?"
"Oh...my parents passed in a fire." elena said as she stopped feeding matt for a moment.
"I'm sorry. What a dreadful way to die." it felt strange coming out of her mouth, surrounded by all those dying of much worse cause. though lexi was not wrong in saying so.
"they could not have been better parents. and i will not diminish their years of work, being ruined by their death. i have grieved, but that has passed. you have no need to be sorry, when so many people have died unfulfilled. my parents had a beautiful life, and i'm thankful that i got to be a part of it." Lexi nodded, kindly. it had dawned upon her that family having died in a fire, was Katherine's story when she first came into town. she dismissed it as coincidence and nothing more, as she taken by Elena's inspiring words.
"That is, truly, a beautiful way to look at it." Elena's gratitude in lexis words shown as she turned back to matt, who had also been listening, to feed him once more.
"I'm lucky to still have my brother and sister." elena started, again. "Having to take care of them has helped me understand, that if i pity myself, i begin to see my life as less than it is. my parents gave me everything, i should realize that. i owe them that much. when i see my brother and sister underestimate themselves the same way, it is my responsibility to give my parents lives their dues, and help my siblings do the same."
"Again, such a beautiful outlook, Elena. I am beginning to hope we will see each other again." Lexi got up from her chair and shook elena's hand. She left the hospital, bewildered by the incredible women, she had only just encountered. beginning to wonder more and more about her. Why did she look so much like Katherine? Lexi would never again wish to associate the two, but this was a question that should be answered.
