A/n: Hey! This is my first story on fanfic, so let me know what you think. Also, you can send me prompts if you want, but I'm gona try to stay as close to canon as possible, sooooo ya. There will be 13 one-shots here for how many lives the Doctor (supposedly) has.
Disclaimer: I'm not Moffat, and I own absolutely nothing of Doctor who (sadly.).
SPOILER ALERT!: "This one shot has spoilers for Silence in the Library" and takes place after "The wedding of River Song"
It isn't that the Doctor doesn't want to spend time with River Song- he knows how precious time is, and he doesn't want to waste a second of theirs- but he doesn't open the TARDIS when she knocks (he doesn't need to check the monitors to know it's her- he just knows, in the way only a Time Lord can, and beside, who else would knock by shooting HIS TARDIS's front handle?). He wants to be with her, wants to see her shoot and kill something(against everything he stands for, but he can't help it she's hot when she's killing things), save the world once or twice, and (if he was lucky) maybe even snog for awhile. A normal date, or at least as normal as their dates ever were.
But recently, River would say things offhandedly, things that would drag up painful memories(which wasn't hard- he had over 900 years of painful memories). Just two weeks ago she had said he'd be the death of her, and the same night he'd seen himself taking her to the last date she'd have before she died.
And while he didn't admit it-who could he admit it to?- it ripped him to shreds inside,like a million wounds to his hearts, but it somehow hurt more(and he should know, he'd been stabbed in his hearts that many times once, but by that time he'd been alone, before he had a human companion who cared about wether he lived or died-or anyone who cared really).
He glanced at the monitors, knowing he really should let River in, and saw her standing there, that adorable smile on her face and her TARDIS blue journal in her hand, curls everywhere.
That was all it took for him to get lost in his memories of her last day.
He could remember when she had walked in to the library in her space suit, the one that looked so close to the one the Silence tried to make her kill him in he didn't know how she stood it, when he had asked her who she was and she looked as if it would have been less painful to be mauled.
His memories came faster now, one right after another. When she showed him her/his Sonic, leaving him wondering how on earth(and off of it for that matter) she had HIS Sonic. When she whispered his name into his ear than walked away like it was nothing, even though it was the most something-est something he could think of. He wouldn't give his name to anyone- he'd thought.
Almost everything was a blur after that. He vaguely remembered her taking him away from the statue with Donna's face. When he was trying to save all those people, he thought she might have knocked him out- something that required alot of strength- but he still wasn't sure.
But the two things he remembered the clearest were the most painful. Seeing her in that chair, willing to give up her life to save his, realizing that she was so in love with him, even though he knew barely anything about her, and realizing that out of their whole mis-mached-half-dead-group, she was the one he wanted to get out alive.
Realizing the parting gift she left him, and the jumbled feelings of estatic joy-there was still hope-, worry-what if He was to late in the end-, and the crushing realization that somehow, someway, he had very strong feelings, stronger than he'd had for anyone except maybe Rose, for this woman he knew practiclly nothing about except the facts she was an archeologist(which made him likeing her even madder, because she was an archeologist for crying out loud), her devotion to him for things he didn't even know about yet, and that she was WAY to happy with handleing deadly wepons(he seemed to be breaking all his rules by liking her, but he couldn't help it).
All that, and he still wasn't sure how well he succeded, or if he had read the correct thing into her gift.
Another shot brings him to the present(what is she doing, she could seriously damage the TARDIS!), with his head leaning against the screen of the monitor, hands curled into fists. He gives himself a second to compose himself, slowly prying open his fingers, grabing a fez and shoving it on his head, knowing it would make River smile (or frown, but it would be better than nothing), and pasting a smile on his face before letting River in.
"What took you so long? I was begining to think I'd have to break in and rescue you. " River asked with a smile.
"Just grabbing my fez." He hated how naturally the lie came to his lips, but he couldn't have told her about the day she died, the day he met her. Someday, he promises himself, he'll tell her that he's seen her die, because it's something he's not sure he can hide much longer if things go the way they are now, but he won't be cruel enough to tell her details. She doesn't need to know that before hand. For now he's just happy that she's there, a living contradiction of everything he believes, his wife, with the same smile and same notebook she had in his memories,most certinantly NOT dead.
And, after they check dates and move on to the snogging part of their date, he tells himself he'll tell her, but for now, he's not gonna let his memories ruin any second of being with her.
