Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face

"Ryan's...what?"
My mother put her hand on my shoulder, "Oh, honey, I'm sorry. Ryan's...dead."
My mind was spinning. Ryan couldn't be dead. He was just here.
And, I said so many things.

You told me how proud you were but I walked away

"Oh, shut up, Ryan!"
"But, I'm sorry! It was an accident!"
So it was a drop of syrup. But this shirt was dry clean only.
"Sorry my a-s. b-tch."
I walked away, and never said anything.

If only I knew what I know today

I had gotten angry at Ryan. And my anger got the better of me. I took Ryan for total granted. I never realized it. He was always there for me, but was I ever there for him?

I would hold you in my arms

"Amazing, Shar. We're totally winning those parts!"
"Yeah we are. Hey get me a bottle of water, will ya?"
I grabbed the bottle from his hand, and immediately spit it out.
"Ryan! What is this?"
"...Water?"
"Yeah, but it's warm! I do not drink warm water. Get me another one."
I blew my nails as he got me another one.


I would take the pain away

I cried as my mother talked to the hospital receptionest. I couldn't believe myself. How could anyone in the world be so heartless like me? I should've been the one dead. That drunk driver had no right to kill an innocent person. I should've been the one in that hospital bed. Ryan should've been here.

Everything turned out so wrong.

Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes

I sat up and thought everything through. Ryan was dead. My last words to him were horrible words. Words of hatred and cruelty. And he died without giving me a chance to apologize.

I had to change somehow.

There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again

Ryan would not be proud to see me like this. Hurting everyone's feelings, stepping on nerds, taking people for granted.

"And remember, double space. Mr. Lamnet's eyes are crazy."
I smiled as Nelson Anderson pushed up his glasses and took my notes on the next project. Another project done without breaking a nail.
Ryan walked up to me, "Did you even pay that kid?"
"Why should I? I scare him enough."
"Shar, you know that's not nice."
"We aren't supposed to be nice, Ryan."
"But..."
"Hey buy me a lunch will you? Thanks."


Sometimes I want to call you but I know you won't be there
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do

I could've been a better person. I could've treated him better while he was still here. But it's too late. Ryan was gone.

And I've hurt myself by hurting you
Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit

I could've at least apologized. I didn't want him dying knowing that I hated him.

Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss
You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this

I stood up and followed my mom out the door. I stared at the walls. This was Ryan's last place he breathed in. The last place he had his final heartbeat. This was the last place Ryan lived.

Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?

My mother motioned me into the car. I cried as she drove me home. She didn't say a single word. I cried for Ryan, for my parents, and for myself. Why didn't the hospital save him?

Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?

It wasn't the hospital's fault I was crying. It wasn't that drunk driver's fault I was crying.

It was my fault I was crying.

I decided I had to change. Again. If I couldn't be a better person to Ryan, I had to be a better person to everyone else.


There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes and see you looking back

A better person to Troy, Gabriella, Taylor, Chad, everyone. Everyone I said a bad thing to. My parents, my teachers, people at the mall, on the street. But how?

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself

I watched the hospital disappear. An idea popped into my head.

If I had just one more day, I would tell you how much that
I've missed you since you've been away

A month after the incident, I volunteered at the hospital. I read to kids with leukemia, I comforted the elderly. I also became nicer to all the kids at East High. People are freaked out by me, but I know they will get used to it. People at the hospital were always nice to me.

"...and he lived happily ever after. The End."
"Wow, thank you Sharpay."
I smiled at the little boy. It was hard to believe he was dying of a cancer. He was so carefree.
"Can you read to me again?"
"Oh, Tom, I have work to do. Maybe tomorrow?"
"Oh. OK."
I walked out of the room.
"Wait, Sharpay."
"Yes, Tom?"
"You're the best. Most girls like you avoid me. Nice to know that someone cares about me."
I smiled at Tom, "Thank you, Tom."

Oh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line to try to turn back time

And everyday I came, I visited the room where Ryan had his final moments. I touched every little thing in the room. And I realized, Ryan would probably be proud of me if he were here today. So maybe he was still hurt.

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself

But he had to be proud of me today. And I was becoming a better person everyday. I breathed the air of the room before heading out. This was the last of Ryan. Last of my brother. Last of my best friend.

I walked out of the room, kissed the door, and walked down the hall.

By hurting you


A/N: Heya, this is the replacement of Suddenly The Whole World Is Crashing Down. I know it's not the best replacement, but I absolutely had to make a fanfic out of this song. Please review!